by L A Walton
"This is going to be fun," he whispered to himself.
"Laci. Laci. Laci!"
"I'm coming! Calm down!" Laci ran to her door and opened it to see her brother Declan Cummings.
"Declan!" Laci hugged her brother tightly then pushed him away and punched him in the stomach. "You prick! I've been trying to get in touch with you for weeks. Where the heck were you?"
"On sabbatical."
Laci scoffed, "More like with a bunch of skanks somewhere."
Declan laughed, "Sis' I am a mature young man now. I wouldn't do such a thing."
"Riiight and I'm Santa Claus."
"Wait. What? You're Santa Claus? Can I tell you what I want for Christmas?"
Laci punched him in the arm, "Sorry Declan. Santa says 'ho ho ho' but he doesn't deliver them."
"Ha ha...not funny. So are you, the almighty woman whisperer and big sister, gonna let me stay with you for a few weeks?"
"Hmmm...I don't know. Do I really want an annoying brother living with me?"
"Annoying?" Declan pretended to be offended which made Laci laugh.
"Of course you can stay with me. You don't even have to ask. Just don't bother my clients when they come over."
"You have clients come here? Is that even safe?"
Laci laughed, "Knock on wood brother. I haven't had any problems yet."
"You're in the right field I guess. You have to be wacked to help the wacked."
"Henry! Where are you Henry?"
Henry sat in his closet, trying to be quiet. He just wanted some peace and quiet. Suddenly the door opened, and there stood his wife, Portia. She gave him a disgusted look. "Are you hiding in the closet Henry?"
"Uh...no."
"Really? Then what are you doing?"
"I'm looking for my slippers."
"If you're looking for your slippers, why are you sitting down in a dark closet?"
"I don't know."
Portia rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Forget it. I don't want to know. I just wanted to tell you that I confirmed our appointment with Dr.Cummings tomorrow."
"Great," Henry smiled.
Portia sighed, "I should've listened to my mother and married a doctor." She turned around and left Henry alone in his closet.
He smiled, "Dr. Cummings." He got up and walked to his dresser drawer which he kept locked. He opened up a small journal that he kept hidden from his wife. He flipped through the pages. Inside were hand drawings of Dr. Cummings. He looked around to make sure Portia wasn't around and whispered, "I'll
see you tomorrow my love."
CHAPTER 3
“So, Dr. Brett…what you are suggesting is that women are phony beings that only get upset when unattractive men hit on them.” Dr. Laci Cummings was holding back a smile as she talked into her microphone.
He laughed. “No…I’m not saying that Laci. What I’m saying is that it’s a well-known stereotype that women often overlook a man’s advances as harassment if he is considered good looking.”
“So if someone good looking like Ryan Gosling were to hit on me…I would be fine with it but if someone who looked like Mr. Bean asked me out, I would be dialing Human Resources?”
“According to the stereotype…yes.”
“Well ladies and gentlemen, what do you think? Is the stereotype true or total BS?”
George, the producer signaled that they had a female caller on the line. Laci picked it up, “Well hello there you’re live on Love Guru with doctors Brett and Cummings.”
“Hi this is Meg.”
“Hi there Meg,” Andrew was going to take the call instead of Laci.
“Hi Dr. Brett. Can I just say that you two are wonderful together! I listen to the show every night and today has been amazing. I can’t wait for them to put your face on the website so we can see what you look like.”
Andrew laughed. “Oh no…I hope I don’t disappoint you.”
Laci piped in, “Meg don’t worry. He’s incredibly handsome.”
Andrew smiled and Laci could have sworn he was blushing before he moved on, “So Meg…who do you think is right? Me or Laci?”
“Well…I think Dr. Brett is right. I had a creepy guy hit on me at work and I complained about him but if he had been better looking, I probably wouldn’t have minded.” Meg began giggling on the phone.
“For shame Meg! How could you go against your fellow females?” Laci laughed.
George signaled that another caller was on the line, “Love Guru, you’re on the air,” Andrew said.
