The commander folded his arms. “Have you secured a job yet?”
His tone wasn’t admonishing, not that it would be. He had his pack and all the trainees to worry about.
“No. I applied at several places today, but with college kids moving back for the school year soon, my options might be decreased.”
He ducked his head. “That can work in our favor. We need all our people on this, but we also need to protect our loved ones.”
“Can you stay with Cassie when she needs to go to town?” Jace asked.
“Of course.” Armana licked her lips, debating her next question. It was one she would’ve asked, even before last week, or last month. “What about Gray?”
Jace’s eyes darkened. “We discussed him. We can’t take the chance of telling him about our world, then concealing it again.”
She agreed. But Watching Cassie may get tricky when she wanted to visit her father.
“Cassie will keep in contact,” Jace continued. “And hopefully, if he attracts the attention of the new rogues I’m after, we’ll intervene in time. Gray’s smart. He’ll tell Cassie if he senses something off.”
Only Armana had barely made it there in time. She hated the thought of putting him through emotional turmoil again, thinking he was relapsing. Just like he probably thought she wasn’t calling him because he’d shared his schizophrenia.
She pushed the thought away and looked at Jace. “Are you leaving again?”
“In the morning. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. We need to get these guys before they disband and disappear into the wind.”
“And reassemble as soon as we let our guard down,” Commander Fitzsimmons added.
“Tell Cassie I’ll gladly be glued to her hip when she’s in town, or be the shadow she doesn’t see.”
“Thank you.” The heartfelt words from Jace threatened to choke her up.
“Always,” she said. “Go enjoy a night of peace with your mate. I’m going to run to town.”
She’d said the words before she’d committed to the thought. But as soon as the guys left, she had the phone in her hand messaging Gray.
Can I stop by?
Chapter Thirteen
This duty could drive her crazy. Armana sighed and did another scan around the office building Cassie worked in. Nothing unusual. The same couple was in deep discussion outside the door. Gestures were getting more exaggerated and punctuated. It might become a full-out brawl, though she tried not to wish it would escalate that far just to inject a shot of excitement into a monotonous day.
Some days, when Cassie was working, Armana would walk around the area. It was a business district. Office buildings, eateries, restaurants. She hated to stray too far, but she also had to balance her constant presence with not raising suspicion. If Cassie’s coworkers saw her, Cassie would say that her car was in the shop and Armana was her ride. That took care of the time at drop-off and a good window around pickup, but the rest of the eight-hour shift, plus lunch, was harder to explain.
So she parked in various lots at different locations each day. Some days she walked in between switching up her parking job to another area. Other days she dressed in slacks and a crisp shirt and wore a no-nonsense expression like she was out and about on business. Her hairstyle varied depending on what she was wearing and she’d collected a variety of sunglasses to change up her appearance.
But it’d been three weeks of pretending. She’d identified shoplifters and people who stiffed their bill at restaurants by the way they exited the place. Rushing, looking behind them, smelling of guilt and the thrill of the crime. Three times, Armana had called in license plates to the cops.
That part had been fun. Figuring out each day was a sort of adventure. Then at night, she was free to roam and at least two nights a week, she landed in Gray’s bed. When she was there, she did a perimeter sweep of his neighborhood, and at least once a week, she and Cassie drove by his work to check for shifters stalking him.
But the half hour waiting for Cassie to get off work was the worst time of her day. She sat here and thought about the massive amount of trouble she was building for herself. Falling for Gray had been too easy and she’d plummeted into his orbit. They talked about his work, her failure at finding a job even if she couldn’t be truthful about turning down the interviews she did get. She loved the excuse, but it’d only make it harder to find places to apply to when the time came. She just couldn’t commit when the timeline for nailing the trafficking ring was ambiguous at best.
Each interview she passed on should’ve frustrated her more, but relief was the only emotion that showed up. She could get used to this. Being useful to a pack during the day, involved in her son’s life in a roundabout way, and a lover at home waiting for her.
She covered her mouth as a smile ghosted over her lips. It wouldn’t do to have people see her spying on the mental health center and grinning to herself. Her license plate would be the next one called in. But she enjoyed the memory that had caused the good mood. She was going running with Gray this weekend.
Cassie wouldn’t be going to town on a Saturday. Armana planned to meet Gray at a park by the river. He’d been complaining about the boredom of a ten miler and she’d offered her company. His reaction had been almost giddy.
Another smile threatened to make her look like she was ogling Cassie’s work. Gray was so supportive, and he was always thrilled to learn something cool about her. Armana hadn’t felt cool in a long time.
A widowed shifter could get used to his attention.
A widowed shifter had.
Her inclination to smile died a tragic death. What was she going to do? She’d have to break up with him. As soon as he was 100 percent safe. It’d be devastating.
She’d only survived Bane’s and Keve’s deaths because she’d had two kids to keep alive. Losing Gray unsettled her mind in too familiar a way. She’d have to put space between them while staying a distant part of his life through Cassie.
Sweet Mother Earth, that was going to suck. But she’d have to do it.
