I start to lean over the console toward her. ‘Violet, we’re not going to—’
‘Light’s green,’ she interrupts, waving me forward while the person behind me honks their horn.
I drive in silence the rest of the way home. As soon as I park the car under the carport, Violet opens the door and hops out. I follow her eager exit, turn off the engine, hop out and meet her around the front. Before she can move past me, I catch her in my arms and yank her against me.
‘Luke, I said I was okay,’ she protests. She works to get her good hand between us, then attempts to shove me back. But she’s not strong enough to get me anywhere, no matter what she believes.
‘If it was possible, I’d hug you every hour of every minute of every second of every day.’ I pull her closer to me, disregarding the fact that she hasn’t put her arms around me yet.
We stand that way for a while, me giving her everything and her afraid to take it as the wind surrounds us and the grey sky begins to rumble. It takes her a snap or two of lightning to get there, but finally she relaxes.
‘We’d look pretty ridiculous walking around like this all the time,’ she whispers, her arms sliding around my waist. She tucks her good hand into the back pocket of my jeans and rests her head against my shoulder. ‘Although, I’d love to see the looks on people’s faces as we attempted it.’ She sighs, surrendering. ‘Sorry I freaked out on you.’
‘You don’t need to apologize.’
‘No, I need to …’ She tips her chin up and looks up at me. ‘I need to get my shit together. I’m just trying to figure out how to do it.’ The wind blows her hair into her face and she plucks strands from her mouth. ‘Maybe this whole therapy thing will help … I don’t know though. I’m still skeptical.’
I’m not sure if I entirely disagree with that idea either. ‘Why?’
‘I don’t know … I guess I don’t trust adults very well. They can be nasty, disloyal people.’
‘Baby, we’re technically adults.’
‘I know that, but sometimes I forget that we are,’ she says, saddened. ‘Maybe it’ll work out though. Maybe they’ll be able to fix all the cracks and ugliness inside my head.’
I press my lips to her forehead. ‘This thing is anything but ugly.’
‘Yeah, yeah, we’ll see if that’s the case after they crack me apart and see what’s inside.’ She makes a mock scary voice than makes a ghostly sound.
My brow curves upward. ‘What’s up with the Halloween sounds?’
‘We made a promise to celebrate the shit out of holidays, remember.’ She glances over at the main building of the apartment complex, which is decked out with hay bales and a scarecrow. ‘I need a costume if we’re going to do this.’
‘I can help you find one,’ I offer, even though it’s probably the last thing I want to do. Stores. Crazy ass people rushing around to get last minute things.
She shakes her head and looks back at me. ‘It’s not really a you and I thing. I think I’ll ask Seth.’
‘Really?’ I can’t hide my shock.
She shrugs. ‘We’ve been getting along okay and I know he likes to shop.’
‘He’ll probably want to invite Callie,’ I tell her, not because I think it’s bad that Callie and her hang out. It’s just that the two of them have an iffy past. Plus, Violet tends to scare other girls with her I-don’t-give-a-shit attitude.
‘That’s okay.’ She nods her head, like she’s convincing herself that her words are true. ‘Everything’s going to work out. I can feel it.’
But right as she says it, a van with the security alarm logo on it pulls into the parking lot, reminding the both of us that everything can’t be okay until Preston is put away. Until he is, we’ll always be looking over our shoulders, sleeping less, listening for sounds in the night. It pisses me off, thinking about it, makes my blood curl, especially when Violet gives me that look, the one that lets me know she’s suddenly been reminded of everything and that it’s secretly terrifying her.
I need to find a way to take away that look.
But the only way that’s going to happen is when Preston is behind bars.
Chapter 19
Violet
It seems like the last few conversations between Luke and I feel more like therapy sessions. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the less time I spend standing on top of roofs, jumping in raging waters, cutting my wrists, popping pills, getting drunk, the more time I talk. And it’s like I don’t have any control over my mouth anymore, words spilling out without any thought. So I’m a bit relieved to have some time away from Luke to shop for a costume, hoping I can clear my head and pull myself together before I spook him – or myself.
