by Mae Nunn
“Everything you’ve done this week has been perfect.” He gave the back of her neck a tender squeeze. “I’m very proud of you. It’s just we haven’t had much time for the three of us, and Erin has something she wants to share.”
Satisfied with his answer, Dana chattered about the day’s events during the brief walk. Erin was silent, seemingly deep in thought. Or prayer.
“Here we are.” Daniel flipped on the overhead lights and guided his two girls toward the room’s oversized picnic table. He stepped first one boot and then the other over the bench and made himself as comfortable as a man can on a plank of wood. Erin and Dana faced him across the scarred surface.
“Erin, you called this meeting so tell us what’s on your mind.”
She inhaled loudly, they held their breath. She crossed her arms over her chest, they leaned closer. She closed her eyes and dipped her chin, they stared hard.
“Mama?” Dana mimicked the concerned tone Daniel used to encourage her when she needed to get something off her chest. “Whatever it is, we’ll help you with it.”
He ached with pride as his child reassured her mother, believing they could overcome anything together as a family.
Erin looked up through glistening eyes. At odds with the rest of her demeanor, a smile curved her lips.
“J.D. called a couple of days ago. They’ve offered me a new assignment. I’m going to photograph troops with injuries similar to mine while a video crew shadows me. It’s a perfect vehicle to get the plight of our wounded warriors into the public eye.”
“But that’s great!” Dana gave her mama’s hand an enthusiastic squeeze as she babbled on. “Are you sad because you’ll have to go back to Walter Reed for a few weeks? We can handle things in Houston until you get home.”
Erin’s gaze met Daniel’s and he knew where the rest of the story was headed. He took pity on the brimming bronze eyes.
“The assignment’s in Iraq, isn’t it?” He said the words she couldn’t.
Erin nodded.
“For an extended period of time?” he asked.
She nodded again. “I’ve never gone over with an end date on the books. That comes with the territory. I’m there until World View reassigns me. And even with a draw dawn certain for next year, I feel sure they’ll move me somewhere else in the theater of war.”
Dana snatched her hand away as if Erin’s flesh had turned molten. “You’re not going, are you?”
“Honey, it’s what I do. It’s all I can do.”
Dana slapped both palms on the table. “No, it’s not! Look how easily you fit in here. You’re not like me, all crazy and freaky.” She ran her fingers through pointy hair, wiggled her many rings and tugged at the multiple piercings on her ears. “You’re not only gifted with talent, you’re normal. You can work anywhere, with anybody and be successful. You don’t have to go to the other side of the planet for that.”
“It’s not so simple.” Erin shook her head like there was no hope for another option.
“Then I’m going with you.” Dana folded her arms, matter-of-fact, no further discussion needed.
“No, you’re not,” Daniel insisted, losing the battle to keep his voice calm. “You have two more years of high school and then college. After that you can call your own shots, but as long as I’m supporting you, I have the last say.” He couldn’t believe he’d just said that! It was pompous and dictatorial, and he might as well have thrown down the gauntlet.
“Fine. Then you won’t support me. I do okay when you’re not around, so what’s the difference?”
He deserved that shot.
“Mama told me she was on her own when she was about my age and look how well she—”
“Stop it, Dana,” Erin interrupted. “My situation was different and I would never wish that experience on another person. I had no choice. You do. Your father’s right. You need to finish your education and if I’m back in the states by then, we can spend time together.”
Dana looked straight ahead, her eyes not meeting Daniel’s. Her lips pressed tightly, her head nodded.
“When will you leave?”
During the moment it took Erin to answer, no one drew a breath.
“Tomorrow.”
Dana narrowed her eyes, looked first at her father and then her mother.
“So, this isn’t a family meeting at all. It’s just a private way for you to yank the rug out from under us without looking bad in front of the others. Well, I think it stinks like the manure that it is.”
“Don’t be crude,” Daniel warned his daughter.
“Oh, so you don’t have a problem with what she’s doing to us, Dad? Your only concern is my language?” Dana jumped to her feet, a fist jammed on each hip. “Well, I’ve waited all my life to know my mama and I’m not going along with this. If I have to give up my home and my security to be with my family, that’s what I’ll do.”
“The Stablers are your family,” Erin softly reminded Dana. “They’ve been here for you all your life and they’ve earned your loyalty.”
Her young shoulders slumped. A moan of defeat escaped her lips. “That’s just it. I know my daddy’s family. But I need to know the other half of who I am.”
Dana scuffed the floor as she dragged her feet toward the door. She turned the handle then looked back at her mother.
“If you aren’t here to teach me, who will?”
Erin felt the door beginning to close on her choices as it slammed behind Dana.
“I should never have come,” Erin muttered certain Daniel must feel the same.
“To Houston or Fort Stockton?” His voice was strangely soft, but she could see the anger flex in his clenched jaw.
“Anywhere inside the borders of Texas. I know God doesn’t make mistakes or I’d think my birth here was a mix up. As soon as I crossed outside the state line, for the first time, my life finally started to look up. I shouldn’t have come back,” she repeated. “There’s nothing here for me and the people I love but pain.”