“Hi my name is Keith.”
“Hi Keith,” they both said at the same time.
“I think Dr. Brett is right too. Women only want to date good looking guys.”
“Whoa Keith,” Laci interrupted, “Couldn’t you say the same for men? Are you honestly going to say you wouldn’t rather date a beautiful woman over an unattractive one?”
“Well a woman is a woman so it wouldn’t matter to me,” Keith said.
“Thank you for your support Keith. It means a lot to know that both women and men think I’m right and Laci is wrong.” Andrew was laughing as Laci gave him the stink eye.
“Fine. If we’re going to talk about stereotypes, then I guess it wouldn’t matter if we switched the roles and had a woman hitting on a male employee. According to your logic, men would never complain because they’ll go after anything with two legs.”
“Harsh!” Andrew said into his microphone, “Men can you believe this beautiful lady just said that? What do you have to say in defense?”
George signaled another caller. Andrew welcomed the caller, “Love Guru, you’re live.”
“It’s me again. Keith.”
Laci laughed, “Hi Keith.”
“I just wanted to say that I agree with Dr. Cummings. I would also like to know if she would give me her number. She sounds hot.”
Both Andrew and Laci started laughing. “I’m sorry Keith but she’s too beautiful to not have a boyfriend so I don’t think you’ll be getting her number.”
George signaled that time was almost up and to read the last letter of the day.
“Alright everyone, it’s time to wrap it up so as usual we’ll end the day with a letter from one of our listeners. This was actually an e-mail that was sent to us.” Laci pulled out the letter and handed it to Andrew, “Would you like to read it Dr. Brett?”
“Sure. Okay here goes,” he cleared his throat and read the letter.
“Dear Dr. Cummings,
I have listened to your show on and off for the past two years. I only listen because my past girlfriends have all loved your show. My last girlfriend felt I was too controlling and she broke up with me. So that this doesn’t happen again, I’m going to start listening to your show religiously. I’ll be listening to your every word. I won’t miss a single syllable that comes out of your mouth. I’ll be like an animal that stalks his prey. I’m going to learn everything there is to know about being in a relationship so that I can finally find my soul mate. Faithfully listening –Your Nightly Hunter."
“Wow,” Laci wasn’t sure how to respond to that message.
“Well Nightly Hunter,” Andrew said as he scanned the e-mail again, “I would advise you to never ever send a woman a letter saying that you’ll be like an animal that stalks his prey. In fact I wouldn’t be surprised if the cops show up at your home tonight bud.”
Laci laughed at Andrew’s attempt to lighten the mood. “We get all kinds here at Love Guru. Our Motto is as us anything.”
After the show was over, Laci stormed into George’s booth. “What the heck was that George?”
“I’m sorry Laci, I didn’t get a chance to read it over. We’ve never gotten creepy letters like that before. It won’t happen again.”
“Forget it. It was just a little weird. To compare himself to an animal that stalks its prey apparently means he wants to get close to me,” Laci muttered to herself.
“You know I hate when your shrinky side comes out. That is why I think
you’re single, you’re always trying to analyze people. I love that you do it more secretly that other shrinky people like you, but sometimes you just let it out. Just forget about it Laci. He was some crazed crackpot, that’s all.”
Andrew didn’t agree, “Just be careful Laci. I agree with you that comparing himself to a stalker type animal indicates he wants to form some sort of intimate connection with you.”
“Wow! He does it too. Great, now I got two shrinky dink people to deal with,” George said and shook his head, “Anyway, you did great Andrew. Absolutely amazing! You two have incredible chemistry. I bet people are going to come up with cute names for you two like Shrinky Dink or…I can’t think of another one.”
“And on that note, I’m out of here. My brother is waiting for me so have a good night everyone. Andrew, you did great. I enjoyed working with you. I’ll see you on Monday.”
Laci waved her hand in the air as George stopped Andrew to talk about eating out in celebration of his new role on the show.
