by T. L Smith
He shakes his head. “Now, Livia, I’ll call later.”
She turns, walking away as I stand and wait for him to speak to me. He doesn’t, we remain in a stand-off just staring at each other. She comes down still dressed in what she had on, and smacks his chest, then pushes past me.
Livia stops to look back at me. “You’re fucking everything up, Sass. It was good while you weren’t here. Why are you back?”
I shake my head, unable to answer her. She leaves, and we still stay in the same position, waiting for one of us to speak.
“What do you want, Barbie?”
“You killed a man,” I say. He steps in and allows me to enter. I follow him, and he shuts the door behind me.
It happens in slow motion like I see it coming but don’t expect it to come. His hands push my hips backward until they slam against the front door then his lips are on mine as one hand tangles through my wet hair, pulling at it. Our mouths move, and we breathe each other in, tongues colliding and lips smashing until they hurt. Breathing him in until I realize what I’m doing and push him away. He lifts just enough, so our lips aren’t locked, but his body is still connected to mine. His hand still in my hair, his other on my hip.
“You killed a man,” I reiterate.
“For you,” he says, moving the hand on my hip to trace my hip bone with his fingers.
“You didn’t have to kill him, Ryken.”
“I’d do it again.”
“What did that man mean, you owe him?”
He lets me go and steps back from me. “Why are you here, Barbie? You have no idea what you’ve done.” He looks past me to the stairs then back to me. “I’m leaving, and when I finally return, I never want to see you again. Do you understand?”
Shaking my head at his words. “No.”
He huffs, his chest rises and falls, and I want to run my hands down it. But then I remember Stiles and withdraw from what I want to do. I’ve been good for a year. Stiles has been good to me as well. But I must admit our relationship is coming to an end. He must know it as well. I plan to finally bring up the courage and tell him soon.
“What do you mean, no? You don’t understand?” He looks up the stairs again then back to me. “You interfered in something you shouldn’t have. You’re lucky you’re still alive. You’re lucky you haven’t been collected.”
“Collected?” I say, murmuring what he’s said.
“Yes. We collect. It’s what I do. You interfered with that last night. These men aren’t nice men, Barbie. They’re the ones that lock you in a basement and won’t feed you for days if you talk back. They will let you sit in your own filth, and they don’t give a flying fuck about it.”
“You sold those girls.”
He nods his head. Just as I go to ask him another question, his father’s voice echoes through the house. “What have you done?”
Ryken turns to look up to him. His father doesn’t look great. Actually, he looks like he’s about to fall down any second now. Just as I go to say something, he does just that, falls down the stairs. Ryken runs to him. I call an ambulance on my cell as the front door opens, and Livia walks back in. She looks to me, there’s a look of hatred on her face. Then she stares at Ryken and his dad, but when she realizes what’s happening, she runs to his side.
“You did this,” Livia says, her teeth bared as she looks to me. I shake my head. His father waves his hand at Ryken to get away, as Ryken stands and walks over to me. Livia follows close behind him. Pulling Livia to him, so she is standing right next to him, they both look at me. Livia has so much animosity for me I can’t bear to even look at her. He wouldn’t have told her, so why she hates me, I still don’t understand.
“I want you to leave, Saskia,” she says.
I look at him, waiting for confirmation. Looking down, she squeezes his hand, and he blinks a few times then looks to me.
“We’re leaving. Don’t ever contact us again. The damage is done.” It’s all he says. Livia looks to him, not understanding, but still agreeing with his words.
“Your father.”
“Is dying,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. My hands fly to my mouth as he turns to look back to his father who’s now sitting with Quinn next to him.
“I’m sorry,” I say while stepping back.
“You aren’t, but its sweet of you to say so. We’re engaged now. So you need to stay away, Saskia,” Livia says.
My head nods like I understand. I don’t. I have no clue what’s happening right now.
He’s leaving.
They are leaving.
His father is dying.
A man’s blood is still in my hair.
What’s happening?
Turning, I walk to the door. She shuts it as I go, slamming it. I hear the ambulance and run to my car.
Calling Stiles, I know what I must do.
I don’t love him. It isn’t fair to continue.
That right there just proved it.
And that was the third and final break of my heart.
He’s engaged.
He doesn’t love me.
He loves her.
Crack.
Chapter 23
Ryken
“I wouldn’t recommend leaving,” is all the doctor says. Father only got worse, and because he did, we had to bring him here. To the hospital.
“How much longer?”
He gives that doctor look, you know the one where they don’t really care, but they have to act like they do. It’s fake, and I can see straight through it.
“I’d be surprised if he made it through the night.”
Livia cries, clinging to my shoulder. Looking at her, I brush her hair back and kiss the top of her head.
Is it her father that’s dying? Because she sure as shit is acting like it is.
I nod my head as he offers his apology, it means shit.
“What do you want me to do, Boss?” Quinn asks, taking the spot that the doctor just vacated.
Looking to my left, my father’s in a bed, broken. The man that most people fear is weak and beyond repair right now.
