by Mae Nunn
“No, it wasn’t so bad. But the side effects will be.”
As much as he hated it, he understood. Still, he made her explain.
“For example?”
She closed the magazine and dropped it to her lap. A curve tugged at his mouth as he caught full view of the football memorabilia he’d sacrificed as a replacement for her dowdy hospital attire.
She spotted his smile and understood the cause.
“I know. I love it, too.”
He noted the ease with which she extended both arms away from her body now that she could be free of the sling for a few hours each day.
“Where did you get this big thing, anyway?”
“Don’t change the subject. You were about to give me an example of why cozy is bad.”
“Daniel, this is a short-term deal,” she reminded him. “I’m here a few weeks at best, but it only took a day or two of this make-believe family atmosphere to cause Dana to forget that. Even LaVerne treats me like a reformed prodigal. I won’t repay your kindness by creating false expectations any more than I’d steal your silver candlesticks.” Her honesty was jarring.
“On the plus side,” Erin continued, “Dana knows who I am now. Though we keep our conversations in the present tense, I’ve been very open about my life and my job. So some of those big questions in her mind should be settled, right? She says she understands the demands of my work and I know high school is a busy time, so I’ll leave the future up to her. With the way things are between us today, I can go back to my life without leaving too much upheaval in yours.”
He cringed inwardly and blinked at her matter-of-fact manner. She seemed to make sense, though he didn’t know whether to admire or despise her sensibility. But no matter how Erin rationalized her developing relationship with her daughter, Dana would not be satisfied knowing her mama through photograph bylines and holiday greetings. His butter bean had been negotiating since she was six. When she went door-to-door collecting for charity, Dana didn’t ask whether or not the neighbor would like to donate. She was so sure of closing the deal that she simply asked how much they wanted to give.
There was only one subject where she’d fallen short of success and that was in getting him to talk about her mother. Now that Erin was in the picture, Dana was blossoming in ways he’d never imagined. It would be wrong to expect her to squelch such growth. A shudder threatened as Daniel considered the ultimate impact these few weeks would have on the rest of his life.
“And what about you, Erin?” He shifted attention away from his personal worries.
“What about me?” She snuggled against the pillows of her chair in a way that would have brought on a yelp of pain a week earlier.
“Has this time with us upset your life?”
“Only in a positive way.” As she seemed to consider his question further, she drummed fingertips on the magazine in her lap. Daniel knew from the front cover that Erin’s work in Rwanda was featured inside the pages.
“I figured this bum arm would end my career, but Christina assures me it’s coming along well. And even if I don’t regain full mobility, I’ve discovered my left hand deserves more credit than I ever gave it before.”
She patted her tummy. “I’m not missing any meals and my toenails are back under control.” She wiggled bare toes showing off a fresh coat of red polish. “And today I shot and downloaded photos entirely with my left hand.”
He mirrored her happy smile, grateful Erin’s confidence was returning even if it would only accelerate losing her again from Dana’s life. And from his.
“If you’ll hand me the computer, I’ll show you some great shots of a squirrel scavenging your bird feeder.”
He stood, stretched his long legs and reached for her laptop. On the floor, beneath the glass surface of the sofa table, laid the large black case J.D. had brought during his visit. Daniel grabbed the portfolio.
“How about you show me what’s in here, instead?”
She wrinkled her nose like he was waving old gym socks. “You’ll be disappointed. It’s just my personal stuff and none of it has ever seen the light of day,” she was apologetic but at least she didn’t refuse.
He pulled a chair alongside, swept open the zipper and placed the closed case across Erin’s lap. She lifted the cover and let it fall aside, like pulling the opening night curtain of a Broadway show. Daniel watched as her hands reverently touched the enlarged photographs. Her fingers hovered protectively over the images like a new mother blocking the rays of the sun from her infant. His gaze moved to Erin’s face where she made no effort to hide angular creases of sadness or smooth waves of satisfaction as she viewed her work.
If he had to guess, he’d say these particular photographs were the very embodiment of her spirit. His heart softened at the raw emotion in her eyes.
“This is the picture that started my obsession.” She tilted the book for him to see more clearly.
A horrific two-vehicle head-on accident was spread across the page in hues of black, white and gray. Mangled metal and shards of glass littered an intersection and blocked oncoming traffic. Dark-skinned passersby in light cotton tunics and sandals crowded the sidewalk, astonished stares on their faces. Both drivers were trapped, open eyes unseeing, gone to the life beyond. And in the midst of the devastation was a plump-cheeked toddler strapped into a car seat thrown free of the carnage. She sucked her thumb contentedly, round eyes watching strange faces, not a single curl on her head or lace ruffle of her dress disturbed.
“I was in Pakistan to photograph young Muslims in training to fight the Taliban. This is a major street in Islamabad where a protest against the military was expected. I was ready with my camera when the crash happened only yards from where I was positioned. I got this shot seconds before the baby was scooped up by an emergency worker.”
“That child’s survival was nothing short of a miracle.”
Erin lifted her face, her wide eyes sought his.
“Exactly. But my timing was off. I caught the result of a miracle but missed the act.”
