by Nikki Brown
“Damn I love you.” He whispered in my ear.
“Um hmm, I better be the only one you loving,” I said slightly pushing him back.
We walked over to where Mama was watching the whole thing transpire. She was shooting daggers at the C.O., who had yet to take her eyes off of us. I had watched enough TV and read enough of them urban fiction books to know what kind of shit goes down in here. I knew the kind of shit that a nigga would do to get some pull in the prisons. I just hoped and prayed that wasn’t my nigga. I didn’t know what I would do if I found out that nigga was in here fucking the help, but I damn sure was gonna ask.
“So, you got something going on with that bitch? Every time I come here she always on some shit, and she ain’t took her eyes off of me since I sat down.” I looked him in his eyes.
“Hell her ass probably wants you.” He laughed, but that was not about to deter me from finding out the answer to the question that I needed to know.
“Omari!”
“Chill bae, I ain’t trying to spend our time talking about something that’s fucking irrelevant.” He was getting irritated, but I didn’t give a fuck.
“Well, then I have nothing to say.” I got my happy ass up and got ready to walk out of the fucking room. I was not about to sit there and pretend that shit was all cool, and this bitch is sitting here like she fucking my man or something.
“Baby okay, just chill.” He caught up to me and grabbed my arm. “It ain’t shit with that bitch. She wants a nigga and I ain’t gonna lie, I’m nice to her ass because she makes sure a nigga comfortable in here, ya feel me?”
“Fuck no I don’t feel you, so you fucking that bitch,” I said a little louder than I expected. I gained the eyes for a few visitors but at that point, I didn’t give a fuck.
“Now you know good and damn well I ain’t fucking that bitch, look at her.” I glanced in her direction, and the smirk that she was previously wearing was now gone and replaced with a scowl which let me know that my man wasn’t being completely honest with me. “Shit in here ain’t easy, and I gotta do what I gotta do to stay Gucci up in here you know.”
I looked him in the eyes, and I wanted to cry. I could feel the deceit seeping out of his pores. From the moment we decided to make things official he never gave me a reason to doubt him, but right now I didn’t believe him, and he knew it.
He ushered me back over to the sitting area where we continued our visit. The whole visit was tense and forced, and it left a sour taste in my mouth. He kept trying to spice up the conversation, but I wasn’t in the mood. I was just ready to get out of there.
“Baby, please don’t do this.” He whispered and snuggled his nose into my neck.
“No, you don’t do this.” I let one lone tear roll down my cheek, it hit his ear, and he looked up at me and into my eyes. He knew that he did the one thing he promised me he wouldn’t do, he hurt me. With everything he knew about my childhood, he knew that I couldn’t take that and here he was doing exactly that.
“Alright! Time’s up, visits over.” The male C.O. yelled. We all stood up, and he hugged Mama Ann who said something in his ear that made him lower his head. Then he walked over to me and hugged me so tight that I didn’t know what to do.
“I love you, Zemia, and only you.” He kissed my cheek. I knew he meant that there was no doubt in my mind about that, but I wasn’t with the bullshit. “I’m sorry,” was the last thing he said before he walked away.
I returned to the waiting area to let Jenacia and the twins have their visit. I was so lost in my thoughts that I never heard anything that Mama Ann was saying to me.
“Girl, I know you hear me talking to you.” She popped my leg to get my attention.
“Ma’am? I’m sorry I was in my head.”
“I know you were; I just want you to know that Omari loves you, don’t ever doubt that. All of this is a bit much for him and I know that’s not an excuse but just know if he made a bad decision it wasn’t because he didn’t love you, it was because he had to.”
She looked at me in the eyes, and I felt what she was saying I just didn’t know if I could accept it. With the shit that I went through as a child, I don’t know if I can sit back and allow a man to do that to me and forgive him. First things first his ass needed to tell me the truth, and I would be making sure he did that the next time I talked to him.
