Cat was busy sorting out the boxes that Kay had deemed worthy of bringing home. In fact, left to Kay, most of the contents of Angela’s house would have gone to the tip. Although Kay had said she was busy, she clearly couldn’t stop interfering and had come over to put a spanner in the works, as Noel put it. She wanted to get rid of everything without looking at it, and Cat had had a job to persuade her not to chuck the baby out with the bathwater. Then there’d been the unedifying sight of Noel and Kay arguing over bits of furniture they both coveted. It had given her a headache and made her feel grateful that she was an only child. She hoped her own children wouldn’t be fighting over her and Noel’s belongings in thirty years’ time.
In the meantime, Angela seemed well – less Angelaish – a shadow of her former self. Much meeker and more inclined to do Kay’s bidding. It was as if she couldn’t be bothered to fight. It had been a long time since Angela’s former moniker of Granny Nightmare had been accurate, but Cat found herself wishing that Angela would revert to her normal feisty self. Or at least stand up to Kay more, who seemed to be on a roll, dictating events and demanding everything went her way.
‘Are you sure you know what you’re letting yourself in for?’ Cat asked Kay, privately thinking her sister-in-law didn’t have a clue. ‘It’s not easy living with your mum.’
‘It’ll be fine,’ Kay said airily. ‘My mum’s not like yours was, away with the fairies. She’ll be perfectly happy in the granny annexe.’
Cat bit her tongue for the sake of family harmony, but she could have crowned her. Like her mother, tact was not Kay’s strong point. For once she thought maybe Noel had been right, Kay had been dropped on the head as a baby.
‘I’m just saying it’s not easy,’ said Cat, ‘and you’ll all have to make adjustments. Are you sure your mum wouldn’t be happier living independently nearby instead?’
‘No, we’ve discussed it,’ said Kay breezily. ‘Mum still doesn’t feel confident since her last fall’ – because you keep nannying her, thought Cat – ‘this way she can keep some independence and I can keep my eye on her.’ (And have babysitting on tap, thought Cat uncharitably.)
Cat had her doubts about how long Angela’s confidence would stay rocked, given her strength of personality, but certainly her mother-in-law seemed frailer than she had. Maybe her moving in with Kay was for the best. At least it meant she and Noel didn’t have to have Angela with them. Cat felt guilty for the thought, but the idea of having great granny, as well as a grandchild, in the house, while battling teens was a bit more than she could contemplate right now.
She checked her watch. Time to pick up Lou Lou from nursery. Mel, who was on study leave, offered to do it, but Cat had wanted her to revise instead. Which of course meant she wasn’t working so hard. One day she’d get this work-life balance thing sorted out once and for all. But not today. Today she’d carry on sandwich caring. After all, she’d had enough practice.
Chapter Seventeen
Marianne sighed as she climbed into bed with Gabriel. The twins were asleep and her mum had gone to bed with a valium.
‘That was a long day,’ said Gabriel, cuddling up to her. ‘How are you doing?’
‘The longest,’ said Marianne. ‘And I feel crap, but I’m glad it’s over.’
Gabriel held her tightly and she let soft tears fall on his shoulder. He’d been a rock since they’d got here, helping her and Mum sort out the funeral arrangements, registering the death, and the thousand and one things that apparently needed doing when someone died. At the weekend, he’d popped back to fetch Steven, who’d been very fond of Marianne’s dad and asked to come.
To her immense surprise, Mum had asked Steven to sing a solo at the funeral.
‘I’d love to,’ Steven had agreed shyly, when Marianne suggested it. ‘I liked your dad. He was fun.’
That made Marianne weep more than she thought it would be possible to. Dad had always made a point of taking time with Steven. She was touched that his efforts had not gone unappreciated.
Marianne was grateful for the twins who didn’t understand what was happening and kept asking where Heaven was and when would Grandpa come back from there, they were so sweet it made her smile. As if he’d gone on holiday, and would come back to them soon. Marianne envied them their innocence. A dull lead weight had settled in her stomach. She still couldn’t believe she would never see Dad again. She felt as if the whole balance of her world had shifted and gone out of kilter. Nothing would ever be the same again.
