I could tell Tamara was touched as well. “Mama, you want me to call Greyhound?”
I nodded. “Yeah, go find the phone book.” I reached for the last bag. “Hattie, come on in.”
“You want me to help with your bags?”
I shook my head. “No, this is the last one.” We walked into the house together, and I told her to have a seat on the couch while we found the phone book.
“I’m so sorry to bother you, but I just want to get to see my mama. I’ve got a little money but not enough to get down there and eat on.”
“Do you have any family?” I asked as I sat on the loveseat across from her.
“I have two brothers. They’re married with their own families.”
“Can’t they send you the money?”
She started crying again. “They said they don’t have any money to be sending me.”
I pursed my lips trying to keep my anger at bay. I felt so sorry for this pitiful woman.
“I am schizophrenic, so I take medicine.”
I had figured as much. “You can’t keep wandering the streets of this neighborhood begging. You’re going to end up in jail or worse.”
She nodded like an obedient child.
Tamara brought me the phone book, and I looked up the phone number to Greyhound and dialed. As I listened to the recording I shared the information.
“The bus cost thirty dollars and ninety-three cents.”
She nodded.
“There is one leaving at nine twenty-five tomorrow morning.”
She nodded fast. “I’ve got to be on the bus. I got to see my mama.”
I was quiet trying to think what to do. “Okay, how much do you still need?”
“I need twenty-two dollars. That way I can eat while I’m there.”
Tamara came back carrying a box of Kleenex. A good thing because Hattie was snotting all over the place.
“Do you have any friends in Columbia?”
She shook her head and tried to keep her tears from resurfacing. “If I had friends I would have borrowed the money from them.”
“How long have you been in Columbia?”
She blew her nose before answering. “Five months. I was so tired of St. Louis I thought this would be a nice place to start over.”
I gave her a comforting smile. “Maybe you need to think about going back home. You’re struggling so hard here.”
She nodded. “I might take your advice. It’s been hard for me to make ends meet. I don’t have enough food or money.”
I remembered the time she had asked for food and money and I had turned her away and felt sick to my stomach.
She blew her nose and started crying some more. “All I wanted to do was go and see my mama but I couldn’t make it!” she cried.
I felt so bad because if I had given her the money she might have made it in time to say good-bye. I tried to think of something to say. I’ve never been the most sensitive person in the world.
“When was the last time you spoke to your mother?”
She dabbed her eyes with the Kleenex. “Last Friday. And she was fine. She didn’t complain about anything.”
“That’s how you need to remember her. We’re all on this earth for a short period of time. When God says it’s our time, it’s our time. Just think, she’s in a better place right now.”
She nodded.
“Remember she loved you and hold that dear to your heart.”
Hattie started crying again.
“Let me take you home and then I’ll run and get some money for you.” I rose and moved around to where she was sitting on the couch.
“Thank you. Nobody else wants to help me, but you always do.”
She rose and was still bawling.
My heart broke. “Come here.” I moved forward and embraced her. Tamara was standing to the side in awe. I guess she wasn’t used to seeing this side of me. I couldn’t help it, but this woman could be my mother.
“Now quit crying. I’m going to get you to your mama.” I pulled back. “Do you have a ride to the bus station?”
She nodded. “My neighbor Melody will take me.”
“You sure? Because I leave at seven and I can drop you off.”
She shook her head. “She’ll take me. I’m going to be there at eight o’clock even if I have to walk. I’m not missing that bus.”
I gave her a weak smile, trying my damndest not to cry right along with her. “Come on, let’s go.” I draped an arm around her shoulders and showed her to the door. We climbed into my car and I drove her around the block to her duplex.
“You want to come in?” she asked.
“I’ll come in when I get back with your money.”
“Okay. I will give you your money back when I get my check on the first.”
I patted her arm touched by the gesture. “Don’t worry about it. Keep your money.”
“You’re so kind. My caseworker took me today to go and get my medicines and she tried to help me get the money. She took me to the voluntary action center, but they said I have already used up all my resources with them helping me with my utilities.”
I kept my comment to myself, but if her caseworker was any kind of woman she would have just taken her own money and bought the ticket her damn self. “Don’t worry. I’ll be back with your money in a few minutes.”
Hattie nodded, then climbed out of the car. I waited until she was inside before I pulled off and headed to the bank. I had barely made it to the corner when the tears started running down my face. It was so sad. I thought about all the times I had turned that poor woman away.
I picked up the phone and called Kayla. She immediately sensed something was wrong. “Renee, what’s wrong with you?”
“Girl, I’m sitting in my car crying about this woman up the street.”
“The one who begs all the time?”
I had told her about the money and sanitary napkins. “Yeah, she is so pitiful. I had a chance to really talk to her and she’s no more crazy than my mom. She’s just a nice woman who has a mental illness.” I told her everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours and kept having to stop and start over because I was crying so hard. All she wanted was to see her mother before she had died, and no one would help her. What had the world become? Suddenly me having HIV wasn’t anywhere near as important as helping this woman.
