by Amie Gibbons
“And he just repeated that until I took them down, we had nothing to talk about, then said he was driving and was hanging up. That was the last I heard from him, and that was six weeks ago. Paul said he’s dealing with his crap with Paul too, somewhat, and he knows I’m talking to Paul, so he’s keeping his distance. I think he just doesn’t care to try to fix this.”
Welllll, from what he was saying about her in limbo, I was guessing that was a no.
I took a deep breath. “One of my mama’s sayings seems appropriate here. You can’t walk across a bridge that’s already burning. Let it burn itself out. You can always rebuild it later.”
AB smiled. “Sounds like something Paul would say.”
I nodded. “AB, I’m talkin’ to you about all this for a reason. We went into the astral plane and… and the trail from all this led back here. To you.”
She jerked back, eyes huge behind her lenses. “No, but…”
I held up my hands. “But you don’t remember. I know! But it led back here. And you’re the only person here that was a suspect. I think you cut it out.”
“I didn’t,” she said. “I swear I didn’t. I haven’t done anything with magic in months.”
“That you remember.”
“No,” she said. “I get what you’re saying, that I wouldn’t remember it, but I haven’t done anything. I know this because I’m still mad at him. I still have points where I want to get revenge, where I want to post online with his name about what he did so any time someone looks him up, they find that. I want to put him on a herpes alert website, or do that to the nurse who fucked him. I’m still angry. I’m just dealing with it.”
I stared her in the eye.
She was telling the truth.
“If it’s not you,” I said slowly, “then who the hell is it? Because they’re here.”
Wait a second.
Who did I run into today who had obvious issues? Ones that made her snap but seemed minor and blurred by time in a vision?
Even though it was obviously huge since it was her First Impression?
It was so obvious.
I jumped to my feet.
Holy shit! I wasn’t the brightest bulb under stress, was I?
“Ariana?” AB asked, pushing to her feet.
I kicked off my heels and ran down the hall back to the room.
“Call Mender, tell her it’s Donahue!” I called back, running into the lab.
Chapter seventeen
“Dr. Donahue,” I said as I slowed, walking into the lab. “Can I speak to you for a moment?”
This changed everything. I knew AB would take the tulpa back.
I was pretty sure the exact opposite was true of Dr. Donahue.
“About what?” she snapped, bending over Edmund’s body, examining it like it was anyone else.
Because it was.
She didn’t remember him.
She had vague memories, enough to say a guy ditched her after she went emotional on him in med school, but she didn’t even remember his face.
Maybe she didn’t even remember she lost it to that guy without a face.
“About the fact that you used to go by Penny because of your red hair,” I said, looking around.
Where was Quil?
She looked up slowly.
“Excuse you?” she said.
“You went by Penny, didn’t you?”
“And?” she asked. “You have any idea how many redheads get called Penny? If your name is anywhere close to that, like Paige, I guarantee you will get called that at some point.”
Yep, this was gonna be a problem.
“Where’s Quil?” I asked.
She narrowed her eyes. “I don’t know.”
Now why didn’t I believe her?
“You know,” I said. “Don’t you?”
“Know what?” she asked, rolling her eyes.
Natalia moved out of the corner of my eye, inching up the aisle to come up behind Dr. Donahue.
What was she plannin’ on doing?
Maybe making sure the doctor didn’t pull anything?
I was okay with that.
But, how were we supposed to deal with this?
“Paige,” I said slowly, “can I call you that?”
“No,” she said. “Now, go away. I’ve got work to do.”
Natalia froze at the end of the aisle as the doctor turned back to the patient.
“Ariana!” came from behind and made me jump.
“Sorry!” AB said, holding out my phone. “Mender wants you to tell her, because she doesn’t believe me.”
“Oh, duh,” I said. “Okay.”
I walked over and took the phone from her. “Hey, Mender, it’s true.”
“How is this possible, Ryder?” Mender asked.
“Same way we thought,” I said, choosing my words very carefully. “Cut out that part, and it doesn’t show up. Doesn’t even register. ETA on what we talked about?”
“Backup will be there in a few minutes, tops,” she said. “There was an accident that held them up.”
I sucked in a breath.
That was just bad luck, right? It wasn’t designed by something?
Like the tulpa tryin’ to make sure I was here without backup and without my vamps.
“Dr. Donahue,” I called, “Mender’s asking where Quil went.”
“I already told you, I don’t know,” she snapped. “He said something about figuring something out and went to call someone.”
I licked my lips and relayed that to Mender.
“Ryder, is she dangerous?” Mender asked.
“I think so,” I said.
“Don’t push her.”
“Affirmative. So what now?”
“Wait for backup, find Quil, and call Carvi. I’ll call the others. Ryder, how much does this change things?”
“A lot.”
“She won’t take this thing back?”
“Probably not.”
“Then what’s the plan?”
“Kinda drawin’ a blank on that one, ma’am,” I said.
