by T. L Smith
“He’s watching you.” Opening the car, I ignore him as I slide in. “She’ll notice soon. What are you going to say to her when she finds out you screwed her boyfriend, Sass?”
Am I a bad person?
“I don’t know.” I shake my head as he starts the car. I look into the side mirror to see them. My heart hurts when I do. “They weren’t a thing, I didn’t do it to hurt her. He was mine first.”
“He wasn’t.” Robert shakes his head at me.
“Okay, yeah, I should have told her when she asked. Maybe I could have avoided all this.”
“It will break you two apart. You should tell her now.”
I shake my head. “Nothing else will happen. So there’s no point. We’re done, Ryken and me.”
“If you keep telling yourself that you may believe it. But Ryken won’t.”
Robert doesn’t bring it up again, and he takes me to find a dress then smiles at me when he drops me off.
Tonight I have a date with Stiles.
I can be normal.
Or so I hope.
STILES WANTED MY ADDRESS, and I gave it to him. I’m standing outside, holding my dress up from the dirt as his car lights come into view and shine on me.
Will he think of me differently now he sees I’m not loaded like the others?
“Saskia...” he says my name as he gets out of the car and steps up closer to me. He’s dressed in a suit, and damn, does it look good on him. His blond hair is pushed back and styled. We look like we’re going to a ball. Hell, for all I know we probably are.
“You look great.”
My hands hold my dress up as I stand awkwardly in front of him. I’m afraid to get it dirty. It’s the most expensive item of clothing I’ve ever purchased in my life.
“No, you look exceptional. I’m honored to be by your side.” He doesn’t look behind me, he doesn’t even look at my trailer that I call a house. Stiles comes from money, I know he does by the car he’s driving. He steps forward, leans down and kisses my cheek. It’s sweet, but nothing happens.
Why doesn’t it happen with him?
My mind flicks back to being on all fours. I try to shake that memory out of my head straight away.
Ryken’s a thing of my past.
Not my future.
Stiles offers me his hand and opens the door for me. He doesn’t look to my trailer as if it’s an evil pit of hell. Even though I know it is, he just drives and makes pleasant conversation and certainly never mentions it.
Arriving, I see people from school and others I don’t recognize at all. Stiles holds my arm in his and introduces me to everyone he talks to, never once leaving me out.
I want butterflies. With him.
Stiles is handsome, more so than most here. He has the perfect athletic body, his hair’s always in place and never a mess. He’s polite, and I can tell he likes me. He’s not playing with me. It’s genuine. His eyes hold a sparkle when he looks at me. It makes me feel good to look at him. To look at me through his eyes.
“I haven’t bored you, have I?”
I shake my head as we sit at the table. A few guys come and speak to him. Taking the initiative, I lean over to him, our faces inches away from each other and then I lean in further and kiss him. My lips touching his surprises him. He leans into me, his hand touching my thigh, not too high, just enough so I know he’s close. Our kiss doesn’t last long as I’m tapped on the shoulder. Turning, I notice Livia standing there smiling at me. Stiles’ hand doesn’t move from my thigh.
“Liv.” She smirks. “I just wanted to say hello.”
Looking to Stiles, I stand and he stands right along with me, sliding his hand into mine.
“But you seem to be very busy.” She stares at my dress then behind her. I see my auntie and uncle looking over. They offer me a wave then continue to drink. I’ve never been close to them as I have been with Liv. Stiles squeezes my hand, and I squeeze his back.
“We’re going to go, Liv, see you at school?”
She nods her head, smiling.
Turning to Stiles, I ask him, “Want to get out of here?”
The smile that touches his face somehow touches mine as well. “You don’t even have to ask.”
We leave and it's a comfortable silence as he drives, his hand on my thigh, then we come to a stop out front of large wrought iron gates. He leans out pressing some buttons and the gates begin to slide open. It’s his house. Well, his parents’ house. He drives around the back. And as we get out, he walks around to the pool house, taking me by the hand.
