by T. L Smith
Why the fuck would I want to settle down when I can have my choice of women?
“Only three of the bars are open tomorrow. Monday will be your slow day,” Quinn says as he picks up his keys, getting ready to leave.
“Do you enjoy working here?” I ask him because I’m very interested.
Quinn’s smart, very smart.
“Yes, and one day soon you’ll hand me one of these clubs, or give me full access to the other business that I specialize in. I’m happy, and I can wait.”
Quinn’s job is one of the dirtiest. He doesn’t mind, though. He actually loves it. The dirtier the job, the more he likes it, or so he tells me.
Being the collector, he acquires the girls and delivers them to the Spikes MC Chapter here in Darwin, then sends them to the Spikes MC Chapter in Melbourne. He wanted to collect Barbie once, but that can never happen. I would outbid every single bastard who tried to purchase her. But he isn’t the dirtiest. No. That honor would go solely to my father. Which, in turn, is going to be me.
How can I become that dark and fucked up, I don’t see it happening. I actually have a heart, unlike him.
“He still has that, Quinn. I don’t intend to take that part.”
He shakes his head. “You will, though, and you will be better than him.” He walks out without saying goodbye, and as he does, Stiles walks in. His face red, his hands clenched at his side.
“Stiles...”
He throws a punch at me, and I duck, just missing it.
Standing up, I step back to put some space between us. “That was a free pass. The next one you won’t get.”
“Stay the fuck away from her! You have Livia. Why the fuck did you want to talk to Saskia last night?” Ah, she hasn’t told him everything. “Livia told me you two were in the same room. That’s how she cut her foot.”
“We had unfinished business, Barbie and I.”
He holds his hands up to his ears then drops them. “What the fuck is with that? Why the fuck do you call her Barbie?”
I smirk to myself but don’t answer him. He doesn’t need to know the answer to that question, that’s for Barbie and me.
“Is that all you came for, Stiles? If so, I think you should leave.”
“Fucking stay away from her.”
“Maybe you should tell her to stay away from me.” I smirk at him.
He goes to speak, but nothing comes out. So he turns and leaves the same way he came in.
“You’re still seeing her, aren’t you?”
Turning around, my father’s standing at the top of the stairs looking down at me.
While shaking my head, his side lip perks up. “Don’t lie to me, son. This is your last warning. Stay with the brunette. Stay away from the blonde if you don’t know how to play and not get serious.” He turns, disappearing.
He confuses me. I understand he’s trying to look out for my best interests, or what he thinks is my best interests. But he isn’t. He doesn’t know how I feel.
“He’s so serious.” Cane laughs, he’s sitting in the dining room. I didn’t even see him come in.
“When the fuck did you get here?”
“When you had a heart to heart with your new boy toy,” he sneers at me. “On a serious note, I want to work for you, too.”
“No. No way.” Stepping away, I hear the drag of the chair as he gets up to follow me up the stairs. Just as I reach the top, he talks again, not giving up.
“Let me work for you, Ryken. You know I’d be one of your best employees. Well, the most trusted one.”
Turning back to him, I look to him at the bottom of the stairs. “I haven’t even started yet. Give me to the end of the school year to decide.”
He should finish school. One of us should at least graduate.
“Are you going to stay with her?”
I shrug my shoulders. I don’t know how to answer that, or if it’s even my choice anymore.
“He’s right, you know, she would be a better fit than Barbie. Barbie just doesn’t suit the world you’re in.”
“Everyone keeps saying that.” It’s like that’s all they can seem to say about her. She doesn’t fit. But what if she does fit. How the fuck would they know any better? How do they know what she can and can’t do, or accept? She might be awesome in this world, in this fucked up existence my father has created for me to inherit.
“You’ve seen her. You’ve seen where she comes from. You think if she were suddenly all around the money, drugs, women, she’d be okay with it all? Knowing how your father runs those businesses? Because we all know the tarnished money that made those businesses came from his underworld activities. How would she feel knowing that? Because no normal person would be fine with the selling of other women, Ryken.”
“And you all think Livia could handle it any better?”
He nods his head. “Of course. She’s the type of woman to turn a blind eye, as long as she got the designer shoes and the man she wants. Do you think you could buy Barbie like that?”
“I’ve bought her before.”
“Has she spent the money? Is she still wearing the same hand-me-downs? Is she still catching the school bus to school?”
Fuck! I nod my head, and Cane leans against the banister.
“Of course she is, because she doesn’t care for it the way we all do. She wasn’t raised with it. So she doesn’t find a need for money like we all do.”
“I won’t see her again.”
He rolls his eyes at me. “Of course, you won’t. Who are you trying to convince? You hated her, now love her. We all know it.”
“Fuck you.” Walking away from him, I step into my room, slamming the door. I hate that she can pull feelings from me, that’s what I hate the most.
My cell starts ringing the minute I’m in there. It’s Livia. Of course, it is.
CONFESSION #5
“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been... what does it really matter, Father? Honestly, though?”
The priest says nothing, as per normal, so I continue.
