His face grows serious, almost sad. “They are going to take me from you. They believe that without me, you won’t stay united. But don’t be scared. I am supposed to leave you now for a time as part of the Brethren’s test. Prove to them, to me, that you won’t fail and very soon we will be together again.” He looks straight into the camera.
Some people are openly weeping as he talks. I watch as they huddle together and try to comfort one another.
“There is another of us that will leave for a time as well,” Pioneer continues. “Our Lyla plays an important part in the last days. Just like the Outsider’s Judas, her destiny is to betray me—us. The Brethren showed me this today and soon you will see it too. But this doesn’t mean that she is lost to us forever. In time she will repent, but only as long as you refuse to give up on her. We are a family and we aren’t complete without all of our members. It won’t be easy. She has been so completely led astray. But don’t lose hope. She will come home when the outside world starts to fall apart around her and she can no longer deny the truth. When she does, open your arms to her. This will not be an easy thing for some of you to do. Betrayal is hard to overlook, I know. But I’m asking you to trust me now. She belongs with us.”
I don’t want to hear any more. I can’t. How could he know what would happen? Pioneer continues to talk, but my heart’s pounding so hard that I can’t hear what he’s saying. Why is he so determined for me to come home? I look down at Brian one last time. Jonathan is whispering in his ear. Both of them are staring at the screen and nodding almost exactly in unison. Whatever Jonathan’s saying is deflating Brian’s anger. I can see his jaw start to relax.
Suddenly, everyone stands up. Their eyes are glued to Pioneer. They start to speak in unison.
We are strong when we are whole.
We are one mind.
One body.
One spirit.
Always.
I look at Will. I want him to look unsure of himself as he chants, but as they repeat the chant again and again, his expression becomes more and more confident. Our chants have power. I’ve always known that. I can feel that power now, rising up from the middle of the group, surrounding everyone.
When the chanting stops, Mr. Brown walks over to Will and wraps him in a giant hug. I can’t see Mr. Brown’s face very well, just the halo of thinning black hair on top of his head. “I know this must be hardest on you, son. Take heart, you’ll have your Intended back soon.” He looks at the rest of the Community.
“We must be stronger than we imagine we can be. Continue to follow the path Pioneer’s set out for us now even if he can’t physically show us the way.”
The hairs on the back of my neck and arms are standing on end. I feel like I might throw up. I may have left the Community, but I’m not free of them. I won’t ever be free. They will never stop trying to make me come home.
Pioneer starts talking again, but I can’t listen to any more of it. Suddenly the big double doors at the front of the barn swing open and my parents rush in.
“Lyla left our counseling session. We can’t find her. She could be anywhere.” My mom gives Mr. Brown a pointed look, and they both start scanning the room. Everyone begins talking at once and getting up from their blankets. I have to get out of here. Now. In a few minutes they’ll all be scouring the entire property for me. I wasn’t supposed to hear Pioneer’s message—that much is clear. If they find me, what will they do? I crawl as fast as I can across the loft to the ladder. There’s no one outside yet, but it won’t be long until there is. I almost fall when my feet touch the ground; I feel all loose-limbed and unstable. Breaking into a run as soon as I’ve got my balance, I head straight for the woods. I don’t stop until I am way past the trailers and almost to the main road.
I check my watch. It’s been almost two hours since Cody dropped me off. He should be on his way by now. I have to head farther up the road, stop him before he heads into the trailer park. After what I’ve just seen and heard, I want him as far away from this place as possible. I run harder, pumping my arms and legs to gain momentum.
The ground is hard, a solid thing beneath my pounding feet, but in my head it’s becoming a quicksand of grasping hands. My mom’s, my dad’s, Pioneer’s, Mr. Brown’s, Will’s, Brian’s. If I don’t move away from here fast enough, I might never get free.