“This is my preferred room, my parents don’t come out here.”
I've seen houses like his. Livia’s house is just as beautiful.
“I want to ask you something.”
My eyes stop roaming the room. He’s at the fridge pulling out two bottles of water.
“Sure,” I reply, stepping forward.
He passes me a water as I sit at the table. He stays standing, watching me. “Do you have a thing for Ryken?”
His words shock me, and I almost reel backward, but I stop myself in time. Then I think I don’t want to lie to him like I did to Livia, so I simply say, “Yes.”
He nods his head. “Thank you for telling me the truth.”
I look down because I don’t want to look at him right now. Does he hate me?
“But you’re here. That means something’s in my favor. Right?”
I smile at his words, and when I look up at him, he’s standing near me and smiling as well. Standing, I touch his face and press my body against his.
“It does. Let’s work it out together.”
Stiles nods his head and leans down, capturing my face with his hands.
Kissing Stiles isn’t like kissing Ryken. It’s not all-consuming and everything I’ve ever dreamed about. But that’s not to say it’s not nice. Because it is. It’s just not the same.
But sometimes different can be unique. Maybe I don’t need that heated spark all the time. People go years, or sometimes lifetimes, without ever feeling that special link everyone talks about. Some people settle, and that’s even an okay thing to do.
I just have to work out if it’s tolerable for me.
Chapter 15
Ryken
“You wouldn’t believe how happy she was, I was so excited for her.” My nails dig into the chair I’m sitting on each time she mentions her, and they go a little bit deeper each time she says her name. Livia’s telling me things I don’t want to know. But I can’t move. She’s started to question me about Barbie. Questions I don’t want to answer or give any information about. If she figures it out, it will ruin everything.
“Look.”
We all turn, even if I don’t mean to. It’s then I see it. I notice her leaning up on her toes kissing his lips. The taste of her lips I can still remember today. She’s branded me, and I don’t think that mark will ever disappear.
“Ryken.” Cane’s hand touches my arm. His eyes look down, and mine follow.
Blood.
Lifting them, I place them in my lap. Looking back up, Livia’s now looking at me. Her forehead crinkled as she watches me.
“You okay, Ryken?”
Nodding my head, I’m saved by the school bell. We all get up to go to our classes. Pausing, I see her. I stay back while they all go inside. She’s by herself. There’s no Stiles near her. My feet move without my consent, and before I know what I’m doing, my hands are around her waist. She yelps, but my mouth touches her ear, whispering into it, “Don’t speak.”
Saskia nods as I pull her back to me until my hand touches the stock room door. Pulling it open, I bring her in with me. Not letting go of her hand is a hard task, but if I do, I’m afraid that the connection will be lost and the real world will smack us in the face.
The real world damn-well fucking sucks.
Saskia’s world is where I want to be.
Pity life isn’t as easy as it is in the movies.
Hands start moving fast, lips become
heated with passion. Just as my tongue leaves my mouth to take control of hers, she pushes me on my chest, separating us. Then she slaps me hard across my face. She makes me smile, but as I look up I see her face scrunched up in anger.
“You can’t just fucking kiss me, you fool.”
“Fool? You could have pushed me away. You could have not come in this room with me, Barbie.”
Her head starts shaking. “Don’t Barbie me. You give me whiplash. Aren’t I meant to be the one giving you whiplash?” she asks sarcastically.
She’s right, I have a feeling she’s always right with her words. She thinks about everything she says. Her hands are on her hips, her lips are puckered.
“I could fuck you against that wall right fucking now if I wanted to.” I take a step closer to her, but she shakes her head, stepping back.
“No. I’m with Stiles now. You need to do what you actually say. You lack follow through, Ryken. Do you know that?”
I chuckle at her words which makes her cross her arms over her chest. When did she become this outspoken?
