Squint

by Chad Morris

  But I wasn’t sure I should tell her about the eye thing.

  We were coming up on the door to the hallway. I didn’t know whether to follow her again or not.

  We walked out into the hall. She wasn’t running away from me or anything. In fact, after a few more steps, it was like we were walking together on purpose. And this was the second time.

  “It’s just terrifying,” she said.

  “What’s terrifying?” I asked.

  She shook her head.

  “I was up until midnight last night working on my comic,” I said. “That diamond girl is working out amazing. She was a great idea. And it’s good for me to draw even when I don’t want to. It’s like an escape, even though I’m still not sure I’m good enough. And I’m sure whatever you’re supposed to do would be great too, if—”

  “I would try out for the school talent show,” she said quietly.

  It took me a second to realize what she had said. “That’s what you’ve always wanted to do? That’s what Danny wants you to do?” Maybe I had Danny’s eye, but I didn’t see that coming.

  “Well,” she said, “something like it. Perform somewhere.”

  “Great,” I said. “What would you do? I mean, perform?”

  She looked at me, choosing her words carefully. “Sing a song I wrote.”

  “A song?” I asked. “That’s great. You’re amazing at rhyming so I’m sure the words will be great. Would you play the . . . the—” I remembered she had mentioned some instrument with a weird name. I couldn’t come up with it.

  “The uke?” she asked.

  “That’s it,” I said. The small guitar that sounded like a hairy animal.

  She looked around a little, and her mind was spinning. I don’t know how I could tell. Maybe it was because I could see better, or maybe Danny’s eye gave me special abilities. “Look, Squint, I’d better go.” She said it almost like a question.

  I looked down the hall and saw Emma and Chloe talking to each other where the next hallway crossed. Okay. So she was still figuring out how much she wanted to be seen with me. “Wait,” I said. “I wanted to ask you something else.”

  “I’m not changing my mind,” she said.

  This wasn’t working. And I doubted I could convince her while she was worried about Chloe and Emma. “Can we just talk at lunch? Or after school?” If she didn’t want anyone to see us together, I could meet her somewhere. We could go hiking again.

  She thought for a moment, then pulled out her phone. “What’s your number?”

  I almost choked. My number? A girl was asking for my number. And a popular girl?

  McKell looked down the hall then repeated the question.

  I rattled off my number and she plugged it into her phone. Then she walked away.

  I watched her fiddle with her phone as she met up with Chloe and Emma. A moment later my pocket buzzed and there was a text.

  McKell

  It was just her name, but it was the first time I’d gotten a text that wasn’t from my mom or my grandparents. I wasn’t ever going to delete it. And it meant I had her number too.

  Now I had to figure out what to text the first girl I ever texted. And how to convince her to do something that terrified her.

  Hey

  Sorry I couldn’t talk in the hall.

  It’s okay.

  She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to be seen hanging out with the comic kid, but she gave me her number. In some ways, that was better than walking together in the halls. And she was actually answering as I texted from my corner table at lunch. So far, so good.

  Any chance I can hear your song?

  No answer. Did I ask too soon? Did I break some texting rule?

  It wouldn’t take long, to hear your song. I’m probably not wrong. #badrhyming

  It wasn’t very clever, but it was the best idea I could think of.

  No way, not any day, in May, September, October, or June, no time soon. #noway #inrhyme

  At least she answered. I looked over at her table and she glanced back at me and raised her eyebrow. Maybe there was even a bit of a smile. Rhyming always seemed to help.

  Great rhyming. Not a great answer.

  Performing is terrifying.

  Terrifying

  Seriously

  I’m fine playing just for me, but when everyone is looking at me, my brain freaks out.

  It would be scary.

  And it would be. I couldn’t imagine doing it. I could barely let anyone see my comic.

  If I play a song I wrote it’s even scarier. It’s like sharing me.

  And people don’t always like me.

  Did people always text like this? I wasn’t sure she would say what she texted to me face to face. I’m sure there are texting rules that I had no idea about.

  What? Sure they do.

  At my last school not everyone liked me.

  If that’s true, they’re total dorks. They don’t know you well enough.

  I thought that was a pretty good thing to say. But she didn’t text back for the rest of lunch. So, maybe not.

  I looked over and saw Gavin, Travis, Chloe, and Emma all talking with her. Maybe they were asking about who she was texting. Maybe she couldn’t pretend it was someone else anymore.

  But I did see her glance over at my table again. That was good, right?

  Just before my next class, it started up again. Which felt awesome. I’d never had my phone buzzing like other kids as I sat down at my desk.

  I don’t think people would like it. Can you imagine Gavin and Chloe liking any song on the ukulele?

  Not sure. But who cares if they like it?

  I do. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do.