Chapter Three
Kayson
Every time I saw my kids, my heart broke a little more. They were ten months now and starting to walk. I was missing everything with them, Jenacia sent me pictures and videos every chance she could and this iPhone that was given to me allowed me to video chat every once in a while when I had good service. It was nothing like being there; they knew who I was because Jenacia made sure to bring them every Saturday to see me. I hated that my kids had to see me like this, but I don’t think I would be able to go too long without seeing them.
“Youngblood.” Mr. Mason called out to me. He was my cellmate, and I didn’t mind it at all. He was wise as hell and never missed a moment to kick some knowledge to me. He was in for life for killing his wife and his brother because he walked in on them fucking. He refuses to apologize for it, and every time he goes up for parole, he is denied because he refuses to show remorse for his actions.
“What’s up old head?”
“How was ya visit with ya youngins?”
“Oh man it was good, they already starting to walk and shit and they only ten months old.” I beamed with pride as I laid on the top bunk with my hands behind my head and my feet crossed at the ankles. “They so damn smart it’s crazy, that damn Kayson acts just like me. He so damn chill and that Kyndon is the total opposite, he always into some shit. He stays trying Kayson until Kayson hits his ass back, and then the world ends.” I laughed, and so did Mason.
“Sounds like you got your hands full.”
“Man I wish, I would give my life to be able to experience all of that first hand you know.”
“Oh, I know youngblood, and you will. I got faith that this ain’t gonna be yo’ life too much longer. Trust me.”
The words resonating from his mouth gave me hope beyond what I had. Something about the way he spoke it made me believe him, and I needed that. My emotions were up and down in here. I didn’t know if I wanted to cry, be pissed or thank God because it could’ve been worse. Hell, I could be in a pine box right beside my brother but I ain’t, I’m here so I needed to hold on to all of the faith that I could muster up.
I prayed daily that if God would get me out of this mess, I would be done for good, right after I killed Perry and Krista for the shady shit they done. I just needed to get the chance, and if I didn’t get that chance soon, I was going to get someone else to do my dirty work. They didn’t deserve to be walking this earth, and I promise that they wouldn’t be long.
Sleep came easy for me that night, I had a whole new grasp on faith that I was holding on too. I had a sit down with Yameka on Monday, and I was ready to hear what she had to say.
Sunday flew by, and I was glad about that. It was like I woke up pumped some iron and it was lights out, and I was excited about that. Now it was Monday morning, and I was up and dressed before the C.O. even came to tell me that I had a visitor. He escorted me down the hall and put me in the room where we go to talk to our lawyer.
“How you holding up?” Yameka asked as soon as the C.O. was out of earshot.
“I’m ready to get the fuck out of here, but I’m good sis.” I nodded, and she returned the gesture.
“Well, I’ve got some good news for you.”
“Oh yeah.” I sat up in my seat ready to receive whatever the hell she was about to lay on me.
“I found a judge that will agree to reopen your case.” I couldn’t stop the smile that was spreading across my lips if I tried. “We also found some discrepancies in the state’s case that will help us out quite a bit. I gotta few tricks up my sleeve, and I feel good about this.”
“I’m glad because I�
�m ready to get home to my boys, Yameka.”
“I know you are and Jenacia is ready for you to get home too.”
“I already know.” I smiled. “How my brothers holding up?”
“You need to talk to Omari because he and Zemia are going through some things and it ain't pretty.” She shook her head.
“Things like what? We locked the hell up for goodness sakes.” I shrugged my shoulders because I was confused as to what the hell he could be doing in this muthafucka.
“She told me something about a female C.O.,” she raised her eyebrows like I should know something about it. “You don’t know anything about that, now do you?”
“Hell no, he ain’t talked to me about no shit like that. The only thing that we talk about is getting out and what our crazy ass mama is talking about, but that’s about it, but you best believe that I’ma holla at him about it.”
