by A. H. Lee
Tod found himself seated beside Yuli. He felt certain this was Jessica’s doing and cast her a disapproving glare. If you keep this up, I will get myself into trouble.
But Jessica only smiled brilliantly and turned to say something to Ania. Tod was seated next to one of the students on his other side. He tried to draw the youngster out on the subject of his studies. The wine was excellent. The goose tasted buttery and tender, but not like music. At least, not to Tod. On the opposite side of the table, Mal blinked happily as he chewed.
You are a five-dimensional creature, Tod reminded himself. It was easy to forget when Mal was bounding about like a deranged gazelle. I wonder if you can taste things we can’t.
To his right, Yuli was talking to Lucy. She turned to Tod and said, “If you hunt…do you fish?”
“I have.” He fervently hoped Mal was not going to chime in with his love of chasing ornamental carp, but Mal seemed to be absorbed in the goose. In truth, Tod often went fishing with his brother on their estate at home. He’d rarely done so on the Shrouded Isle. When he took the trouble to run up into the hills around here, he usually did so as a wolf. Wolves were not ideal for fishing.
Yuli sighed. “I do miss fishing. I have a little boat at home.”
Tod was impressed. “You mean fishing in the sea, don’t you?”
Yuli nodded.
“I’ve never done that.” And I think anyone who fishes in the Shattered Sea is a little nuts. Azrael would never let you do it around here. “But,” continued Tod aloud, “I’ve fished in plenty of streams.”
Yuli brightened. “There’s a beautiful spring up in the mountains along a branch of the Rapunzel. The fish are amazing colors. You should come fishing with me sometime.” Her nose crinkled as she grinned. “See how they taste.”
Oh gods. I want to.
He swallowed and managed. “Tell me about fishing in the sea.”
So Yuli built her boat for him out of green beans—a catamaran. She described it in such glowing terms that he could see the little ship in his head. It had two figureheads and wards carved into every inch of the planking. Tod supposed that he should have guessed sailing on the Shattered Sea would involve magic. Transport ships were certainly warded. But he hadn’t considered what might go into a small boat.
This prompted Jacob to share the story of a transport vessel he’d been hired to locate after it mysteriously disappeared. The ship had somehow ended up on the Lethe. Getting it back involved a great deal of magic and any number of monsters. Ania kept her mouth shut with obvious effort.
By this time, dessert was coming around. Azrael stood up to thank them all for coming. He invited them to play games afterwards if they wished. “If not, you are free to join other parties,” he said with a smile. “I know this isn’t the only celebration in the palace tonight. You don’t have to sit around talking to old people.”
The students did, indeed, excuse themselves after dessert, offering Azrael their profuse respect and thanks.
Ania and Lucy sat down to a game of chess in the corner. Everyone else played charades. Hot mulled wine was distributed in tumblers. Everyone laughed uproariously at the sight of each other imitating animals, objects, and various activities in their finest clothes. Tod wasn’t sure he would ever forget the sight of Azrael trying to be a penguin or Mal’s unsuccessful attempt to become a cupcake.
At last, Jacob said, “Well, this has been something special, but unlike the rest of you, I actually am an old man, and I must soon retire to bed.”
Yuli spoke as well, “Some of my friends are dancing in the ballroom, and I wanted to join them for a bit.” Her eyes flicked to Tod, but he pretended not to notice.
“Certainly,” said Azrael. “Thank you for coming.”
Nicholas looked like he intended to follow Yuli out the door, but Azrael murmured, “Stay a moment, Nick.”
Jacob stopped beside the chess game and gave it a critical once-over. “That’s going to end in a draw.”
Ania grumbled under her breath.
“I must be slowing down,” said Lucy with a dragon’s smile. “I won last time.”
Before Ania could toss out a retort, Azrael said, “Ania, this is my apprentice, Nicholas. Nicholas, Queen Mab.”
If Nicholas was surprised, he hid it well. He bowed deeply to Ania, then glanced at Azrael as though to say, Is that all?
