“Yeah,” I lied. I lied to a cop. Some days even I was surprised by my own stupidity. Fortunately, Derek let this one slide. At least for now. “Are you right to watch the kids for a second while I race in and grab some?”
Mia nodded, her eyes never leaving mine. Luckily my eyes were still shielded by my dark glasses. She looked every bit the trainer. With her black three quarter tights, stark white running shoes, and bright pink windcheater, she wouldn’t be hard to miss. Even with her tiny height, she’d stand out. When Derek cleared his throat, I knew I’d been sprung checking out his fiancée. Mia knew too. She just giggled and it sounded like a ten-year-old girl. Sweet and innocent. It was a good thing I knew Mia was anything but. Quickly dismissing those errant thoughts, I started down the path back towards my class room. I didn’t have much time before my head exploded. Or the bus arrived. I wasn’t sure, at this rate, which would happen first.
“Nate! Nate!”
Someone’s cool fingers tapped my cheek and my eyes flickered open. As soon as they did I regretted it. It hurt like a bitch. As quick as they’d sprung open I squeezed them closed again and took a steadying breath. Everything was spinning. Including my stomach, which was desperate for me to empty. Swallowing back the bile, I forced it back down again. It tasted disgusting. After a few fortifying breaths, I forced my eyes open again slowly, only to see a group gathered above me. Struggling to sit up, I felt two huge hands slip under my arms, dragging me to sitting.
“What…what happened?”
“Not sure,” Mia admitted as she crouched down and ran her soft fingers across my scalp. I wasn’t really sure what she was doing and was too exhausted to protest, so I let her do whatever she wanted.
“Is he dead?” a small voice asked. I couldn’t see where it came from and panic flooded me. So did the reality of where I was.
My eyes went crazy. Fighting to take everything in, I figured out where I was soon enough and wanted to hide from humiliation. I was sitting on my ass, in the dirt, with my back leaning against the brick wall. Mia and Derek were there, Derek towering above me while Mia fussed over me and a group of kids peeked around Derek’s massive, dominating legs.
“I’m fine,” I said as confidentially as I could. The kids didn’t need to worry about this. I wasn’t there problem.
“You’re not,” Mia whispered.
“I will be,” I countered.
“You ready to stand?”
“Yeah?” I wasn’t really sure. I didn’t want to admit that I was afraid of getting off my ass. It wasn’t really the standing I was worried about, it was the staying there. So far today it’d already proved a challenge more than once, and judging by the throbbing pain in my hip, my fall hadn’t helped my cause at all.
Derek helped me to my feet and stepped back, but he didn’t let go. Instead his grip on my arm tightened as I felt myself wobble again. Breathing through my mouth, I tried to focus on the tree across the parking lot to stop the world from spinning out of control. It worked. For all of about four seconds before I fell forward at the waist and emptied the contents of my stomach all over the concrete path. And my shoes. And Derek.
Wiping my mouth on the back of my hand, I was finally forced to concede that today just wasn’t going to happen for me…a reality that stung like a thousand tiny pin pricks. The kids were going to miss out and it was all my fault. If my stomach wasn’t already empty, then that realisation alone would have emptied it.
“Come on, man, I’ll take you home.” Derek moved to my side and wrapped his arm around my shoulders before half carrying, half dragging me towards his truck.
I climbed in, buckled my seatbelt, and let my head fall back against the head rest before closing my eyes. I didn’t need to see to know Derek was driving slowly and carefully on the wet roads. When he turned the corner, my stomach lurched again and I bit my lip, determined not to make a mess in his truck.
A moment later we came to a stop and my eyes opened of their own accord. Derek jumped out and was around the car before I even had my seatbelt undone. “Let’s get you inside,” he instructed, helping me down and guiding me inside.
In my delirious state I’d forgotten to lock the door. As soon as we were inside, I flopped onto the sofa and growled. This is where I needed to be. Lying down with my eyes closed. The moment my head hit the cushions I knew I shouldn’t have forced myself to move this morning, but it was too late for regrets now.
“You going to be okay on your own?”