Cassie exited the employee entrance on the side of the building. She was on the phone, dammit. Cassie knew better than to let her phone distract her when walking through a parking lot. It must be Gray. Cassie caught her eye and the apology in them confirmed Armana’s suspicion. They couldn’t make Gray think anything was wrong, so Cassie had to answer his call like normal and she couldn’t wait in the clinic while talking to him or Armana would’ve worried and gone in after her.
Cassie opened the door, still chatting with her dad. “It’ll probably just be me. Jace might have to work but let me check with him before I let you know. ’Kay? Okay, I’ll shoot you a text to let you know.” She hung up and shifted in her seat so they could talk. “He wants me to come over for dinner Saturday or Sunday.”
This was bound to happen. Gray had just mentioned the last time they were together that he hadn’t seen Cassie in a while.
“You go, but drop me off a few blocks away. I’ll get another walk in while you two visit.”
“Are you sure? It doesn’t seem fair.”
Armana shrugged. “We can’t meet, because explaining that I’m Jace’s mom would be hard enough. I might not get a gray hair for another century. He’ll notice I’m not aging like normal way before he wonders about you.”
A shadow crossed Cassie’s expression. “I have strong feelings about the Synod taking his memory. What dad is going to have issues with their daughter living a long, happy life?”
One who’d also worry about that daughter being in danger because she lived among shifters. But Cassie was correct. “Well, figuring out how to break away from your dad isn’t an issue this weekend”—she gave Cassie a pointed look—“or even this year. So meet with him, have a good visit, and I’ll keep watch and remain unseen.”
Cassie broke into a smile and leaned forward to throw her arms around Armana.
Wha— Cassie had never hugged her before. She wasn’t outwardly affectio
nate.
Armana patted her back and returned the embrace.
“Thank you.” Cassie’s voice was muffled. She pulled away. “I just… Times like this, when you talk rationally and I’m such a mess inside, make me feel like I have a mother again. I know things have been tense, but since you came back into Jace’s life, I’ve always had you.”
Armana couldn’t speak around her astonishment. Cassie never failed to show her appreciation, but this was different.
“Anyway. I know I said thank you, but I mean it. Not just for helping my dad or helping me, but for being there. Jace will come around. He is coming around, he’s just guarded.”
“I understand.” Guilt flushed through Armana from head to toe. Regardless of her feelings for Gray, she’d be there for her kids and Cassie. She was here for Cassie. But would Cassie feel that way if she found out about the relationship with her father?
Jace wouldn’t. He’d been waiting for his mother to abandon him again. He was an adult, but that didn’t stop the emotions, the conflict, or the walls he’d built for himself against her.
She was going to have to breakup with Gray.
***
Gray selected his favorite shoes out of the lineup in his closet. He had a ten miler today and it was all about comfort. And looking good. Amy was joining him and with all the sweat a long run promised, he could at least look sharp.
His phone rang.
He answered with a grin. “Hey, Amy. Ready for ten?”
There was a long pause before she answered. “I’m sorry, Gray. I can’t do this anymore.”
His smile died. The gravity in her voice wasn’t just about today. “What’s going on?”
“I’m in a weird spot in my life and I’m not looking for anything long-term. It’s not fair to you.”
She was breaking up with him? They hadn’t been seeing each other long, but it’d been hot, fiery, and it’d opened his life up to laughter and fun. He liked her. A lot. More than a lot.
“I understand,” he said. He didn’t. They were good together, not just physically, which was astounding, but they talked about everything from his mental condition to their lost spouses, their kids, feelings, hopes, aspirations. She made him feel young again.
“I’m sorry, that’s all you need to understand. I’m really, really sorry we can’t see each other. Goodbye.” She whispered the last word.
The line went dead. That was all? He hadn’t gotten to say…anything. I guess there wasn’t a need. The finality had been in her words.
But it didn’t make sense. They’d had long conversations, rounds of laughter, and long, blistering nights of sex. They’d been so hyped on each other they could barely make it through their greetings before they undressed each other.
Rubbing his chest, he set his phone down. He could wait a few days, then call or text, but his instincts said nothing would help. She’d made up her mind. End of discussion.
Staring at the shoes in his hand, the day lost its luster. A long run was planned and on the calendar. A long run was what he needed. Staying home to collapse into bed and replay the last month and what he’d done wrong and what he could’ve done better would only hurt him.
She was done with him.
Did you think she’d stick around forever?
Did you think she actually wanted you?
He stooped to slip his shoes on. His voices would shut up in the fresh air and physical exertion. He needed the voices to shut up.
Did you think you deserved her after you let your wife die?
Clenching his jaw and ignoring his bed where he’d spent many pleasurable hours with Amy, he went downstairs. He passed the couch without looking and collected his water bottle and gels.
He’d been looking forward to today for two weeks. His first run not alone. It’d been almost symbolic, like he was embarking on a life where he wouldn’t be alone anymore, where someone fully accepted him.
She doesn’t want you.
With a growl of frustration, he dumped his bottle and gels on the counter, toed off his shoes, and trudged to his living room. Grabbing his phone before his ass hit the couch cushions, he texted Cassie.
