“Someone has to take over the farm. Daniel already has his own place.”
“And Joseph has his business. You didn’t stop them from doing what they loved.” He fought to keep his voice even. It might be too late for him to have what he wanted, but surely not for Josh. “You can give the farm to Daniel’s boy, if you want. I’ll work it for him until he’s old enough to take over. Just give Josh his chance, Daad. Please.”
Ben held his breath. There wasn’t anything else to say. If it hadn’t been enough...
Daad got up, straightening, patting the Holstein absently. “Ach, maybe I was a bit hasty with the boy. I don’t want to push him into something that doesn’t suit him.” He cleared his throat, not looking at Ben. “I’ll think on it.”
He’d have to be content with that, he supposed, but it was the best he could expect. Daad was deliberate, but he was fair.
“Let’s get this milk to the house.” Daad picked up two buckets. “If I know your mamm, she’ll be in a tizzy to get everything ready to go to Daniel’s place.”
“Right.” Holding on to the glimmer of hope, Ben picked up his two pails of milk.
They stepped outside to see the sky growing light in the east. Over the western ridge, clouds gathered thickly. “Looks like snow coming.” Ben slid the door shut.
“Wouldn’t be surprised.” Daad strode along smoothly, not spilling a drop as he went.
They were nearly to the house when Daad spoke again. “So, are you home to stay, Benjamin?”
“Ya, Daad.” Home to stay—to go back to the church, make his confession and his vows, commit to live Amish the rest of his life.
But if he was truly to be right with God, he had to deal with his past, and that meant Mickey. Mickey wanted to see him, so the sooner the better. They could meet in town and have this over with once and for all.
* * *
From what Anna had been able to observe at the breakfast table, both Ben and his brother looked a bit less stressed. That surely meant that Ben’s talk with his daad had given them hope.
Any chance of a private word with Ben slid away as Elizabeth sprang up from the table, intent on getting everything ready to head to Daniel’s as early as possible. Anna privately thought that Daniel’s wife might appreciate a quiet time this morning before the influx of family, but she was swept away inexorably on the wave of Elizabeth’s determination.
Ben, stepping out of his mother’s path, gave Anna the suggestion of a wink. Later, he mouthed silently, and she nodded, reassured.
Later proved to be midmorning, when Elizabeth had hurried upstairs to check over the stack of wrapped gifts in the corner of her bedroom. A peek out the back door showed Anna that Ben was approaching the house. Grabbing her jacket from the peg, she stepped out to wait for him.
Ben increased speed when he saw her, taking the two steps to the porch in one long stride. After a quick glance around to be sure no one was watching, he clasped her hands in his. “How did you get away from Mamm?”
“Shh. She’ll be back in a moment.” She smiled up at him, convinced the news was good. “Well? Did you talk to your daad?”
Ben nodded. “Nothing’s sure yet, but I think he’s ready to consider Josh’s plan. Now, if we can keep Josh from rushing into anything again, it will probably work out for him.”
“And you? Will it work out for Benjamin, too?” She clasped his cold hands tighter.
A tiny line formed between his brows. “That’s not...well, let’s say we’ll have to wait and see.” He glanced down at their clasped hands. “Funny, that I never realized how much this place meant to me until I came back. Now...well, now I don’t know what Daad will decide. I can’t blame him for being slow to trust again, can I?”
There was a note of sorrow, maybe even of bitterness, in his words that she didn’t miss. But before she could find a response, she heard Elizabeth calling from the kitchen.
Ben released her hands with his teasing grin. “Foiled again. We’d best go in.”
Hoping Elizabeth would think her cheeks were red from the cold air, Anna hurried inside, intensely aware of Ben right behind her.
“There you are.” Elizabeth looked upset. “I can’t believe I did such a foolish thing. How could I?”
“What’s wrong?” Anna hurried to her, alarmed.
“Ach, I told Barbie I’d bring the pickles and olives and vegetables for the relish tray, and I went and forgot to pick up the jars of olives when I was at the store.”