At the sound of Derek’s voice, I sat up again. I’d completely forgotten about him being here. He was standing in my house looking at me like I was dying. Maybe I was. It sure as shit felt like it. “Yeah. I think I just need some sleep. I’ve got to make a few calls first though.”
“To who?”
Derek’s question caught me off guard. Who really cared if I was sick? Oh that’s right, no one. When I’d moved I’d used it as an excuse to cleanse my life. Cut out the bullshit. Cut out the people who lied or cheated or were pretentious assholes. That included my mother. Isn’t a mother supposed to love her kids no matter what? Isn’t she supposed to be on their side regardless? At least that’s what I thought. Turns out though, my mother missed that memo.
“I’m supposed to be on a bus in—” Squinting, I checked the time on my watch. It took a lot of effort. Too much effort. “In twenty minutes. The football carnival—”
“You’re fine. Mia’s going to let them know what’s happening and I’m going as your replacement.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t know you could do that.”
“Nah, you wouldn’t. See, you’re still new around here. Basically we do what needs to be done and help each other out. Obviously, you’re not going anywhere in a hurry, so I’m going to take the little monsters to the carnival. I know all of them and their parents, so there’s no issue. Besides, being the only cop in town means I have all the clearances I need to hang out with a bunch of brats.”
“I…I can’t ask you to do that, man. It’s my responsibility—”
“Nate, shut up. Go get changed and sleep it off. Whatever it is. It’s all good. And it’s already done. Mia, well, let’s just say she doesn’t muck about.”
“Right.” I huffed as I fell back against the cushions.
“Get some sleep, man. I’ll let you know how we go.”
“Thanks Derek. For…everything. I’ll pay you back.”
I hated owing people. Being indebted to friends was the worst feeling in the world. Okay, maybe the second worst feeling. First was this constant spinning.
“Nah. Just get better.”
“Thanks.”
“Catch ya.” With a wave he was gone and I was left alone in my huge, deserted house.
Not trusting my legs to hold me up, I crept down the hallway on all fours to my bedroom before yanking my clothes off and tossing them into a pile before crawling into my bed wearing nothing but my boxers.
Chapter 17
Josie
Derek might be my brother-in-law one day soon, but right now I hated him with a passion. He didn’t know it, or perhaps he did, I wouldn’t put it past him to play cupid, but he’d called and said Nate was sick. Okay, Nate was sick. He was a big boy. He’d survive. After all, I’d seen him less than twenty-four hours ago. I mean, I’d been up close and very personal and he seemed fine, so it couldn’t be that bad. But it meant Derek had gone with Mia for the day to the football carnival. Something he’d been way too excited about when he called. I couldn’t be sure if he was more excited at spending the day with Mia, the woman he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of, or the bus full of brats talking football. So that left me. Derek, in his wisdom, had determined that Nate was my problem and I had to play nurse. Did Derek not know me at all? I was no Florence Nightingale. I was more like Doctor Nick, the weird, dodgy doctor from the Simpsons. I mean, Derek wouldn’t even let me dig a splinter out of his hand with a pair of tweezers, let alone be resp
onsible for his entire well-being. I mean, let’s face it, some days it was a miracle that Matilda was not only still alive, but she was thriving.
Matilda was currently sitting in the washing basket with her doll, chatting up a storm. Barely one word was actually recognisable, but she was having the time of her life and really, that’s all that mattered. She was happy, safe, and most importantly, quiet. Something she hadn’t been for days. Teething was a bitch. If I thought getting her out of my body hurt, a teething toddler was something else. Most of the time she was whinging to be picked up. I mean, if I hear the word ‘Up’ one more time come out of her adorable little mouth, surely I can’t be held responsible for my actions. However, the moment she’s in my arms, she squirms and squawks and wants to get down again. Imagine that on repeat. For. Four. Fucking. Days. It was enough to drive anyone batty. And let’s face it, most of the time I was almost half there. The only thing that was keeping me sane was Derek. For some reason, one I don’t understand but had no intention of questioning, he was the only one who could get near Matilda to wipe her nose that ran constantly, or make her smile when she started to sook. He was my freaking hero right now. The only issue was he knew it. And that’s exactly why he was making me do this.
