by Shey Stahl
Patience is not my style. It’s not Jake’s either. He sweeps his eyes to mine, never replying, and walks back to the couple at the end of the bar.
I never wanted to treat him like that. But I am, and fuck if I don’t regret it.
After twenty minutes, the bar is closing and Jake’s standing at the end of the bar. “Let’s go, Kendall.” I can see the jealousy in his eyes.
“No,” Liam says, swaying slightly. I have a feeling it’s not just from the beer he’s been drinking. His eyes are dilated, and I know what that usually means. They remind me of Revel’s, and he’s a coke head who can’t seem to stay clean for more than a week. “Let’s stay. I’ll give her a ride back to her hotel.”
And by “ride,” I know what that means.
Jake does too.
“I’m not talking to you,” Jake barks, finally looking at Liam. Wow, if looks could kill. His eyes never leave Liam’s as he directs his words at me. “Kendall, let’s go.”
Something in me tells me this is my chance. If I want him to walk away, now is that chance. I can make him hate me, and it’ll be easier for me.
“I’m good, Jake,” I say, refusing to look at him. If I look at him, I’ll just fall… and right now, I can’t do that.
He smacks the bar with his hand. “Let’s go. I’m being serious here.” Jake isn’t giving up without a fight. “You’re drunk.”
“So are you,” I point out, gesturing to the half-empty bottle of tequila on the bar. “Who cares?”
His eyes are hard and merciless. He’s trying to be a dick. There’s anger there, but hurt too. Before he will let me see why, he catches himself, and his expression smooths out. He lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “Who fuckin’ cares?” Jake’s expression is serious, his eyes watchful of me and our surroundings. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
Like a fucking idiot, I glance at Liam and make this a whole lot more complicated. “Walk me home, Liam?”
I promised myself not to fall, swore I wouldn’t, and I didn’t listen. That’s the only explanation I can give myself for what I’m doing. Part of me wants to fuck Liam just to see what Jake will do. I wanted to, but I can’t. I’m not that girl. And Jake has a hold on not only my body, but, more importantly, my heart.
I stare at Jake, hoping my stare burns his skin and those eyes.
His eyes flicker from Liam to me, but offer me nothing like what I’m hoping for. I want to kick him, hating him for having this power.
Breaking our gaze, I don’t want him to know I’m dying inside that someone else’s hands are on me when I really want Jake’s.
Jake brings a beer to his lips, hiding his gaze again. And every time it breaks away from me, I feel the relief, like a fire shifting direction, leaving me alone, allowing me to catch my breath.
Liam is at the edge of the deck, stepping down into the sand as I grab my bag from the bar.
“You leaving with him?” Jake asks, waiting for my decision: him or Liam. Though he tries to hide it at first, he’s angry with me.
“Why does it matter?” My tone’s sarcastic. It’s meant to be. “I’m just another city girl to you. Should it matter who I leave with?”
Jake sighs, a pained expression flashes in his eyes, and his shoulders hunch over. “It shouldn’t, but it fucking does, Kendall. You shouldn’t be going home with him. He doesn’t deserve you.”
My gaze shifts to Jake again, when he turns to look at me. My heart stops. He stares at me, his expression turning from anger to hurt, and then back to anger, as if someone punched him.
As if Jake’s patience is gone, he steps forward, his hand on my wrist now. “You coming with me or not?”
“I’m just a city girl, Jake.” My eyes on him says a lot more than my words. “Remember? The one of the month?”
“Don’t do that to me.” He looks as if I just slapped him. “Don’t treat me like I’m the asshole because you shouldn’t be going home with him. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“And you do?” I ask without a thought.
His palm cups my cheek and then slides over my jaw and under my chin as he makes me look at him. “I guess not.” For a moment, he watches me, no reaction at all. Dropping his hand from my face, he holds his hands up, as if to say he’s surrendering.
Turning around, I walk away. I sigh, trying to expel the feelings. It doesn’t work. I do care, and now I’m staring at the mess I made.
“I’m guessing lover boy’s pissed?” Liam asks from beside me.
