When my phone buzzed I tugged it from my pocket, the nervousness fading when I saw Lily’s words.
Stop wasting your time and get your ass up there.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, letting it out slowly.
It’s go time.
I pasted on my best approximation of a friendly non-whackjob smile, pulled open the door and headed toward Don the Doorman’s desk.
“Hey, Mr. Martin, go on up. Miss Lily vouched for your identity and any friend of hers is welcome.”
I nodded and smiled, trying my hardest not to look like a serial killer. “Thanks.”
As I headed toward the elevators I tried to think of something witty and eloquent to say, running through everything I thought I needed to convince Jamie to give me a second chance.
As the elevator doors slid open, I double-checked Trustfund’s text walking down the empty hallway until I stood in front of Jamie’s door. I knocked as hard as I could, muttering, “Don’t fuck this up, don’t fuck this up.”
When the door slowly opened all the words I’d tried to focus on faded away. Even with messy bedhead and in a faded T-shirt and sleep pants, Jamie Lassiter still made my heart pound.
“Ethan?” His sleepy expression registered confusion and surprise. “What are you doing here? Is everything okay?”
“All I could think about last night is how you’re three thousand miles away and how I should have done this eight years ago.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jamie
Suddenly much more alert than I was when I’d heard the banging on my door, I stared at him in confusion. “Done what, exactly?”
Ethan’s eyes narrowed with determination just before he closed the distance between us. He framed my face with those hands I had ached to feel on my skin for the last month and slanted his mouth over mine.
My lips parted in surprise, then I relaxed into the kiss, my hands settling on his hips to pull him closer. His hands curled around the back of my neck as our tongues tangled together. Electricity ran along my spine as I pulled him flush against me. All the doubts I’d had over the past month, all the fear of repeating the same mistakes with him, vanished.
He pulled back just an inch to bury his face against my neck, his lips softly ghosting against my skin. “I should have done that eight years ago when I wanted you more than anything I had ever wanted in my life, but was too scared to do anything about it.”
“Ethan—”
He pulled all the way back with an expression of absolute seriousness. “It’s true. I should have fought harder for us. I knew where you were and I still let everything go. I could have gotten my ass on a plane and fought for us. And I didn’t. But I refuse to do it again. Not when I know I love you and don’t want to lose you again.”
Three simple words that were anything but simple. Ethan loved me. Trying to wrap my brain around the enormity of the situation, I tugged him inside my apartment and closed the door. This past month had been good in the sense we had been forced to get to know each other again. In the beginning, it had been mostly flirty texts. The checking in with each other about how our days had gone. The all-too-brief phone calls Ethan hated, but I loved because I actually got to hear his voice instead of having to call it up from memory. But in the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop the doubt from creeping in. Even though a month had passed, we’d skirted around the topic of what we were doing. The texts and phone calls had helped to bring us together, but had anything really changed between us? Last week I had come to my own decision about what I wanted to do, even though I was scared shitless not knowing how Ethan would receive it.
He began to pull away. “Shit. You must be exhausted. I should have called to let you know I was coming. Hell, I should have called to see if you even wanted me to come at all.”
Lifting my eyes back to his, I shook my head. Get your head out of your ass, Lassiter. Without another thought, I tightened my hands on his waist and pulled him hard against me. Everything faded when my lips met his, as I tried to pour everything I felt for him into one kiss.
When he finally broke the kiss to gasp for breath, my lips trailed over his jaw, nipping the stubbled skin as I kissed down to his neck. I grinned as I felt his body tremble against mine.
“Jamie, I swear I didn’t travel three thousand miles for a booty call.”
I snorted, skimming my lips over his neck, and dug my fingers harder into his hips and walked him backward until his back was against my door. Without taking my lips from his skin, I arched into him, his head bumping against the door when my hips ground against his. Tilting my head, I slowly kissed my way down and dipped my tongue into the hollow of his throat. The moan that vibrated against my lips was intoxicating. I wanted, no needed to hear more of those sounds. A month without them had been a month too long.
An incoherent Ethan arched his back as if to push away from the door, but I trapped his body with mine and pinned him harder against it. With my lips an inch away from his neck, I finally spoke. “No, you traveled three thousand miles to tell me you love me, the three words I’ve wanted to hear from you for eight years. So don’t take this the wrong way, but please stop talking. I finally have you here with me, where I’ve been aching to have you, and I’d like to enjoy it.”
A small part of me was afraid he’d pull back to protect himself again. When I felt his hands slide into my hair to tug me forward, relief washed over me. Before our lips met, I caught the barest hint of a smile spreading across his lips. The kiss this time was slow and sensual. As his fingers curled into my hair and tightened, my entire body flooded with need. The need to feel his skin against mine. The need to have him writhing against me. The need to have him rocking against my body after so many years of aching for him.
Our teeth clanked together as he fisted his hands deeper into my hair, holding me against him as he plundered my mouth with his tongue. When his teeth grazed my tongue, I arched my hips harder against his. I wanted to feel as much of him as I could and the door, although useful for pinning him in place, was not where I had dreamed about having Ethan for the past month.