But the one good thing had been Gabe. Suddenly she’d got him back. She wondered that she’d ever felt she’d lost him. He seemed nearly as upset by Dad’s death as she was – ‘I just can’t take it in,’ he kept saying – and as they lay there together, comforting one another, he said, ‘I’m sorry, Marianne. I feel like I’ve let you down these last few months. I know it’s been tough on you to have Eve around. You’ve been wonderful to have her, it can’t have been easy.’
‘No it hasn’t,’ said Marianne. ‘But I’m not that wonderful, I know I’ve not been as accepting of her as I could have been.’
They lay staring into the darkness and then Gabriel started talking.
‘It’s just I’ve always felt so responsible for Eve, you know. I realise it’s ridiculous, but ever since I met her, I’ve had to take care of her. And it’s a hard habit to break. I’m sorry, I should never have put her above you. It won’t happen again.’
Marianne squeezed him tight.
‘I know,’ she said. ‘And it has driven me mad at times, but I do understand.’
‘I don’t deserve you,’ said Gabe, kissing her, and Marianne felt a huge sense of relief.
‘No you don’t,’ she said, ‘but luckily for you, you have a wonderful wife, and I forgive you.’
‘When we get back, I’ll gently start talking to Eve about getting a job and moving on,’ said Gabriel. ‘She is a lot better, it’s time she stood on her own two feet again.’
‘Are you sure?’ said Marianne. ‘I know it’s hard for her and for you not to worry about her.’
‘I’m sure,’ said Gabriel. ‘Having Eve in the house hasn’t been good for us, and one thing the last week has shown me is how lucky I am to have you.’
‘How lucky we are,’ said Marianne, leaning against his chest, and listening to the rise and fall of his breathing. She let out a deep sigh. The road ahead was tough, without a doubt. But with Gabriel at her side, she knew she could get through it. Together, they could get through anything.
‘So you really think there might be merlins in the woods, after all?’ said Cat over a well-earned cappuccino in the café. She and Pippa had spent the morning delivering leaflets throughout the town calling for action and another public meeting. ‘And Felix Macintyre has agreed to come and see them?’
‘No and yes,’ said Pippa. ‘There are definitely kestrels, according to Miss Woods, and they’re similar to merlins. And with any luck they won’t come close enough for him to get a clear look.’
‘And you’re going to bend Felix Macintyre’s ear about the importance of preserving the area as a wildlife site?’ said Cat.
‘That’s the plan,’ said Pippa. ‘If he really is keen on rare birds, and everything I’ve read about him suggests it’s an obsession of his, I think we can persuade him that Hope Christmas is the wrong site for his hotel.’
‘Me too,’ said Cat. ‘It’s definitely worth a try.’
‘You know me,’ said Pippa. ‘I’ll always give it a go. Even if no one else is on board.’
‘You’ve still not persuaded Richard to back your plans then?’
Pippa pulled a face.
‘It’s so frustrating. I’ve got such great ideas, and neither Richard nor Dan are prepared to hear me out.’
‘Oh I am sorry,’ said Cat. ‘What kind of things did you have in mind?
‘I was thinking of trying to come up with some seasonally themed attractions, to get people in. You know, like a Summer Sizzler and Halloween Spooktac
ular – we could put on some tractor rides, and have seasonal activities that kids would enjoy,’ said Pippa. ‘We’ve got the space to do it. I was even thinking about having something special at Christmas, and getting Santa in. Ralph Nicholas has reindeer, I was going to ask if I could hire some from him.’
‘That’s a brilliant idea,’ said Cat. ‘When Richard sees something concrete, I’m sure he’ll come round.’
‘I think that’s highly unlikely,’ said Pippa with a sigh. ‘Richard wants me to sell up and move in with him.’
‘Wow!’ Cat searched her friend’s face for clues. ‘That’s great isn’t it? The moving in bit, I mean not the selling. Shows he’s serious.’
‘I don’t know,’ Pippa said, fiddling with her cup. ‘I think I’m being unfair to Richard. I do like him. He’s kind and funny and he’s made me feel better about Dan. But we’re so different, and he really doesn’t get where I’m coming from about the farm. It’s so fundamental to me, and if he can’t see that, I don’t really know where we go from there.’