I get about a mile down the road when I’m lit up from behind, my shadow suddenly appearing on the road in front of me. I turn around. There’s a car coming from the direction of the trailer park. It’s too far away for me to tell if it’s one I recognize, one of theirs. There’s nothing between here and town except fields and trees. Even if I keep running, there’s no way that I’ll stay ahead of it long enough to get away. The car gets closer, slows. I stare into the headlights and then squint out into the trees to my left, consider making a break for them while I still have time. I start to step off the road and into the grass when the car’s door opens. Will’s head appears over the top of the car door.
“Lyla, it’s just me,” he says.
After what I saw in the barn, this doesn’t make me feel better.
“Leave me alone, Will.” I back farther into the grass.
He looks down at the road and kicks a rock. “I’m not trying to bother you, Lyla. But you ran out on your parents. They’re worried. We just want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” I snap. “So you can go back now.”
He looks up quickly and I can see that I’ve hurt him. “Why are you mad at me? I just wanted to make sure you were safe.”
“You broke into Cody’s car,” I say because I don’t want him to know I was just in the barn eavesdropping on him and everyone else. “Why would you give me something like that?” I’m talking about the owl, but I can’t bring myself to come right out and say the word. Just thinking it puts Pioneer’s voice in my head.
Will looks at the trees, to the spot I was planning to head for when he pulled up. “I knew you wouldn’t like it, but Mr. Brown thought … I just wanted you to remember who you are, where you come from. You’re forgetting, Lyla, becoming someone else when you’re with them.” He lets out a long, deliberate breath like he’s trying to keep from getting upset. “I don’t want to lose you. Can you honestly say that you don’t miss me … us?”
I do, but not the way he misses us.
“Will, you need to let me go,” I say instead. “I’m not going back to the Community. Not ever.” I hope that he goes back and tells them this. I want them to finally get it, to leave me alone.
Will stares at me. “You don’t really mean that.”
“The thing is, I do,” I say.
Will takes a step away from the car and closer to me. “No, you don’t. He’s got you so fooled. They all do.…” I back up. “Why can’t you see it, Lyla?” He moves faster, bridging the gap between us, and I stumble a little. My heart cartwheels in my chest. I’ve never been scared of Will before, but now …
Headlights shoot up over the road, illuminating Will’s face. He looks wild, desperate under the bright light.
I turn away from him and run toward the car with my arms over my head. “Hey, stop, please!” I say.
The car slows to a stop beside me and I recognize it. I rest my hand on the roof and try to catch my breath as Cody gets out.
“Lyla?” He looks from me to Will and his face goes hard. He rushes headlong at Will.
“What did you do now?”
Will doesn’t back down. “Nothing. She left her counseling session early. I just came looking for her.” He looks over at me, waiting to see if I’ll add anything.
“She doesn’t need you to look after her.” Cody is right in Will’s face now. “She’s got me. So leave her alone. And if you ever break into my car again …”
“What? What’re you gonna do?” Will’s taunting him. They’re going to start fighting if I don’t do something. Behind Will another pair of headlights appear on the road. More people from the Community looking f
or me.
“Cody, come on, let’s just go. We should go.” I pull on his arm. He resists at first, but then I step between him and Will. “Please don’t do this.”
He looks disappointed, like I’ve picked sides and picked wrong. I look over at Will and his mouth turns up in a half smile. He thinks I’m defending him too. I frown at him and then pull Cody away.
The white van that Will and the others came to school in pulls to a stop next to Will. No one gets out of the car, but I can see the outline of whoever it is behind the wheel. Will puts a hand up to lessen the glare from the headlights and shakes his head at the driver before he gets back into his own car. I scramble into Cody’s car and wait for him to get in. He sits down hard and without a word speeds toward town. I turn around in my seat and look at the other two cars. They’re still just sitting in the middle of the road, watching.
“You’re not going back there again. Ever,” Cody says, his eyes on the road, his hands clenched around the wheel.
I lean back on the seat and look out the window at the moon. Even it seems to be watching us.
“Agreed,” I say, but even as I do I have this sinking feeling, like somehow I may not have a choice.
I’ve sacrificed my life for them. Is it too much to ask them to do the same for me?