Daniel moved to her side, sat down and folded his hands on the tabletop. She longed to feel his arm around her, to lean into him, to give into him. But give into what? He hadn’t asked her for anything.
“Don’t be absurd. The pain has nothing to do with the geography of Texas. It’s all about what you keep buried up here.” He tapped a fingertip to his forehead. “And even more about what you have growing in here.” Daniel pressed his hand to his heart. “Erin, you can keep runnin’ from it, but the real baggage is stuff that stays packed and can’t be left behind. It’ll be with you wherever you go until you deal with it. Why won’t you trust me to help you?”
She closed her eyes against his words.
He took her chin in the crook of his finger and turned her face, forcing her gaze to meet his. She’d once stood at the breathtaking peak of Kilimanjaro. But in this rustic cabin in West Texas she saw the sparkle of forever in the golden flecks of Daniel’s dark eyes. The comfort that stole over her was the same she’d felt at eighteen when she’d shared the secret of their pregnancy with Daniel. Without hesitation he’d declared he wanted her and their child forever.
“You’re a brave lady, not afraid of risk,” Daniel whispered. “How can I convince you to take a chance on us? The lifestyle may not be exotic but there’s a lot to be said for being a Texas Ranger’s family.”
She couldn’t think and yet her mind was crowded with thoughts. Daniel loved family above all things and a wife was his missing element. Was this his way of filling in an empty blank, closing a circle where she’d created a gap? Daniel would do anything for his daughter, and Dana was desperate to know her mother’s history. He’d be meeting his child’s needs but he’d never once confessed his own.
And what about Erin’s needs? As Dana had pointed out, Erin was blessed with a gift for freezing a moment in time. She was free to go anyplace, was able to blend in anywhere. She could catch the unexpected because it never knew she was hovering nearby with her Nikon. Maybe the miracle tha
t had eluded her was just another snap of the shutter away.
She still had so many photos unfinished in the lab and in her head. Someday she would slow down for that work, but right now God’s purpose for her seemed to be 10,000 miles away.
“What do you say?” He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “Will you give it another try?”
Will you give it another try?
Daniel’s choice of words amazed her. Was he asking her to spend a lifetime with him or pull the handle of a slot machine? Being part of a family wasn’t something she wanted to “try” like a new recipe. If she ever traveled that road again, there would be no turning back.
And “for keeps” is the only way Daniel should be willing to accept her.
Slowly, Erin shook her head. “I just can’t deny God’s hand in this opportunity. I think it’s obvious what I’m supposed to do.”
His skin burned where their bodies touched. He pushed away from the table and stood, knowing the same anger Dana had felt moments before. He paced a few steps away putting space and reason between himself and the woman he was suddenly desperate to keep in his life.
“I completely disagree with you. God brought you home from a war on another continent, barely alive, afraid of the very word family. But look at us today. We have the choice to start over again. That is the obvious evidence of God’s hand showing us what we’re supposed to do.”
She shook her head. “You don’t know that for sure.”
“Yes, I do,” he insisted. “And I’m asking you to give it a couple more days if only out of respect for me. If you still feel you have to leave, I won’t try to change your mind.”
“J.D. wants to send a car for me tomorrow because—” she began to protest.
Daniel blocked the rest of her sentence with one palm outward before his face. He swallowed down the emotion rising in his throat, when what he wanted was to scream like a barn owl and smash his fist into the cabin wall. But losing control was not his style. It would give Erin the excuse she needed, and it would seal a fate that was never meant to be.
He exhaled to relieve the pressure of frustration in his lungs.
“With all due respect to your employer, I don’t give one hoot in Jalisco about what J.D. wants. You and I and Dana are all that matter right here and right now. You said you could never repay us for being by your side all those days when nobody thought you’d make it. Well, now you can. Give me one more day of your life, Erin. Promise you won’t make any decision for twenty-four hours.”
He went for the takedown. “Promise you won’t run out on us again.”
Chapter Fifteen
Erin awoke at daybreak to a quiet ranch house, just as Daniel had predicted. But the silence had nothing to do with being punked by the girls. Erin’s announcement the night before hadn’t merely set a pall over the house, it had turned a celebration into a wake.
With Dana’s upset so obvious, Daniel felt it was best to tell everyone the truth. “Erin has been offered an assignment and if she accepts, she’ll be leaving in a day or two.”
The noisy house emptied soon after.
In a loaner pair of red fuzzy slippers, Erin padded into the spacious common room. The aroma of freshly ground coffee and slats of sunlight across the pine floor welcomed her approach.
“I didn’t expect you to be up for a while.” LaVerne leaned on her elbows at the kitchen counter looking every day of her seventy-some-odd years.
“My arm ached all night. I thought a mug of strong java and one of your oatmeal raisin cookies would make a good chaser for my Motrin.”
“Are you sure it’s your arm and not your heart that’s botherin’ you?” LaVerne leveled an assessing look at Erin.
“Point well-taken.” She busied herself with the old percolator, careful not to dribble on the tile countertop.
“Daniel left a note for you.” LaVerne pointed to a white envelope on the table. “Said he hopes to be back this evening, but it may be tomorrow.”