“You can go and say goodbye, Quinn.” He looks past me to where my father is, nods his head, and opens the door, going in. Quinn has been with my father for a long time. They’re close. Quinn doesn’t want to admit it yet, but he’s lost without my father. Lost because someone who he has spent countless hours with is about to pass. He shouldn’t care, though, it’s not in his job description to care. I’m sure if he had a written job description it would say—be ruthless, be cruel, be merciless and pitiless, and there would be nothing more on the page. You have to be close to him to see him for what he really is.
“I’m so sorry.” Livia rests her head on my chest, and her arms wrap around me. She pulls me to her as if I need her support. I don’t. This is something I want to do on my own. Because from here on out that’s what I’ll be, on my own.
“We should go in,” Livia says. I step back from her. She’s already lied once today. Saying we were engaged to Barbie. What the fuck! We aren’t. And I never plan to be, either. Livia is my here and now girl. Not my forever girl.
“No, you don’t need to come in. Wait out here.”
Quinn walks out, his head held high as he walks past us, taking a seat. Pushing Livia off of me, I turn and hear her cry. She isn’t my concern right now. Not even the fact that I have to leave and find someone to manage the clubs is my concern right now.
“Sit down.” The door doesn’t even fully click into place before I hear his voice. His eyes are closed, but he knows it’s me.
“You had to go and die, didn’t you?”
He doesn’t laugh, but the curl of his lips lets me know he heard me.
“The girl...”
My hands want to wrap around Saskia’s tight little throat. Choking her until she doesn’t know who I am anymore.
“Don’t worry.”
His lips form a tight line, and he opens his eyes to look at me. “Love will ruin you.
It ruined me.”
His words make no sense. He once told me he’d never loved.
“I loved her. Your mother. That’s why I made her leave.”
My mouth hangs open in shock. Not once did I think he ever loved her. I assumed he used her for one thing and one thing only. To have me. Is everything he’s ever told me about her a lie?
“Her death killed me.”
I can finally see it in his eyes. A father, someone who had loved, and lost. He never lets you see, he’s always so closed off. The most closed-off person I’ve ever known. And that’s saying a lot considering he’s my father.
“She made me kill a member of the Spikes MC. She got involved.”
His eyes go wide. He’s working out why she was at our house now. His hand moves slightly. At first I think he’s reaching for me, but his hand opens showing me a piece of paper. Grabbing it, I quickly open it up. It’s written in my father’s handwriting, and it’s a list of incriminating evidence, plus a number to a safety deposit box. About the President of the Spikes MC—Michael.
“You’ll have to pay your dues, but make it less by using some of that. And hold onto the rest.”
The list is long. The stuff written on here would be enough to ruin the Spikes MC for good if I wanted to use it all.
He’s right. They expect payment. She’s making me pay for something that could have been prevented if she never got involved. But now there’s a witness, and usually, witnesses are dealt with using a bullet to their head. Our law states if you kill one of our own to protect another, you must go to the bottom of the chain. Even if it was your father that invented those laws. So, that’s where I will be. In Melbourne’s underground, where all my girls go, once they’re sold. I’ll be mingling with those who pay me, fighting those that don’t. Something I should never have had to deal with.
“You’re an asshole. You know that, right?”
His lips turn up into a smirk again, but his eyes close.
“Learn, become better. It was where Quinn learned everything he knows.” I nod my head sitting there. “I love you, son.” He goes silent. Sleep evades him. I stay next to him for the five hours without him moving or waking again. The doctors come in and turn off his machines.
Quinn and Livia stand at the door looking in, but not coming in. I can see she wants to come in and touch me. But I don’t want her to. Right now, I don’t want to be touched.
He goes peacefully. So peacefully that his last breath is more than he deserves. It will be more than I deserve when I die too. We shouldn’t have that luxury considering what we do for a living. We aren’t that lucky. Unable to move, I stay seated for hours watching him. His body is here, but nothing’s happening. No one disturbs me. No one even bothers telling me to leave.
It’s midnight by the time I finally hear the door creak open. A small hand touches my shoulder, and when I turn to see who it is, a small breath leaves me.
“I’m sorry,” is all Saskia says. I stand without wanting to, and her small little body comes to touch mine. Her tiny hands circle around my back, clinging to me like it’s her that needs me, not me that needs her. “Quinn called,” is all she says into my chest.
Quinn, he likes her. More so than he likes Livia, that’s for sure.
A nurse pops her head in and before she can say anything, I nod my head. It’s time I left. His body is not mine to take home. Pulling away from her, she puts her small delicate hand in mine, and we walk out of the room until we reach the elevator. I don’t want to take it, so I pull the door next to it to take the stairs and start walking up. She doesn’t say a word as I pull her with me until we open the door where a helipad is located, and we meet the night sky.
A single drop of rain falls on her nose. She looks up to the night sky, and I want to get lost in her. She’s my end, my middle, and my beginning. But in another life. Not this life. So right now, as the clock strikes midnight, I’ll take her as she is. I’ll have her as if she’s the last step and breath I’ll take. When she looks to me, those eyes that hold so much just as mine do when she looks into them, freeze. She doesn’t blink or say a word. Saskia steps up on her tippy toes and reaches her lips to mine. She knows what I want without me saying it. Her. Right now. In this moment. No matter the hurt or consequence that follow this, I want her.