She nodded and told me a little bit more about the case and that we had our first court date in two weeks. It usually takes longer, but someone was pulling some strings to get things moving. She also got our trials back together, and that would help out in our favor as well. Yameka said she was gonna do what she needed to do to get us up out of here, and for the first time in three months I believed her. I headed back to my cell with a whole new attitude, but I needed to talk to my brother.
I waited until lights were out and I grabbed my phone, the cool C.O.s were at work tonight, so I was good with my phone. I called Omari.
“What’s up, bruh?”
“Don’t what’s up bruh me, what the fuck you got going on over there, O? Got Zemia stressing out and shit.”
He sighed really heavy, so I already knew it was about to be some shit. I just hoped he didn’t dig a hole that his ass couldn’t get out of.
“Man, so you know we got access to phones and shit?”
“Yeah, that was a hook up from someone you knew outside the gates right?”
“Not exactly.”
“The fuck O, you lying to me now.”
“Nah, I just didn’t wanna hear yo’ mouth.” He barked, and I sighed because I knew I could be hard on them but there was a reason, and this was one of those reasons, they make dumb ass decisions. “This bitch, C.O. Mitchell approached me when we first got here, a nigga was going through some shit and just needed an out so when she came to me with the shit, I went with it.”
“Came to you with what nigga, you talking in circles.”
“She told me that she knew all about the Barnes Brothers and if I gave her the D then she would make sure that all of our stays were comfortable. She said she had pull around here and that linking up with her was the thing to do, so I did. I did that shit for us.”
“Nigga,' don’t yo’ dumb ass ever open up yo’ mouth to say no dumb shit like that again.” I had to sit up in my bed. “You ain’t cheating on yo’ girl for me; I’m just fine the way I am so I don’t know what you talking about. That bitch got yo’ ass when you was vulnerable, and yo’ dumb ass fell for it.”
“Tell me it don’t make it easier for you to be able to see and talk to ya sons and ya girl whenever you want to?”
“I won’t say that it don’t but got damn nigga, not at the expense of yo’ soul!” I knew that his intentions were good, but his delivery was dumb as fuck because if Zemia found out, she was gonna leave his dumb ass. “I take it Zemia found out?”
“Man, she came up for the visit Saturday and Shay dumb ass was on some stupid shit. I cussed her ass out and refused to see her for the next few weeks, fuck her and if she cut these got damn phones off I’ma make sure everybody knows she is sneaking me weed in here.”
“Yo nigga, you gonna snitch though?”
“Like a muthafucking rat, where the cheese at nigga.” He laughed, and I joined in. He was dumb as fuck but that was fucked up though, but it was all still his fault.
“You need to clean this shit up.”
“I know bruh, I know.”
“You talk to Yameka?”
“Fuck yeah I did, and a nigga happy as hell. I hope she gets us THE FUCK outta here.” I could hear the smile in his voice, and I was with him 100%. I had a good feeling about this, and I was ready to see what she was working with.
“Bruh, you need to fix shit with Zemia, I’m pretty sure if Yameka knows what’s up then Jenacia do too and it won’t be too long before I have to hear that shit.”
“I got you, bruh, I’ma handle it.”
“ Aight, stay easy.”
“Only way I know how to be.”
I ended the call and sat there and thought about the dumb shit he had gotten himself into. With all the shit Zemia had been through in her life this was the last thing that she needed, and he knew that. I don’t know why he would even put himself in that situation. I would be sure to talk to sis soon and do some got damn damage control.
I wanted to call Jenacia and get me a session of phone sex in, but the last time I caught Mason’s perverted ass listening in, and I almost fucked his ass up. So, I would wait. Hopefully I would be filling up her walls in no time.
Chapter Four
Unc
“Muthafuckas think it’s a game, I’m back, and it’s time for some Beautiful Revenge,” I said out loud as I rubbed my hands together. I don’t know why muthafuckas thought shit was good. Time to fuck some shit up and wasn’t no one making it out breathing. Fuck with my family, and it will cost you your life.