—Pioneer
TEN
Pioneer is sitting on my chest. I can barely breathe. I can’t move. My arms are pinned to my sides. He’s smiling down at me, the same gentle smile he had when I first met him, which directly contradicts the insistent, panicky howl of the Community’s alarm. In his hand is a black-handled knife. Light flashes across the blade, blinding me.
I am dreaming. On some level I know this and yet I can’t wake up, can’t make it stop. Wake up!
“Little Owl,” he says, and there’s something eager in his voice, something needy.
Pioneer’s knife comes down across my throat. I can taste my blood. I feel like I’m drowning. I open my mouth, but I can’t pull in air, not around the blood bubbling in my throat. I can hear it, a horrid gurgling that echoes in my ears. My neck and chest are wet and warm, but my fingers and toes are tingly and cold, quickly going numb.
I’m dying.
Just like Marie.
“Everything will be okay,” Pioneer says. His voice is dreamy. He brings the knife up to his own neck.
Pioneer drags the blade across his throat. A long red line grows in its wake. His eyes never leave mine, even as the color drains from his face.
I scream. The sound rushes through my ruined throat like it’s coming from the center of my being and not from my mouth at all. It sounds like a thousand people shouting in unison.
And I’m awake in Taylor’s bedroom—facedown, panting into the floor. I must have fallen out of bed. My hands are on my neck, which feels sore even though none of what just happened was real. The skin there is warm and dry and blessedly intact. I knew it would be, but I still had to check. I’m so tired of this nightmare. Pioneer’s in jail. I’m safe.
“Holy crap, Lyla!” Taylor is sitting up in her bed. Her eyes are puffy with sleep and her hair’s a mess. “I almost peed my pants that time. Do you have to scream like that every single night?”
Cody bursts through the door, followed by both his parents. His mom is rubbing her thigh vigorously with one hand. “Charlie horse,” she says when Cody gives her a questioning look. “Jumped out of bed too quick.”
I press my forehead into the carpet. I’m actually injuring people now with my craziness. “Sorry!” I mumble without looking at her. I’m crying. I can’t help it. I hate that I’m disrupting them each night. It’s taking a toll. There are dark hollows under everyone’s eyes, and I’m to blame.
I use the bed to pull myself up to standing, wiping my tears as quickly as possible on the way up, praying that they don’t notice.
“Same dream?” Cody asks.
“Yeah.”
“What else would it be?” Taylor groans. She picks up her alarm clock. “Great. Three in the morning. I’ll be lucky to fall back to sleep before it’s time to get up.” She rolls off the bed and takes her pillow with her. “I’m crashing on the sofa,” she grumbles. Her mom yawns, gives me a pitying look, and limps after her.
The sheriff scratches the back of his head and then runs one hand across the top. It’s what he always does when he’s frustrated. He’s done it every time he’s come to check on me in the middle of the night. “So what’d Mrs. Rosen say about these dreams? You’ve told her they haven’t stopped, right?”
I shake my head. I was going to yesterday at our session, but now …
“I’m so, so sorry, you guys,” I say.
The sheriff pats my arm. It’s his version of a hug. Then he clears his throat. “You want us to stay? Until you calm down some?”
I shake my head. I’m not okay, but I doubt that I’ll figure out a way to be tonight. “I’m fine. I’m just gonna try to go back to sleep.” I pick my pillow up off the floor and force a yawn.
“Okay, time to tuck back in. Let’s go, Cody.” The sheriff motions him to the door.
Cody walks over to me first and pulls me into a quick hug and kisses the top of my head. The sheriff turns away and clears his throat. I’m not sure who feels more awkward about Cody’s little display of affection—the sheriff or me. I’m still not used to Cody kissing me in any way shape or form in front of his family, especially his dad.
“Okay, son,” the sheriff says, tapping the doorframe for emphasis. “You’ll see her in the morning.”
Cody grins at me and rolls his eyes.
“Think you can get back to sleep?” he asks from the doorway.
“I always do eventually.”