I had to think, but, well, this wasn’t something I had planned on.
I had planned on it being AB.
And now that it wasn’t…
I really didn’t know what to do.
“Just stay calm, Ryder,” Mender said after a moment. “We’re going to treat this like she’s crazy. Wait for backup.”
“And then?” I asked.
“And then we hope you and the witches and vamps can come up with something,” she said.
“Yes, ma’am.”
I hung up.
Natalia looked at me and I jerked my chin towards the door.
She nodded once and walked out on the other side on soft cat feet.
I quickly texted her to find Quil.
I’d watch the psycho.
Wouldn’t be the first time anyway.
Paige sneered, looking up at me.
“What do you think I know again?” she asked, voice hard.
My breath caught.
“You tell me,” I said, inching my hand into my purse and grabbing my gun.
Would I really shoot her?
What would happen to the tulpa if she died?
It was already created, it didn’t need her to live, we already knew that from what happened in Auschwitz, and if she wasn’t alive to take it back, we probably couldn’t undo her spell, but maybe, just maybe, I could scare her into taking it back?
No way.
This whole thing happened because of fear. Because a woman was so desperate not to feel, not to give into despair, not to be abandoned by someone she cared about, that she cut out a part of herself.
Scaring her wasn’t the solution.
“You suspect,” I said. “Come on, Paige. I’m askin’ ya to be brave here. We can still fix this. We can fix all of this.”
“That’s what we’re doing here,” she said, gritting her teeth.
Thomas’ words from earlier echoed in my head.
“Denial is a powerful force,” I said, inching my hand over to my little switchblade instead, pulling it out and keeping it palmed as I slowly shifted my purse on my arm.
She eyed me, stepping away from her patient, needle in hand.
She’d been stitching him up after the autopsy, putting things back.
Making sure these guys’ bodies could take them back once we broke the spell.
She couldn’t have known this whole time, right?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said.
I met her eyes.
They gleamed with something I was pretty sure wasn’t there earlier.
“Yes, you do,” I said, putting my purse down back where I’d picked it up.
I accidentally bumped AB with my arm and she looked at me, confusion painting her face.
I put my eyes back on Paige.
“Paige,” I said, “I have been there. I know what you’ve been through. I’m going through some version of it now. Trust me, I get it. I get wantin’ to cut it out and say that’s you letting it go.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, and you’re pissing me off, little girl,” she said, holding the scalpel up.
I flicked my switchblade open.
Everything in me screamed I’d need it.
“Yes, you do,” I said. “Or at least some part of you does. You may not have consciously figured it out, but you know something’s off. You knew it back at the office when we said the third suspect went by Penny. You have to remember enough to at least know you lost it to some guy who hurt you, and that you did something, because you remembered it enough to say something to me earlier.”
“No,” she said, waving the tiny knife around.
“Paige, you-”
“Stop saying my name like that!” she screamed, making me and AB jump. “You don’t know me. You don’t use my name. You don’t talk to me like we’re friends.”
“If she cut out her rage, why is she so angry?” AB asked me.
She was probably trying to whisper, but she was right, she had no indoor voice.
“I’m not angry!” Paige screamed.
“Yeah, AB, not helpin’,” I said as Paige slid around the gurney towards us.
“What do we do?” AB hissed.
“You happen to know where Quil is?”
“No, sorry. I was focusing and then you came in and he was gone.”
The doctor inched around the next gurney and cleared the counter.
I pulled my gun out of my purse and handed it to AB.
Paige’s eyes flicked to it.
Ohhhhh, she didn’t like guns.
At least it had her attention.
“We need her alive,” I whispered, keeping my eyes on Paige. “You said you’re a good shot, right?”
“Better with rifle and a scope, but yeah,” she said, cocking the gun, “I do alright with pistol.”
“Laser’s built in, just squeeze the handle,” I said, not bothering to keep my voice down.
Scaring the doctor wasn’t the best idea, but I had no idea how else to keep her from attacking us.
We were pressing on something that had affected her so badly that she’d cut it out, and hinting at that, hitting that button triggered something, even though she didn’t know what.
It probably made her crazier than she was before.
Because now she had a huge gap.
And knew something was missing.
But not what, or why.
People tend to get violent when there’s cognitive dissonance.
“You’re going to shoot me?” Paige asked, voice low and dangerous.
“If I have to,” AB said without hesitating, pointing the gun straight at Paige’s middle.
“Why?” she hissed.
“You know why,” I said. “You just don’t want to admit it. You knew something was off, and you shoved it down. You didn’t want to face it. Paige, we are telling you, you’re Penny. You did this. You just don’t remember. And that not remembering, that’s why you’re getting so upset.”
“No.” She shook her head but stayed where she was.
“I thought you said she wouldn’t be angry,” AB said.