Blowing on my steaming mug of coffee, I took a steady sip. I was trying to sort through the jumble of emotions buzzing about in my head. The kisses Nate left me with had haunted me. I was well aware that it had been less than twenty-four hours since he’d left me tongue-tied, and I was dying to see him again, but I didn’t want him to know that. Or Mia. Or heaven help me, Derek.
Checking the clock on my phone, I realised it was just after ten. I’d wait for the washing to finish and hang it out, then I’d head over to check on him. Nate was a guy living the bachelor life, so he probably wasn’t equipped to deal with illness. Clicking open my notes app, I quickly jotted down a grocery list I’d stop and pick up on my way.
After hanging out the washing, changing Matilda’s nappy—and shirt and pants, and finding her errant sock, I bundled her into the car and we headed off. Usually we’d walk, stopping to look at the ducks, but the menacing, grey clouds hovering overhead nixed that idea.
It took forever in the damn supermarket. Matilda insisted on walking, which meant I was shuffling along in half-steps. While I grabbed what I thought Nate needed, Matilda grabbed everything she could get her grubby little hands on. When she grabbed a packet of maxi pads from the bottom shelf and screamed ‘Mum’ at me, I’d had enough. Tucking her under one arm and my overflowing basket under the other, I headed for the checkout. This humiliation had to end.
“Hi there, sweetheart. Aren’t you gorgeous?” the grey-haired checkout lady cooed as she took the basket from me.
“Want her? She’s all yours.” That earned me a chuckle. I don’t think she realised I was serious. Right now, Matilda was free to a good home.
“I think you’d come back soon enough for her. Look at that face. How could anyone walk away from it?”
“Easily.”
“You just sound like a tired mum.”
“Is it that obvious?”
“Only to someone who’s been there, sweetheart.” She petted my hand and I was surprised how good it felt. Since all that shit went down with my own parents, I’d been so lonely. I know I had Mia and Derek, and they’d been everything to me, but sometimes you just needed your mum. I only wished mine could get past my failings and be part of my life again. And not just my life. She had an amazing granddaughter who was growing and changing every day and she was missing it all. She’d never even met Matilda. Even if she didn’t agree with what I’d done or how I’d handled it, that was no reason to punish Matilda. After all, Matilda deserved a grandmother.
“Thank you,” I forced out, almost choking on the words.
While Matilda ran around my legs, we quickly bagged up my groceries before I swiped my card and headed out. Offering her one last smile, I caught a glance at her name tag. Brittney. It may have only been a passing conversation between two strangers, but to me it was one I’d never forget. It hadn’t been full of long, deep, profound words, but that wasn’t what I needed. What I needed was someone to believe in me. Someone who told me I was doing okay. Brittney had just made my day.
Feeling lighter, I held Matilda’s hand as we wobbled our way to the car. Although she was walking, she still wasn’t very stable on her feet, and when she got excited more times than not she face planted. She still hadn’t mastered the whole putting your hands out in front of her to brace her fall. She staggered along, looking more often than not like she was drunk. After loading up, we headed to Nate’s place and I felt my pulse sky rocket.
When we arrived I knocked, but go no answer. Instead of waiting politely, I pulled open the door and let myself in. There was more than a very good chance that he was in bed. From what Derek said on the phone, it’s where he needed to be. As soon as I stepped inside, I could hear the chainsaw snoring. No wonder he lived alone. Anyone else living here would be like a zombie. There’s no way anyone could sleep through that.
“Matilda, shhh. Nate’s sleeping.”
“Shhh,” she returned, putting her finger over her mouth.
For a moment I watched as Matilda dropped to her knees and crawled across the floor to Nate’s couch before pulling herself up. When she was settled and satisfied, she started playing with the cushion and I knew now was my chance to duck down the hall.