I broke the kiss and willed my body away from his. Confusion clouded his features until I reached down and slipped my hand into his, pulling him deeper into my apartment. Ethan’s eyes never strayed from mine as I led him to my bedroom.
I walked backward as he stalked into the room, his hands sliding up and down my arms. He reached down and tugged my T-shirt over my head, tossing it onto the floor. When the back of my calves finally touched the bed, he stepped forward and covered my mouth with his. My cock was rock hard as it slid against the rough material of his jeans.
My body vibrated with need as he ran his hands down my body and hooked his fingers into the waistband of my pants. In one swift movement, Ethan went down on his knees, sliding my pants and boxer briefs down my body with him. I laid one of my hands against his cheek as he stared up at me. He gently placed a kiss on the inside of my palm, then turned his head and slowly traced the tip of my cock with his tongue. Struggling to keep my eyes open, I watched as he licked around the head, slowly driving me crazy. When he dipped the tip of his tongue piercing into my slit, I curled my hand around the back of his neck, my gasp of pleasure breaking the silence in the room.
His slow and steady movements had me panting for breath, his lips and tongue following the length of my shaft as he raised one of his hands to tug gently on my balls. I tried to stay still but by the time Ethan had dragged his tongue back up the tip and enveloped my entire length in his warm mouth, I couldn’t stop myself from rocking my hips toward his lips.
When he swirled his tongue around the shaft, I slid my hand up into his hair and tugged. His answering moan was muffled as he took my cock deeper down his throat. My balls began to tighten and I tugged harder on his hair. His mouth came off the tip of my cock with a pop. I al
most tackled him to the floor to take him right then and there when I caught his trademark smirk spread across his face.
Needing him in my bed, I gently pulled him to his feet. Without waiting for any other word or movement from me, he tugged his sweatshirt and shirt over his head, tossing them to the floor before stepping closer to me, the heat of his skin sending goose bumps all over my body. He gently pushed me back until I was laid out on the bed. Keeping his eyes locked on mine, he unsnapped his jeans and had them pooled around his feet in one swift movement. He stopped to toe off his shoes and yank off his socks, leaving him completely bare. My eyes raked over his body and stopped when they got to his cock, hard and erect against his stomach.
I leaned up and slowly ran my fingers along the tip. His head fell back and his body shuddered when I moved forward the rest of the way and licked the pre-come off the slit. When he rocked his hips toward me, I wound my hands around his waist and cupped his ass, pulling him on top of me. As he kneeled over me, I greedily ran my hands over his warm skin. Ethan simply closed his eyes as I explored every inch of him. When I shifted to kiss the tattoo on his left biceps, he opened his eyes to watch me. His hips began to move over me, gliding our cocks together as my tongue glided over the dark lines of his tribal art.
I wouldn’t be able to last much longer. I shifted away from him and rolled over to dig for my neglected stash of supplies. Ethan settled himself on my bed next to me, his hand lazily stroking his length. I bit my lip as I watched him, lust and love warring within.
My voice was almost unrecognizable as I murmured, “You are, and have always been, so incredibly sexy to me.”
His gentle strokes changed into a full fist pump of his cock, leaving me aching to feel every inch of him inside me. I brushed his hand away and replaced it with mine, handing him the condom and lube I’d retrieved from the nightstand. When Ethan pushed the condom back in my hand, I paused mid-stroke and looked at him in confusion.
A shy smile spread across his face when he folded his hand over mine. “I won’t be needing this.”
I stared in confusion at his words. Did he want us to go bareback? Ethan was the only person I had ever done that with. We had gone together to get tested and when we finally got our results and experienced each other skin to skin, it had been a big deal. True, Ethan was the only person I’d had sex with over the past year, and I wanted him, no, needed him in my life. But eight years was a long time for that kind of trust to happen overnight.
His expression softened as he took the foil packet out of my hand. He kept his eyes on mine as he tore it open and tossed it to the side. With his free hand he cupped my ass and pulled me up until I was kneeling over him. With deft fingers, he rolled the condom down over my erection.
When I looked down at him, he laid back but kept his fingers at the base, slowly running the tips of them around and down toward my balls. “Like I said, I won’t be needing this. But you will.”
“Ethan...” Fire lit my veins as the realization of what he was suggesting sank in.
With one hand still tugging and massaging my balls, he lifted his other hand to lay it on my cheek. “I want this.”
I stared at him for a second. I’d topped before but never with Ethan, and the idea of him giving up his iron control for me was beyond erotic.
I lunged at his mouth, knowing my kiss lacked any kind of finesse. Ethan made a sound of surrender, then wrapped his arms around me and pulled me down on top of him. I pushed up to settle on my knees between his spread legs. I rubbed my hands up and down his thighs, thumbs tracing his muscles as the smattering of hair tickled my palms.
“Are you sure?”
He nodded and closed his eyes, his legs falling open wider. “More than I’ve been in a long time.”