‘I can see that is a big problem,’ said Cat. ‘Maybe you just need time.’
‘Maybe,’ said Pippa, ‘but I’m beginning to think I might be better off being single. I know Dan’s not coming back, I’ve accepted that now, but I don’t have to be in a relationship. And I’m starting to think I shouldn’t be. Besides, Lucy hates Richard.’
‘Isn’t Lucy just being a typical stroppy preteen?’ said Cat. ‘God knows Paige and Ruby would give me hell if Noel and I split up and I found someone else.’
‘But Lucy’s not an ordinary girl is she?’ said Pippa. ‘And she’s struggled the most of the kids since Dan left. I don’t want her to suffer because of my decisions.’
‘Yes, but you still have the right to a life,’ said Cat. ‘You don’t have to be a nun.’
‘I know,’ said Pippa, ‘I just think I may have rushed it. Richard was there, being kind when I needed him. Oh shit, am I only going out with him from gratitude? That’s terrible.’
‘I’m sure you’re not,’ said Cat. ‘It’s not like you don’t fancy Richard or anything. It’s still early days.’
‘I guess,’ said Pippa but she didn’t look convinced. ‘Anyway, enough of that. Are you going to join us in the woods?’
‘Sounds like a hoot,’ said Cat. ‘You can count me in.’
Dan was having a coffee mid Saturday morning with Pippa. It was still something he did occasionally at weekends when it wasn’t his turn to have the kids. They all loved seeing him, and the boys had even deigned to spend ten minutes away from the Playstation to spend time with their dad. The sight of her normally laidback teenagers still being prepared to cuddle up to their dad warmed Pippa’s heart. Whatever else had happened, Pippa was glad that Dan still had good relationships with them all. Though she had noticed with a pang, as Richard had been around more, Dan had been around less.
Lucy was giggling so happily in her dad’s presence, Pippa felt worse than ever. It didn’t seem fair that Lucy had to live apart from Dan, even though it wasn’t Pippa’s decision. Logically, she knew she hadn’t chosen this situation, but it didn’t make her hate it any less. She really enjoyed Richard’s company, and he had helped her get over Dan, But how could she ever be with Richard, when Dan made their daughter this happy? How could she ever be with anyone? Pippa felt torn. And if she was really keen on Richard, she’d find a way … Which suggested to her that she wasn’t as keen on him as she ought to be.
Pippa got on with cooking while Dan and Lucy chatted together, so naturally and cosily for a moment she could almost pretend that nothing had changed and Dan was still living here. Then Richard came in. He’d stayed over, been tired from work and was only emerging now. He wasn’t used to farmer’s hours – a fact Pippa was trying hard not to hold against him – and had only just got out of bed. She reminded herself he worked very long hours in Birmingham during the week, as the financial director of a marketing firm, but it wasn’t easy for her to imagine him living here at the farm. Nor was it easy to picture herself selling up and moving the family into his. She should tell him, she really should …
‘Morning, love,’ said Richard, kissing her on the cheek and putting a proprietorial hand on her shoulder. She tried not to bristle, but she felt uncomfortable with this overt display of affection in front of Dan. ‘Any chance of a coffee?’
‘Yes, sure,’ said Pippa, getting up to pour him one, inwardly seething. She didn’t dare look at Lucy, or Dan for that matter.
Lucy quickly made her excuses and rolled her way into the lounge. Dan was about to follow her, but Richard stopped him.
‘Sorry, Dan, I wondered if you’d mind having a word, as we’re all here, it’s about the farm.’
‘What about it?’ Dan’s voice was wary.
‘Well, as you know Pippa and I have been together a while now, and we’ve been discussing taking things further—’
‘I haven’t—’ Pippa started to protest, but Richard was on a roll.
‘So we were wondering about you buying out the farm instead, to allow the boys the option of still having it in the future. I know how concerned Pippa is about that.’
‘Richard, I never said yes to any of this,’ said Pippa angrily.
‘You said you’d think about it,’ said Richard.
‘Not the same thing,’ said Pippa, ‘besides what about my plans?’