As quietly as possible, I crept down the hallway, trying not to make noise. I didn’t want to startle him if he was sleeping. Following the heavy snores, I found Nate’s room easily. There he was, stretched out across his huge bed, one leg poking out from under his navy and white comforter, his arm wrapped around a spare pillow. With the blinds wide open, the light was streaming through, making it look like Nate wore a halo. It was a good thing I knew better. There was nothing angelic about that guy. Trying not to wake him, I stepped over the abandoned clothes and moved towards the window before closing the blinds, plunging the room into darkness.
Clumsily, I stepped back, tripping over an unsuspecting shoe. I know I was a klutz. Everyone knows how clumsy I was. If tripping over air was a sport, then I was a gold medallist. If there was one place in the world where I wished I wasn’t, it was here, in Nate’s darkened bedroom. But no, that wasn’t me. Instead, my arms windmilled wildly as momentum took over and I fell backwards. Onto the bed. On top of Nate.
“What the—”
Nate was awake.
I was splayed out across him.
On his bed.
In the dark.
I felt my face burn with humiliation.
Then as Nate attempted to sit up, the sheet fell away.
My throat felt like it had been cut.
Scrambling to get up, my hands fell against the solid wall of warm muscle of Nate’s chest. When he handcuffed me with his own hands, I could hear our panting echoing off the walls. I watched as Nate blinked and blinked again, trying to focus his eyes.
“Josie?”
“Yeah.” My word came out as weak and pathetic.
Flopping back against his pillows, I could feel Nate’s heart beat beneath his warm chest. He didn’t let go of me, though. With a sigh he asked, “What are you doing here?”
It felt like I was swallowing razor blades, my throat was that dry. I’d lost my words and coherent thought. Maybe some space would help. If I could just get off Nate. Off his bed. Off his burning body. Perhaps then I could string a sentence together. For a moment we just sat there in silence. Gaze locked. Unmoving.
“Josie?”
Nate had to prompt me out of my daydream. Damn it! Could I get any more pathetic? I was practically drooling over here. This wasn’t good. “Derek asked me to come check on you.”
I did it!
I got my shit together and was able to form actual real words. I deserved a fucking prize.
“Derek,” Nate sighed before his eyes fell closed and his grip on my wrists loosened.
<
br /> As soon as I was free, I leapt to my feet, this time paying attention to where they landed. He looked terrible. Not all of him looked terrible. I mean, he still looked damn delicious. And as much as I wanted to appreciate his body, which was on display except for the skimpy pair of briefs covering what I knew was an impressive package, right now he needed me to get over my own raging hormones and make sure he was going to survive the day. Gone from his face were all traces of the cockiness I’d come to expect, replaced instead with pain and suffering. He had sweat beading on his brow and the dullness in his eyes made me feel bad for him. And that was something different for me. Very rarely did I play the sympathetic role. It wasn’t me. I always thought if I even tried it’d come off as fake. But here I was. Undoubtedly feeling sorry for him.
When I heard Matilda’s hysterical cackle echo through the house, I saw panic flicker across his face as he sat bolt upright. “It’s just Matilda. Don’t worry about it.”
“Matilda?”
“Yeah. She’s fine. Anyway, what do you need? Have you eaten today?” He didn’t answer. He didn’t need it. “I’ll go grab you something, then you can get some rest.”
I headed out the door. “Josie!”
Sticking my head back in the door, “Yeah?”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Shut up! It’s nothing.” I waved away his concerns.
Minutes later, with Matilda trailing me, I headed back down the hall. The few minutes in Nate’s kitchen had done absolutely nothing to settle my frayed nerves. Not even the task of mopping up some split coffee and broken shards of glass helped. With the mess now dealt with, I turned to the simple task of pouring a glass of juice and smothering a piece of toast with butter and vegemite, the only thing an Aussie could stomach when they were sick, but kept being thrown off balance every time I looked down at Matilda on the floor at my feet. In exactly the same spot, I’d been on my knees. I prayed the images bouncing around in my brain would fuck off, but they wouldn’t. I had seriously no luck at all.
Believing Again (Finding Your Place Book 3) Page 16