Anna exchanged glances with Ben, trying to suppress a smile.
“That’s a crisis for sure, Mamm.” He came to hug her. “Christmas Eve will be ruined if we don’t have olives, that’s certain sure.”
Elizabeth swatted at him. “Don’t you go making fun of me, Benjamin. I promised I’d take care of it. Well, we’ll have to go to town before we go to Daniel’s, I suppose. But that will make us late, and I want to be there to help.”
Ben planted a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll take care of it. I told Daad I’d do the afternoon milking so he can go early with you. I can easily run into town and get them. How many do you want—two of each?”
Elizabeth reached up to pat his cheek. “Ach, you’re a gut boy. Better make it three, ain’t so?”
Anna could tell by his expression that he thought that was far more than needed, but he was wise enough not to argue. “Right. I’ll take care of it and see you at Daniel’s later.” He hugged her. “And calm down. It’s just family, after all.”
“Family is the most important after faith,” Elizabeth said firmly. “And don’t you forget it.”
Only the faintest flicker of an eyelash showed that he might have been hurt by the words. “I’ll get going,” he said. With a quick smile for Anna, he went out the back door.
“He is a gut boy,” Elizabeth said softly, almost to herself. “Pray Asa sees it.”
Anna nodded, not sure Elizabeth even noticed that she was still there.
Elizabeth seemed to shake herself. “Now we’ll get everything packed up and...ach, what now?”
Anna hurried to take her cell phone from the shelf. A jumble of words assaulted her ear, so fast she could hardly make it out.
“Slow down, James. I can’t understand you. Is Dora all right?”
Apparently Dora wrested the phone from her excited husband. “I... Can I see you, please, Anna? I’ve had some contractions, and Mamm Beachy says that’s natural, but I...”
“I understand,” she said quickly, raising her eyebrows at Elizabeth. “I’ll komm right over. Is anyone else there besides you and James?”
“They already left for Onkel Amos’s house. What?” This last was addressed to her husband, apparently. Then she came back on the line. “James says we’ll komm to the center. That way if everything is all right, we can go on to his onkel’s from there.” Her voice seemed to tremble. “Please, Anna. I don’t know...”
“It’s no trouble at all,” Anna said reassuringly. “I’ll see you at the center.”
She clicked off and turned to Elizabeth. “Did you get that? It’s probably nothing, but I’ll stay and check Dora. You go on to Daniel’s.”
“I don’t want you driving alone when it looks like snow.” Distressed, Elizabeth glanced toward the window. “Ach, what am I thinking. Ben will be coming later. Run and catch him before he leaves for town and tell him to pick you up at the center. Hurry, before he leaves.” Elizabeth shooed her with both hands.
Knowing it would only stress Elizabeth more if she disputed her plans, Anna picked up her jacket again and dashed out the door.
She spotted Ben by the barn, standing next to the two-seat buggy. There was no need to hurry—he hadn’t even brought out the gelding yet. Still, her eagerness for a private word had her feet scurrying across the frozen path to the barn.
It was
only when she was within a few feet of him that she realized she was once more catching him unaware, as he talked on his cell phone. Determined not to make the same mistake again, she opened her mouth to given him warning of her presence. But the words froze in her throat when she heard what he was saying.
“...has to be now. I’ll meet you in town in about half an hour.” The other party must have spoken then because Ben was silent for a moment.
Now she should speak, but she couldn’t find the words.
“Mickey, I can’t take it any longer. I can’t. It has to be today. Meet me. Don’t let me down now.”
She gasped then, unable to stop herself. It was as if something had smacked her right in the stomach, knocking the breath out of her entirely.
Ben pivoted, clicking off the call. His face tightened until it resembled something formed from the icicles that hung from the barn eaves. “Well, Anna?”
She had to speak, even though she felt her heart splintering. “I was supposed to tell you to pick me up at the birthing center later. But that won’t happen, will it? Because you won’t be here. You’ll be off someplace with that Mickey you were talking to.”