“You laugh, but you’re the one always saying ‘this can’t happen’ or ‘we can’t happen.’ Yet, every time you’re near me, you’re working out ways to touch me.”
Stepping up close to her, I lean down, breathing her in. Her scent is intoxicating, and I could easily get drunk on the perfumed aroma.
“You need to fuck off. I’m being serious, Ryken. No more. I don’t want to hurt Livia. Have you had sex with her since... well, have you?”
“No.”
Saskia’s lips form a straight line. “Livia’s serious. She’s never serious about guys. I don’t want to be the one to break her heart, Ryken. Don’t make me break her heart for no good reason. You don’t want me.”
Taking a deep breath, I nod my head. “Try to avoid being around me.”
She nods her head as I step back, touching the door handle.
“You seem to be my downfall without me realizing it. Avoid me, Barbie. I’m not playing.” Stepping out, I come face to face with Robert, her friend, who looks behind me straight to where she’s still inside the room.
“Ryken...” he says my name with disdain as I step past him and all I hear is the click of the door as she closes it.
Grabbing my bag, I leave. Today is not the day I should be faking it. Because I’m afraid, I won’t stand by my word.
I’ve already failed several times and it’s bound to happen again.
ONE MONTH LATER
Livia’s hands are running down my chest, her lips nipping at my ear. Sliding my hand down to her ass, I lift her up making her giggle in my ear as I place her on the counter. It’s been one month since that day in the closet, and not once have I broken my word to Barbie. I’ve avoided her as she’s avoided me at all costs. It’s safer this way.
My eighteenth birthday is coming up soon, and when that happens, my life will start changing. Taking Barbie along for the ride isn’t part of that plan. Neither is taking Livia.
I should be single and partying, not holding hands with a girl I think I’m slowly falling for. She’s growing on me, in more ways than one. Our time together now isn’t forced. No, it’s comfortable. She’s comfortable. In more ways than one.
“Fuck! Come on, guys, not here.” Cane swears as he walks past us.
She bites at my ear then pushes back off of me. Leaning my head on her, I turn to see Cane staring at us with his eyes wide.
“Your mother is about to walk in, Livia.”
I laugh on her chest. She brushes my hair with her fingers as I stand between her legs.
“Like she cares. Have you seen how much she loves him?”
Today’s a family gathering at Livia’s. A dinner. Plus, one extra. Cane. He seems to go where I go lately. More often than not now. Which surprised me at first because they hate each other, but now they seem to tolerate each other. It’s usually us three, always together. Until tonight.
Stacey walks in holding some flowers. Followed closely behind her is Livia’s father, Christopher. He’s smiling as he speaks to someone, then he turns around to face us, and that’s when I see her. I’ve seen her several times since that day in the room—we do go to the same school together after all. But none of it has been in close proximity.
Livia has even managed to keep us at a distance. I wonder if she did that on purpose, or if she suspects something.
Cane coughs under his breath when he sees her, then coughs louder when he sees who she’s with. Stiles. They’ve been together for the same amount of time as Livia and me.
Why? I don’t know.
She could do better. Livia seems to notice I’m staring because her hands stop in my hair and her eyes search mine. Smiling, I try to lean in to kiss her, but she gives me her cheek instead.
Fuck!
I’m over, aren’t I?
“You know Livia’s boyfriend and friend, right, Saskia?”
She nods her head as she looks up, noticing we’re there as well. Stiles places his hand around her waist, owning her for all to see.
Message received loud and fucking clear, my friend.
“Your mom couldn’t make it tonight?” says Livia’s mother, Stacey.
“No, she’s at work.” Christopher—Livia’s father and also Saskia’s mother’s brother—rolls his eyes and leans down to hug Saskia. I guess if anyone knew what her home life was like, he would because he grew up with her mother. From what I’ve heard, her mother’s never there. Christopher secretly pays for her tuition and lets her believe it’s a scholarship. He helps in ways Saskia doesn’t even know about. One day she will, though.