I don’t say anything to him. It’s when my back turns on him I realize I just might have made the biggest mistake of my life.
As I walk up the beach with Liam following beside me, the sadness creeps in, along with the guilt. Especially when I hear glass breaking in the distance. I have a feeling his record number of bottles broken in a night is about to be broken itself.
I thought for sure he would stop me. I wanted him to stop me. I told myself again if I let Liam walk me home, I’m taking him to my room. But it doesn’t happen that way.
When I leave the bar, I don’t like what I’ve done or how I feel inside. The problem is something has been telling me to run. So I did.
Someone wise, as in my favorite band Awolnation, once said, “Never let your fear decide your fate.” I wish like hell I could stop myself and actually listen to those words.
But despite what happened with Jake, I’m not in the mood for taking Liam back to my room. Sure, Liam’s hot, and ordinarily I would have. Had I met him that first night, I would have.
I didn’t, though, did I?
No, I met Island Boy, and he, unfortunately, ruined me.
Liam seems to understand. I think he’s disappointed, but he doesn’t push the issue.
“I’m sorry, Liam. I just can’t,” I say, standing in my doorway, the same doorway I’ve been making out against with Jake the last few nights. Just the thought sends my heart into my stomach and my nerves ablaze.
“So I was just a ploy?” he asks, his deep voice softer than I’ve heard it before.
I nod, admitting where I had gone wrong. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want him to think I was into him.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “But you are?”
I don’t say anything.
“You are, because if you weren’t, I would be in there with you, wouldn’t I?”
He understands more than I give him credit for. I laugh, staring at the floor. “I came here to have a good time, and then I met Jake Pierce.”
For good reason, Liam is frustrated I used him. He shifts his stance and leans into the doorframe. “I get it.” He winks, but the gesture doesn’t get to me like it does when Jake does the same thing. “How about you do me one favor for using me?” he hints, softly in my ear, his expression torn between wanting to make me let him inside and respecting my wish for him not to.
I pull back. “What’s that?”
“Go to dinner with me.”
And I say yes, for whatever reason. I don’t know the reason. I wish I did. This island is fucking with my rationality and making me do and say things I never would have ordinarily.
Liam leaves, and I lay alone in my bed, staring out at the ocean as the waves slowly creep up the deserted shore. It’s the first night since I arrived that I’m alone in my bed. And it makes me sad.
1 part Tommy Bahama White Sand® rum
½ part Tommy Bahama Golden Sand® rum
1 part coconut rum
½ part 99 Bananas®
3 parts pineapple juice
Mix all ingredients over ice in a hurricane glass. Garnish with a pineapple, cherry, and parasol.
The beaches in the Bahamas are magnificent. The way the sand feels between your toes, the fresh salty air. All of it. I want to remember this place and never let it go.
One would think I’m taking a nice walk on the beach in the morning, right?
Nope. I’m actually chasing Jake up the beach after he came to my hotel room at 5:00 a.m. to find out what happened last night.
Bloody knuckles and bloodshot eyes confirmed that he one, has a temper, and two, he hasn’t slept. Neither have I. But the moment I attempt talking to him, wanting to explain my asshole behavior last night, he walks away from me.
“Jake!” I follow after him, running through that same warm white sand I love. Now I’m not so sure I like it because it makes running after someone really difficult.
Jake keeps walking away, so I keep walking until I finally catch up with him. If he had been trying to piss me off by walking away, I took the fucking bait. “Jake, I know I’m just the city girl of the month. I’m not stupid,” I tell him, trying to catch my breath after running. “That’s why I left last night.”
Blowing out a quick, harsh breath, he whirls to face me. “Who told you that?” he spits the words out in a hiss through clenched teeth.
Shit. He looks super pissed. “Your sister.”
“You’re pretty fucking stupid for believing my sister,” he barks back, aggravation clear in his tone. “She’s a fucking liar. Why do you think I never see her? She can’t mind her own goddamn business.”