“Shouldn’t we invite Laci?” Andrew asked.
George laughed, “No. I already told her she was uninvited. No women allowed. C’mon let’s go.”
“So brother, what did you do tonight?” Declan was stuffing popcorn in his mouth, “I watched movies.”
“You didn’t listen to my show?”
“Oh heck no! Why would I want to listen to all that girly talk?”
“It’s not girly talk! Besides I have a male co-host now.”
“Ooooh….let me set my alarm for the next time your show plays,” Declan said sarcastically.
Laci laughed and hit him playfully with her magazine, “Bad brother.”
They both laughed at each other. “So what’s the plan this weekend?” Declan was still eating his popcorn as he looked at Laci expectantly.
“The plan?"
“Yeah. What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know about you…but I’m going to work. I have a few clients coming in.”
“Are you serious? You’re having coconuts coming over the weekend?”
“They’re not coconuts. They’re my clients Declan.”
“Well, excuse ‘em wee wee”
“That’s not how the saying goes,” Laci laughed.
“I missed you Laci.”
Laci hugged her brother as they both sat on the sofa, “I missed you too Declan.”
“Can you imagine how we would’ve ended up if we hadn't been adopted?”
“No, I can’t imagine it at all,” Laci sighed. Growing up she was bounced around from foster home to foster home until she was adopted at the incredibly old age of ten. By foster care standards, that was old. Her adoptive parents were Lisa and David Cummings. They had adopted Laci and then Declan two years later. It was an instant family connection between the two of them. The few people who found out that they weren’t blood related were always surprised to find out that they were adopted because of their closeness.
“I miss mom and dad too,” Declan whispered.
Lisa and David Cummings had passed away a few years ago, leaving Declan and Laci to carry on the family without them. The two always tried to spend major holidays together but Declan was always traveling and Laci was always working.
“Me too,” Laci whispered.
“So what do you want to do tonight?”
“Sleep,” Laci laughed.
“C’mon. Let’s go somewhere. It’s boring here,” Declan whined.
“Gee thanks.”
“You know what I mean.”
Declan was an adventurer so staying at home was the worst sort of way to spend the evening. Laci was about to suggest they go see a movie when her phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Laci?”
“This is she. Who is this?”
“It’s me Andrew. Sorry for just calling you but I got your number from George’s phone. Can you please help me out?”
Laci laughed, “Which strip club?”
“How did you know?”
“You went out with George, right? He always wants to go to a strip club. He’ll end up sloppy drunk and won’t be able to get himself home.”
"Why didn’t you warn me?”
“It’s your initiation,” Laci laughed. Andrew told her where he and George were at so that she could pick them up. After she hung up, she turned to her brother, “So bro…you wanna go to a strip club?”
“Never in my life would I ever imagine my sister saying that to me,” Declan said, “Nor could I imagine myself answering as I’m about to.”
“You don’t want to go?”
“No. My answer is heck yeah sister, let’s hit that strip joint!”
“You’re disgusting.”
“I don’t deny it.” Declan grabbed his jacket and the two of them headed off into the Atlanta night.
“This place is disgusting,” Laci grimaced as she walked in with Declan to meet Andrew and George.
“Oooh they have a fish buffet,” Declan was about to make himself a shrimp plate when Laci stopped him, “Don’t even think about it. Who knows what diseases that food has?”
“You worry too much.”
“Here are the keys,” Laci handed him the keys, “Go bring the car upfront.”
“Fine. I never get to have any fun,” Declan pretended to pout like a kid, making Laci laugh. She spotted George and Andrew. George
was getting a lap dance from a woman that resembled Elsa from the Frozen movie. Well…if Elsa was a disgusting pot head. She waved at Andrew who tried picking George up. He had to give the blonde headed stripper some bills before she walked away.
“Thank you for coming,” Andrew said.
“No problem. Do you have his keys?”
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you bring the car around and I’ll wait here with George.”
“Okay, I’ll be right back.”
“Laci!”
