"Dear Diary,
It was a strange experience I described the other day and somehow I’m worried. But the feeling of sleeping so much that nothing else exists, no thoughts, nothing, was wonderful. I only wish the man hadn’t been there. But Jan was incredibly nice to me afterwards and took me to dinner that evening."
"Dear Diary,
It has happened again. Strangely, it was the same customer Jan was driving. But he was just as nice as last time. I don’t remember anything from this time either.”
"Dear Diary,
I don’t know what’s wrong with Jan. He doesn’t really care for me anymore. I really want to make him happy. He says he’s stressed again, so I’ll try and help him more. He says that it’s not supposed to have any influence on my school, so I can help him at night. I’m not sure… I still need to sleep and get up for school. But I don’t want to lose him. He says that staying awake is not a problem. He’s given me some pills. I just have to take them before I go to school."
"Dear Diary,
Things are going well. I deliver the little parcels and there’s often a party at the places I go to. I’ve been invited to stay several times, but I have refused every time. I’m too shy and I’m not sure what Jan would think about it. The pills Jan has given me keep me awake at school. He has given me some more."
Evy turns the pages and there’s nothing for many days.
"Dear Diary,
Today in the limo it was as if I didn’t really fall asleep. Everything was the same, but this time I sensed the man taking off my clothes, and… Sorry, dear diary, I can’t describe what happened. I’m too ashamed."
"Dear Diary,
I have tried to stay away from Jan, but I need the pills that keep me awake in school. My life doesn’t really work without them. After all, I have been taking them for a while. I asked Jan what they were called, so I could ask my doctor to give me some. But he just laughed and grabbed my arm hard. His face was very close to mine and it was as if things had been building up to this moment for a long time. He almost growled at me: You’re a junkie. Don’t you realize that?!"
Evy gets up, but falls back down in the chair. She turns the page only to find a large X that fills up the whole page. It’s the same on the next page and on the next, before Linda finally writes something again.
"Dear Diary,
I’m sorry it’s been so long. I’m too ashamed to keep writing. I’m trapped in my need for the pills and Jan’s demand that I work for them. I can’t go somewhere else to get them and I’m too afraid to go to the doctor and more afraid to say anything at home. Jan says I have paid for them on my back in the limo, and that the young man is a customer. He says that the man I saw with blood running down his face was murdered, and that I was there and am therefore involved. I’m too afraid to go to the police. What if they put me in jail? He also says that Frans will kill me if I say anything. I’m so ashamed and I don’t know what to do."
Evy dries her eyes and looks down at the business cards lying next to her. Linda’s has bent corners and seems dull, and her own has clearly been in her purse for a long time. The paper has marks from where it has been folded over. Evy turns to the last page of the diary.
"I often think of how stupid I am. I felt like Evy when I sat in the limo for the first time and saw the street where I should have walked slowly pass by. The soft movements of the car, the feeling of gliding along, and the feeling of the leather and the deep carpet under my feet... This is no longer a question of surviving, but a question of dying slowly so something might change. But I’m in it so deep that it probably won’t... Not before it’s too late, anyway. I have lost weight and I’m addicted. I’ll do anything for the drugs... The man in the dark blue coat that got out of the car the first time I met Jan. I... I don’t know how to write this. I... He has an apartment in the city. I’ve been there several times. He’s rough but he pays well. Dear diary, I’m no longer in school. But at home I pretend to be."
Evy can see that Linda must have changed her pen because the writing is suddenly clearer.
"Dear diary, he’s the one that gave you to me."
Suddenly it feels like the diary is burning in her hands and she wants to drop it.
"He has thrown me out tonight. I don’t have the money."
Evy holds her head in her hands as she whispers.
"Stuart."
She feels a pain that’s too strong for words. She puts down the diary and lets her tears flow. The room is so quiet that she can hear her own tears falling. She slowly looks at the last page but one.
"Dear Diary,
When I picked up my daily dose, Jan said that I looked terrible and that he could no longer send me out with the parcels for the customers. In the future I have to make the money myself. He has no use for me. I refuse to work on the streets. I refuse. I just can’t do that."
"Dear Diary,
I’m so addicted I have to do something. Today I told Jan that I’m going into rehab tomorrow. I don’t understand why he looked at me like that. But after a while he laughed and wished me luck. He’ll throw a party for me. I don’t know… It seems weird. He gave me some pills and said he’d pick me up at seven. When I closed the door I heard him talking to Frans on the phone.
But now I don’t want to think about it anymore. Tomorrow is when my new life begins... or rather my normal life. Oh, I have to hurry. It’s ten to seven and I have to get to the corner where Jan will pick me up. He hates it when I’m late."