  Again. Super honest.

  I’m sure I’d love it.

  You’re not going to see it.

  Please. Just me. No crowd. One person who doesn’t really matter at school.

  You matter.

  Sorry. I didn’t realize I texted that.

  And I hadn’t realized it. I wasn’t looking for her pity. I was just trying to mention that showing something to me wasn’t that big of a deal. But I still really liked her answer.

  Mr. Daniels stood up and started class.

  Grandma always said that I should never text during class, but I really couldn’t help it. I tried to keep my phone below my desk.

  Could you play for Danny?

  Yeah. Toward the end I could. He would say that I was amazing and that I really needed to show people.

  Toward the end? Not always?

  “Mr. Flint,” Mr. Daniels said. “Would you please put your phone away and pay attention?”

  Busted. I shoved it deep in my pocket.

  Buzz.

  Buzz.

  Buzz.

  Three times. McKell was still texting. Maybe she was better at hiding it. Or maybe she was in a class where a teacher didn’t care. But it was driving me crazy. Who can focus on extending your vocabulary when your pocket is buzzing? Especially when McKell just said that she couldn’t always play for Danny. He seemed like one of the nicest people ever.

  I pulled it out and took another glance.

  Danny wasn’t always fun. I didn’t always like him. He always got tons of attention because of his looks. Some people pointed and stared. Some joked. But I felt invisible. I know that’s selfish, but it’s how I felt.

  I just wanted people to notice me. Danny didn’t notice. He was too worried about himself. And he had a lot of problems so that made sense.

  Then he made a few friends. Like Yellow. And he changed. When he knew people liked him, he was different.

  Whoa. I hadn’t thought of any of that. I guess friends can make a big difference. But I was too chicken to text back after Mr. Daniels had busted me once,
so I put my phone away.

  After class, I pulled it out. McKell hadn’t said anything else so I responded about friends.

  That’s cool. #Friends

  I wasn’t entirely sure what that meant but I wanted her to know that I had gotten her messages.

  I didn’t dare touch my phone during my last class. Mr. Gardner would stomp it to dust if he caught me. McKell texted again while I was in line for the bus. I’d received more texts in a day than I’d gotten over the last month combined.

  After he had friends, Danny noticed me more. But I still didn’t want to do his challenges. #bitter. He was getting attention and I wasn’t. #jealous. But eventually he won me over.

  I didn’t know what to send back. Texting wasn’t like comic writing. Once I sent it, I couldn’t change it, make it better.

  Sorry he’s gone.

  I hoped that was a good thing to say.

  Me too. I just wish I could be like him. I think he recorded these last challenges to help me.

  What can I do to help?

  I stepped onto the bus. And then I was that kid who was texting the whole ride. And it actually went okay.

  Maybe I’ll show you my song. On 3 conditions.

  AWESOME!!!!

  1) You have to promise not to laugh.

  Done. Why would I laugh?

  Because it might be stupid and immature and not very good.

  Danny liked it. So will I.

  He never heard this one. It’s new.

  Okay. But he would like it if he heard it.

  After he changed, he liked everything.

  Okay, then no one else matters. You can do it for him, right?

  But you’re still going to hear it.

  Yeah. But it’s for him. If you go to a birthday party, all the other people there don’t have to like what you give the birthday boy. Just him. You do it for him and you’ll be fine. If others like it, then it’s like bonus points.

  I like that.

  Good. What are your other conditions?

  2) You show me your comic. The whole thing so I understand what’s going on in the story.

  My insides tightened. Nobody had seen my entire comic. I’d been working like crazy and I had made some hefty changes, but I didn’t know if it was good enough yet. I swallowed hard. Really hard. I remembered Gavin reading parts and mocking it. And Chloe dropping it like it was a piece of scratch paper. But McKell had already seen some of it and liked what she’d seen. Plus, I guessed I’d have to show her something that was part of me for her to risk showing me part of her.

  “Texting your grandma?” a voice asked.

  Gavin. Of course. He was always on the bus.

  “Yep.” I tilted the screen away from him. There was no way I was going to tell him who I was really texting.

  He grinned big for a second and then tried to nab my phone. And he was fast. Thankfully I’d thought he might try that and had turned to the side, protecting my phone with the rest of my body. It would be terrible if he read our messages. Disastrous. McKell would hate it. I wasn’t going to let that happen.

  He pulled on me, trying to turn me around. Despite leaning away as hard as I could, Gavin was strong. I tightened my grip on my phone, my fingers turning a little white. But I knew he could wrestle it away from me. He was bigger and stronger. It would be like Mantis trying to keep something away from Thanos.

  “Hey, settle down back there,” the bus driver said. “And sit down.”

  Gavin tried again.

  “Sit down,” the driver repeated.