“She isn’t angry about the guy or what happened, not really,” I said. “But you can’t cut something like that completely out, and right now, we’re forcing her to face something she doesn’t like and can’t remember. I don’t think she likes that.”
“Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” Paige screamed.
“Sorry,” I said. “Paige, Penny, whatever, can you put the knife down? Can you talk to us? Can you take a step back from whatever you’re feelin’ and deal with us like people? Because right now, we need your help.”
She shook her head. “You’re wrong. It’s not me.”
“She’s really got the denial thing down,” I said.
Where the hell was Quil?
Cold flushed through me.
What if the tulpa could sense her maker and found her and figured out what we were doing?
What if the tulpa did something to Quil?
Carvi and I together with a siren’s help barely managed to fight the thing off.
If it had lured Quil away, lookin’ like, say me?
It could’ve taken him out while his guard was down.
“Eyes on her,” I said. “She moves, shoot her in the leg.”
“What are you doing?” AB asked.
“Finding my boyfriend.”
I focused on Quil. On his beautiful eyes and soft curls. On the way he laughed. On him playing piano, face so focused and concentrated to get the keys right cuz he hadn’t played in a while.
Flash.
Quil downed, tied up someplace dark with zip ties that had to be magicked, cuz otherwise he would’ve been able to get out.
The vision zoomed out, showing a closet down on the first floor with magic sparkling over the door.
Obviously to keep him in, and anyone else out.
I blinked back to the real world.
Yep, it got him.
Why didn’t the thing kill him?
Not that I was complaining.
I pulled out my phone and called Natalia.
“First floor,” I said when she answered. “Janitor’s closet. There’s some spell over it.”
“Why not kill him?” she asked.
“No clue,” I said. “But I’m guessin’ the tulpa’s here, or at least was, and lured him there.”
“It can look like anyone?” she said.
“Yep.”
“How do we know it’s not one of us then?”
My mouth fell open.
“We don’t,” I said.
“I can run spells over people to make sure,” she said. “But unless you can do that.”
“The witches can. AB, where’s Sierra?”
“Next lab over with those techs,” AB said. “With some of the other guys.”
I nodded. “The tulpa could be any of us.”
“So how do I know it’s not you?”
“No idea. And I don’t know you’re you, but if you weren’t, I think you would’ve shot me already.”
“Probably,” she said.
“Natalia, if you’re you, tell me when Quil’s free.”
“We sure he’s him?”
“Yes,” I said, “I saw him in a vision. If I was looking for the tulpa and that vision came up, that’d be something different, but that’s him.”
“Got it,” she said, hanging up.
I put the phone back in my bra.
Best to keep it close.
And I grabbed AB’s arm fast as a vamp could move, focusing on her.
I got flashes of her life and pulled back, snapping out of the second long visions just in time to hear her yelp.
“Sorry,” I said, “had to make sure it was you.”
“Ohhhhhh,” she said. “Because psychic, right.” She jerked the gun at Paige. “What about her?”
&nb
sp; “Good point. If she was the tulpa, she could be playing dumb.”
Something told me that wasn’t the case.
But we had to be sure.
Meaning I had to get my hands on the psycho.
Unless I didn’t.
Carvi kept saying I could do so much more than I thought, that if I believed it, I could do it.
So why couldn’t I get a vision off her by focusing from here? I got ones of people I was thinking of all the time, like finding Quil.
I focused on her.
On her frizzy hair and hard eyes.
On the anger she still held no matter how much of it she’d cut out.
I fell into the visions, seeing bits of her life. Mostly good.
But it ended on that guy on the porch.
The one with no real face or really anything on him that’d stay put.
I snapped out of it.
“She’s her,” I said.
“But we know the tulpa’s here?” AB said.
“Was, at least when Quil wandered out. You have no idea when that was?”
“Sorry. I get sucked in and the world just kinda goes away. I can’t even tell you what time it is.”
“Paige, do you want to tell us when he left?” I asked, keeping my voice even.
She scowled at me.
“Come on, help us here,” I said. “You’re not a bad person. You can’t be! If you were, you would’ve acted on your anger, instead of cutting it out.”
“It wasn’t me!” she roared.
Suddenly I knew how Carvi felt earlier trying to deal with me.
“Cut the bullshit,” I said. “You know it was. You can feel it. You know somethin’s off. Climb outta that river of denial and help us! We can still fix this.”
Something flashed across her face and she growled under her breath. “I don’t know. Maybe an hour ago.”
My mouth fell open.
An hour?
Why? Where did the tulpa go after that?
“Paige, did you see anyone around here acting weird?”
She spread her hands in front of her. “Not exactly a normal night. How would I know?”
“Maybe seeing someone and they leave but then they’re back for no reason, like there’s two of them.”
She shook her head.
“Crap. It probably just got Quil in the hall when he went out to call someone, probably lookin’ like me, and then trapped him. But why trap him? Why not just kill him?”
“Leverage,” AB said.