A muscle twitched in his jaw, as if out of his control. He started to speak but she swept on, the blood pounding so loudly in her ears she could hardly hear.
“Who is she? Your Englisch girlfriend? How long were you going to pretend that you’d given all that up? How could you pretend about...about us?” She would not cry. Not yet. Not where he could see.
Ben’s gaze flashed like lightning. “Made up your mind, haven’t you? What happened to trust?”
She forced herself to look full in his face. “Trust is earned, Benjamin. I learned three years ago I couldn’t trust you. I shouldn’t have forgotten that so easily.” Unable to hang on to her composure for another instant, she spun and hurried toward the house.
It had happened again. She had given Ben her heart, and he had broken it. The first flakes of snow, drifting down from a sullen sky, felt like tears on her cheeks.
Chapter Nine
Somehow Anna managed to control herself until after she’d seen Elizabeth, Asa and Josh off to Daniel’s house. By then the need to weep or rage had passed, leaving her with a dry throat and stinging eyes.
She got her bag, checking to make sure she had everything she needed. Maybe she wouldn’t make it to Daniel’s at all for Christmas Eve. If so, that might be just as well. She didn’t think she could bear to see joy turn to ashes when they realized Ben had left again.
A very faint flicker of hope touched her. He hadn’t actually said he was leaving today. But he’d also said he couldn’t stand it any longer. Meaning what? This life? Or her? It would have been better if she’d never seen Benjamin at all.
Pulling on her black gloves, she opened the back door and paused. The snow was falling thicker and faster than she’d realized. It must have accumulated an inch in the past half hour. If this kept up, plenty of people wouldn’t get where they’d planned to be for Christmas Eve.
Trudging through the snow toward the birthing center, she felt none of the exhilaration that a fresh snowfall usually brought. Now she could only see it as a hazard.
When she reached the small building, Anna stamped the snow off her sturdy shoes and hurried to turn the heat up. The gas furnace came on with a reassuring murmur. Grateful for the blast of warmth, she stripped off her gloves and hung her outer garments up to dry. At least she didn’t have to worry about the heat or light going off if the power lines went down, the way some of their Englisch neighbors would.
Anna bustled around, getting the room ready, checking the supply of sheets and towels for no reason at all except to keep her mind occupied.
It didn’t help. She was still mentally following Ben on his way to the village of Lost Creek, the gelding clopping along through the snow.
Or would he have taken the car, which had been tucked away out of sight in one of the outbuildings since he’d returned? If he didn’t intend to come back...
But no, surely she’d have noticed the sound of a car. She glanced at the businesslike watch every midwife needed. Would he be meeting his friend yet?
Friend. Girlfriend? Or more?
No point in torturing herself this way. Besides, that was the sound of a buggy drawing up to the hitching rail in front of the clinic.
Swinging her black shawl around her shoulders, she stepped out to greet them and frowned. The snow had been coming down fast a few minutes ago. Now it turned the ridge completely invisible, and when she looked down the valley she could no longer see the lights from the distant Englisch farms and houses.
Planting a smile on her face, Anna went to help James bring Dora up the steps. Reassurance was the first task of the midwife, especially in a situation like this one. “I’m wonderful glad you got here with the snow getting so bad.”
James cast a worried look back up the lane toward the road. “Nasty out, that’s certain sure.”
“Let’s get Dora inside where it’s warm and see what’s happening.” She smiled at Dora, seeing the fright in the girl’s face. “Here we go.”
Together they took her through the waiting room and into the exam room. James, after one nervous glance around, backed out to the waiting room instead.
“There now, if James isn’t a typical first-time daadi.” She assisted Dora to remove her outer clothes and get onto the bed that they used in preference to a more formal exam table.
“I’m sehr glad to see you.” Dora clasped her hand. “Mamm Etta kept saying these feelings are just practice for the big day, but I can’t help being worried. If the baby comes this early—”
“Now, Dora, this wouldn’t be early at all. Remember what we told you. Two weeks either way is all right. Now just let me take a look, and we’ll soon know.”