Slowly Evy lets go of the diary and it ends up on the floor where the soft carpet muffles the sound. She sits in the chair with slumped shoulders and looks at the teddy bear that’s sitting on a shelf smiling at her. The eyes of the teddy bear are empty. She turns her head away and studies her face in the mirror just inside the door. “I’m not staying here tonight. I’ll find a hotel.” She clenches her teeth, gets on her feet, and pulls out a small suitcase. She packs it slowly and meticulously. Then she stops and puts the teddy bear into her pocket, pulls down a hoodie from its hanger and takes it over her head, picks up her credit card, and carefully closes the door behind her. She can see the light going out under the door. She stands there, overwhelmed by the sight of the bedroom and the pictures rush back into her head.
"It’s not a question of surviving, but of dying slowly enough."
There’s a tear in the corner of her eye. She picks up her suitcase and leaves the apartment.
Chapter 29
For months Evy had been consumed by a desire to revenge Linda’s death, but one night in front of the TV, she had realized that she wasn’t the type of person who made complicated plans.
"I’m such a fool! Why haven’t I done something? Look at that!"
It feels like a physical blow and a cold she knows all too well fills her insides when the white limo pulls up in front of her. “Is it the same one? Is it the same one?” The thoughts are flying around in her head as she looks around hoping to find the photographers, but they’re not there.
"Let me."
She recognizes the voice and suddenly she can’t breathe.
"It’s been a while."
The driver is standing next to her, smiling as he opens the door.
"Here you go. We’ll be there on time."
Evy shakes her head.
"I’ll get a cab."
"Don’t be stupid. The limo is ordered and paid for."
Evy looks at him.
"By whom?"
"Someone who wants the best for you."
"Hmmm. I find that hard to believe."
"Please."
"How does he know where I’m going?"
He grabs her by the elbow.
"It’s not hard to guess where you’ll be going tonight."
She clearly feels that he doesn’t intend to let go. Feeling the panic, she looks around and down the street she sees a familiar face. One of the photographers she always says hi to and tries to give the best shots. The driver also sees him and holds on to her elbow even hard
er.
"Get in."
"Hi!"
She waves at the photographer.
"You want a ride?"
The photographer is surprised and stops before running over to her.
"Sure. Where are we going?"
"Guess."
She smiles at him as he quickly looks up and down her body.
"The fashion show?"
She nods and feels how the grip on her elbow loosens and then disappears.
"Get in."
She laughs. So does the photographer. A laugh so real that it quickly moves up into his eyes that look a little like two crescents under his dark eyebrows. A moment later he’s sitting in the leather seat with his camera ready to take pictures when she gets in. Evy turns to face the driver.
"To the fashion show."
She winks at the driver before leaning closer to him.
"Tell whoever ordered the limo that I’m still here and intend to stay."
The driver’s face turns into a tight mask as he helps her into the car.
"What a surprise. Just wait till the others..."
Evy doesn’t listen to what the photographer says, but just enjoys that he displays none of the aggressive desire to be the perfect partner that she has seen in so many men over the last year. The strange thing is that even some of her former customers treat her as a potential wife. As soon as she possibly could, she had asked all her customers to stay away. To Evy’s big surprise her old friends have started calling her again, inviting her to parties, but she has said no every time. She sits up more straight when she feels the driver looking at her. Cold shivers move over her skin like a cold hand on her warm, slightly moist skin. She is getting nervous. It’s quiet and suddenly there’s a flash from the camera. She’s blinded and quickly blinks before she feels the photographer’s shoulder against hers. He smiles and hands her the camera. She sees the picture on the screen. She recognizes her own face but not her eyes that are staring vacantly into space. He looks at her.
"It’s a good picture."
He speaks in a low voice.
"You think?"
He nods.
"That’s how you look when you’re not suspicious of everything around you, like you usually are."
She gives him back the camera.
"Do you want me to delete it?"
The limo slows down and pulls over to the curb. The faces in the crowd become clear and Evy recognizes several of the photographers she has seen many times outside her door. She still doesn’t quite understand why they sometimes wait for hours outside a shop to get a picture of her. Her smile reveals the fine lines in her sun tanned skin. They seem quite a lot deeper than just last year when she had inherited the money from Stuart and Nathan. Some reporter had found out, and suddenly it became a major story in some of the papers and then the internet took over. Before she knew what happened, the photographers had started turning up in front of her building.
The limo stops and just outside the tinted windows the faces are all over the place and very close to the window. She looks at him and shakes her head.
"Do you mind getting out on the other side once I get out?"
"Sure."
The front door slams. She leans against the door before she looks at the photographer again and puts her hand on his knee.
"Please take a picture of the driver and keep it somewhere safe."
He’s a little confused and looks at her.
"Please."
Evy’s door is opened and the light from the spotlights is pouring in. She gathers herself for a moment and then flashes a large smile. The driver leans forward a little when he helps her out and whispers to her.
"It’s not over yet. Smart move with the photographer, but you’ve only gotten him in trouble, and you… have a long night ahead of you."