“The wedge is in place, and it takes everything in me to not do damage until the correct time. Tell me, Father... when do you know the correct time to ruin and destroy someone’s life?”
As usual, I stand and leave before the priest can offer me absolution.
Chapter 20
Saskia
Livia walks straight past me at school, she doesn’t even look in my direction and as she does. It hurts. It hurts a lot to know that she doesn’t want to look at me. That she no longer loves me. I love her and I always will. I never wanted to hurt her. She’s one of the only people I would never want to hurt. But maybe the saying’s true. You hurt the ones you love the most.
Stiles has asked me several more times about the glass, but I’ve never really been able to answer him. The words won’t leave my tongue. The words become strained and not able to stir or shift any further than the back of my throat. Maybe I’m just as bad as Ryken, maybe we’re as bad as one another. Two cheaters who fell in love with the wrong people.
What a fucking headline.
I hate him.
I love him.
I hate him.
The two emotions are fucking with me so bad that I’m more confused than ever.
“Did you hear he isn’t coming back?” I turn to face Robert, and his eyes are wide as he stares at me.
“What?” I ask him, confused.
“Ryken... he’s not coming back to school now he’s eighteen. He’s taking over his father’s business early.”
“Was he meant to?”
Robert nods his head. “Last I heard, he had to finish the school year. I guess there was a way around it.”
Turning, I look for Livia again. She’s looking my way but turns fast to look away from me.
“Don’t, Sass. Maybe give her some time.”
It makes my heart hurt.
“Time from what?”
He looks at me like he knows all my secrets. Maybe he does. �
�From this thing, you two seem to have. Not you and her, you and him. To everyone it’s obvious, but to you two.” He looks around to make sure no-one’s listening, but as he finishes his sentence, Cane walks by offering me a small smile.
“It’s very obvious,” Cane says and keeps on walking.
I turn, pressing my head against my locker. “Maybe I should just quit, too.”
Hands slide around my waist as Stiles comes up behind me, and lips press against my ear. “Quit what?”
Shaking my head, I feel an overwhelming feeling come over me. Like a blanket of sadness that I didn’t know would come. How did it hit me so fast? Pulling my lips up to resemble a smile, I turn to face him. “School.”
He pulls his lips into a tight line and shakes his head at me. “No. Don’t quit. You don’t want to do that.” His hand brushes some of my hair back behind my neck. “You’re way too clever to do that.”
“I already know what I want to do, thanks to your sister.” I smile up at him.
“I know, but if you change your mind, your education should be your back up.”
I won’t change my mind, but I smile at him anyway. He leans down, his lips touch mine and I can taste him. He always tastes the same, clean. Like toothpaste, all minty fresh.
Ryken tastes like something entirely different.
Something I shouldn’t be thinking of.
“Will you two knock it off?” Robert says next to us, as Stiles' lips leave mine. His hand stays on me, touching my hip.
“Do I need to find you someone, Robert?”
Robert’s eyebrows perk up. “Possibly someone by the name of Nate?”
Stiles laughs at him. “Hate to tell you this, but he’s straight as straight can be.”
Robert rolls his eyes. “That’s what all the gay ones say.” He turns, walking away.
My foot still hurts, and when I go to put pressure on it, he looks to it.
“Still hurting?”
Shaking my head, I lie once again. It seems to be a new thing with him. To lie by omission. Isn’t that fun. It’s the perfect way to start growing a healthy relationship. Not.
“Good. My parents want us to join them tonight. It’s a heel event.”
Fuck! I don’t know how I’m going to fit into a set of heels and keep from wincing all the time.
“Gown?” I ask, hoping he’ll say no. Touching that money from Ryken... it’s not something I want to do. I’ve donated most of it and kept enough to open my own business.
“Yes. Then I plan to tear it off of you and give it a nice position on my floor where it belongs,” he whispers close to my ear, and a shiver takes over my body. Stiles thinks it’s because of him. It partly is, but tearing a dress off me that I can’t afford—well I can, but I don’t want to use that money too often—that’s what scares me the most. Who does that shit? I won’t allow him to do that.
“Sounds like a plan.”
He steps back as the bell rings.
“I’ll meet you tonight then?”
Stiles nods his head. I have to study on my breaks today, then I plan to go straight to the shops to buy yet another dress, especially now that I can’t ask Liv to wear one of hers.
“WHY ARE YOU HERE?” Livia’s voice sounds accusing. It was the first shop I walked into because it had a large sale sign on the front. It’s a steal, I’m cheap and in search of a bargain.
“I need a dress.” Livia looks around then back to me. “Are you mad at me?”
She scoffs at my words. “Mad? You’re joking, right?”
My eyebrows scrunch up at her words. The way she says them like she hates me, like she’s spewing venom right at me. I don’t hate her. Does she know? I hope she doesn’t hate me. Is that wrong of me?
“No, at least I don’t think I am.”
“You love my boyfriend, Saskia.”
Shaking my head, she crosses her arms over her chest. “Please... deny it to my face so I can hate you some more.”
“I don’t.”
Ryken broke my heart and has taken pieces of it away. It can’t love him anymore. Can it?