“It’s a shame,” Kayla said with a sigh of despair.
“Yeah, I’m on my way to the bank to get her thirty dollars to buy her ticket.”
“That’s nice of you.”
“Anyway, I didn’t want anything, I just needed a shoulder to cry on.”
“Anytime.”
I hung up and made myself stop crying. You’re helping her now.
A few minutes later I was back at her duplex and found Hattie sitting out on the porch waiting. As soon as she saw me, she rose and opened the door.
“Come on in.”
I stepped into her apartment. It was so poor I had to make myself not cry. There was a beat-up couch and a coffee table in the living room.
“You can have anything you want,” she said, offering me any of her worldly possessions for my kindness. There was no way I could take anything from this woman even if she did have anything of value.
“I started packing this morning.” She signaled for me to follow her into her room. We moved through the kitchen. Dirty dishes were piled high in the sink. Canned goods with generic labels were on a small wooden kitchen table that had no chairs.
I stepped into her room and saw the twin-size bed and the small black-and-white television on top of a dresser that was missing a couple of drawers. In the middle of the floor was a suitcase that was almost full, and next to it was a large black garbage bag.
“You’re taking that bag with you?”
She looked concerned. “Yeah, I don’t have anything else. My suitcase is almost full.”
I was thinking about maybe giving her one of mine. “Is someone picking you up fr
om the bus station?”
She nodded. “My brother will.”
She looked like she was waiting anxiously for something. Oh shit! I hadn’t given her the money yet. I reached into my pocket and pulled out thirty-three dollars and handed it to her.
Her eyes grew large. “Oh thank You, Jesus! Thank You. Now I can eat! Now I can eat and won’t have to ask my family for nothing!” She raised her palms toward the ceiling and said a silent prayer. I wish my kids got that excited when I gave them their allowance.
“I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
“Don’t worry about it. You just get down there and see your mother.” We moved back into the living room. “Please call me if you need anything.”
“You’ve done more than enough. I won’t call unless I just have to.”
She handed me a disconnection notice from the electric company to write my number on. I knew what it was because I had one just like it at home. Mine was because I had been too lazy to mail the check. Hers was because she didn’t have the money to pay it.
“Write your number big so I can see it.”
I wrote my name and phone number in big block letters and had her read it for me. She saw it just fine.
“Do you think you’re coming back?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m going to take all my clothes and see what happens when I get there. There’s nothing important here so I can just leave it.”
“You got all your medicines?”
“Yes.” She rose and moved to the kitchen. “Come see.”
I followed her back into the kitchen and found six different bottles on the table. I glanced down at several that I knew my mama took. “You’re diabetic?”
She nodded, then moved to the refrigerator and showed me her insulin.
“My dog’s diabetic.”
She found that funny. I laughed with her, then moved back into the living room.
“You know, my mom is schizophrenic, so I understand. You remind me so much of her.”
“What’s her name?”
“Bernice Brown.”
Her eyes lit up. “I know her.”
“You do?” She’d only been here five months, so there was no way she knew my mother.
“Yeah, I know her. I just saw her.”
My mind was racing and I wasn’t sure what to believe. After all, this woman was crazy. “When . . . when did you see my mother?”
“I just saw her a couple of weeks ago.”
My knees buckled. My mother had been missing for years, yet this crazy woman said she just saw her. “Where did you see her at?”
“At the center.”
“What center?”
“At Nyra Recreational Center. The van picks me up every Wednesday. We do crafts and have classes on taking control of our mental illnesses.”
My heart was pounding rapidly. I wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth or not.
“You look like her, except she has a bigger gap between her two front teeth.”
She did know my mother. Bernice was known for her wide, gappy smile.
“When . . . when was the last time you . . . uh . . . saw my mother?” I was so nervous I couldn’t even talk straight.
“Let me see. I think it was probably three weeks ago. Once a month we have a birthday bash at the community center in honor of everybody who has birthdays that month. And your mom was there because I remember her standing up and being recognized for her birthday.”
Ohmygoodness. I couldn’t breathe. It was June. My mama was born in May. I tried my damndest not to get overly excited because all I would do was set myself up for disappointment.
“When does the center meet?”
“Every day, but I go on Wednesdays. We have crafts and they make us lunch and have other activities.”
I nodded, then rose. I desperately needed to be alone so that I could think. “Hattie, if you need anything else, please call me.”
“Thank you so much. I’m going to finish packing tonight and have Melody drop me off at eight o’clock. I’ll call you to let you know that I made it safely.”
“I’d like that.” I hugged her again, then headed out the door and climbed in my car. I only lived around the block, but it felt like eternity. I was shaking so hard I don’t know how I managed to drive at all. By the time I pulled into my driveway my teeth were chattering. I couldn’t believe it. I had found my mother.
