by Jodi Thomas
She was prettier than he remembered, with a sweet round face that a man could get used to looking at. She’d also followed his advice and was growing, learning to read and write. In no time he’d be able to keep up with her in letters, and that made him proud.
“The first room is where Father Benjamin sleeps. He kind of dropped by and decided to stay for a while. He says he’s here to feed the souls, but I’m not sure what he means.”
Madie moved down the hallway. “This room belongs to the boys. They play mostly downstairs in the dining room. That’s where we set up the school. Father Benjamin knows all about history and plays. If the boys get all their lessons done, he reads a few acts of William Shakespeare after lunch, and everyone in the house stops to listen. He could have been an actor if God hadn’t called him.”
Colby couldn’t think of anything to ask. He’d never met a priest, but he guessed it was some kind of rule that everyone had to like them even if you weren’t Catholic. “I’d like to stay around long enough to hear him read.”
She stopped at the third door and faced him. “I’d like that too.”
Before he could say anything, she opened the last door and added, “This will be your room.”
He followed her into the plain little room.
“It’s nothing fancy, but it’s clean. I made the doily on the nightstand yesterday and thought it might dress the place up a little for you.”
He touched the bit of crochet made from a thin string. “It does.” He hesitated and added, “You mind if I take it home with me when I leave?”
She grinned. “I’d like that.”
Colby set his saddlebags down on the room’s only chair and faced her. He didn’t know how much time he’d have alone with her, and he didn’t plan on making a fool of himself with an audience. “Madeline, I rode here to check on you. I catch myself worrying about you from time to time.” He cleared his throat. “No, that ain’t right. I worry about you pretty much all the time.”
“I’m all right, Colby. I swear I’ve been doing everything you told me to do.”
“Good.” He could feel the minutes they had alone ticking away. “I thought you might need some more advice.”
She nodded.
He let out a breath. “Then I’m glad I came. What is it you have a problem with?”
She lowered her head, and he knew she must be uncomfortable. Hell, he was so nervous he could probably run down the stairs and around the big house and be back before she noticed he’d gone.
“Now don’t be shy, girl. I won’t be here long, so you need to tell me what’s on your mind.”
She nodded but didn’t look at him.
He tried not to sound so bossy. “It’s all right, Madie. I’m here. I’ll help you with whatever’s bothering you.”
She finally looked at him. “Would you kiss me again first?”
He frowned. “I guess it would be all right. But don’t go thinking I showed up here just to kiss you.”
“I won’t, Colby.”
He took a step toward her and lifted her chin. Then, very carefully, like he might hurt her, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her.
For a moment, it was nice, just nice, and then she leaned closer and put her hands on his shoulders as if she might need steadying, and he let the kiss continue.
When she moved a bit closer, he kissed her as he’d thought of kissing her.
She pressed her chest to his and the feel of her against him almost buckled his knees, but he didn’t break the kiss. She’d asked for a kiss, and he didn’t want to be impolite and not give her a real one.
When they heard footsteps thundering up the stairs, she finally pulled away. Her cheeks were red and her eyes sparkled.
“Thank you, Colby,” she whispered. “That was real nice.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiled, letting his hand slide along the side of her rib cage. “But don’t go asking for another. A girl your age and certainly one in your condition shouldn’t be thinking of such things.”
“I’ll remember that, Colby.” She looked so innocent until she added, “I’ll be thinking of it tonight out on the back porch while I look at the stars after the house has settled.”
He wasn’t sure if she’d just offered him an invitation to join her, but he knew he wouldn’t be looking at any stars with her tonight. It wouldn’t be proper. When he had time he’d explain to her why.
It crossed his mind that since she was five or six months pregnant, she probably knew why. He remembered all she’d told him about Micah taking her down to the river so they could be alone and how she cried when he didn’t listen to her when she told him to stop. She’d said he hurt her, and Micah’s saying he loved her didn’t make the hurt go away.
As the boys ran into the room, Colby made himself relax, even though he was thinking of going back to Fort Worth and beating up Micah.
An hour later, when they were clustered around the kitchen table playing poker with matches, the priest joined them. He warned them about the evils of cards, then shuffled and said he’d play dealer.
Colby watched Madie as she sat across the table, laughing and talking. He loved the way she helped the boys with their cards; sometimes, he suspected her of folding her own to help them win.
When they finally called it a night, Colby followed the boys upstairs, leaving Madie to go up the stairs off the kitchen where her bedroom was located. He’d thought he’d have a minute to say good night, maybe even touch her hand, but he hadn’t dared with the priest watching.
Standing in his room alone, he smiled. Though he’d ridden all day, he hadn’t wanted the evening to end. It was fun to have someone to talk to after supper. When he went back to his ranch, he’d miss that most of all.
He walked over to the window and looked out onto the sleeping ranch. Even the stars looked brighter than he remembered.
It crossed his mind that Madie might be on the back porch right now looking at the same stars. Maybe he should go down and tell her to come inside. It was too cold for her to be outside this time of night.