“You’re faking it with Stiles. I saw it when you walked out of his room. Your blood staining Ryken’s floor. I saw it. Don’t deny it. Even the way Ryken looks at you. But he loves me, Sass, not you. You’re something he could use and play with. I’m something he keeps.”
Stepping back, her words cut deep. Does she think that low of me? If she knew the truth, she’d think of me less than what she does now. That would hurt me even more. She pulls a dress from the rack and places it in my hands.
“Wear this to your fake boyfriend’s dinner. I’ve never steered you wrong before, have I?”
No, she hasn’t, but honestly, her words hurt me. She walks away, leaving me with a rose gold dress in my hand that reads half price.
“Wasn’t that your cousin?”
I turn to see Stiles’ sister behind me.
Did she hear what Livia said?
“Yes.”
She looks back at me and smiles. “I thought so.” Her hand reaches out, touching the dress. “This is stunning. For tonight?”
I nod at Becca’s words. “Awesome. Do you need a lift? You can get ready with me if you like. Saves you going home then coming back?”
Personally, I want to hide in a closet, lock myself in there and never get out. Ever again. That’s what I deserve, right? Instead, I nod my head, because I’m a dickhead who loves self-punishment. And who also doesn’t mind the affections I get from a certain man, even if he isn’t the one who makes my heart pump hard.
“Did you want me to tell him you’re here?” Becca asks as we get out of her car. The dress I bought is still in my hand, my school bag on my back.
Shaking my head, I walk away from her to go outside to his pool house. Pulling open the door, I find Stiles sitting down playing on his cell phone. He looks up to me when I enter, and stands automatically, walking to me and dropping his cell in his pocket. His hand comes around my ass, and the things in my hands drop. I kick the door shut with my foot as he picks me up.
Is this to be my life with Stiles—gowns, parties, stuff I’ll never fit into. Plus, his hands all over me. That last part is the only reason I say yes because it’s becoming expensive to be going to these functions with him.
“You surprised me,” he says into my mouth, only pulling back to lay me on his bed. My brand-new gown lays on the floor at his door, and I itch to pick it up. That thing cost me way too much to be sitting on someone’s floor, even if it is Stiles.
“I know how much you love surprises.” He does, this much I worked out early on. My hand runs down the front of his chest until I reach the top of his trousers. He smiles against my lips as he kisses me and my hand touches his cock.
One thing Stiles has helped me see.
I love sex.
And sex loves me.
It puts me in a happy place. I feel almost mighty when I’m fucking. Nothing about what we do is emotional. To him maybe, but to me, it’s pure unadulterated pleasure and nothing more. One that I can only fully reach when I’m in that moment.
Stopping and trying to work that out isn’t really something I want to do either, I just put it down to I like sex. I mean a girl can like sex as much as a man can, can’t she? I don’t see why not.
My shirt is off before I know it, and his follows closely behind. Followed by our bottoms. He doesn’t take long until he’s on top, his body weight pushing me down, suffocating me ever so nicely with his body. This feeling, it’s one of my favorite things. The weight of another, wanting you so bad that their body covers yours because they can’t get enough of you.
My hand goes to his hair as he positions himself at my entrance. My fingers pull, hard.
“We have to get ready soon,” he says as he slides into me.
“You have to shut up and fuck me.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He laughs as he moves. His hands creep all over me, his body suffocating me.
I love every mi
nute of it.
Lips are hungry, bodies are starving. That’s how we see each other. Two people who fuck, and have the need to fuck more than we need to communicate.
And there is nothing wrong with that. I’m young. I shouldn’t have to worry about boys breaking my heart. That’s all one boy seems to do, while the other fucks me back into this world.
One doesn’t rule out the other, they just seem to have different roles in my life.
“Sass,” my name leaves his lips. The same way it always does as I start to come. My hands clench him, my legs wrap around him, to hold him even tighter as my body locks up, trying to hold onto the orgasm that’s flowing through my core. He rides it out with me, making it last even longer. He’s good at it. He’s learning. And the more time we spend together, the better it gets. He lays on top of me, his hands in my hair, as we both try to catch our breath.
“We need to do that again,” I say into his ear, biting it.
Stiles shakes his head. “We need to get ready, and you need to stop jumping me every chance you get.” He’s joking, well, I hope he is. He rolls off of me, sitting up, then looks down at my foot. “Are you sure that’s going to be okay for you to walk on?” He looks back at me, and his eyes scream something I’m not sure of.
“Yeah, I told you I’ll be fine.”
He nods his head. Naked, he stands. My eyes roam him, and I appreciate what I see. What I always see. The girls want him. He’s popular. Athletic. Yet, somehow he spends his nights with me.
“We have to be ready in twenty,” he tells me, looking at his watch and walking away. Something shifted right then and there, but I just am not sure what.
Chapter 21
One Year Later
Ryken
The nightlife is not what I thought it would be. It should have been smoother than what it is. But it’s fucking hard. Every morning I come home drained, never enough energy to deal with anything. Sometimes I even push Livia away when she wants to fuck. That isn’t who I am.