I went in the room, buried myself in a pillow and cried like a baby.
52
Renee
I got up on Monday and called the clinic. I was shaking so hard I didn’t know what to do. I gave her my name and number and waited for the nurse to return to the phone.
“Ms. Moore?”
“Yes?” I croaked.
“You’ll need to come in and retake the test.”
“What? Why?” I could barely get the words out.
“Something was wrong with the specimen we took. You’ll have to come back in.”
What the fuck? I’ve been agonizing now for the last five days just so this bitch could tell me I’ve got to go through the bullshit again? Hell nah!
“When would you like to come back in?”
I suddenly became sick with another thought. What if the test had come back, and instead of telling me my results were positive, this was their way of double-checking before breaking the bad news? Oh. My. God.
I dropped the phone and barely made it to the bathroom before I started throwing up. I heard someone at the door and tried to ignore it, but whoever was out on the porch was insistent because they kept right on ringing my damn doorbell. I moved to the window and spotted Danielle.
Surprisingly, I was glad to see her. Anything to take my mind off shit.
“What’s wrong with you?” she asked only seconds after stepping inside my house.
“I’m about to lose my mind,” I said, then collapsed to my knees and started bawling. I just couldn’t hold it any longer. Danielle rushed to my side.
“Girl, what the hell is wrong with you?”
“John . . . has . . . H . . . I . . . V,” I cried hysterically.
“What? When did you . . .” Her voice trailed off and I knew I’d caught her off guard. “Jesus! That DL shit done caught up with him.”
My chest was starting to hurt. “He . . . he didn’t get it from Shemar.”
“Then who . . .” Her voice trailed off again and I knew it had registered, the most likely suspect—me.
I reached for a tissue and wiped my nose, then forced myself to calm down and take a deep breath. “Me. Maybe. I don’t know. I went down last week and took the test, but something happened with the blood so I’ve got to go back and take it again.”
“Oh, Nae-Nae, why didn’t you tell me? I would have gone down there with you.” She stroked my back.
I gave a defeated shrug. “I was too embarrassed to say anything. I just wanted the ordeal done and over with. Now I got to go back down to the clinic tomorrow.”
“Fine, then I’m going with you and taking the test. Hell, it’s been a year since I’ve been tested. Might as well get it over with.”
I pulled my legs up to my chest. “Danny, this is so unreal. I never thought something like this could happen to me.”
“None of us do. We put our lives at risk each and every time we lay down with a man. It’s a damn shame. I just never really thought about it until now.”
I shook my head. “I’ve been a ho for years, so this would have to be God’s way of getting back at me for my wicked ways.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” she stated firmly. “Everything is going to be fine, watch and see.”
“I hope so.”
“Quit worrying. What we need is a girls’ night to take your mind off things. How about a slumber party?”
I gave her a weak smile. “That sounds like fun. We haven’t done that in months.”
“Then a slumber party it is.” She moved to the phone to call my girls.
I
got rid of my kids for the evening and waited for the girls to arrive. I pushed back all the furniture in the living room and got the blender ready for margaritas.
I put my sister’s picture on the table. Lisa was the glue that always held us together. So if we’re having a get-together, her presence and wisdom were definitely needed. I wished she was here because one thing my big sister always did was find a way to cheer me up. Damn, now I’m crying again! I brushed the tears away, then moved into the kitchen to find the popcorn.
The doorbell rang and they filed in one after another with hugs and words of wisdom. Danielle had definitely made sure they all knew what I was up against.
Kayla gave me a big hug. “Renee, I’m going down there with you tomorrow and take that test.”
“Me, too,” Nadine chimed in.
“We’re all going to take that test. There is no reason you need to go through this alone.” Danielle poured ice into the blender and frowned. “Let me get my hands on John’s ass and I’ll kill him myself, putting you through this shit.”
I shook my head. “If I got it, then he got it from me.”
“Well, we’re not going to worry about that now, are we?” Nadine took my hand and smiled. “I’ve got some good news.”
I sighed with relief. “Thank God! Because we can sho use it.”
“Jordan’s having twins.”
We all screamed with excitement.
Kayla clapped her hands. “That is wonderful! I can’t wait to hold them. I know they’re going to be beautiful.”
I looked over at Danielle and smirked. “Of course they are. Their daddy is one fine mothafucka.”
Danielle rolled her eyes. “That crazy bastard. I hope you don’t plan to let him be a part of the baby’s life. Hell, he doesn’t take care of the son he has.”
Nadine removed the glasses from the top shelf and shook her head. “No way. That was part of the contract agreement.”
“Good,” Danielle said with a sigh of relief.
I poured the tequila in and added the mix. “Is he still stalking you?”
“Girl, yeah. I went and got an ex parte but I still see him popping up all the time. That’s one I’ll never be able to get rid of.”
“You can if you really want to.”
Careful of the Company You Keep Page 28
