by Melissa Hill
She was only brought back to reality when Scarlett appeared at the top of the stairs ready to start her day. It was now 7am and Ruth was back to reality.
“Hey there, sunshine! How was your night? Did you sleep well?”
“Mummy, where’s Dad?” Ruth’s heart melted whenever Scarlett called Charlie “dad.”
“He went to work. He’s had to go and save someone, but you will see him later. Right now, let’s get you breakfast and then ready for creche. What do you think?” Ruth hopped upstairs, leaving the script and note from the agent still sitting on the couch to be further read and dissected later.
By 8am, Ruth and Scarlett had made it to creche just in time. While Ruth hated leaving her daughter there in the mornings, she hoped it would be the best place for her to socialise. Her daughter had opportunities to run around, meet children her own age, and to learn from the preschool curriculum. The creche itself cared for almost every child in the town under the age of five, so it was also an opportunity for Ruth to run into the other mothers.
Today, there were some different faces in the entryway.
“Good morning Ruth! How is Scarlett? I heard Charlie was out early this morning on a call.” The owner, Mrs. Lane, approached her politely.
“Yes. He was. It was an early morning for both Scarlett and I, so don’t be surprised if she is a bit cranky.” Ruth watched from the parent’s viewing window as Scarlett settled in to her routine.
“No worries about that. I’m sure nap time will help. Scarlett has a new classmate joining her today. Have you met Heidi? Heidi, this is Ruth Seymour. Her daughter Scarlett will be in class with Amelia.”
“I don’t believe I have had the pleasure,” cooed the soft voice of Heidi. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I have heard all about you. Of course you’re practically a legend around here!”
“Thank you, I suppose. But I’m just another Lakeview mum these days, and happy to be. Your husband owns this building, doesn’t he?”
“Well, um, yes. I mean I um, think so…Honestly he owns so much of this town I can’t keep track,” Heidi’s voice was tense. “Anyway I must invite you to the café Christmas party. You’ll come?”
Ruth was thrown by the subject change (and indeed this woman’s involvement), but quickly caught up. “Yes, Ella asked me to sing actually. I’m really looking forward to it. I have already memorised several songs and am rehearsing tomorrow with Nicky.”
“That’s wonderful! I don’t know if you caught the address, but the party is actually being hosted at our house. So feel free to let me know if you have any questions about the event. It is, after all, going to be the party of the year!” As she said the words party of the year, Ruth could hear the strain and the nervousness in her tone. It was if Heidi was trying to convince herself that everything was going to be as great as she had made it sound.
“I’m certainly looking for — ” Ruth stopped short as she noticed Heidi’s attention was no longer focused on her. Instead, the other woman’s eyes continually darted back and forth towards the front door where other mothers were gathering. She looked as though she was on the run and needed a place to hide.
“I’m sorry, but I need to go check on my daughter. I’ll see you at the party, then?” Heidi’s voice was rushed and forced. She didn’t even attempt to smile or lift her gaze at Ruth. Instead, she kept her focus on that door and the steady stream of women and children entering and exiting.
“Yes, see you there.” With that, Ruth watched as Heidi ducked into the classroom and out of eyesight.
As predicted, she was not alone for long.
Within seconds of Heidi’s hasty departure, Ruth was being fussed over by the group of Lakeview mums. Some she knew from school, like Nina and of course her next-door neighbour Gemma, but others were usually a blur to her. All of them knew Ruth though, her husband, and her reputation. There was always incessant chatter about their favourite episodes, handsome co-actors, and award show gossip. Ruth attempted to keep up most of the time, but these ladies seemed to know more about her old life than she did.
These discussions merely highlighted how far away from that life she was now. Growing up, dreaming of becoming a star, it was all she ever wanted—to be recognised, admired, and fawned over.
But now that she was back in Lakeview, it felt less significant. A part of her yearned to still be in Hollywood so that she could be more than just a retired actress.