Before I could overthink the whole situation, I reached over and grabbed the lube, pouring some onto my fingers. With a slight tremor of my hand, I slowly rubbed my slick finger over the tight opening behind his balls. His body trembled under me, but he stayed still, his fingers curling over my thigh. Gently I massaged the skin there, each pass of my fingers circling his hole. When I saw his body relax, I slowly pressed against him, the tip of my finger sliding inside him.
Ethan’s eyes flew open, his grasp tightening on my thigh. I paused and looked down at him. “Too much? We can stop. We don’t have to do this.”
His resolve never wavered as he regarded me steadily. “No. I want this. It’s just been a long time.”
I watched as his eyelids drifted closed again, his body finally relaxing. Ever so slowly, I eased my finger inside him, my own cock weeping with pre-come as his body contracted around me. My free hand ran up and down his thigh as I began to slide my finger in and out of his body. His needy sounds urged me on and once I felt the muscles loosen, I eased another finger alongside the first one. Ethan’s gasp of pleasure was followed by a subtle rock of his hips. With his eyes still closed, he rocked harder until he was matching my movements, my fingers disappearing and reappearing with each push. When I spread my fingers to loosen him even more, Ethan’s guttural groan sent an electrical pulse of heat straight to my groin. Within minutes I had added a third finger, mesmerized by the sight of him riding my hand.
Without warning his hand flew up and cupped me around the back of the neck, dragging me down for a brutally hard kiss. His hips bucked harder against my hand, his body shaking underneath me. When he broke the kiss and pulled back, my eyes focused on his red swollen lips as he struggled for words.
“If you’re not inside me soon, it’s going to be over before we’ve even gotten started.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Ethan
Jamie leaned down and brushed his lips over mine again, and I felt his fingers slide out of me, leaving me empty and aching. Without a word, he kneeled between my legs, pushing them up higher against my body. I was more exposed to him than I had ever been with anyone else. I slowly let out the breath I hadn’t known I was holding. This was Jamie—the only man I’d ever loved. The only lover I’d ever truly trusted. Our past was in the past and I knew, with absolute certainty, he wouldn’t hurt me.
The extreme concentration on Jamie’s face as he slowly inched forward, bracing himself on one hand above me, was beyond sexy. The moment he breached the tight ring of muscle, I immediately gasped and tensed up. Jamie paused and looked down at me with concern. “You okay?”
I nodded, my fingers digging into the sheet under me. “Just need a moment.”
He stilled over me, his body tight and shaking as he held his weight above me without moving. I’d experimented with a lot before I knew Jamie, and had too much meaningless sex after we broke up, but I had only bottomed a few times in my life. I was too much of a control freak to bottom to anyone I wasn’t emotionally invested in. During our six months together in school, it had just never come up. Jamie was a natural bottom. I was a natural top. We had experimented sexually with every other position there was except for this one. Now, I wanted it all. Six months hadn’t been long enough with him, and eight years had been too long without him. I wanted all of him, but more importantly, I wanted to give everything of myself to him. I had no clue where we’d end up or if this, whatever this was between us, was going to work out. But I knew I loved him and wanted to give him this part of myself.
Jamie’s voice wavered as he pushed another inch inside me. “You have no idea how incredible you feel.”
He had always been handsome, but with a light sheen of sweat on his body and need etched all over his face, he was stunning. I reached up again to touch the blond strands mussed from my fingers and drank in the way the muscles of his arms flexed as he held himself above me.
My voice was low and gravelly as he slowly rocked his hips again. “You have no idea how sexy you look like this, not to mention how you feel.”
The burning made me catch my breath a few times, an
d each time Jamie would pause over me, his eyes never leaving mine. When he was fully seated inside me, the feeling of being filled was almost too much. I closed my eyes and breathed through the sensation as I wrapped my arms around him, running my fingers through the shorter hair at the nape of his neck. A soft brush across my lips made me open them. Above me, Jamie’s heavy lidded, dark blue eyes held concern and passion. But they also held more emotion than I’d ever seen in them. Almost too quiet for me to hear him, he whispered, “By the way, I love you too.”
My heart thumped wildly in my chest as his words sank in. With a shaky hand I pulled him down for another kiss. As he began to move, my body adjusted and the full sensation turned into pleasure. I dragged my hands down his back, loving how my touch affected him. His eyes closed in pleasure as his teeth sank into his lip.
“We’re doing this again, just so I can watch you,” I murmured. His eyes snapped open and a pink flush spread down his neck and chest. Through every push and pull of his body, I could feel the tension which kept his muscles taut against me as he tried to hold back his release.
“Jesus, Ethan.”
I leaned up to kiss Jamie, tongue sliding against his, the heat slowly building. I gasped, breaking the kiss when he rocked his hips sharply, his cock hitting deep.
“More,” I gasped.
“Bossy,” he taunted, his voice turning breathy when I wrapped my legs around his hips.
“Always,” I bit out as I rocked my hips up to meet his building thrusts.
Jamie leaned back, tugging my hips up higher against him. When he reached between us to stroke my cock I arched up hard, the change in angle pushing him deeper. Heat arced through my body and pleasure followed. Jamie’s thrusts slowed, his hand on my cock matching his rhythm.
In the Fire Page 27