Can I get a rain check for tonight? Woke up not feeling well. Tomorrow night?
He shut his mind off and flopped on the couch. It was too early to order a pizza, but he found his phone and punched in an order.
No long run today after all.
***
Gray groaned himself awake. Why did it feel like he had a twenty-pound stone in his gut? Between gut bombs of greasy pizza for lunch and dinner—and dessert—he’d watched nothing but reruns of old sitcoms. He blinked, his eyes burning against the bright light. Damn. He’d actually cried. Or maybe it was just the hours of gluing his eyes to the screen to keep from thinking about the long, lonely days ahead of him. He should be used to it.
Sitting up, he scrubbed his face. Empty pizza boxes littered the end table. A two-liter of soda sat next to the remains, two fingers worth left in the bottle. He’d finally fallen asleep and passed out on the couch.
He squinted at the time on his phone. Eight a.m. Could he take another day of self-pity?
Could he run ten fucking miles after consuming a vat of fat and carbs in the last twenty-four hours?
It’d hurt.
He was up for pain.
And he was getting his run in this weekend. He couldn’t lose himself. His future unfolded in front of him. Another day of TV and pizza and he would go to work Monday depressed. The next run would get sloughed off and then he’d pass on the half marathon. Once his goals got ignored, his mental health got ignored.
Without bothering to change, he gathered his water—not bothering to refresh that either—and his gels. After a pit stop in the bathroom, he stomped out of the house and got into his car. At the park, he found a spot in the shade. A boiling car after a couple hours of running wouldn’t be pleasant.
The first few miles of his run were slower than he’d planned as he purged himself—of the self-recrimination that he’d done wrong, not the pizza. The next few miles, he pushed his pace to outrun his anger at Amy for leaving him. He ran through the stages of grief, knowing it was only the beginning. He’d probably have to start over when he got home and was surrounded by memories and voices that knew how to hit his vulnerable spots.
But Cassie was coming over tonight. He had that to look forward to. Maybe he could even talk to her about it. He didn’t usually discuss his dating life with his daughter, but he hadn’t gotten as close to anyone as he had Amy.
The last two miles he slowed, barely above a walk. His legs ached, sweat beaded his brow, and he was tired in a good way. A shower would be welcome and an hour kicked back in his…not his bed. Somewhere he hadn’t had sex with Amy.
That pretty much left the kitchen table. He couldn’t go home without a self-care plan to get through the heartbreak. Maybe he’d catch a movie—at the theater. He couldn’t do another night prone on the sofa.
Footsteps pounded behind him.
“My gosh, I didn’t think I’d catch up with you,” a woman said.
He glanced back. A woman approached, her ponytail bobbing with each step, her fitted athletic wear complementing her toned body. The midday sun gleamed off her blond hair, streaking it with gold.
She was attractive.
Geez, he had shitty luck. The last thing he wanted to do right now was chat up a woman, or anyone.
“Yeah, I’m almost done,” he puffed.
She caught up with him and fell in step beside him. A move that only reminded him of when he’d run up on Amy. “I saw you flying by earlier. Nice form.”
Flying by? Did she mean staggering and holding his gut?
He glanced at her. Her cheeks were flushed and she was breathing heavier than a walker would be. Had she been out running as long as him? It was almost noon. If she was running that long, shouldn’t she be sweating? Or at least have a water bottle.
Enough with the conspiracy thinking. Not
everyone was out to get him, and being on the receiving end of a woman’s attention wasn’t that unusual, no matter what his voices said.
“Thanks.” He didn’t know what else to say.
“Do you run here often?”
So she wanted to keep talking. He might as well. It’s not like he was seeing anyone.
She’s not interested in you.
Same old. “Sometimes. I like to change it up. You?”
“Oh, I’m kind of new to running. I dug out these old clothes and decided to try it again. I should probably get better shoes and something to carry a drink in.”
The salesman side of him kicked in. “I work at the Sporting Warehouse and they carry a nice assortment of running gear.”
She turned a mega-watt grin on him that would’ve made his heart stumble any other day. “I’ll stop in and check it out. Thanks.”
They were approaching the park and the end of his long run.
He slowed to a walk. “Time for my cool down. It was nice meeting you.” There. That wasn’t exactly a brush-off, but he’d just had his heart broken and wasn’t looking to kindle a flame with a stranger who could also break his heart.
She didn’t keep running but walked next to him and stuck her hand out. “We didn’t officially meet. I’m Jenna.”
“Gray.” He shook her hand to be polite, but he kept moving forward, not stopping to chat. It was critical to cool down properly, but why’d he feel guilty talking to another woman the day he got dumped?
“That’s a cool name.”
They reached the parking lot and he planned to stroll a few laps before his final round of stretching.
She broke off, shooting him another smile. How old was she? She looked younger than Amy. Did Jenna think him old enough to be considered safe to talk to?
Of course she’s not interested in you.
Tossing him a wave, she trotted to a maroon hybrid. “Thanks for the info about the Sporting Warehouse. I think this running thing could become a habit. I’ll have to stop in.”
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