After tangling with the creche mothers, Ruth needed a pick me up, and Ella’s coffee and breakfast pastries were the only cure she could think of to get over her Hollywood homesick blues. But Ruth had learnt her lesson last time. Before she entered the café, she quickly surveyed it from her car for any signs of her mother-in-law. If Ita was inside, she’d have to do without. Luckily for her, there was no sign.
In fact, there wasn’t a single soul in the café—a first for that hour of the morning that Ruth could recall. Tables were empty, and counter stools appeared to not have been used since the day before. The staff was at a minimum. If there were tumbleweeds in Lakeview, they would have stopped here.
Ruth seated herself at the counter while she waited for someone to appear. From the back, Ella quietly approached her. Unlike her usual, bubbly self, she seemed aloof and almost pensive. It was a bit disarming given that part of the café’s enduring appeal was Ella’s bright smile and hospitality.
“Hello Ruth. What can I get for you?” Her voice was soft and meek and Ruth could sense that she was tense and listless. Maybe the party arrangements were taking their toll on her, or more likely, perhaps Queen Bee Heidi was taking her toll?
“Just a skinny latte and a Danish, if you have them.” Ruth eyed the surprisingly sparse display counter.
“I’ll check. In the meantime, I’m letting every customer know that December 21st will be our last day.”
“What?” Ruth was hugely taken aback. This news was totally out of left field. Ella’s café was a village institution. There was no way she wasn’t doing enough business to keep the place afloat. “Ella what on earth’s happened? Why are you closing? Is there anything I can do?”
“Ah no, pet. It’s just time for me to...ah... retire. This café has been my life for too long. I’m letting it go now.”
“Isn’t there someone who could take over for you and keep this place alive? Surely Colm would jump at the chance?” Ruth felt herself intruding but she was still in shock from the news itself.
“No, pet. He has his own plans. Anyway, let me go and get you that Danish.”
Ruth sat at the empty counter looking at her hands. Well, this certainly explained the absence of townspeople at the café. If news of Ella’s sad retirement was spreading, they were likely avoiding the place to let the woman go out in peace.
It was strange though to think of the word ‘retirement’ where Ella was concerned. To Ruth’s limited knowledge, her family all lived away. Yes, she had all her stray animals but what would she do if she retired? Why would she sacrifice doing something that she loved so much to just make do with a bunch of cats and dogs?
The word ‘sacrifice’ echoed through Ruth’s mind and instantly reminded her of that script sitting on the couch, and the decision that she herself would soon need to make.
Ruth had never been one to settle for anything but her dreams. So why now when Scarlett was old enough was she still sacrificing her career? Her mind raced with regret and dare she say it, remorse for all the things she herself had given up.
Ella reappeared with the coffee and the Danish.
“You look like you have something on your mind, honey.” She broke the silence between the two as she passed Ruth the white plate and red cup.
“I was just thinking about retirement. It must have been a hard decision, but you’re probably feeling good about it too?”
“Sometimes you have to make the hard decisions. Life is full of them. But once you know what your gut is saying, you have to just go for it. Head first. Even if it hurts or feel
s helpless, when it is time, it is time.”
Ruth studied Ella’s face. Her eyes had those soft, wave-like wrinkles around her eyes, and her hands were cracked—most likely from washing dishes and serving customers for over thirty years. This woman had devoted her life to her work, the work that she loved. While Ella Harris may have seemed broken, passion still radiated off of her in waves.
“You know what, I think I am going to take these to go,” Ruth told her. “I have some calls to make, and I probably should get at it.” She quickly grabbed her wallet and her coat from the back of her chair. She paid Ella and darted outside onto Main Street, her coffee spilling carelessly as she sped to her parked car.
She knew what she had to do.
Hollywood was once again calling and Ruth needed to decide once and for all whether or not she would answer.
9
“I’ve been laid off.”
