by Susan Meier
So she would stay in New York City.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
JAKE AWAKENED THE next morning and rolled over to hug Avery, but she was gone. He got out of bed, slipped into the pajama bottoms he’d carelessly flung halfway across the room the night before and walked out to the kitchen.
She wasn’t there.
“Avery?”
He strolled through the hall, into the empty living room and finally headed for the office. He found her sitting at the desk, but facing the view of the skyline outside the huge penthouse window.
“Why would you be making a deal for me to work with Waters, Waters and Montgomery?”
His heart sank. Not because he didn’t want her to know, but because all of this was happening the wrong way. The most unromantic way. And he’d wanted his proposal to be something she remembered for the rest of her life.
He took a few steps into the room. “It was all part of a marriage proposal.”
She swiveled the chair around, her expression horrified. “Getting me a job was part of your marriage proposal?”
He laughed. “No. Well, sort of. After I’d asked you to marry me—” He walked over to a bookcase, removed three fat volumes and revealed a wall safe. With a few twists of a dial, he had the door open. He took out the jeweler’s box.
She bounced out of the chair. “Don’t even ask!” Her eyes filled with tears that quickly spilled over. “I’ve spent the biggest part of my life preparing to take my place in the world, as an advocate for people who fall through the cracks.”
“And you can do that at Waters, Waters and Montgomery.” He stopped, his heart simultaneously crashing and filling with fear. “Sweetheart.” He struggled to keep his voice from sounding desperate. He’d genuinely figured out the best compromise position, yet she didn’t see it. “I have to stay in New York. You can be more flexible. This works for us.”
“More flexible?” She should have looked small and helpless in his huge robe. Instead, she looked regal, strong. “I thought after our visit to Pennsylvania, you saw another compromise. One that actually required you to bend a little.”
His face scrunched in confusion. “You thought I was considering moving to Pennsylvania?”
Her chin lifted. “It’s not such a stretch. An hour helicopter ride to the city, remember? But really, that’s not the issue.” She reached across the desk, turned his laptop toward him. “This is a finalization memo. There had to have been discussions. Meetings. Other emails. Planning.” She caught his gaze. “You did all this without ever once consulting me.”
His heart did a silly thing, like a rumba that combined his fear that her anger was too great to pacify and a horrible, horrible feeling that he was like his dad, had done something his father would have done. Easily. Without thought that it was wrong. Because he didn’t think it was wrong. He saw it as right. Just as his dad always did.
“I...” He swallowed.
Why hadn’t he told her?
Because he wasn’t accustomed to consulting anyone.
Why wasn’t he accustomed to consulting anyone?
Because he was the boss.
Like his dad.
No! He’d fought that and won. This was just the overplanner in him coming out again.
“I know this is going to sound like an excuse but, honestly, I’m accustomed to doing things that I see need to be done. You’ve gotten me to stop planning, but I can’t completely stop thinking ahead. I run a conglomerate. If I never planned, the companies would fall apart. Thinking ahead is what I do.”
“Even if you’re wrong?”
“This isn’t wrong! You said yourself your original dream had been to get an education, find a high-powered job in New York and get an apartment in Paris. A second home.”
She gaped at him. “That was the dream of a child. As I grew up, that dream changed into something more meaningful.”
“And working for the pro bono arm of Waters, Waters and Montgomery, you’ll have the more meaningful job. If you would take a few minutes and think it through, you would see this is right. This is the right answer.”
“And if you would take a few minutes to think it through, you would see that if you think that’s right, you don’t know me at all. You don’t know my heart. You don’t know that I’ve worked all these years with a very specific goal in mind. To help my friends. My neighborhood. Not some equally worthy group of people that I don’t know. But my friends.” She walked up to him, caught his gaze. “Because I don’t think you understand loyalty.” Her eyes filled with tears again and she swallowed. “I don’t think you understand friendship or community.” She swallowed again. “Or love. All you see is what you want. What you need.”
With that she brushed past him.
He let her go. He had to. What she said was the truth. He thought he loved her. But she was right. He couldn’t love her if he didn’t know her. If he’d truly known her, he would have realized a job in New York might appease her but it wouldn’t satisfy her.
He was so casually selfish that he didn’t even see it in himself anymore.
His heart cracked as pain pummeled him. He’d lost the best thing he’d ever had because he was selfish.
* * *
Avery didn’t pack, only changed clothes. Wearing jeans and a T-shirt, she stormed out of Jake’s penthouse and was on the street in what felt like seconds.
She was glad he hadn’t followed her. Her heart absolutely ached with grief. And not even for herself. But for him.
She’d seen from the look on his face that even after their conversation about how to love their baby, everything she’d told him about loving her had surprised him. He’d been born confident, privileged, believing everything he said and did was right because he only ever came at problems with one need in mind. His. Or his family’s. Most often his family’s.
She stood on the sidewalk, seven months pregnant, broken, with a hundred dollars in her wallet, two credit cards and a three-hour cab ride to Seth’s beach house, and then she’d have to get herself and her belongings to Wilton.