“What?” She lost him.
“Look, here’s another one.” She turned clear page protectors, each one containing a stunning image. “This was a mud slide in Thailand. I shot it through the back window of our bus as it took out the road behind us. I heard it crashing through the trees above us but I missed it.”
“If you’d been any closer it wouldn’t have missed you!” And Daniel thought he’d flirted with death on a few occasions.
She flipped more pages, searching. “Here it is! This time I thought I had it for sure, but when it was developed I was heartsick.”
A barefoot Nigerian runner broke the tape of a marathon finish line, his shining face thrown back in glory and agony.
“What was there to be upset about? That guy was a long shot and his record-breaking time was all over the news. You got an incredible picture of his win.”
“You don’t understand.” She shook her head. “I was right there but I still couldn’t catch it. At the very moment when he turned his face to the sun, there was an arc of gold over his head. It was like God’s blessing settling on the runner. I felt certain that was my moment, but I was wrong.”
“Your moment?”
She expelled a deep sigh and closed the case. “That’s why I never show this work to anybody. It’s completely selfish. It’s not about the subjects. It’s about me trying to capture a miracle on film.”
“Why?”
She ducked her head. “It’s embarrassing to admit something so trivial.”
“Erin?” Daniel said her name softly, encouraging her as he would Dana. “If it’s that important to you, it’s not trivial at all.”
Her gaze sought his, the need for understanding in the squint of her eyes. After long moments she spoke with reluctance but honesty.
“I want something uniquely my own that I can be proud of, Daniel. Something rare to replace what I missed as a child and gave up as a woman. I need visible proof my life go
t back on the right track even though it started off so badly.”
“Erin, every one of these shots is a testament to that fact.”
“But they’re incomplete,” she insisted.
Incomplete. Like Erin.
Daniel recognized a window of opportunity when the Father opened one. She was in a desperate search for evidence that the evil she’d experienced as a child had been used for God’s good. Her family, security and innocence had been stolen away. Without the proof she craved, her profound losses would never make sense. She would never be complete.
Daniel eased from the edge of his chair to press his knees to the floor beside Erin. He offered his open hand as he would to a frightened animal. A sign of comfort, lacking all aggression. After a moment of hesitation, she slipped her left palm into his and laced their fingers together as her gaze implored his face.
“Erin, God’s ways are not our ways. He sees with eternal eyes and the vision He has for us in this world is beyond anything our minds can conceive. This side of heaven, most believers will never understand the purpose for what seems like life’s random events. But Jeremiah 29:11 assures us God has a plan to give us a future and a hope. When we have no proof, we exercise faith.”
As if his words had siphoned off her energy, Erin leaned to the left allowing her head to rest against his shoulder.
“Sweet lady,” he whispered as he slipped his arm behind her in support. “Every treasure you have stored in this binder is confirmation that you were exactly where God wanted you to be.”
“Even though my rightful place was with you and Dana?”
She asked the question Daniel had been trying to come to terms with for years. Maybe if Erin could accept the answer, he could, too.
“Well, you see, that’s where God really does some of His best work. When our free will conflicts with a pretty simple plan and turns it into a confusing mess, He can still use it for His glory if we get back in line with His Word and cooperate. And your willingness to go where He sends you has produced some pictures in situations where words could never, ever do justice. Journalists wrote about that tsunami in Indonesia all day long, but it was your photos that moved thousands of people toward relief efforts.”
The outside corners of her eyes radiated tiny lines as she concentrated, processing his words.
“You’ve followed my career,” she said softly, as if shocked.
“How could you expect anything else of me? Your talent confirmed my belief in Dana’s future. She’ll be a winner at whatever she wants to pursue, just like her beautiful mama.” Daniel assured the woman whose head still rested on his shoulder.
She exhaled a breath, as if releasing uncertainty from deep inside. The eyes that had been so anxious only moments before softly fluttered to a close. Where muscles in her face had been tense, they now relaxed. As Daniel cradled her tenderly, he realized that for the first time since she’d arrived in his home, here with her cheek warm against his shoulder, Erin seemed at peace.
Was there a chance she might stop fighting the cozy feeling of family?
Specifically Daniel’s family?
Her breathing slowed, deepened. He shifted away.
“Um, as much as I hate to disturb you, I wouldn’t want Mama or Dana to see us like this.”
Erin’s eyes flew wide as she noticed the doors leading to the common hallway of the house were open.
“Good point,” she agreed as they moved apart and Daniel resumed his place on a nearby chair. “We wouldn’t want them to get the wrong idea.”
“Definitely not.” The tenderness in Daniel’s voice was gone, replaced by the no-nonsense tone of a responsible father.
Definitely not? Had the heart-to-heart moment been one-sided? Even with zero experience, Erin felt certain she was interpreting Daniel’s caring behavior correctly. Had she been wrong? Was exposing her vulnerability a mistake?
He stood and prepared to leave. “Can I tempt you with milk and cookies before we call it a night?”
“A snack sounds perfect,” she agreed, going along with his change of subject.
“I’ll be right back.”