Heidi stared at Paul across the kitchen table. “What do you mean you got laid off? When? Is this a joke, like that thing with the credit card? If it is, it isn’t very funny, and I do not appreciate being teased.”
Her husband just stared at his plate in silence. “Oh Paul," she lamented, trying to think back to anything that could have pointed to this coming. Was it the regional manager’s visit that he had obsessed about? Maybe it was the closures of other branches throughout the city. Paul had talked constantly about how all these huge changes in the banking industry following the credit crash would eventually mean lay-offs and redundancies.
“They just didn't need me anymore," he said stoically. "I don't think there was anything I could have done or said.” He seemed resolved but uncharacteristically quiet. She barely recognised the man who was so often full of life and laughter.
“How could they not need you? You’re an area manager. You’ve been at that bank since you were twenty-one. This is ridiculous, Paul. It really is.”
“There’s more.” His voice lowered and his head still pointed downward as he avoided eye contact with her. He reminded Heidi of a scolded dog, or one who knew that he was about to get in trouble. “We’re in a lot of debt.”
“We will just have to find you a new job of course,” she continued, as if he hadn’t spoken. “Our savings will hold us over until you find another, better paying position.” Her voice changed to optimism. She needed to believe it, for her own sake.
“That’s the thing Heidi, there are no savings. We used our savings money to buy all the rental properties, but it seems I leveraged them too high to make all the repayments and … bottom line is the bank is repossessing everything.” He met her gaze. “And I mean everything.”
“Repossessing what? The rental properties?” His silence led her to a stark realisation. “The house, this house? No, Paul! Not our home! Amelia has lived here since birth. We have raised her here. We have made a home here. I will not part with this place.”
“Honey, I’m sorry. I really am. But I have been looking at the numbers for a while now, and if we want to hold onto this place, we have to make serious cuts — and fast. Miriam has to go. The renovations are off. We’re going to have to think about selling a car or two in the meantime just to make the next repayment. I’ve been trying to keep things going for as long as I could by using rental income from the investment properties to pay off this place, but with the layoff …I’m not sure what to do now.”
“You can't be serious!” She panicked. This house was her crowning glory. It was everything she had ever wanted. Now that, along with their entire lives, was under threat. And all the rental properties in the village, their hometown to be repossessed? She couldn’t stand it.
“Listen," he said tentatively, "one of my old golfing buddies has been interested in this place for years. When I was let go, he approached me and asked me about it again. Maybe we should consider selling. The equity would hold us over for a while at least.”
“Paul, no, please! Think of Amelia. We cannot do this to her. We cannot do this to us. We have to make things work without selling the house.” She pleaded with him, her voice breaking as tears pooled in her eyes.
“Like I said, I’ve tried everything and there is nothing else we can do. We’re behind on all the rentals and if we can’t make the mortgage repayment, which we won’t be able to with none of us working, the house will eventually have to be sold anyway. We have to let Miriam go straight away too. If we don’t get a handle on things soon, we will not be able to stay on top of our bills for much more than two or three weeks with my redundancy package.” His voice was firm. This was it. He needed to tell Heidi that. He needed to make her know that this was the only way.
“I just don’t understand.” As she sat, wordless in their beautiful kitchen, her husband gently kissed the top of her forehead, brushed the hair out of her face, and turned to leave.
“I know you don’t." His resolve melted into what Heidi could only describe as guilt. It looked like it was overwhelming him. "I am sorry that I cannot make this perfect for you sweetheart. All that I have ever wanted was to give you and Amelia the world, and I have failed you. I am never going to stop being sorry about this. But you have to know that if there was any other way, I would have found it. It just … is what it is.”
“Okay." Her voice quivered as she struggled to find an answer for his world-rocking confession. But Heidi really had no other words for him. She had no way to express the feelings she had without making it worse for him. This was going to have to be her battle. It would be too much to make Paul feel more guilt he didn’t deserve.
With her one worded response, she was alone.