‘So Halloween’s the slutty holiday, right?’ I ask Seth as we stroll through the nearly empty racks of the closest Halloween store we could find. I pull a face at what’s left; clowns, a dinosaur, there’s even a sexy giraffe costume – not sure how the hell they consider it sexy but whatever.
Seth nods, searching through the racks with a disgusted look on his face. ‘Yeah, that would kind of be the point.’ He glances over at Callie, who’s looking at the cape section of the store. ‘Unless you’re Miss Callie over there. Then you go with the traditional but flawlessly beautiful kind of costume.’
Her cheeks flush as if what he’s said is extremely embarrassing. ‘I go with what I’m comfortable with.’
Seth nods as she moves over to a section that has masks. ‘I know you do,’ he says.
I wander to the next rack and sift through the limited selection. ‘I don’t want to be sexy or traditionally, flawlessly beautiful though.’
Seth glances around at the pathetically empty room that’s supposed to be a store. ‘Then what do you want to be? ‘
I give a nonchalant shrug. ‘Something edgy, gothic, different.’
His eyes scroll over my outfit I’m wearing now, black jeans and a matching shirt, dressed up with my studded boots. ‘So basically what you have now.’
‘I have an idea,’ Callie says in her quiet voice as she walks over to us. She looks me over from head to toe. ‘A really good one actually, for what you said, I mean.’
‘Really?’ I don’t mean to sound as doubtful as I do.
She nods then motions at us to follow her as she heads out of the sad store. ‘Yep, follow me.’
Callie was right. Her idea was a good one for me and I end up with the perfect costume, if you can even call it that. I definitely can’t wear it to dinner tonight, especially when Luke informed me of his father and Trevor’s plans to eat out at this fancy five-star restaurant. Yeah, I’m a burger and fries kind of girl, but tell myself to suck it up and go eat some fancy food. I leave my wavy hair down and put on this thin strapped black dress that has flowers on it, probably one of the most girly items I’ve ever worn. Then I top it off with my leather jacket, boots, red lipstick and kohl eyeliner because I still want to be myself. They make me check my jacket, though, and I get some looks as we’re seated at a table, but they’re snooty waiters and I’m sure overpaying costumers can go fuck themselves.
‘This place is insane,’ I whisper to Luke as the waiter drops the cloth napkin onto my lap – what the hell? The table has the cleanest white tablecloth I’ve ever seen, and the plates and silverware – don’t even get me started on those. They are so shiny it’s ridiculous.
Luke sweeps my hair to the side and leans in, lowering his voice. ‘I know, but I think they wanted to do something nice for us,’ he says while his father is telling the waiter something about wanting sparkling water – water should never sparkle. I open the menu while Luke places a kiss on my bare shoulder, momentarily shutting his eyes as if relishing my scent. ‘You look beautiful, though.’
‘Thanks,’ I say, then joke, ‘but my uncanny beauty isn’t going to help me understand this menu.’
Chuckling under his breath, Luke leans over my shoulder and glances at the menu even though he’s got one of his own. I don’t mind, though, the s
cent of him is absolutely amazing, like soap and cologne with just the barest hit of cigarette smoke.
His face scrunches up as he sees what I’m talking about. ‘What is it?’ he whispers. ‘Written in French or something?’
I scrunch my nose up. ‘Either that or it’s just food we’ve never heard of.’
Sighing, Luke sits back in his chair and studies the menu in front of him. I take the time to study him, figuring there’s no point in looking over the food selection since I have no idea what any of it is. He looks extra good tonight in a plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled off. He’s got a pair of dark jeans on, his boots, and I think he gave his hair a trim because it’s shorter, the perfect length. There’s nothing different about his lips, but I stare at them the longest. Those lips have explored almost every inch of me and right now, I’d way rather be back at our place, dressed in my ‘Halloween costume’ with his mouth all over me, than getting ready to fill my stomach full of food I can’t even pronounce the names of.
