I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know.”
“Cameron!”
“She can take care of herself, Mom. She can call the police if he shows up—someone besides me. I have to be worried about Lily and her safety. What if we had been home when that fire was started? He used an accelerant. What if I hadn’t woken up in time to get her out of the house?” My voice was a harsh whisper as I thought about all the things that could have happened.
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I honestly don’t know what to say. What a horrible situation. Are you working to find out if it was him? Do you have any leads or evidence to say it was?”
“Not yet. The investigator did find a gas can we’re hoping will have a DNA match. The fingerprints weren’t a match, but that isn’t conclusive. The heat could have distorted them.”
“DNA? That’s fancy. When will you know?”
I shrugged. “It can take weeks or longer. They’re making this a priority. Thankfully, when you try to kill a cop, you get some special treatment in the lab.”
“Poor Savannah. I feel terrible for her. I understand why you left, but what about her? She’s there all alone and will have to face this monster on her own? That doesn’t seem right.”
I knew exactly what she meant. I had felt like shit all night, like I had abandoned her and left her for the wolves. It wasn’t how I operated. I wasn’t that guy. At some point in the middle of my sleepless night, I had decided I needed to figure out how to protect her as well. I wasn’t sure how, but I had to do it.
“I better get Lily up,” I muttered and left my half-empty cup of coffee on the table.
“I’ll get her some breakfast. Do you want anything?”
“No. I’m good.”
I couldn’t eat if I wanted to. My stomach had been twisted in knots since I’d left Savannah yesterday. I had done what I thought was right, but that didn’t mean I liked it or felt good about it.
When I got to work, Adam was waiting for me out front.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Fine. Homeless,” I said dryly.
“Any new leads?”
I shook my head. “Just waiting on that DNA. It pisses me off the fingerprints weren’t a match. I wanted to nail that little weasel.”
“We’ll get him.”
“I’m going to go check and see if the investigators have anything new,” I said as we walked toward the building.
“How’s Savannah?” Adam asked.
I shrugged a shoulder. “Fine, I guess.”
“You didn’t see her this morning?”
“No. I’m not there anymore.”
“Why?” he asked, the tone of his voice stopping me from going inside.
“Because it’s too dangerous. I can’t have Lily around her—or piss off that psycho and have him try to go after me or Lily.” I gritted my teeth. I was getting tired of explaining myself.
It was nobody’s business but mine regarding what I did to protect my daughter. I wasn’t the one breaking any laws.
Adam held up his hands, surrendering. “All right, all right. I’m thinking you may be jumping the gun a bit here. You’re a cop. You’ve pissed off a lot of bad guys. You hand your card out more than any other cop I know. You’re always telling domestic violence victims, street kids, and anyone else down on their luck to call you if they need something. You’re a real-life Mother Teresa. Maybe your card fell into the wrong hands.”
I shook my head. “I’ve been giving my card out for years. You don’t find it a little coincidental that a couple weeks after I hook up with my neighbor, my house is burned down?” I said, raising an eyebrow.
“I’m saying give it some time. Let the evidence and the investigation decide who you’re going to throw under the bus,” he retorted.
“I’m not throwing anyone under the bus!”
He shrugged. “Aren’t you?”
“No! Dammit, Adam!” I grumbled.
He grinned. “I know you love me, and I know you like Savannah a lot. Don’t be so quick to toss her to the side until you know for sure she is too hot for you to handle.”
I yanked open the door and turned back to glare at him. “She is not too hot to handle. I handle her just fine.”
He laughed and followed me inside.
We checked with the special team handling the investigation. Our chief didn’t want to take the risk of this being a retaliation against me as a cop or the department. They were busting their assed to try to find out who had done it just in case the person went after any more cops.
“This sucks,” I mumbled as we walked back down the stairs to the bottom floor. “How, in this modern age, does it take that long for DNA to come back?”
“They’re doing everything they can,” Adam assured me. “In the meantime, let’s focus on busting bad drivers and helping out those who need us. Let the guys upstairs do their thing.”
“I’m trying to.”
“Uh-oh. I see the DEA guys are back. I wonder if that means we’ll be pulled off patrol again?”
I shrugged. “I think we’re about to find out.”
We headed in for the morning briefing. The DEA gave their latest update on the Cooker. They had nothing new. No new leads. They asked us all to keep our eyes and ears open while we were out on the streets. If we made any drug busts, we were supposed to ask if the perps had heard of the man behind the scenes.
I was about sick of talking and thinking about this Cooker. The guy was not going to outsmart the DEA and the entire Nashville PD. It was time to take him down. It gave me something to focus my anger on.
“Hello?” Adam said, waving his hand in front of me.
I blinked. “What?”
“You ready, or do you want to sit here and space off a while longer?”
“Shut up,” I growled.
“I think I’ll be doing the driving today,” he said in a too-cheerful voice.
“Whatever.”
As we headed toward the seedy part of town in the hopes of finding some low-level street dealers, I could feel the tension between Adam and me. It made for an uncomfortable ride.
“Spill it,” I ordered when I couldn’t take it any longer.