Her soft cherry lips touch mine, and taste like rain and cherries. She tastes like Barbie. My Barbie. Her hands comb through my hair, her lips move against mine as I pick her up, so she’s level with me. She does everything I want without me having to speak it. She moans into my mouth. My hands touch all of her body while stepping backward until I reach the edge. Placing her on it, she clings to me as I push back to see her. She is my favorite thing to see, to feel, and to touch. It’s why I didn’t kill her instead of him. She’ll be the death of me. Of this, I’m sure, unless I can get away from her. Even then I’m afraid somehow I’ll find my way back to her.
She’s that never-ending love.
That uncontrollable fascination.
It hasn’t died and it probably never will.
I’m afraid I’ll love her even when I shouldn’t. I’m afraid I’ll want her even when I can’t have her.
Letting her go, she sits on the edge of the building, not a trace of fear in her eyes as she watches me. She trusts me with her life. If I were a bad man, I’d push her right now over the edge, and that would be the end of it. It would end so many struggles. It would make my life easier. To not want her so damn fucking much.
Instead, I remove my shirt, followed by loosening my trousers so I can remove my cock. She pulls open her wrap dress, revealing everything underneath. The front is open, and nothing’s on underneath it. Her hands keep her steady, as I move toward her. My hands touch her breast, her small yet perfect breast. I palm one of them, then lean down to put one in my mouth. She moans as I do, and then I pinch her other nipple with my fingers.
“I’m going to fuck you like an animal.”
She stands, slides her dress off and bends over. Slapping her ass, her head hangs off the side of the building as I push inside of her. Taking what’s rightfully mine, for tonight at least.
My hand grabs hold of her hair, twisting in my fist so I have full control, then slam her back to me. Her pussy clenches around me, making me wonder why I fuck anyone else but her. Her cunt was made for my cock. We fit so effortlessly. It’s almost better than perfect.
“Ryken...” she says my name as I slap her ass, then pull her hair again slamming her to me over and over again until her breathing is heavy and her hands are slipping. She’s literally on the edge of the fucking world and if I let her fall...
“You’re a naughty little Barbie,” I whisper as I move faster inside her. She nods her head unable to speak. “And you love it when I fuck you like you’re my Barbie, don’t you. You want me to be your naughty G.I. Joe, don’t you Barbie? While you have your Ken at home.” She doesn’t say a word, so I smack her ass until all I can see is red hand marks. Until all I can see is her.
She comes, all around me.
I come, pulling out I let it spirt all over her ass. Marking and claiming her at the same time. She stays in the same position as I pull my trousers up, then slowly she stands, pulling the little wrap dress around her waist to cover herself.
Her big mocha-colored eyes look at me, and I know she sees it. She sees all the lies and the pain that’s hidden. She always has from the very beginning. She gets in without me giving her permission to enter.
“Ryken...”
I shake my head now I’m fully dressed, like nothing happened. She doesn’t move, stays where she is at the edge of the building, her hands now clenching the stone.
It’s now I realize she’s going to break me.
So I’ll break her first.
“Fuck off, Barbie, don’t find me again.”
Turning and walking away, I hear a faint cry as the door shuts, ending whatever it is that we had.
CONFESSION #6
“Bless me
, Father, for I have sinned. It’s been one year since my last confession.”
Pulling a smoke out from my jeans pocket, I place it between my lips. I’m more than a little tempted to light it.
“My time has come to an end, a plan is finally in place.”
I hear the priest sigh when he recognizes my voice, but I step out of the confessional and walk away before he has a chance to offer me absolution.
Chapter 24
Saskia
My year’s been busy, silent but busy. I was officially diagnosed with depression. The pills I was first given made me numb, and I guess that was a good thing at the beginning because I may have broken a good man’s heart. Stiles didn’t believe my words when I said them months ago, and has asked me to come back many times over the months. And even if I fell back once or twice into his bed, I never wanted to return to his heart. Stiles’ heart is reserved for someone who deserves it. And let’s be honest here, clearly I do not.
Yesterday I got an email, to meet with her, or him, which I’m not sure. But I couldn’t say no to seeing either of them. Because believe it or not I’ve missed Livia. I love her just as much as I loved him. So here I am, in a place I don’t know. Expecting to see someone who left me. Both of them broke my heart. Livia may have not realized it but she did too.
My hands run the length of the cold cement wall at the back of the alley. I’m in a place I don’t recognize but I was requested to meet here. Straightening my posture, I brush my fingers through my blonde hair and take another step, one foot in front of the other in my high heels. These things cost me more than a pretty penny with their signature red soles. So here I am because I received an email telling me the location.
It has to be her.
Or so I thought.
It’s been one year since I’ve seen her. Or him for that matter. They ran off together. I loved him as much as I loved her. It wasn’t fair. They broke my heart.
Checking my phone, I pause with one hand on the cement wall and notice I have no reception. Great. Just what I need. Rummaging through my bag, I check for my wallet, and find my pills and bottle of water as well. Hey, at least I have water. If I die today, I’ll be hydrated.