The sheriff drags him out into the hallway. He doesn’t like us to be alone together in any of the bedrooms, especially in the middle of the night. More than one time I’ve come out of the bathroom at night to find him in the hallway, checking on us. I don’t think he’s entirely comfortable with our relationship, especially since we all live under one roof. And the fact that I’m from the Community probably doesn’t help either. I know he likes me, but I can’t be his dream choice for Cody’s girlfriend.
Cody closes the door and I climb back into bed and pull the covers up around me. I stare at the ceiling. After a few minutes, when my heart finally stops pounding, I try to close my eyes and make myself fall asleep, but it’s no use. I am one hundred percent wide awake. I turn on the little lamp beside the bed and fish my new library book out of my backpack. It’s thick and every page is stuffed with words. Perfect. I need a nice long distraction.
Just as I’m starting to get drawn in by the story, the door cracks open. Cody’s face appears briefly. He winks and then shoves something black and square across the floor before shutting the door again. I stare at it for a second, then scramble out of bed and pick it up. There’s a little piece of masking tape across the side of it. The words “switch me on” are written on it in black marker—a walkie-talkie, not unlike the ones we used to use in the development. I slide back into bed and switch it on. It crackles to life immediately. The sound does strange things to my stomach. The sense of déjà vu is overwhelming. I half expect to find myself inside the guardhouse again, watching Brian as he rearranges his playing cards.
I adjust the volume button so it’s quieter, just as Cody’s voice floats out of the speaker. “Fuzzy-Headed Mama, are you there? Over.” I catch my reflection in the mirror and laugh. My hair is a wild halo around my head. It could definitely be described as fuzzy.
I press the talk button. “This is Fuzzyheaded Mama. What’s up?” I hesitate and rack my brains for an equally clever handle for him, but I can’t come up with anything. “Cody? Over,” I say lamely.
“Really? ‘Cody’? That’s the best you can do? My own name?” Click.
“Nothing else fits.” Click.
“Come on, I’ve gotta remind you of something.” Click.
“Um …” I chew on my bottom lip and think.
“Maybe … Ferris?” Click.
“Too easy,” he answers back. “Try harder.” Click.
I lean against my pillow. “I’m really, really bad at this.” Click.
“You can do it,” he urges.
I try to, but it’s like my brain is a permanently blank page. “I got nothin’, really,” I say, but when he doesn’t answer, I keep working on it and try again. “Oh! I know, FX,” I say.
“What?” Cody says, and I laugh.
“FX—special effects. Clever, right?” I feel a little silly now that I’ve said it out loud.
“FX …,” he says slowly. I can almost picture his face as he considers it. “It’s okay—for now. Your handle, however, is absolutely perfect.”
“In more ways than one,” I say dryly, and even though I can’t see him, I know he’s smiling. We talk until I’m practically slurring my words I’m so tired. I fall asleep with the walkie-talkie still crackling beside me on the pillow. I want to feel like Cody’s still with me in case Pioneer shows up in my dreams again.
How far would you go to keep your loved ones from destroying themselves? Giving up is not an option. I won’t let it be.
—Pioneer
ELEVEN
I don’t get out of bed when Taylor’s alarm clock starts blaring music. Instead, I pull the covers up over my head and squish my eyes shut. School isn’t what I thought it would be and today feels like it’s even more up for grabs than yesterday. Will we spend the whole day isolated in the library again? I don’t think I could stand it, to be trapped with Brian, Will, and the others, not after last night.
“Hurry up, slacker, you’ve only got about thirty minutes.”
Taylor’s up already. I uncover my head slowly.
“And I’m not helping you do your hair today. Too tired. So good luck with that.” I pull the covers down and watch as she storms through the room, her wet hair raining on her dresser and the carpet as she yanks on a pair of rumpled jeans. “I overslept after last night.” She gives me a pointed look, but she’s not angry, not really. She’s looking at me the same way she looks at Cody when he irritates her—tender and bothered at the same time. For a split second she reminds me of Marie, but it doesn’t make me sad. It’s kind of nice.
Astray (Gated Sequel) Page 9