Ania gave the chess board one more disgusted look and stood up. “You’re the dream walker.”
Nicholas’s eyes flicked to Azrael and back to Ania. “Yes, my lady.”
“He’s the most talented dream walker I’ve ever met,” said Azrael. “Have you run into each other?”
“No, but I’m aware of him,” said Ania. “I could go home through that weak place he made in your garden.”
Nicholas seemed to swell like an angry toad. “I have fixed that.”
Ania smirked at him. “Sort of.”
Azrael passed a hand over his face. “In what way is it not fixed?”
For one moment, Tod thought Ania wouldn’t answer. At last, she said, “You’ve made sure nothing can get through from outside. You’ve been less thorough about things going in the other direction.”
Azrael relaxed a fraction. “So it’s a one-way valve.”
Ania nodded. “You really owe me an awful lot. I’m telling you so many things!”
“I took you on a ride around my island,” said Azrael. “I owe you nothing.” To Nicholas, he said, “I wanted you to meet her as my apprentice. But there’s something else I’d like you to see.”
“What’s that, Professor?”
“She came on a night terror.”
“She…what?”
“A night terror. It’s in the garden.”
“A…a tame one?” Nicholas was trying to keep the interest out of his face and failing. He hadn’t looked half so excited by the prospect of meeting the Faerie Queen.
“There’s no such thing as a tame one,” said Ania, “any more than there’s such a thing as a tame faery.”
“Oh, but it’s hard to tell when they sit down to dinner and go on rides and play games,” said Jessica sweetly.
Ania grinned at her. “I am Ania tonight. If you ever met me in the Wild Hunt, you would know the difference.”
“I propose that we go downstairs and see Ania off,” said Azrael. “Nicholas can meet the night terror.”
“His name is Jasper,” said Mal. “He eats kittens.”
Jessica turned to Mal with a look of horror. “He eats what?”
“Mittens,” said Ania. “He eats mittens. Yes, alright. It’s still an hour till midnight, but if you old people are going to bed, I suppose I’ll be on my way.”
Lucy said that she did not care to go out in the snow, and stayed behind to say an extended farewell to Jacob. Everyone else trooped down into the dark, cold garden, where the faery horse stood steaming beside his tree.
Tod noticed that Mal remained a little apart from the others. Tod suspected he was trying to give Nicholas space. Nicholas still seemed a little skittish around him. After a moment’s hesitation, Tod came to stand beside Mal. The demon had his hands in his pockets, staring up at the star-dusted sky.
After a moment, Tod said, “Do they really taste like the astral plane?”
Mal nodded.
“Sometimes I forget…that you’re not from around here, either.”
Mal flashed a grin. He looked towards the horse. Nick was speaking with animation to Azrael, walking round and round the animal. “He got his Yule gift,” murmured Mal.
Beyond them, Jessica was hugging Ania good-bye.
“I think everyone has,” said Tod. “Mal, I’m going to the dance party Yuli mentioned. Do you and Jessica want to come?”
Mal looked surprised. “Oh… Well…” He thought about it. “Everyone’s pretty tired. We got up early.”
Tod smiled.
“But thank you for asking,” said Mal.
“Thank you for the goose hunt. And for the…the
thing with my shifting. Thank you.”
“You really should bring Yuli next time.”
Tod laughed. “You are a terrible influence.”
“But so much fun!”
Ania swung up onto her horse. She put on her cap, adjusted it, and then trotted towards the entrance to the hedge maze. She stopped while she was still within earshot and waved. “Tonight, I am Ania. You should make no assumptions when next we meet, Lord Azrael.”
“Likewise,” called Azrael. “Merry Yule, Ania.”
She grinned and waved at them all, “Merry Yule! And good night!”
She turned and kicked her horse into a canter. The creature moved towards the distant light spilling from the ballroom near the hedge maze. They all watched as the horse flashed over the snow—a ghostly vision in the moonlight. For one instant, horse and rider were clearly visible in the golden glow of the ballroom lights.
Then they winked out of sight.