If he did go down, the girl would probably ask for another kiss, and he didn’t have time for that sort of thing. He was eighteen last week, a full grown man now, and had a ranch to worry about. She must be close to sixteen by now, and she seemed to have matured some since Fort Worth, but she was a long way from being grown. She’d probably need his advice for a few more years at least.
She’d never gotten around to telling him what she needed his help deciding. She’d asked for the kiss first and then there had been no time.
Colby picked up his hat for no reason and decided he’d better go down. After all, she might truly need his advice, and the kiss had distracted her as much as it had him. The least he could do before he slept was hear her out. Maybe if her problem was a big one, he’d tell her he’d have to think on it awhile and let her know come morning.
Walking down the stairs slowly, he made sure not to wake the boys. That wouldn’t be right. He’d just step out on the porch, ask to hear her problem, then give her guidance and head back upstairs. No one would miss him for a few minutes and he would have set the poor girl’s mind to rest.
Halfway across the kitchen, a low voice froze his progress. “Forget something?” the priest asked.
Colby turned. Father Benjamin was sitting in the shadows, looking like he was finishing the last of his coffee.
Colby wasn’t used to lying, but he might as well give it a try. “No, just thought I’d say good night to Mrs. McLaughlin if she was still up.”
“She stayed down at the cabin with her husband. I told them I’d drive over after dawn and get them for breakfast. You can say good morning and good night at the same time.”
“Sounds like a good idea.” Colby turned around, thinking he’d have to wait until morning to talk to Madie.
“Good night, son,” the father said. “I think I’ll sit here for a while. It’s a full-time job keeping married folks in bed with each other and the unm
arried ones apart, but I guess we all have our load to carry.”
Colby had no idea what he was talking about. He wasn’t planning on climbing into bed with Madie. First, she was still just a girl, and, second, she was pregnant. But darn the priest for mentioning such a thing, because now he was thinking what it might be like to have her beside him in the new bed he’d bought.
As he crossed the big room that had no purpose as far as he could tell except that it connected almost every other room in the house, Colby saw a flash of plaid hanging above a low-burning fireplace. On top of the tartan rested what looked like Apache beads.
A blending of two worlds, he thought. He’d heard stories that the McMurrays were part Apache, and this confirmed it.
Looking down into the dying fire, he caught a slight movement to his left. “Madie?”
She froze. “I couldn’t go outside. I would have had to pass the priest, so I slipped down the hall and came in here.”
He laughed softly. “Me too. He’d make a great palace guard in one of those stories Mr. McLaughlin used to read us.”
Before she could move into the light, he stepped into the darkness with her. “We’d better not talk or he might hear us.”
“All right. What should we do?”
“If you’ve no objection,” Colby said as he placed one hand on her waist, “I was wondering if I could touch you and see if the baby’s grown. I’ve never touched a woman who is carrying a child.”
She took his hand and placed it on her middle. “I feel him moving inside me.”
Colby took a few minutes to relax enough to touch her, and then he felt where the baby rounded her. “You don’t mind this?”
“No. You have a gentle touch.”
His voice shook slightly. “I’ve never been told that before. Does it hurt? The skin feels tight. Are you sure you’ll stretch enough to carry the baby a few more months?”
“I think so. The doctor from town told me everything was coming along as it should. I’ll simply get bigger and bigger until the baby comes out. You ever see a birthing?”
“No,” he admitted. He slid his hand up to just below her breasts. “You’re bigger here too.”
She didn’t make a sound as his hand edged slowly up, lifting her full breast slightly. He liked the feel of her, well rounded and warm. Definitely all woman.
“You all right?” he whispered against her hair. “I’ll stop if you don’t want me to touch you. I’d even understand, Madie. We would still be friends.”
“No,” she said, but he could feel her shaking. “Don’t stop.” She leaned against the wall. “All I could think about tonight was that maybe we’d have a moment to be this close. I like being close to you, Colby.”
He kissed her cheek and then leaned back. “I want to remember the feel of you,” he said as his hand closed over her. “I’d never hurt you, Madie, you know that.”
“I know.” She smiled up at him. “Do you think you could touch me and kiss me at the same time?”
He placed his hand on her waist. “You sure?” he asked one more time.
She laughed. “I’m sure, Colby. I’m real sure.”
He pressed his mouth over hers as his hand trailed across her tummy, then higher to her breasts. When she made a little sound, he pulled her to him and moved his hands down her back all the way to her nicely rounded hips.
She fit against him, her breath shallow as he molded her close. To his way of thinking, she fit just right.
With his last ounce of sanity, he whispered, “This is something a man does to his wife.”
“Do you want to marry me, Colby?”
He knew this was one of those questions he should think about, but he had a feeling the answer wouldn’t change. “I do when you’re full-grown.” Pulling away far enough to see her eyes, he added, “I always wanted to marry a pretty woman, and you’re about as pretty as they come. You’re kind too, Madie, I can see that. And good tempered.”
She took his hand in hers. “I’m full-grown, Colby. I swear I am. You touching me feels right, but I’d understand if you didn’t want to marry someone who is already pregnant.”