Erin felt a fresh stab of pain at the mention of Daniel. Maybe it hadn’t been her injury keeping her awake after all. At least not the injury to her arm. She reached for the note, tucked it into the pocket of her robe and turned toward the back door carrying Daniel’s favorite Hopalong Cassidy mug.
“Erin, when you come back inside, would you mind giving me a hand with something in my room?”
“Of course, I’ll be glad to help.”
Erin closed the screen softly. It could bounce off the hinges and never bother her daughter as she slept upstairs with the covers over her head, nothing but points of purple sticking out to give Dana’s identity away. Funny, such a thought wasn’t even a wrinkle in Erin’s mind a month ago.
Not ha-ha funny. Sad funny.
The old glider, built to be quiet for two and complain about one, creaked beneath her weight. She sipped carefully, thinking of Daniel’s way of blowing the coffee’s surface each time it came to his lips.
His lips. The only ones she’d ever known.
She fished the envelope from her pocket and lifted the flap.
Good morning, Erin. I’m sorry to ask you for your time and then leave unexpectedly. But I had no option other than to follow-up on an anonymous lead. The window of opportunity is short and letting it pass could have dire consequences. I should be back by supper but it may be tomorrow. I would appreciate your understanding and your prayers. Much love, Daniel.
Of course, she’d pray. The criminals who trafficked illegals from Mexico into the U.S. were tantamount to animals. They were without conscience or morals, sacrificing human life as if it had no value beyond the money they extorted like bus fare.
She read the note a second time. He’d chosen his words carefully, probably imagining her reaction. She had every reason to be aggravated and insulted. He’d put the importance of his work over family only hours after he’d insisted she put her deadline on hold for the sake of the three of them.
Was this the way it would truly be in their home? Do as I say but not as I do? Was he talking a good game and then bending the rules for his team?
Her fingers brushed away a strand of hair along with the thought. Daniel was the most honorable man she’d ever known. At a time in her life when she’d been most vulnerable and alone, he’d been her rock. Twice.
She owed him the benefit of any doubt. But mostly she owed it to Daniel not to doubt him at all.
The chirp of her cell phone was muffled in the folds of the nubby chenille robe. That would be J.D. expecting her answer.
“Good morning, boss.”
“Hey, kid! I can have a car there in three hours and with only one connection, you can be in New York by nine o’clock.” He paused to snicker to himself. “Aleutian standard time.”
“I need another day or two, J.D.”
“You don’t say.” The words echoed only mild surprise. “Things going that good or that bad?”
“I’m not even sure how to answer.”
“Then it’s best not to answer, yet. I have confidence you’ll do what’s right for you.”
“That’s just the problem. It’s not about me anymore. There’s Dana to think of now.”
“What about Daniel?”
“For Dana’s sake, he’d like me to stay. But I’m not sure that’s the right reason to change the course of everyone’s lives. Dana will leave home in a couple more years and then what?”
“Then you have a husband to share your life with. I know you feel like you’ve lived a lifetime already, but you’re still a young woman, Erin. If you decide to live stateside, World View will adjust.”
“You’re not helping, J.D.”
“Did you think I was going to argue with you?” He chuckled, as if the idea were out of the question.
“No, but I was hoping you’d at least give it a try.”
“Kid, whether you choose the battlefield or a wheat field for your mission field, our Creator’s miraculous hand will still show up in your work.”
Erin rested her h
ead against the cool metal of the glider as her eyes followed the lively flight of a Monarch butterfly. Then her gaze lifted to the jagged mountain peaks in the far-off distance. Whether from a few feet or miles away, the evidence of God’s handiwork was indelibly stamped on this world. He didn’t need Erin Gray’s help to prove a thing and it shouldn’t take a miracle to prove He’d always been in control.
“J.D., what made you say miraculous?”
“You haven’t read any of those letters, have you?”
She shook her head. The silence was her answer.
“That’s what I figured when I didn’t hear from you.” There was wistful sadness in his words.
“They’re still in that box in Houston,” she admitted.
This time it was J.D. who was quiet. Erin imagined him shaking his head at her stubborn refusal to read what he referred to as her fan mail, a term she’d always assumed was tongue-in-cheek.
“Before you make a final decision, I wish you’d have a look at a few. Whichever fork in the road you decide to take, I know what those people had to say will give you a measure of peace.”
“Thanks, boss. Can you buy me a few more days?”
J.D. paused for a moment. “Not this time, kid. I have to put somebody on a flight to Baghdad in eight days. It’s travel tomorrow or not at all.”
“I understand.”
“And Erin—”
“Yes, sir.”
“I’ll still love you no matter what you decide. Even more importantly, I believe Daniel will, too.”
She slid the phone out of sight and crossed her left arm over her eyes to soak up the tears that leaked unchecked.
Erin rinsed her cup and put it in the dish drainer.
“LaVerne? Do you need my help right away or can I get changed first?”
“Come on in here,” she called from her bedroom at the end of the hallway. “I don’t plan to get out of my housecoat till it’s time to go to Becky’s and you shouldn’t fret about it, either.”