He raises his eyebrows and they stare at each other. The door on the other side of the limo slams and there’s a flash. The driver turns toward the flash and then there’s another one, and then another. Then the photographer starts walking down the street. The driver jolts when he realizes that he won’t be able to catch up to him because of all the people.
"Bitch."
He lets go of her hand and walks quickly around the car. Evy looks around and tries to find the photographer, but he has disappeared. The driver smiles at her and forms the words.
"See you later."
She smiles back and forms the word.
"No."
Evy has the same oppressive feeling as when she found the driver’s card in Linda’s box. To this day she doesn’t know what made her check the web site of the limo company, where she found a picture of him. She was sitting with her computer in her lap and she couldn’t move, and then she was filled with a violent anger that made her throw the computer on the floor with a loud crash.
"Evy!"
The voice sounds warm and familiar and she turns quickly. There, in the middle of the crowd of pushing photographers, she sees the tan suede jacket and the blonde hair. ”Marc.” She smiles and remembers how attractive she had found him at the hospital. And there he is, just as attractive, in spite of the age difference between them. He had called her up to let her know that he didn’t want the job of tailing James after all. She had been too surprised to argue and had accepted it and done nothing further in the matter. When she had hired Marc to follow James, it was to get something to blackmail him with so she could get rid of her customers and most of all of him. But when her anger had subsided a little, she realized that blackmailing him would make her vulnerable. She knew how many contacts James had and realized that he could turn it against her. For several days she had argued with herself about doing it anyway, only with a different investigator. Then came the inheritance from Nathan, and with it the realization that revenge was not something she could ever serve cold enough.
"Evy!"
Evy can hear the admiration in the young girl’s voice and turns around and smiles.
"Hi, and who are you?"
A couple of photographers notice her answer and look at each other.
"Give her a hug, Evy!"
Evy smiles and walks over to the girl. Somewhere in the fuss of the next couple getting out of a limo, she hears the voice.
"Come on, Evy."
She continues crossing the red carpet. A flash lights up the carpet and reveals stains of wear. Out of the corner of her eye she sees the couple getting out of the limo behind hers, and realizes that this is probably the last picture they will take of her.
"Hi!"
Evy shouts at the girl and sends her a smile. ”She actually seems rather sweet. Maybe a little too mature looking for her age which is showing through her heavy make- up.” Evy puts her arm around her and gives her a big hug, trying her best to make it look real. She turns to face the photographers with the girl still in her arms, and soon the flashes go off all around her. The young girl smiles a happy smile and her red cheeks are burning hot against Evy’s. The joy of being in the spotlight surges through Evy, and she gives the girl a big kiss on her cheek while the lights from the flashes rain down on them. Then she laughs and winks at the girl before she continues down the red carpet. The couple behind her makes the crowd cheer and the flashing lights are turning night into day.
She looks down at the red carpet before walking the last steps up to the tall doors. Two men in red jackets send her friendly smiles as she passes them. She turns around and looks into Marc’s eyes. For a moment she stops, deep in thought, and then she smiles and walks on. The soft light from a sea of candles surrounds her as the flash lights fall on yet another couple getting out of yet another limo. Someone gently takes her by the elbow and she pulls it back with a jerk. A smiling young man is standing next to her.
“The show is about to start. Please take your seat.”
The young man gently takes hold of her elbow again, almost not touching her skin at all. She looks at him and wonders how he can hold her elbow so gently when his muscles are so clearly showing und
er his tuxedo jacket. When she finally looks into his eyes, he smiles and winks at her. She’s embarrassed that he has caught her admiring his body.
"We’re finished here around two if you stay for the entire show."
His voice is casual and very gentle.
"We actually don’t get paid much to be here."
She’s glad he has turned his back to her.
"Let me show you to your seat."
The catwalk is lit from below and its dark red color gives her goose bumps. She suddenly feels a pressure on her breasts when she bumps into his chest. There’s a sweet, spicy scent in the air and his mouth is very close to her ear.
"Two o’clock.”
The pressure is gone but the scent still surrounds her. She catches herself breathing it in. She can’t see him but has a clear feeling that he’s standing behind her when the scent is suddenly stronger. She feels the warm air from his mouth against her ear.
"Number 45. The chair straight ahead."
He puts his arm around her as he points to the chair. Suddenly the scent is almost gone. She turns quickly but he’s gone. She looks around the room and suddenly stops. ”Oh no, that can’t be true. How did he get in?” She squints and tries to see better, but the figure has disappeared. A strong feeling of fear when he appears again. ”How does a driver get access to an event like this?” She never finds an answer before his eyes meet hers. She turns around fast, but bumps into a big man whose forehead is sweaty, and whose much too skinny wife is talking a little too loud to him. Evy gives up apologizing and struggles to regain her balance in her very high patent leather shoes. They’re a little too small and are chafing her heels. She looks back and tries to get a general view of the crowd. The driver is still on the other side of the catwalk. She smiles nervously and turns her back to the catwalk. She looks at the man standing next to her.
Devil's Touch Page 22