She’d shown Dan a few of her ideas, and thought he’d been interested.
‘I’m not convinced they’re going to work,’ said Dan, to her dismay. ‘I know last time we spoke I said we should sell, but Dad had suggested this as a possibility too. Maybe if between us we can raise a bank loan, it might be doable. I don’t want the boys to lose out, and the last thing I want to do is to hold you two back.’
I haven’t said yes, yet, Pippa wanted to say, but she was so upset by Dan’s reaction to her ideas, she found herself unable to say anything. Her Dan would have listened to her. Her Dan would have fought for her. It was time to face reality. Her Dan was gone for good. She was tilting at windmills and always had been.
Chapter Eighteen
Marianne breathed a sigh of relief, as they drove down the lane to the farm. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the sheep baaing on the hills, and she felt a lightening of her spirits, for the first time since her dad had died. It felt so lovely to be home. Time to get back to normal, even if she still felt odd and spaced out by what had happened. It would be good to get back into routine. The twins had slept most of the way back, which had made the journey a lot easier, and Gabe had done the driving so she’d been able to have a kip too. Marianne hadn’t slept much in the last week.
To her surprise, Mum had insisted not only that Matt and Marcus fly back off to India to resume their world tour, but that she and Gabriel went back home.
‘The twins need their routine, Steven needs to get back to school, and Gabriel has work to do,’ she said, and when Marianne had protested, ‘But what about you?’ she’d smiled a sad smile and said, ‘I’ll manage. Besides, I have to get used to being on my own now.’
Marianne felt simultaneously guilty and grateful to have been let off the hook. It was true, the twins were all over the place, and it had been too crowded for all of them at Mum’s house. They all needed to get back to their lives, but she still felt guilty about leaving Mum, and made her promise she would come up and visit soon.
If she was honest, Marianne was amazed at how well her mum was coping so far. She was demonstrating a stoicism and pragmatism that Marianne hadn’t been aware her mother was capable of. She’d always relied so much on Dad, Marianne had been sure she’d fall apart. Instead, she’d been stronger than either Marianne or Matt at the funeral, and kept up a cheerful determination in front of them, which had made Marianne love her mother more than she’d done in her entire life. Dad was the one she’d always been close to. Maybe now she and Mum could get on better. Marianne hoped so. At least then something positive would have come out of Dad
dying.
‘Glad to be home?’ Gabe said as Steven helped them carry their bags to the front door, making the most of the twins still being asleep.
‘You bet,’ said Marianne. She kissed him. ‘Thanks for everything, Gabe. I couldn’t have got through it without you.’
‘I didn’t do anything,’ said Gabriel, ‘but glad if I helped.’
He squeezed her hand and she felt a thrill of joy that he was hers and everything between them was restored and back the way it should be.
‘Ugh, you two,’ said Steven, ‘do you have to?’
‘Yes, young man, we do,’ said Gabriel, giving his son a friendly shove. ‘One day when you’re grown up you’ll understand.’
‘I don’t think I’ll ever understand that,’ said Steven, the look of disgust on his face sending both Gabriel and Marianne into paroxysms of laughter.
‘Right, I’ll dump the bags and get straight out to the sheep,’ said Gabriel as he went to open the door. It was a bit stiff, so he gave it a good shove, and then, ‘What the—?’
‘What’s the matter?’ said Marianne as she followed him in.
The hallway was in chaos. The wallpaper was half stripped, the banister sanded down and there was a dustsheet half on and half off the floor (the cause of the sticking door), and the sound of piteous baaing was coming from the kitchen.
‘Dolly sounds fed up,’ said Gabriel. ‘What on earth is going on?’ He made his way carefully through the hallway to the kitchen, and opened the door. Dolly had clearly been waiting on the other side, because she charged out, almost knocking Gabriel over, and causing a tin of paint to go flying.
‘Shit!’ said Gabriel as it tipped all over the bit of carpet which was exposed, and Dolly shot past him and out of the front door.
‘What the hell is going on?’ said Marianne furiously.
‘Oh.’ Eve appeared at the top of the stairs looking stricken. ‘It was meant to be a surprise. I thought I’d decorate while you were away. I hope you don’t mind?’
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