“Well…” breathed Nicholas, “that was…something.”
“I’m going dancing,” said Tod. “Anyone want to come with me?”
Jessica yawned. “I got up early, and I didn’t go back to sleep for hours like you did.”
Tod rolled his eyes. “Just say you want to cuddle with Mal and Lord Azrael.”
“I do. And I want to go to sleep.”
“Nick?”
“I am going to make notes on this nightmare before I forget them.”
Tod peered at him. The teenager looked completely serious. “Alright. Have fun.”
“Say ‘hi’ to Yuli for me!” called Jessica.
“Ask her to come goose hunting with us!” shouted Mal.
Tod made a rude gesture over his shoulder, which only provoked laughter, and headed towards the light of the ballroom.
Chapter 16
Mal
Azrael went inside. With the alcohol and excitement wearing off, Mal could tell that he was feeling the effects of the earlier magical drain.
Mal, on the other hand, was brimming with sorcerous energy. Jessica asked if he had ever built a snowman and Mal admitted that he had not. Jessica decided this was an enormous gap in his education and they spent nearly thirty minutes creating something that, in Mal’s opinion, looked nothing like a man. Mal decided it needed ears and a tail. Also an erection, but Jessica vetoed this.
Mal then suggested they chase each other around the moonlit garden on four legs. Jessica yawned. “Tomorrow? It really has been an extraordinarily long day, Mal. Azrael looked ready to pass out. Did you feed on him earlier?”
Mal looked down at the snow. “Yeah.”
“Did you take a lot?”
“Yeah.”
Jessica waited as though she expected him to say more, but Mal didn’t.
They went inside. Winter things involved far more layers than Mal liked, which mostly had to be removed at the front door. Everything dripped and squelched.
When they finally reached the bedroom, Mal wasn’t surprised to find Azrael on his hands and knees in an old shirt and beat-up trousers, a scrub brush in one hand and a bucket of water at his elbow. He was wearing the silver collar. Mal could see faint purple-blue marks at his wrists.
Jessica started to comment, then shook her head. “I have to pee.” She darted into the washroom.
Mal came over and crouched slowly across the circle from Azrael. The sorcerer did not look up. He was sawing doggedly at the charred runes. Mal looked at the circle. “I’m not sure this is coming out without magic, Ren.”
Azrael grunted.
Mal reached for a scrub brush.
Azrael stopped. “Mal, don’t.”
“Why not? The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can go to bed.”
“You can go to bed now.”
“But then how will I put my head on your chest?”
Azrael’s shoulders sagged.
Mal dipped his brush in the water and started scrubbing. “You made a binding spell that works even though I know your name.” He tried to say it casually, as though the fact didn’t hurt. “When did you do that?”
“As soon as you left,” said Azrael. “Two years ago.”
“Oh.” Well, I suppose I was still threatening to eat you. “So…before you married me?”
Azrael winced. “Yes.” He licked his lips. “You’d probably get out of it…given enough time.”
Mal wasn’t sure about that. He’d felt awfully helpless. It was such a dreadfully familiar feeling.
Jessica came out of the washroom in her warm, long-sleeved pajamas. “Why are we scrubbing the floor before bed?”
“We aren’t,” said Azrael. “Please, both of you, just go to bed.”
“Ren feels guilty,” said Mal. “He’s also really tired and his magic is low.”
“I see.” Jessica looked at them and did not ask the questions that Mal was sure she wanted to ask. “Is there another brush?”
Azrael groaned. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
Jessica hunted around the washroom, then returned with a third brush. She knelt, kissed Azrael on the cheek, and dipped her brush in the soapy water.
Mal pushed a bubble across a rune. “Why didn’t you examine me the way you examined Jessica when she came back from Faerie?”
Azrael swallowed. “Because…if you had argued with me or pleaded…I didn’t think I could do it. If I had to think about it for more than five minutes, I didn’t think I could. I believed I was going to have to burn faery magic out of you…” Azrael wiped his nose on his sleeve. “I thought you might already be gone.”