“And what about you, Stiles. You got much planned for the rest of the holidays?”
He shakes his head, standing tall. “Just finishing up practice and enjoying time with this one.”
Saskia smiles and I try to not pay any attention, but it’s hard being in the same room with only a few of us, and them only speaking. Livia taps my shoulder attempting to get down from the counter. Placing my hands back around her waist, she gets down, being sure to stay glued to me.
“Saskia told us she’s been spending plenty of time at your house. Your parents don’t mind?”
Stiles shakes his head, and Saskia finally looks at me. She doesn’t look for long though, just a glimpse, and it’s all I need. It’s all I want to see that she still thinks about me even when she shouldn’t.
“No, they love her. If they could, they’d have her home more than me.”
Livia’s father smiles. “She’s a good egg, all right.” He looks around, smiles at Livia then his wife. “Let’s eat, shall we?”
We all follow him to the dining room. A maid is there placing food on the tables as we all sit. It’s a feast of food. Livia sits next to me and her father on the other side. Cane’s on my other side. Stacey, Livia’s mother, sits next to Christopher, while Barbie sits next to Stacey, which puts her directly opposite me. Stiles is across from Cane.
“We haven’t seen you much, now you both have boyfriends,” Christopher comments. Livia looks up across to Barbie then to me. “Usually school holidays you two are inseparable.”
“I’ve been working, actually.” We all look up and the only one that doesn’t is Stiles, who doesn’t seem surprised by her words at all.
“Oh, what are you doing, honey?”
Barbie faces her auntie as she answers her, but I think it’s Livia who wants to know most, as she’s basically leaning over the table waiting for her to answer her mother. “Stiles’ sister owns a beauty salon. She’s been teaching me, while I help out around there.”
Everyone’s quiet, except Stiles. “She’s good, too. Very good.” Stiles gushes at her, and I want to punch him in the face. Hard. She blushes but looks at him with appreciation.
“That’s something that interests you?” Livia asks. Barbie looks at her, nodding her head but being super careful not to look at me. “Good. I mean it’s not a lawyer or a doctor, but still it’s good.”
Barbie’s eyes change, just slightly. Her facial expression stays the same, but if you look hard enough, you can see the hurt raging in those beautiful eyes.
“You’ll be a great lawyer, Livia,” I tell her, because I believe she will.
“I know, you tell me all the time.” Livia leans down, touching my thigh.
“I mean it.”
Barbie looks away, picking up her fork as she starts to eat. We all go quiet as we eat, and I wonder if Stiles is happy with what she’s doing. I know he’ll be taking over his father’s business the same way I’m taking over mine. The only difference, his father’s business is legal and straight. Not a dishonest, crooked and dangerous one like my father’s.
“How have your holidays been, Liv?”
Livia looks up to her cousin, removing her hand from my leg and placing her hands under her chin as she smiles. Livia loves talking about... you guessed it... Livia.
“Ryken and I have been inseparable. It’s been great. We even went camping. Bet you never would have guessed in a million years I’d do that.” She laughs.
It was an awful time. She didn’t stop complaining about the bugs, the hot, the cold, the wind, any fucking thing she could think of she complained about. I could have smothered her that one night we stayed.
Barbie raises her eyebrows in surprise. “No way! You didn’t.” She doesn’t believe her. I didn’t when she said she’d come either.
“Yep, stayed in a tent and everything. Wouldn’t have done it for anybody else but Ryken, though.”
“You two look happy,” Stiles states, and as he says it, he looks instantly at me.
Livia leans on me her head on my shoulder. “We are.”
We are. And we aren’t.
It’s a funny thing falling in love with someone unexpected. Especially, when you have eyes for someone else. Even more so when you know you want that other person more than the one you’re with, but there’s nothing you can do about it.
CONFESSION #4
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been... I don’t know how long since my last confession.”