Paul quietly left for his study, closing the grand french doors behind him. She listened to his soft and slow footsteps as he walked to his leather lounge chair, a chair that had belonged to his father years before. He turned on the room’s 40 inch flatscreen television, lowered the volume, and faded into the background.
Upstairs, Amelia was already in bed asleep. The long day of creche and then play with the nanny had worn her out, and she quickly fell asleep soon after Paul had come home from work. For the first time since her daughter was born, Heidi was grateful for the silence. While she had spent every moment thankful for the laughter, the shrieks, the cries, and even the occasional tantrum, having this moment alone to process everything was a gift.
Heidi got up to clear her and Paul’s plates and dishes. As she passed the patio doors, the view of her back garden came into view. All those past barbecue and garden party memories, with Paul on the grill, Amelia in her arms, and friends and family gathered around her came flooding back like a cruel joke.
This was not the time to be nostalgic or attached, Heidi decided. This was her reality. This was her life. She had to accept it one way or another. Paul knew what he was talking about, and if he said the house might have to be sold, then it might have to be sold. There was no use trying to solve it.
The helplessness broke her down. It crumbled her heart and dulled her mind. She went about housework mindlessly. She picked up Amelia’s toys from the living room, cleaned the kitchen countertops, and tried to hum along to a song on her radio as she prepared her clothing and accessories for tomorrow.
Tomorrow, she told herself, channeling Scarlett O’Hara, one of her favourite movie heroines, I will awake from this nightmare. I just have to get through tonight. Tomorrow will be better and brighter. Tomorrow will be all right.
10
When Heidi awoke at six the following morning, Paul was already gone. It was a familiar sight. She rarely woke up to him still being home unless it was a rare day off or he was sick. He had always strived to be first in the office long before his subordinates arrived.
His absence when she awoke gave Heidi a bit of a jolt. Maybe last night really didn’t happen, she thought to herself. She sprang out of bed, grabbed her robe, and headed to the bathroom in hopes of starting her day on the right foot.
When she came out and began to get dressed, the familiar voice of her husband coming from the
hallway creeped in through the half open door. “I am so sorry Miriam. We never wanted this to happen. We never even saw it coming.”
“I understand, Paul. I really do.”
“As soon as we can hire you back, we will. We just don’t know when that will be.”
“I will really miss Amelia.” Heidi could hear Miriam fighting back a sob as she said her charge’s name out loud.
“Please feel free to stay in the house as long as you need to.” Or at least for as long as we’re allowed to keep it, Heidi thought mournfully.
“That’s not necessary but thank you. I can stay with my sister until I find myself another placement. Would you be comfortable with writing me a recommendation?”
“Certainly. If there is anything else you need, just let Heidi or I know.”
“How is she doing? Is she taking the news okay?” Heidi yearned to run down the stairs and hug Miriam. How lovely that instead of focusing on her ending job, she seemed to genuinely care about how Heidi was handling the big news. She wished she had appreciated her more.
“Not well, I’m afraid.” Paul’s voice had become a whisper as if he suspected Heidi could hear him. “She cried in her sleep last night. I knew it was going to be tough, but I could never imagine it would break her this much.”
“I am sure she will recover soon. Heidi is strong-willed but always manages to land on her feet. Don’t count her out.”
“Thanks, Miriam. Again, if you need anything…” his voiced trailed off as they moved from the downstairs living room into a different part of the house.
Reality again hit her like a ton of bricks. This was her new life. No nanny. No cleaner. No manicures. No trips to Dublin to high-end stores. Heidi made a mental list of everything she would need to get done immediately from cancelling her next hair appointment to rescheduling the Lakeview Mum’s Club meeting. She would also have to return the Christmas gifts she had purchased—the watch and ties for Paul and the endless amount of clothing and toys for Amelia. And all of her new clothes of course, including the beautiful Dolce & Gabbana dress she’d planned to wear at the café Christmas party.