‘Enjoying the view?’ Luke cocks his head at me with huge ass grin on his face. I realize I’ve spaced out, put my elbow on the table and rested my chin in my hand. Probably not the best etiquette and the waiter seems to be annoyed as he fills up our glasses water that fizzes.
‘Maybe.’ I bit my lip as I sit up straight.
We’re interrupted by Luke’s father chuckling and Trevor saying, ‘You two are simply adorable.’
Luke and I exchange a doubtful, almost repulsed look then Luke turns to his dad, ‘I’m not sure adorable describes us correctly.’
Trevor takes a sip of his water. ‘Okay, then what does describe you two?’
I contemplate what he said. ‘How about Stoically Aloof and Mysteriously Awesome.’ I combine my nickname for him with one I make up for myself.
‘Mysterious Awesome isn’t your nickname,’ Luke says as he reaches for his glass.
‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m more …’ I trail off, racking my brain for what the hell I am. I think of all the names I was called while growing up, but there’s no way in hell I’m going to bring them up at a nice dinner.
‘How about wildly beautiful, ridiculously smart and a never-ending surprise?’ Intensity burns from his eyes, his lips quirking, half serious, half teasing me. I’m verging toward blushing, which never, ever happens and I refuse to let it happen now.
I’m trying to think of some comeback, something witty to take the upper hand. But Luke’s father interrupts and I’m grateful for it.
‘I think we should make a toast to that,’ he says, raising his glass in the air. ‘Or to you guys anyway.’
I glance at Luke and give him an is he for reals look. Luke shrugs then raises his glass, going along with it and I have no choice but to follow or look like a bitch. But Jesus, I didn’t think people actually did this. Then again, I haven’t spent much time eating dinner with people.
‘To Luke and Violet,’ Luke’s father says. ‘May you always find happiness in each other even in the darkest of times.’
Okay, so his words weren’t that bad. Kind of poetic and fitting actually.
We clink glass and then I move mine to take a sip like everyone else does. But the sparkling water taste wrong and the fizz on my tongue causes me to spit it back into the glass.
‘Sorry,’ I cough, setting the glass down. ‘But that tasted like shit.’
There’s a pause and then they bust of laughing, like full on belly laughter, faces red and everything. Luke’s not laughing as hard, but he looks totally amused as he sets his glass down without sipping from it then winks at me. ‘Thanks for the blunt warning.’
The rest of the night goes smoothly, at least for the conversation part. The food is awful and I mean straight up awful. Even high I wouldn’t have enjoyed it. Luke’s on the same page as me, thankfully, and we come up with this system where we ever so discretely hide as much as we can in the napkins on our laps whenever Trevor and his father are chatting with each other and not paying attention to us. We’re acting ridiculous, giggling like little kids who have a secret. But it’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time. There’s even live entertainment when some dude decides to propose to his girlfriend right there in the middle of a restaurant with a hundred strangers to share the experience.
‘Wow, way to lack originality,’ I remark, pulling a face at what I think is supposed to be chicken but it’s covered in this weird looking sauce.
‘Awe, I think it’s sweet,’ Trevor says. ‘Albeit a little cliché.’ His gaze slides to Mr Price and he gets this goofy love-induced grin on his face. ‘Definitely not a candlelight dinner in my favorite art gallery, but still sweet.’
‘Is that how he proposed to you?’ I wonder, taking a sip of my Coke, the one and only thing I recognized on the menu.
Trevor nods, tearing his attention away from Mr Price and taking a bite of his salad. ‘So tell me Violet, in your opinion, is there really a non-cliché way to propose?’
Luke clears his throat several times while I squirm in my chair. His question seems to be packed with this alternative meaning, like he’s wondering if I ever think about marriage. Yeah, right. I can barely think about the next breath I need to take, let alone five years down the road and if I’ll be making promises to be together forever with someone. Another thought occurs to me then that Luke kind of already did this when he started rambling about being with me forever and loving me. It makes me panic, my mind racing with an answer to give Trevor, so he’ll leave me alone because I can’t think about this right now, not when I’m doing so good. ‘Out in the middle of nowhere with nothing but truck headlights for lighting and the sounds of crazy animals.’