It didn’t take more than a few minutes to know what she was dealing with. Dora was indeed in labor, with the contractions stronger and closer together than she liked to see given the situation. Still, babies arrived when they were ready, snow or no snow.
“James,” she called. “Will you komm, please?”
James’s face was nearly as white as the sheet on the bed, but he came to take Dora’s hand. “What...what?” He seemed to run out of words.
Anna focused on their faces, trying to make them feel her assurance. “Dora’s right. It looks as if you’re going to have your baby for Christmas.”
“But...but...it can’t be,” James protested. “Mamm says the baby won’t be born for another week or more.”
Anna pushed down a wave of exasperation, but before she could say anything, Dora did.
“This is our baby,” she snapped. “Not your mamm’s. The baby is coming. I know.”
For a moment he looked taken aback. Then he straightened and gave a crisp nod. “Ya. So what do we do?”
“Since the weather is so bad,” she spoke carefully, not wanting to alarm them, “it may be best if we call the emergency squad. They should be able to get through. Otherwise, you may be stuck here until the roads are cleared. All right?”
Dora’s face crumpled. “But I don’t want to go clear to the hospital. I want to have my baby right here, close to home.”
“I know,” Anna soothed. “That’s what we want for you, too.” As tears threatened to overcome Dora, she added, “Let’s just call and see what they say about getting here, all right? Then we can decide.”
Dora hesitated, then nodded.
Anna stepped away from the bed to retrieve her cell phone. Dora was fine and healthy, and normally there’d be no question of calling anyone to help. But she and Elizabeth were in agreement that they’d call for assistance if any problems arose. She just feared that if she waited, help might not get here in time.
But a glance at the phone took the decision out of her
hands. She held up the cell phone to show James. “No service. The weather must be interfering.”
James’s face tightened. “I’ll go myself. The land lines might still be working at one of the farms down the valley.”
“No! What if something happened to you? What would I do?” Dora sat up, grabbing his hand, and almost as quickly gasped at the onset of another contraction.
James held her hand in both of his, and Anna seemed to see him turning from an uncertain boy into a man in that moment.
“Hush, now. Nothing will happen to me. It’s my job to take care of you and the boppli, ain’t so? You just listen to Anna, and I’ll be back with help before you know it.”
Anna nodded. “Take care, now. And be sure to tell the emergency people that it’s a first baby and I requested assistance because we might be cut off by the snow.” She walked to the door with him as he bundled up against the cold. “God be with you.”
James’s young face was resolute. “I’ll get help. Just...just take care of my Dora.” Not waiting for a response, he plunged out into the snow.
Anna let out a long breath. The decision was made. She could only pray that it was the right one and that God would guide her every action this night.
As Anna might have predicted, James’s departure sent Dora into a fit of anxiety. She moved restlessly, unable to be still.
“Something will happen to James. I know it will. Or the baby. What if something goes wrong with the baby?” she wailed.
Anna clasped both her hands, forcing her to listen. “Stoppe. You are tiring yourself out, and that won’t help you or the baby. When the time comes, you have to be strong enough to push. The best thing now is for you to rest a bit between contractions.”
“I can’t.” Dora tried to pull away.
“Ya, you can,” she said firmly. Ordinarily she’d encourage walking at this stage, but calming Dora took priority at the moment. “Lean back against the pillow now, and just listen.”
Somewhat to her surprise, Dora obeyed, her anxious gaze fixed on Anna’s face. With another silent prayer for guidance, Anna began to talk. She kept her voice low and soothing, focusing all her love and attention on the frightened girl. She talked about the baby, about the joy he or she would bring into their lives. She encouraged Dora to tell her about James’s courtship. Slowly, by tiny degrees, the tension drained out of Dora. Relaxing, she stopped fighting her body, resting and letting Anna coach her through the contractions.
Amish Christmas Blessings: The Midwife's Christmas Surprise/A Christmas to Remember Page 7