  He was one of my favorite people in existence in that moment.

  Gavin sat.

  I double-checked that he was far away before texting back.

  Okay. I can bring my comic tomorrow.

  But when was McKell going to read it? Was she going to carry around my portfolio at school where everyone would see? Doubt it. Take it home? Again, it didn’t seem likely.

  Or I could show you now. I could walk to your place. Or meet somewhere.

  Was that stupid? Did I seem desperate?

  I checked Gavin again. He was pretending to text someone and making stupid-looking faces to make fun of me. I didn’t care.

  Today? Maybe. But it makes more sense for me to come over to your place. That’s where the comic is, right?

  Maybe? Really? Maybe?

  But my place? That’s not what I had proposed. It made sense, but I couldn’t have McKell over at my house. Her house was all nice. Mine was . . . not even close. I didn’t even have normal parents. I had brought Gavin over a long time ago and he had called it a shack that smelled like old people. And that was when we got along.

  Nah. Let’s meet somewhere else.

  I deleted it before I sent it. McKell was actually going to show me her song if I did this.

  Okay. Here’s my address.

  I typed my address in.

  Cool. If I can, I’ll come by in a little while.

  So crazy. I never thought this would happen.

  And the third condition?

  We both agree that this doesn’t mean that I’m showing my song to anyone else.

  Okay.

  I hoped this wasn’t going to all blow up in my face.

  I didn’t have time to mow the lawn. Because of Grandpa’s back, it was my job and, as usual, it looked terrible. But McKell texted that she was on her way. I only had a few minutes.

  So I tried to pick up any garbage lying around, roll up the hose, and push anything else out of sight around the side of the house. Of course, the Hulk wanted some attention while I was outside, so I let him run around.

  The neighbor’s Chihuahuas must have spotted us because they started yapping through their front window. The Hulk barked back. This could go on forever.

  What a great first impression. I glanced up the road to see if she was coming.

  I had looked at this street a million times, but this time I saw it with different eyes. And I’m not talking about Danny’s cornea. My neighborhood wasn’t nearly as nice as McKell’s. I noticed every rickety mailbox, every weedy lawn, every junker car in a driveway. And of course the houses were a lot smaller. Flat and simple patterns. Run-down and old. Even the roads weren’t as well maintained.

  And coming down the center of it was McKell on a dark red mountain bike. It looked expensive. She slowed and jumped off as she reached my driveway.

  “I’ve never been in this neighborhood,” she said, panting and looking around.

  “I know it’s kind of junky,” I admitted.

  “No,” she said, “just older. I bet when these houses were built this was the coolest place to live. Close to the middle school. Close to the library. Close to the McDonald’s.”

  I chuckled. But McDonald’s made me think of my mom. She had texted me again and said that she would take me out to eat sometime this week and catch up. We’d probably go to McDonald’s. If it ever happened.

  “Come on in,” I said, hoping to ease the embarrassment by getting her away from the unmowed lawn. At least Grandma kept flowers planted along the house.

  I opened the door and stepped in. Grandpa had the afternoon shift, so I didn’t have to worry about him. At least no one would try to tell McKell any super-long football stories. But I could hear water running in the kitchen. I had poked my head in and told Grandma that a friend would be coming. She seemed excited. I wanted to ask her not to embarrass me, but that would have probably backfired on me, so I didn’t bother.

  “You don’t have to take off your shoes,” I explained as we came in. McKell had started to slip them off. The carpet was like fifty years old and for the first time in my life I realized I could smell it. Dusty, musty. I wanted to apologize and send McKell home.

  The water stopped and Grandma came in the front room. “I thought I heard voices
. Flint, who is this?” She reached out her hand.

  “This is McKell,” I said.

  “Very nice to meet you,” Grandma said. “And aren’t you prettier than socks on a rooster?”

  “That’s a good thing,” I assured McKell. “This is my grandma, Elizabeth.” I hoped my face didn’t turn red. My grandma had her same wispy appearance and hadn’t changed out of her Holiday Inn uniform yet.

  “Nice to meet you,” McKell said. If she was disgusted, she didn’t show it.

  “We’re just going to grab something,” I said, “in my room.” I pointed down the hall. I could see Grandma’s mouth open so I beat her to it. “We’ll leave the door open.” She nodded her approval and I pulled McKell out of the front room and down the hall.

  My room.

  I hadn’t checked my room. What did it look like? Maybe McKell should stay in the kitchen with Grandma and I could bring the comic out to her. But I’d already said we’d be going to my room. I kept leading the way.

  I panicked when I saw my clothes from yesterday on the edge of the bed. I grabbed them as quickly as possible as we walked in, but felt something under my foot. I looked down and saw I was standing on yesterday’s underwear.