“If we married, I wouldn’t sleep with you until after the baby comes, and when it’s born, it’ll be mine as far as everybody knows. I won’t have anyone talking about you.” He brushed light kisses over her cheek. “I’d love the baby like he was my blood.”
“I believe you, Colby, but you have to promise me, if we married, that you’d kiss me every night. I’ve always thought that having someone to kiss at night would be nice.”
He tightened his grip around her fingers. “I won’t take orders, Madeline, we best get that straight from the start.”
She lifted her cheek and brushed it against his jaw. “Of course,” she said as he kissed her.
“Good. Now we have that straight, I think I could kiss you once more tonight, but don’t expect such foolishness every night. I’ll have a lot more on my mind once we’re married than kissing my wife.”
He kissed her again and again, lost in the pleasure of her.
Once when he stopped for a breath, she whispered more and he realized she was not going to be an easy woman to ration, and he wasn’t even sure he wanted to try.
CHAPTER 34
ANDREW HELD BETH’S HAND AS HE STOOD AT THE door to the cabin and waved good-bye to Benjamin. He had little use for the man, but tonight he said, “Nice of the father to bring us home.”
From what he’d gathered and guessed, the boys’ father had spent his life pretending, either on stage or in some kind of scam he might play. Only this evening, the man had done him a favor. Beth was here in the cabin for the night, and he was steady enough on his feet to chase her.
As the wagon disappeared, Beth jabbed him hard in the ribs. “Did you put the priest up to this?” she teased.
“Me? No. It was all his idea.” Since the day he’d pushed her away and told her to sleep at the main house, he’d regretted it. Logic had convinced him she’d be safer there. He’d had no idea how lonely being without her would be. “We’ve spent many a night together, dear. I’m sure we can survive another.” This playlike marriage was about to end, and he wanted to pile up as many memories as possible.
To his surprise, she smiled that knowing smile women have when they see into the future.
“How about we just enjoy being together tonight?” He told himself that would be enough—well, maybe together with a few good-night kisses.
“I think I’d like that. What do we do first?”
“A walk in the moonlight. I’ve discovered a path in those trees.”
Before he finished speaking, she tugged back on her knit hat. Without a word they walked along the stream by the cabin. The air was still and cold as if all the world had paused just for them. When they finally talked, it was in whispers, as if neither wanted to disturb the air. He told her of growing up among strangers in private schools, first in New England and later in Europe. She told him of her childhood here, and he would have traded for her memories in a second if he could have.
She talked of her family, mentioning her sister’s husband. Her uncle Travis had found him as a little boy tied up like a dog in a raiders’ camp. He’d taken him in and they’d called him Duck. As he grew, he’d changed into Duncan but he never knew his past. When finally he got a letter with information, he never opened it. By then, his past didn’t matter, only his future did.
Andrew stared down at her. “You think it could be that way with us?”
She shook her head. “I think it is that way with us. You’re the man I’ve always looked for. The one man who sees me.”
When they returned to the cabin, he built up the fire while she moved about the kitchen. He lit the lantern and began to read her the story he was working on about a little boy who thought he was the marshal of his family farm. He investigated an egg theft and rounded up outlaws who disguised themselves as pigs.
Beth laughed as she listened, drawing closer to him until he
r hand rested on his shoulder.
He almost lost his place in the story as she pressed her hip against his arm. The nearness of her felt so good. When he set the story aside, he pulled her down into his lap.
For a moment he just stared at her, and then he had to act. Without asking or talking it over, he kissed her deeply and completely, pulling her into the heaven he’d been longing for all day.
When she ended the kiss and stood, he didn’t try to stop her. Making love to her was something he didn’t want to talk her into.
“Andrew,” she said as she stood just out of his reach, “I need to see your wound.”
He brushed his leg where she’d been sitting. “You didn’t hurt it, Bethie. It’s healed. Don’t worry about me.”
“I need to see where the bullet went in.” The stubborn streak he knew so well was back.
He stood, tugged off his boots, and unbuckled his trousers. Both pairs of his cotton long johns had been cut above the wound those first few days so Sage could doctor it. Since he had no others, Andrew was still wearing them, though all the blood had been washed away in the laundry. “When I get to town I’ll buy some more underwear.” Right now he was thankful for even the cut pair as he dropped his pants.
“I could—” she began.
“No. That’s one thing a man would rather buy for himself. Don’t you dare tell your mother to pick me up some—or worse, let that old man, Elmo, at the trading post choose my clothing.”
She knelt before him and brushed her fingers over the small scab halfway between his hip and knee.
Her touch almost buckled his legs. It was so familiar, and he knew without asking that she’d brushed his leg many times in those first few hours after Sage had cut the bullet out. The doctor had given him something to help him sleep, but still he’d felt Beth’s touch.
As he stood silent, she moved her hand over the tight muscle of his leg as if making sure he was well. Slowly, she traveled higher than he thought was necessary to simply check the wound, but he wasn’t about to complain.
She leaned close as her fingers brushed along his leg in a gentle caress. “You’re scared because of me.”