“You need to give her a chance.”
“It’s not her who is doing this. I know that. I don’t hold her responsible.”
“You’re treating her like she is,” he pointed out.
“No. I’m making sure there’s some distance between us until I can get that Asher fucker locked away,” I said, anger making my voice harsh.
“Assuming it is him, but you don’t know. You’re ruining something good based on a suspicion. What if it wasn’t him? What if you kicked Savannah out of your life over a pissed-off suspect that has nothing to do with her?”
I groaned. “I have a hunch. That’s all I can say. Trust me, man, I feel like shit. I don’t want to cut her out of my life, but I have to do what’s best for my family.”
“I understand. I really do. I know you have to protect your daughter, and I admire you for your commitment to doing that. However, I’m saying, I know how you can be. I know you are a stubborn son of a bitch, and you get your mind set and there’s no changing it. Savannah is an innocent victim. I get you two can’t be together, but I hope you don’t make her feel like she’s somehow responsible for all this,” he said softly.
“I’m not saying she is. I told her that,” I defended.
He scoffed. “Oh, I bet you did. I don’t suppose you’ve called to see how she’s doing or whether she’s heard from her crazy ex at all?”
I shook my head. Guilty as charged.
“That’s what I thought.”
My head popped up when I saw a familiar face hanging out in front of an old, rundown house. “Pull over. I questioned that guy a few nights ago. He was in one of the houses we served a warrant on. Let’s see if he has anything he’d like to share with us.”
I jumped out of the car, and the moment the young guy saw me, I saw him con
sider running. I shook my head, warning him not to try. All thoughts of Savannah disappeared. I put my sole focus on the kid and getting information.
Chapter Thirty-One
Savannah
I heard myself moan and woke myself up. I blinked several times, realizing it was still early. What had woken me up?
I did a little rewind and knew instantly what had stirred me from sleep. It was Cameron. Not Cameron in the physical sense, but a steamy dream about him that had felt real. I had been reliving the kitchen encounter in vivid detail, right down to watching him make me climax. I felt so naughty thinking about what I had done. It had been completely out of character for me. I kind of felt like I should have been ashamed of myself, but it had been too damn good to feel guilty about.
I was pretty sure I would let him do it all over again if he asked. What was I saying? I was hoping he would ask! I wanted him to do it again, but in my kitchen and without the fear of a little girl walking in and finding me laid out like a buffet on the shiny black counter. I wanted to scream and moan and talk dirty as he pummeled my body.
I could still feel the tingle between my legs and realized I had been on the verge of a real orgasm brought on by the dream Cameron. That was powerful stuff, I thought with a lazy smile.
I lay in bed for a few more minutes, trying to remember the details of my dream but barely scratching the surface. I was charged up; that was for sure. I was left wanting to finish what the dream had started. With Cameron’s grand exit from my life Monday, I couldn’t count on him to scratch the itch the dream had created.
My hand drifted under the covers and over the satin sheets I was lying on and rested near my thigh. Did I dare? Who would know? I was a healthy adult woman who had needs, I reasoned.
Cameron had made me feel things I didn’t know were physically possible. He’d made me an addict for his touch and that rocking body. His touch was magic and erotic and so delicious. I wished like hell I could emulate his touch. I couldn’t, but I could try.
I ran my fingers over my thigh before moving to my inner thigh and over the fabric of my panties shielding my pussy. I desperately wished it were his fingers roaming over my body. He knew just when to apply pressure, when to circle, and when to stop.
“Dammit!” I groaned, pissed that I couldn’t have the real thing.
I wanted to feel that fire. I closed my eyes, envisioning Cameron beside me, his hand roaming over my body and igniting the passion that only he could stir. I tried my best to remember his scent. I cursed myself for changing the sheets yesterday. I had thought I didn’t want to have his scent on my pillows, reminding me of him. I’d been wrong. I would kill to bury my face in the pillow where he had laid his head.
“Screw it,” I muttered into the room. I was going for it.
I used my thumb to hook my panties and pushed them down my legs with the help of my foot. The cool sheets under my body did little to cool the fire raging inside me after the dream. With both hands, I massaged my breasts, tweaking my nipples like he would, doing my best to re-enact sex with him. I wanted to feel what he felt when his fingers were inside my body. I gently spread the folds, opening my legs a little wider to get better access, and ran my finger around the entrance.
I was wet. I could feel my arousal and was encouraged to go deeper—literally. I tentatively moved my finger to my opening, pushing just the tip inside. My much-smaller fingers were nothing compared to Cameron’s. I wanted more. My body was demanding more.
I spread my legs wider, bent one knee, and probed deeper, shivering at the warring feelings the touch evoked. I felt my slick walls with my finger while the sensation of being penetrated stirred up the first tremors of a climax. I had been desperate for release, but I found myself enjoying my self-exploration and wanted to prolong my self-pleasuring session. I felt wild and daring, heightening the sensations moving over my body.