Mal stopped scrubbing. “You should have said! At least afterward! Why do you never explain?!”
“Because it sounds like excuses!” flashed Azrael.
Mal rolled his eyes. “Gods below, you should read your own psychology books.” To Jessica, Mal added, “He’s not using magic to clean up the floor because he doesn’t have enough. Those cookies are a nice top-off, but they’re not a meal.”
Jessica looked confused. “Well, can’t we just—”
“I won’t die without magic,” muttered Azrael.
No, but you’ll feel terrible. “Ren…” Mal made his voice so gentle that Azrael had to look up. “Your aura is barely there and gray.”
Azrael stared back at him.
“Ask.”
When he still didn’t speak, Mal reached out, hooked a finger under the collar, and drew Azrael gently towards him.
“Mal, I really am completely exhausted—”
“I’m not going to fuck you.”
He tugged Azrael to within a couple of inches of his face, and said, “Laurence Nigel Crowley.” Azrael froze, not moving, not breathing. He was inside the circle. Mal was outside of it. Mal pushed a little sorcerous magic into the runes under his hands and the whole circle lit—an eerie red glow.
“Mal?” said Jessica uncertainly.
Mal held Azrael’s gaze. “Well, I’ve got you on your knees in a summoning circle, although this isn’t exactly how I imagined it.”
Azrael tried to say something.
“Shut up,” said Mal and he did. He had to.
Azrael’s true name, used in this way, created a highly suggestible state, similar to binding. Azrael knew it. Mal could see the struggle in his eyes, but there was nothing he could do. His magic was too low for a fight. “You would be in so much trouble right now,” purred Mal, “if I didn’t love you so much.”
Mal kissed him. The resonance of his true name made his wards flicker, giving Mal brief glimpses of…something. A longing that wasn’t exactly sexual, although it felt like a need for intimacy. Forgiveness? Mal poured magic into him.
When he broke the kiss, Azrael’s eyes were streaming. Mal reabsorbed the magic from the rune under his hand, extinguishing the circle. He heard Jessica exhale. Azrael was still leaning on his forearms and they wobbled suddenly. Mal caught him as he collapsed.
He sat back and pulled Azrael half into his lap. Jessica came around the circle on hands and knees and put
her arms around both of them. Azrael was crying soundlessly against Mal’s shoulder, his body curling. Mal petted his hair. “It’s so strange,” he murmured. “The part of me that’s a demon loves it when you feel guilty. I can use that. I can control you with your guilt. But the part of me that’s human hates it when you feel guilty. Because I know what guilt feels like. And it’s almost as though…as though I feel guilty along with you…even though you’re the one who hurt me. Does that make any sense?”
Jessica stroked Mal’s hair with one hand, rubbed Azrael’s back with the other. “That’s empathy, Mal.”
“Oh. I thought it might be.”
Azrael drew a shuddering breath. “Mal, I am so sorry. Thank you for giving me magic. I know I don’t deserve it.”
Mal sighed. “If I had today to do over again, I wouldn’t have done anything different. Like I said before, there was no time to ask you about Ania. I saw an opportunity and I took it. But maybe…maybe you couldn’t have done anything different, either. Not without seeing the future. You hurt me and you scared me. But in the end, I was only bound for a couple of minutes. It wasn’t that bad.” He took a deep breath. “Except the part afterward where you let me have a go at you without explaining. Just because you felt guilty. I almost killed you. That was a bad decision. Do you understand?”
Azrael gave a muffled laugh against his shirt. “Yes, Mal. You are communicating very clearly.”
Mal dragged him up by the shoulders to look him in the face. “You’re forgiven. Stop feeling guilty; it hurts me. And next time you do something like that, explain before you turn me loose.”
“There will not be a next time,” whispered Azrael.
“Don’t lie to me,” said Mal. “Don’t lie to yourself.”
Azrael flinched. He shut his eyes, nodded.
Mal pushed up his shirt. There was a faint black and blue mark on Azrael’s stomach. “I threw that collar pretty hard, didn’t I?”