I’m pissed off I believed his sister, and when I’m pissed, I sometimes laugh. I choke, trying not to laugh. The numbness holds me there. It’s like all my muscles are slowly falling asleep, but there’s a boiling sensation everywhere else. Like I might burst into flames at any moment. Swallowing hard, I attempt to clear the anger and humiliation washing over me. It doesn’t work.
Jake doesn’t budge, anger hardening his features. As beautiful as the fun-loving Jake is, this, the angry side, is a sight to behold. “You believed her?” he repeats with contempt, pressing me to answer him.
“Yes!” I throw my hands up in the air. It’s then I realize I’m wearing a bathrobe on the beach. Clearly I hadn’t thought I’d be chasing someone up the beach. “How was I not to believe her? She’s your sister. I thought she knew you pretty well.”
“Even after I told you I don’t know anything about her and hadn’t seen her in six months?” I nod. I don’t think he cares whether he hurts me or not anymore. His anger becomes a boiling fury as he steps forward, inches from my face. “Well, fuck, believe what you want, then, but know the fucking truth.” His expression clouds with anger. “Yeah, I’ve been with a few city girls. So what? You’ve had one-night stands, right?” He pauses, waiting for me to nod, clearly referring to last night. I won’t oblige him, and I cross my arms over my chest. That laugh that comes next from him, the sarcastic demeaning one pisses me off even more. “Well, fine, whatever, but don’t fuckin’ act like I’m the bad guy here. You girls are all the same.” He lets out a cynical snort. “Expect a good time while you’re here, and then what? You leave. I’m still here. Welcome to paradise, sweetheart. It’s fuckin’ beautiful, ain’t it?”
Jake shakes his head, throwing his arms up in the air as he spins around, gesturing to the island. He turns around again, scowling at me. “I’ve been with four girls in my life. Four. One was a longtime girlfriend, three were one-night stands, and that includes you, because I guess that’s what you’re saying you are to me. And every goddamn one of those women decided for me that I’m the asshole. I’m the selfish motherfucker who ripped out their heart. But you….” He stops short and looks away to face the ocean. He’s so tense he’s shaking, barely able to continue, but when he does, I can hear the pain in his voice. The ache in my chest says that I had this wrong the whole time. “Did you ever stop to think that maybe I knew you were different from the beginning?”
What? Oh God, my heart, my heavy, shattered heart.
I have no answer. I have nothing. I can’t even comprehend where this has gone. What exactly did I think this was? I went into it knowing it wouldn’t be serious. I’d hoped it wouldn’t, but why am I so emotional over it? Why do I care? I had to protect my heart. So where does this leave me now?
Jake turns to face me again, searching my face for something. “I’m curious, Kendall, what were you thinking when you walked into that bar?” he presses. “Were you thinking you didn’t have any luck with the celebrities, so you’d go slummin’ in a bar looking for dick?” His expression has no understanding and certainly no compassion. Now he’s trying to hurt me like I did to him. “Face it, Kendall, you were never going to give a guy like me a chance. I was your rebound fuck.”
In all honesty, he’s right. On both accounts, but the one about never giving a guy like him a chance. I wouldn’t have. He’s too much of a flirt.
“Is that all this was to you?” There’s an undertone of desperation in his voice. “If it is, then I’ll walk away right now, and you can have lawyer boy and enjoy the rest of your vacation.”
I don’t say anything, and his eyebrows arch, as if he’s waiting for me to say something.
When I still don’t answer, his face loses all the emotion he once had. “For the record, I didn’t sleep with you because you were the city girl of the week. I don’t do that. I’ve never needed to. I don’t show girls private parts of the island; there’s tour guides for that shit. No one has ever been on my jet ski before, and one girl has been to my house. You.”
“Why me, then?”
“Why not?” he asks, immediately stepping toward me. “Why would you even question it?”
“I’m not someone you would usually date.” And I’m not. Or at least I assume this after seeing what Amara looks like. Nothing at all. But then again, Jake isn’t anyone I would have usually dated, either.
Blowing out a pent-up sigh, Jake hesitates for a moment, as if maybe he thinks I’m not serious. “Yeah, okay, Kendall. Whatever. You’re clearly just looking for any angle you can here to make me out to be the bad guy.”