Muthafuckas thought I was dead and that’s exactly how I wanted it. This fucking clap back about to be so muthafucking real won’t nobody know what the fuck hit ‘em. From them snitches that thought it was okay to testify all the way down to that crooked ass Agent Milgram.
That nigga thought his ass was slick because he changed his name and shit, I knew exactly who the fuck he was, and he knew me. He clearly didn’t know me as good as he thought he did. But I was about to let him know exactly who the fuck I was, and I couldn’t wait to see his fucking face when he sees the big bad fucking wolf is alive and breathing. That muthafucka has been on my shit ever since his brother died when we were younger. For some reason, he blamed his brother's death on me and tried to make my life hell. He never succeeded so I guess that’s why he’s back now, too bad this time the shit is gonna cost him his life.
“My nigga.” I was snapped out of my thoughts as someone approached the car.
“Tate, what’s good homie?” I dapped him up.
I made sure that Tate was the only one that knew that I was alive, I knew I should have let my family know, but right now it was in their best interest that they didn’t know anything. I trusted Tate with my life, and I knew that he had my back no questions asked. I have never doubted his loyalty, not even for one second, and I wasn’t about to start now. I remember the fucking day I popped up at his crib after everybody thought that I died in that fucking explosion.
I sat and watched everything for a while before I actually made myself known. I watched how my nephews and my son moved. This little hiatus had given me time to think shit through, and when all of this was done, I wanted to get to know Kayson a little more on the son side. True indeed I had damn near raised him, but I wanted to know him on a deeper level than that of my nephew and predecessor. I watched Tate and my sister to make sure that they were safe. I knew how people operated, once they thought shit was broken, they tried to jump in to fix it and I wasn’t having that.
My appearance had changed, I had shaved my head bald and cut off all of my facial hair, a nigga was looking like a 12-year-old kid, but I had to do what the fuck I had to do. I couldn’t risk anyone seeing me or spotting me especially with all the fuck shit that was going on. I needed to stay hidden so when the shit finally popped, no one would know what hit em, and you can’t arrest a dead man.
The day that I had decided to finally approach Tate was after the boys got arrested. I needed to let him know what the fuck was going on so that we could work on getting them out of this situation. I figured that if I was gone and out of the pic
ture that Milgram would back the hell off. I never thought in a million years that he would come after them. Seeing them in this fucked up situation had me on one but them being there was necessary. I watched as Tate got out of the car and headed up to his door. I eased out of the car and snuck up behind him. I waited on him to open the door, and then I announced myself.
“You counted a nigga out too?” His ass almost jumped out of his got damn skin. The look on his face was fucking priceless, and I couldn’t blame him. He thought I was dead, and he had every reason to.
“What the fuck?” He yelled and opened the door and tried to shut it in my face. I pushed against it making it hard for him to shut the door. “Nah yo’ ass dead as fuck! I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I will shoot yo’ ass.” He reached for his gun, and I began to laugh. It was late, and no lights were on at his house, so I knew this shit was freaking him out. I made sure that no one was watching his house before I approached.
“Nigga it’s me, got damn.”
“What the fuck Ray?” He eased up on the door but didn’t open it all the way. “I thought yo’ bitch ass was fucking dead, !” Nigga was so fucked up he was repeating himself.
“Niggas moving grimy. I made moves that would benefit us. Let me the fuck in so we can talk about this shit.” I said in a more serious tone. The shit was funny as hell, but I needed him to know that shit was serious as fuck.
He looked me in the eyes and then shook his head. Opening the door slowly, I walked in, and he stuck his head out the door and looked around and then joined me in the house. For a while, we just stood there staring at each other.
“Talk nigga, ‘cause this shit don’t feel right.” He folded his arms across his chest and stood with his legs shoulder-width apart; he was in a position to jump if he needed to and the shit made me chuckle.