She took a long breath to steady herself and called her dad. “Any chance you feel like a drive to the city?” She could leave her clothes behind, but eventually she’d have to go back to the beach house for her books and laptop. Today, however, was not that day.
Her dad answered sleepily, as if she’d awakened him. “Where are you?”
She hailed a cab. “I’m on my way to Broadway. Remember the hotel you and Mom loved.”
“Yes.”
“That’s where I’ll be. In front of that hotel.”
Her dad’s voice dipped. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She struggled with a sob that wanted to erupt and grief that cut the whole way to her soul, but she said, “Really. I’m just not staying at the beach house anymore.”
A taxi finally stopped. She glanced back at Jake’s building, realizing she’d given him at least five minutes to put on pants and come after her. But he hadn’t. He was up in his ivory tower. Warm. Safe. Coddled.
If she’d accepted the form of love he wanted to give her, she’d be compromising for the rest of her life.
Compromising everything she wanted.
Because the rich didn’t compromise. They took what they wanted.
So why did her heart hurt? Why did her chest feel anchored down with grief?
She drew a shaky breath as she reached for the door. “Gotta go, Dad. See you in front of the hotel.”
“It’s gonna be a couple of hours.”
“It’s Sunday. Traffic will be light. But even if it isn’t, I’m fine. I’ll get breakfast. Watch tourists. I’ll be okay.”
She thought that until the taxi left her off and she began looking for somewhere to eat. Then her knees began to shake and her heart shattered into a million pieces.
S
he could call Jake a snob all she wanted. She could recognize that he liked things his own way, that he pushed and manipulated, but deep down she knew he was a prisoner of his life.
And maybe he was right. Maybe he really didn’t have choices.
* * *
Jake spent Sunday sitting in the chair where he’d found Avery that morning, staring out the office window the way she had been. Sunlight sparkled off the windows of high-rises. The sky was so clear and blue, he could see for miles.
The sun set. The moon rose. At one point, he told himself to get up off the chair and take a shower, but he didn’t listen. He just sat there.
Monday morning, he called Seth and told him he wouldn’t be in to work that day. Then he hung up the phone so Seth couldn’t ask why.
Tuesday, he actually showered but didn’t dress beyond sweats and a T-shirt. What had happened with Avery, everything she’d said, became an endless loop in his brain, taunting him one minute, tormenting him the next.
Wednesday, he drove to the beach house but she wasn’t there. Neither were her things. Seth phoned that afternoon to tell him that she’d returned the keys, and though Jake said, “Thanks for letting me know,” a shockwave went through him.
What if she’d come to the office hoping to see him?
When his heart rate picked up and his hope restored at just the possibility, he ran his hand across his mouth.
Loving her wasn’t helping him. It was ruining him. He hadn’t been to work in days. He’d abandoned Seth in his time of grief. And God only knew what his mother was up to.
He called Gerry.
As Gerry drove him to the office, he called his mom. She chatted on about things that should change in the city, projects she wanted him to take on, and he saw his calendar fill up with meetings he’d need to hold. It rattled through him that his life always seemed to be dictated by somebody else. It rattled through him that all his free time was now gone. It rattled through him that he’d probably never find real love again.
But lots of people in life were given worse destinies. He would step into his.
When he arrived at work, his office quickly filled with assistants and vice presidents. He didn’t blink. He handled everything.
The mess cleared around six, when everyone either had their question answered or had an appointment to see him the next day. A half hour later, Seth poked his head in the door.
“I see the thundering herd is gone.”
He nodded, eager to talk to his brother and help him too. “Come in.” He motioned for him to take a seat. “How are you feeling?”
Seth’s eyes filled with sadness. “The shock wore off and the grief that followed was brutal.”
“I can only imagine.”
“How are you feeling?”
He shook his head as if he didn’t understand the question. “I’m fine.”
“Avery looks like hell.”
His head snapped up. “Does she look sick?”
“More like worn and tired.”
Hearing that, he pulled himself together again. “It’s part of pregnancy. Her mother will make sure she gets sufficient rest.”
“You should be making sure she gets sufficient rest. I saw you two that morning at my apartment.”
“You were so hungover you were probably also seeing unicorns and rainbows.”
“You couldn’t hide the looks that passed between you or the way you just sort of meshed.”
He laughed. “Seriously? Meshed? The woman wants to live in Pennsylvania.”
“What’s wrong with Pennsylvania?”
“I belong here.”
“Who says?”
“My job for one. Plus, Mom.” He thought of the eight million things she wanted him to accomplish in the firm’s name, took a breath and sighed. “It doesn’t matter anyway. Avery accused me of manipulating her, but the truth is she was manipulating me too. Not overtly.”
It made him feel odd to say that. Avery hadn’t said one word about their situation. Adding himself to her trip to Pennsylvania had been his idea. And when he even thought something negative about her his heart hurt. So he stopped himself.