‘That actually does kind of sound nice.’ Trevor smiles with that dazed look again. ‘Out in the mountains, under the stars. Only instead of the crazy animals, your favorite song would be playing song from the stereo.’
He’s making my lame scenario sound kind of good. Dammit, I need a subject change. I want to look at Luke for help, but am scared shitless of what I might see in his expression. ‘‘The River’, by Manchester Orchestra.’
They give me a confused look. ‘What is that exactly?’
‘One of my favorite songs,’ I say over the applause of the crowd as the girlfriend says yes. ‘And trust me, it wouldn’t be romantic – none of my favorite songs are. They are tragic, depressing, and angsty.’
‘Still, it would be a beautiful way to get engaged.’ Trevor must get the hint, though, because he lets the subject go. ‘So what are you kids up to tonight? I remember when I was your age, always doing something crazy on Halloween.’
‘We’re going to a concert,’ Luke says, the first words he’s utter since the uncomfortable marriage thing. He reaches for his water and takes a few long gulps. ‘You guys can come too, if you want.’
His dad appears apprehensive as he dabs his face with his napkin as he speaks across the table to Luke. ‘Are you sure you’re going to be okay with going to a concert, considering … well, there will be alcohol.’
‘We actually won’t be drinking,’ I tell him truthfully. Seth informed me that despite the epic fun the night will hold, The Silver Moon Grill is super strict with their fake IDs and that we should probably just chill in the twenty-one and under section, especially since Luke will be there. It was actually a really nice gesture, especially coming from Seth, the King of Drinking. ‘The place we’re going is too hard to get alcohol from.’
Luke’s father gives me a grateful look, like he’s thanking me for this, even though I didn’t do anything. ‘Good. I’m glad.’
‘It wouldn’t matter anyway,’ Luke says as he picks at one of his side dishes that looks like some sort of soup. ‘I’ve been doing good – been sober for almost two months.’
‘I know you have,’ Mr Price says. ‘But it doesn’t mean I don’t still worry … you’re not even going to meetings.’
‘That’s because I don’t have time,’ Luke replies in a tight voice. ‘Nor do I need to – I’m doing
fine on my own.’ This isn’t just about the drinking anymore and I decide I should intervene before things get really ugly.
‘We actually really need to get going.’ I glance at my phone to check the time. ‘The doors open in an hour and we still need to go home and change.’
Luke nods, but is still tense. His father looks upset and Trevor appears to be as uneasy as I am. He flags down the waiter for the check, then we leave the restaurant and hopefully the tension behind. But the silence of the drive proves otherwise.
‘So tomorrow’s the game then?’ Trevor asks as we’re pulling up to the hotel to drop them off, the first words anyone has uttered since we got into the car.
‘Yeah, it starts at six,’ Luke mutters, shoving the car into park. He doesn’t look at his father, staring ahead. ‘But you guys don’t need to come if you don’t want to. We can meet up afterwards or beforehand.’
‘I already told you I want to come.’ His father scoots forward in the seat, dithering before reaching forward and placing a hand on Luke’s shoulder. ‘I know it’s not even a start, but I want to attempt to make up for all the things I missed while you were growing.’
I can tell Luke’s fighting to stay mad at his dad, the big softy that he is, despite the fact that he’ll never admit it. ‘Fine. Okay. See you there then.’
‘Do you want to ride with us?’ Trevor asks me as he opens the door to get out.
I’ve never actually been to a game before – not really my thing. ‘Oh, I …’ I trail off, not wanting to say that I don’t go, even though it’s the truth.
‘We’ll pick you up at, say, seven?’ Trevor says even though I didn’t even answer his question.
Not knowing what else to do, I nod. They get out and shut the doors and Luke pulls away and onto the road. He’s quiet as we drive toward our apartment, the streetlights reflecting in his brown eyes and giving them the similar glow the stars gold. I’m assuming his silence has to do with his father and what he said at dinner, so he startles me when he asks, ‘So are you really coming to my game?’
The Certainty of Violet & Luke Page 13