Laci turned around to see Declan back inside the strip club. “I thought you were waiting outside.”
“I already brought the car out front. Did you need help bringing him outside?”
“Good thinking. Let’s go.”
Declan helped walk the tipsy George outside into the fresh air. Andrew was pulling up in George’s car.
“I guess we’ll follow you and then take you back to the station so that you can pick up your car.” Laci said.
“Okay sounds good. Thanks again Laci.” Andrew smiled from behind George’s SUV. They all struggled to get George in his car.
“No I don’t want to go. I want Elsa.” George slurred.
“Don’t ever let me get this drunk Laci,” Declan whispered to her.
“No one should ever get this drunk,” she whispered back.
After they got George inside the passenger side of his SUV, Laci walked back to her car with Declan in tow.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“What’s what?” Declan looked in the direction her index finger was pointing. Behind her windshield wiper was a small gold envelope.
“What the… That wasn’t there when I parked a few minutes ago,” Declan said.
As they got closer to the car, he pulled out the gold envelope from the windshield wiper and opened it, There’s a letter inside.” A chill suddenly went down
Laci’s spine.
CHAPTER 4
“Are you okay Laci? You’ve been acting weird since we left off that Andrew guy.” Declan was pulling a water bottle from the refrigerator.
Laci was sitting at the kitchen table, “He’s Dr. Brett and I’m fine Declan. I’m just tired.”
Declan nodded, “Are you freaked out about that note? I’m telling you it probably wasn’t for you. Some drunk person more than likely thought it was for one of those strippers.”
Laci smiled, “Is my brother worried? I do believe he is. Awww thank you baby brother.”
Declan flicked her off, making her laugh.
“Seriously, are you okay?” he asked.
&
nbsp; “Yes. I’m fine. It was just weird…that’s all.”
“You going to sleep okay?”
“My Tylenol PMs will ensure it.”
“That’s my sister…the pill popper,” Declan smiled and ruffled her hair as he walked past her to go to his bedroom and call it a night.
Laci checked the doors to make sure they were locked and then turned off the lights. It was a nightly ritual for her. Check the locks on the doors and windows and then turn off the lights. Then she could sleep in peace.
She walked to her bedroom and flipped on her laptop. She needed to check her e-mails for her advice column that she wrote for the local newspaper. She had clicked opened her e-mail account and smiled. She had over a hundred messages. It felt good to be popular. She clicked open the first message.
“Dear Laci,
My boyfriend thinks it’s okay to keep talking to his ex on Facebook. She’s always interfering in our relationship because she knows what’s going on with his life. Should I ask him to delete her as a friend or should I just delete him as a boyfriend? –Fed up with Facebook”
Laci chuckled, “What’s up with relationships having problems with Facebook these days?”
She typed her response.
“Dear Fed up,
Your insecurities about your boyfriend speaking with his ex should be discussed with him. Everyone has baggage but if he’s unwilling to let go of his, you may have a problem. Evaluate your relationship after you speak with him about how you feel. If you’re contemplating ending the relationship, it sounds like you may already have your answer. Follow your gut not your heart. –Laci”
Laci clicked on the next question.
“Dear Laci,
I’ve been dating “Jack” for three months now and he said its way past time for me to have sex with him. I’m still not ready but if I don’t sleep with him I’m afraid he’ll break up with me. What should I do? –Scared of Sex”
“Dear Scared,
I’m going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you’re still a teenager. Even if you aren’t the advice is still the same. Your body is YOUR BODY! No one should make you do anything you don’t want to do. If “Tom” is pressuring you to have sex and you don’t want to, he needs to respect that. If you don’t feel ready, there’s a reason for it. It’s because…you’re NOT ready! If Tom dumps you, then let him go. I’m not saying it will be easy…it may be very hard but so is living with the regret that you gave yourself to the wrong person. If you are a teenager, I would also suggest talking to an adult you’re close to like a parent or visiting a free Health Clinic because I as I hope you know, having intercourse leads to having babies.”