As soon as he was across the threshold, she threw her legs over the side of the chaise, tipped forward from the waist and used the momentum of her shoulders to pull to her feet. Using her left hand to press her right forearm close to her body, she shuffled across the floor to the bottom of the bed. She depressed the foot pedal to lower the level of the mattress. Once she was seated with her legs stretched out before her, she pulled the covers up to her waist and worked the buttons of the television remote rather deftly in spite of her sluggish right hand.
“On a scale of one to ten, I’d give that an eight.” Daniel spoke from the doorway, having completed his kitchen mission sooner than she’d expected.
“You snuck up on me,” she tried to sound offended. “Nobody is supposed to see that until I have it down to a perfect ten.”
He set the tray with two glasses of milk and a plate of fresh oatmeal cookies on her bedside table.
“Well, you don’t have much further to go. And I gotta tell you, it’s a relief to see firsthand that I don’t need to worry about taking you with us to the Double-S.”
Her stomach lurched at his words. The sweet aroma of the cookies no longer appealed.
“Does that mean you think I’ll be okay here by myself?”
“Goodness no,” he dismissed her comment. Pffffed at the very idea. “With that performance, you just eliminated all my concerns about the long trip and the accommodations at the main house. After another week with your PT, you’ll be in shape to ride and rope.”
He selected the plumpest cookie, dunked it into his glass of milk and then popped it into his waiting mouth.
“We’ll be hitching up the wagon train and headin’ west at sunrise one week from today. All you have to decide is whether you want to ride five hundred miles listening to Mama’s singin’ or Dana’s snorin’.”
Chapter Nine
As they drove beneath the archway that announced their arrival at the ranch a week later, the Stabler family history Erin acquired during the long road trip began to come to life.
“Stabler and Sons” was shortened to “Double-S” after the death of Daniel’s father when the boys were still in high school. LaVerne had insisted they mark the occasion by rededicating and renaming her sons’ inheritance. Each year on their last night together, the family honored their patriarch with country songs and cowboy prayers beneath a sunset summer sky.
The overlapping “SS” fashioned of thick black wrought iron was suspended high above the entry to the property between two tall knotted pines, stripped bare by an axe and smoothed artfully by the West Texas wind. Erin lowered her window and poked her head out catching the spicy smell of mesquite.
“Daniel, I didn’t expect the sheer immenseness of this place.” As far as she could see in every direction, the land was enclosed and marked with their curlicue brand on hundreds of fence posts.
“The maintenance of all this barbed wire must be a full-time job for somebody.”
“Well, we have seasonal workers who stay in the bunkhouse when it’s not rented out to hunters. And the Torres family lives on the property and helps with year-round operations. We built them a nice cabin on the western ridge.” He pointed in the direction the sun was headed.
“So, you have caretakers?”
“I guess that’s the truth of it, but they’re more like family to us. Isadore and Elena were migrant workers until their third son was born and Mama convinced them to stay on full time and become citizens.”
“Bet that was an easy sell.”
“Yeah, considering the poverty they left across the border. But remember, we’re talking about LaVerne, here. Why do you think me and Jake built the cabin so far from the main house?” Erin enjoyed the charming smile and half wink that began to punctuate his tongue-in-cheek comments.
There had been no further private moments between the two of them, but Dan
iel continued to show special kindness when Dana and Erin included him in their time together.
His hand lightly steadied the small of Erin’s back during their evening walks around the cul-de-sac. He was available and courteous for even her smallest need. If conditions were different, Erin might interpret Daniel’s actions to be what was once called old-fashioned courting. But she knew better.
“Is that your family home?” She pointed to a cluster of gabled rooflines, hazy in the afternoon heat. Jagged mountains far in the distance made a breathtaking backdrop.
“Actually, those are the stables and the corral is just beyond them. The bunkhouse and Mama’s place are up the road, you’ll see them in a minute.”
“And your brother’s family?”
“Jake built Becky a stucco hacienda over that first hill so they’re close by if Mama needs anything. But my sister-in-law was smart to put some distance between herself and LaVerne. She can’t sneak up without a cloud of dust announcing her arrival.”
With the big Cadillac right behind them, Daniel kept a slow and considerate pace to hold down the gravel kicked up by his truck tires. Erin was fascinated by the interesting sights he pointed out during the half mile drive from the highway to the working compound.
He pulled over to offer her a good look at the network of classic red barns and what he referred to as livestock pens. LaVerne gave two short blasts of her horn and passed the SUV. Dana waved them eagerly onward, a wide smile on her face.
“She seems pretty happy to be here,” Erin noted.
“I suspect that’s true on some level, but it’s more likely just relief that the boring ride is over.”
“A person has to be awake to be bored. Dana was dead to the world in your mama’s backseat the entire way.” Erin was incredulous at the girl’s capacity for sleep. “I don’t think she woke up more than once and that was at the truck stop where we bought corn dogs.”
“That’s been her road-trip system for years and it works for me. She stays up all night packing, watching TV and loading music on her iPod. When I give her the ten-minute warning, she drags her pillow and blanket out to the truck, puts on her earphones and burrows into her den to hibernate. That way I don’t have to listen to her racket and she doesn’t have to be subjected to mine.”