“You’re really upset because she thinks you’re controlling.”
He raised his gaze to look at Seth. “I am controlling. I see the way a thing should go and move heaven and earth to get it there.”
“It’s why the company is successful. You made us honest again.”
“Apparently, I wasn’t honest with Avery. I just went to Pete Waters and made a deal for her to head his pro bono department.”
“Without asking her?”
“I wanted to surprise her.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. “I liked surprising her. Surprises made her happy. I thought the job with Pete would make her happy.”
“You are really new at this love stuff.”
Offended, he stiffened. “I’ve had girlfriends.”
“We’ve all had girlfriends, but we don’t always fall in love.” His head tilted as he studied his brother. “It really did surprise you, didn’t it?”
“I thought it was perfect.”
“Nothing is perfect.”
“Right.”
“I’m serious.” Seth studied him for a few seconds. “You don’t miss her?”
“I’m happier when I’m angry with her, when I’m not thinking about how much fun we had. But you just disabused me of my perfectly acceptable excuse of thinking she manipulated me. And now all I can remember are the good times. So, I miss her again.” He squeezed his eyes shut and let the hurt roll through him.
Seth laughed. “Jake, go after her. Compromise. Figure this out.”
Jake gaped at his younger brother. “Look who’s giving me advice. You haven’t had a steady girlfriend in four years.”
“Because I made a mistake. I let the woman I wanted get away.”
Jake’s face scrunched in confusion. “There was someone you were serious about?”
“I didn’t even know it until it was too late.” He glanced up at Jake. “And even then I think I could have fixed it. But I did the same thing as Dad. I sucked it up, told myself I was a McCallan and it was her loss.”
“The way he used to when a negotiation went bad.”
“Exactly. I did that and I lost. Don’t lose. Go after her.”
He shook his head. “I can’t. She didn’t accept my proposal. She wouldn’t even let me propose. Part of me knows she’s right and the other part realizes that if she didn’t like the deal I made with Pete Waters, then maybe she doesn’t know me well enough to love me.”
Seth sat back. “You really think that?”
“I don’t know what to think.”
“What do you want?”
He wanted to feel forever what Avery made him feel. He wanted fun dinners, relaxed afternoons, hot sex that was still warm and intimate. He wouldn’t tell even one of those to his brother.
“I don’t know.”
“Have you ever really thought about it? I mean, being brought up as the guy to replace Dad never gave you a chance to figure out who you wanted to be.”
He’d never looked at it that way, but he supposed that was true.
Seth rose. “Do me a favor. Before you write off the woman Mom thinks is absolutely perfect for you and I thought was cute and funny enough to give you a real run for your money...think about it. If you didn’t have the shackles of this job, what would you be doing right now?”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
AVERY GOT UP every morning at six, cried, then took a shower. The first day after she’d left New York, she’d quickly realized living with her parents in a three-bedroom ranch with one bathroom wasn’t an option.
The next day, she’d busied herself with finding an apartment or rental house she could move into immediately and found a vacated Cape Cod t
hat was for sale. It made her think of Maureen and she cried when she signed the purchase agreement, but she told the listing agent it was pregnancy hormones then spent an hour listening to Alice Johnson’s pregnancy stories.
Because that’s what life was about in a small town. And being a part of her community again would probably save her. She went to the post office, the diner and shopped at the grocery store for her mom, listening to stories, talking about the law firm she intended to start.
Though not many people needed a criminal lawyer, everybody had a tale about an estate settlement gone wrong, sexual harassment, a lease, a brother-in-law who’d borrowed money and hadn’t paid it back...and suddenly she felt like Judge Judy.
She walked to the ranch house and told her parents she’d paid cash for the Cape Cod and would be moving in within a week. Though they were concerned about her living out the last months of her pregnancy alone, at the end of the week, once the deed had been recorded and her check had cleared, they helped her cart her boxes over.
Maureen called. Pretending to be chipper, Avery was glad to have the Cape Cod to talk about because it prevented awkward silences. She even gave her the address so she could send housewarming flowers.
Two days later, sitting on the floor of the empty living room—the purchaser of her condo now owned her living room furniture, dining room table and bedroom set—she looked around at the rest of her life.
Eventually, she would paint the dark woodwork white, install hardwood floors bleached and stained a pale gray and furnish the room with a white burlap sofa and chair with a bright print area rug and flowers on the mantel of the stone fireplace.
She’d remodel the kitchen and knock out a wall, so she could see her daughter or son playing in front of the fireplace on cold winter nights as she made soup.
The picture that formed brought tears to her eyes again. Jake should be in that picture too. Leaning over his laptop at the kitchen table, while he talked on the phone.
When the soup was ready, he’d say, “Sorry, gotta go. Dinner’s on the table.” Then he’d eat a real meal with her and their child. They’d do homework together, get the kid’s bath together and read stories as a family. Because that’s what he needed. A slice of real life. The chance to be himself.