When Jake says that, a wave of nausea rushes through me. Those are the last words my mother said to me when I told her I didn’t need her help any longer and that I had life figured out.
My voice cracks as I hold back tears. Everywhere I go, I piss people off. I can’t even go to the fucking Bahamas without doing so.
Jake turns and begins to walk away, but then he stops and looks over his shoulder at me. Tears well up in my eyes. “To you, and every other city girl, I’m that guy. I’m the one they can forget their lives with and not have to think about how I might feel when you leave. I’m not even sure you think of me as a person. I’m just… Island Boy, right?” he asks, so matter-of-fact. I can see him now, and there’s a sadness lurking in his face. It breaks my heart that he feels so alone here.
“It’s probably best for you, then, right?”
What the fuck am I saying? That doesn’t make any sense.
When I don’t say anything more, his anger closes in on him. The bottle of beer in his hand shatters in the sand when he throws it to the ground. And you have to throw something really hard to break it in sand. Despite the situation, I note to myself how impressive that is. “What’s best for me?” Jake snaps back. “Me?” He points his finger at his heaving chest. “Why don’t you go ahead and let me decide what’s fucking best for me.” I close my eyes, thinking he’s done. Nope. Far from that. “Goddamn it, Kendall! I was fine. I was perfectly fucking fine with this life and now you… why? Why him? Of all the fucking guys to leave with. Why did you have to go and… FUCK!”
“Jake, I didn’t—”
His glare silences me. His lips curve at the corners, but his smile definitely isn’t one of amusement. But then his gaze returns to me. “Is it him or me?”
“I, uh… what?” I’m not understanding what he’s saying. I thought he was breaking it off with me. Now he’s telling me to choose?
“Make a fucking decision.” His eyes shift my way briefly and then away toward the ocean. “For being so controlling all the time, you wouldn’t think you would hesitate right now.”
“Don’t do that, Jake. What are you even asking?” Tears slip over my heated cheeks and I brush them away with the sleeve of my robe. “You know this isn’t anything that will last.”
Stepping forward, he invades my space, t
he heat of his body warming mine. He lowers his mouth to my ear. “You make me crazy. You annoy me, and I can’t fucking stand it.” He draws back and looks at me, waiting. “I can see why he left. I see it now.”
I’ve never thought Jake acted like his age. Until now. My head snaps up, horrified by his words as my heart sinks. I gasp, feeling the blood rush to my heart with each word. I can’t deny his words sting deep inside of me because there’s certainly some truth to them. To me, it’s hurtful, and it’s meant to be. He’s doing this on purpose, and while I understand he has pride, it’s unnecessary and mean.
For a moment, his words hang there, burning me. And then I manage to seethe out, “Fuck you, Jake.”
His hand lifts and runs over his jaw, his eyes narrowing at the ocean over my shoulder, but he doesn’t say anything in the form of words.
I don’t let people walk all over me. I never have, and I’m not about to start now. “Thanks for the drinks,” I snap, forcing a smile to my face, and started to walk away. It seems there’s no depth he won’t sink to.
Jake’s quiet, and part of me wonders what he’ll do next, with me finally walking away. “It’s how it’s supposed to go, City Girl,” he yells, and I turn around to face him. He winks. “You know?” And then he gives me a more condescending smirk. “The way you wanted it from the beginning. A quick one-night fuck. It just lasted a little longer than necessary.” Shrugging, he turns away from me.
He’s wrong. He knows he’s wrong. I can see it, the way he glared to cover it up. He has pride, and he’s protecting it. Jake Pierce doesn’t burn bridges. He blows the motherfuckers up.
I think there’s always a time in your life, a moment maybe, a day, a year, whatever, you sit there and think to yourself, you fucking know, your life is changed forever. This week is one of them. Jake has changed my life. Never have I been able to open up and expose myself the way I did with him. Yeah, I was drunk most of the time, but it allowed me to get out of my own way and feel something other than what I tell myself I should feel for someone. I should be thankful for what Jake allowed me to become, but how am I supposed to even contemplate that when my heart is crashing like the waves on the Bahamian shore?