I pushed my finger in deep and lubed it up with my own juices before stroking my clit and nearly bringing myself to my climax before stopping just short of the actual release. My finger was slick as I pushed it back inside, moving it around, pushing against the entrance, wincing when I stretched too far. It was exciting to stretch my own self-imposed limits on what was acceptable. I thought about Cameron and how he watched himself pushing in and out of me and how hot it made him.
Sex with the lights on had been new for me. I hadn’t thought I would like it, but it had heightened the pleasure. Seeing the actual act and seeing Cameron’s face so intent and determined to make me come had been an aphrodisiac. Just thinking about being spread-eagle on his kitchen counter that night stirred up a tingling feeling deep within me, soaking my finger a bit more with the secreting juices from my pussy.
He was a little dirty and a little vulgar and a lot alpha. I loved it with him. I loved the way he dominated my body and knew just when to pluck and when to fuck me hard and fast. Once again, the vision of him watching me reach one climax after another stirred up more of those delicious feelings in my body. My finger started moving faster in and out of my body, rubbing over my clit. It wasn’t enough. Cameron’s dick was much bigger.
Feeling even more daring, I slid a second finger inside and gasped at the stretched feeling. Could I fit three?
“Mmmm,” I moaned, knowing I could scream as loud as I wanted and no one would hear.
I tested my own boundaries and wiggled a third finger in, gasping as my body stretched and molded around my invading fingers.
I held my fingers still inside me, feeling the tiny little muscles contracting, and imagined what that must feel like for him when my body lovingly tightened around his cock.
“Oh god,” I moaned, more desperate than ever to have him there with me, probing me and showing me new things I would have never dared to try before.
With him, I wasn’t scared or embarrassed. I thought about the many sex shops I had visited with Emma and the various toys we had giggled over, wondering how they could be of any fun. We had laughed about the type of people who used such things. I now knew they could be very exciting when used by the right man. I was eager to give every damn one of them a try as long as it was with Cameron.
I thought about the clips and gels and the wide assortment of dildos that could make sex with Cameron completely off the charts. My juices increased the more I thought about the wicked things Cameron could do to my body and the things I would like to do to his.
I couldn’t hold out any longer. I was shaking with need. I pushed hard, rubbing that little nub, feeling my toes curl and my leg muscles clench as the orgasm took control of my body. I arched and felt as if my body would snap in two from the strain as I jerked. I held my breath as the sensations rocketed over me, taking me higher and higher before dropping me over the edge.
I slowly relaxed, breathing hard and feeling shaky.
“Holy shit. I seriously just did that,” I whispered into the room.
I lay there a bit longer, languishing in the feeling of finding a release, even if it had been on my own. If Cameron was out of my life for good, I was absolutely going to have to go to one of those shops and pick me up a few things. My fingers had done the trick this time, but I missed the feeling of being full. Nothing was going to match up to Cameron’s way, but I could still find release. Hell, I could do it as many times as I wanted since I was all alone in the big house.
I managed to get out of bed, my legs a little shaky as I headed into the adjoining bathroom to shower and get ready for work. In the stark light of the bathroom, I felt a little embarrassed about what I had just done. I pushed aside the feeling and focused on getting ready for work. Desperate times called for desperate measures. That was my story, and I was sticking to it.
I called Emma on my drive in.
“Hey,” I said on a long sigh.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, knowing me too well.
“Cameron moved out Monday,” I said.
I hadn’t told her yesterday. I had wanted to believe he wasn’t serious and w
ould show up that night. When he hadn’t, I’d known it was really over.
“Didn’t he move in Sunday?” she asked.
I felt ridiculous when she pointed out the facts.
“Well, yes, but it still sucks.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sure he’ll be back. From what Adam says, Cameron is pretty into you.”
“You talked about us?” I asked.
“Don’t even try to pump me for information and go all middle school on me,” she warned.
I laughed, feeling better after only talking to her for a minute. “Well, you better tell me if he tells Adam anything,” I teased.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Aren’t you supposed to be at work?”
“I’m almost there. I called to whine, but you suck at the consoling thing.”
She laughed. “Sorry. I’ll do better next time.”
“There’s not going to be a next time.”
“Sure there will be. You two have something going between you.”
“Yeah. It’s called a fake engagement. We’re just pretending,” I said.
“That is a bad excuse and you know it.”
I sighed. “I can admit there’s chemistry. It isn’t enough, though. We’ve got this big fat Asher thing between us, and that isn’t going away anytime soon.”
“It’ll get better,” she promised.
“I’m holding you to that. I’m here. I better get inside.”
“Talk to you later,” she said and hung up.
I sat in my car, realizing I was about thirty minutes early. Early could be a good thing, but I felt a bit like a loser. I had nothing to make me late. I didn’t even have a dog that had a last-minute bathroom emergency to make me late. I was all alone. I guessed I should have been grateful instead of complaining. Cameron always looked like he was running late after dealing with Lily in the morning.
I headed inside and greeted the other early birds before heading to my office.
“Hey,” Cesar said, popping his head in. “I thought I saw you walk by. You’re early.”
I nodded. “I was up and figured I could get some stuff done here.”
Hot Cop Next Door: A Second Chance Romance Page 19
