by Amano, Mia
“Deserved what?”
“Nothing.” Mina stares back at me, and, just for a split second, something savage crosses her face. It’s so quick I wonder if I’m imagining things. “Thanks for coming to check on me, Adi.”
“I’m just glad you’re safe.” I stand, ruffling Mina’s hair. There’s such an age gap between us. Mom had me really young. Mina came years later, a surprise. When I was in high school, she was just a kid, always looking up to me. If she knew the kinds of things I did sometimes, she might not think so highly of me.
But she needs her big sister right now. I hold out my hand. “Come on. Time to stop moping around. Let’s go and finish that triple choc fudge ice cream I saw in the freezer. Chocolate makes everything better.”
Nodding, Mina untangles herself from the bed, a small grin appearing on her face. I was right. Chocolate is the cure for everything. I need it too. It might help me forget about that strangeness with Kaito.
But I don’t want to forget. Because I don’t believe him.
The way he looked at me, that wasn’t the look of a man looking for a one night stand. Something’s confused the man. I need to set him straight.
And I still owe him a piece of artwork. An idea starts to grow. I’m not done with Kaito yet. Not by a long shot.
Kaito
Warm water cascades over me as I stand under the shower, washing away the filth of killing, and the bittersweet memory of sex. The killing stain is all in my head, of course. With that kind of work, I never make a mess.
It was only when I got back and found Adele waiting for me on the balcony that I made a mess of it all. She was wearing that damn red dress that danced up and down with the wind, showing her smooth, toned thighs. I didn’t want to touch her, speak to her, even look at her when I’m like this.
She doesn’t deserve an asshole like me.
What was I thinking? That I could have a normal, honest to God relationship with her? That I’d changed, somehow? That I could start this dirty work again, this killing, and pretend to be normal, that I could hide it from her?
Delusions.
You stupid fuck, Kaito.
I was a cruel bastard to her. She came here asking for help. I used her, then shut her out, blew her off. I’m more than certain now that the girl I found at Mancini’s place was her little sister. Sisters talk. I should find that kid and put the fear of God into her, but what’s the point? Adele’s going to find out about me sooner or later. One can’t hide these kind of things for too long.
If she knew the truth, she wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.
Once you’re a part of the yakuza, they never, ever let you go. The only way to escape is death. And I’m not ready for that, yet. In the accounting job that I do, I’m useful to the Kuroda Group. I could spend the rest of my days as a glorified money launderer.
But in the role of an assassin, I’m invaluable. And Erika Goto has asked me to pay my dues.
Now that Vincent Mancini is dead, there’s going to be war. And I’ll find myself very busy again. Of that I have no doubt.
I know this pattern of events. It’s happened before, in Tokyo.
I never should have started anything with Adele. I knew that sooner or later, the Kuroda Group would come for me.
This is what happens.
I do things like this. Lose control, take her like a fucking animal. I told her to leave, prayed she would take the hint and get out. Because when I saw her, I was on the verge of losing it. But Adele’s not the kind of person who shrinks away from savage behavior. She wanted it as much as I did. Something in me took over. I needed to fuck her then and there and damn the consequences.
She comes here asking for help and what do I do? I take advantage of her.
I’ve never been like this with any woman before.
After what I did, she’s not coming back. No-one with half a brain in their head would. I’ll tell Mama-san to ban her from Black Rose. I’ll tell Nakajima-san to hire new staff at Fat Dragon. We can’t see each other again. Can’t even take that chance. I know I’m being selfish. Adele needs a job. She has to survive. But she’ll fall on her feet, because she’s smart enough. Stubborn enough.
She’ll be fine.
I turn off the water and dry myself. I pull on a pair of loose track pants and head for the kitchen, finding a half-finished bottle of whiskey in the cupboard. Night has blanketed the cityscape, and I stare across the vast expanse of glittering lights. I like this view better than the Tokyo skyline, which stretches out so huge and dense that you feel like a fucking ant.
But even though I’ve been here a few years now, I’m still a stranger in this town.
I take my drink out to the balcony, suddenly homesick for the dense, concrete jungle of my homeland, where I could hide in plain sight. Back home, this illusion of living a normal life, of having something as crazy as a relationship with a woman like Adele, would never have existed.
Adele
Mina and I sit on the couch, sharing a bucket of chocolate ice cream. We haven’t even eaten dinner. Mom regards us with a wry, disapproving smile and disappears to join dad on the back porch, as if sensing our need to spend time together.
I’m flicking through the TV channels, trying to find an old movie or a sitcom, something that will take our minds off everything that’s happened.
A news update catches my attention. I freeze. The headline “Gangland Killing” jumps out at me. The reporter’s voice is accompanied by shots of an ordinary suburban house, surrounded by police tape and cop cars.
“Four bodies were discovered earlier today in the Sun Valley home, with gunshot wounds either to the head or chest. One of the victims is reported to be prominent underworld figure, Vincent Mancini. Police believe this killing may be the work of a rival gang.”
An image of a long knife flashes on screen. It’s got a diamond patterned wrapping on the handle. The reporter continues. “A weapon similar to this knife was found at the crime scene. Experts say the weapon is a Japanese dagger called a tanto, leading to speculation that the yakuza may be behind the killing.”
Beside me, Mina’s gone deathly still, the color draining from her face.
The news coverage shows a hard-faced detective talking to the cameras, asking for witnesses to come forward.
I’ve seen a knife like that before. That night, in Kaito’s apartment, he hid it away so quickly I almost missed it. Could he have something to do with this?
Vincent Mancini’s dead. The people who tried to rob the sushi bar worked for the Mancini family.
Mina’s looking at the TV as if she’s seen a ghost.
All of my alarm bells are ringing. Everything’s too coincidental. The weapon, the incident at Fat Dragon, Kaito’s behavior today. Dio warned me. Mama-san warned me. Kaito tried to push me away.
There’s no way he’s involved in this. Is there? I wish I could deny it, but I’m not so sure.
I feel like I’m losing my mind.
And why does Mina suddenly have an expression of terror plastered over her face?
“You okay, kiddo?” I push my fears aside, ignoring the sinking feeling that’s started to pool in my stomach. It’s easier to worry about other people.
Mina nods, biting her lower lip. “Yeah. That report just brought back bad memories, that’s all. I’m fine.”
“Let me find something else.” I change the channel, and find a re-run of some reality show about dating. “Let’s watch this instead. Sometimes, the real world’s too violent.”
That draws a grateful smile from Mina.
My mind starts to run. Say I’m not crazy, and my wild imagination is right. What if Kaito had something to do with the Lucini killing? What if he’s the murderer? What would that make him; some kind of assassin for the yakuza?
Maybe Dio’s influenced me with his conspiracy theories.
I need to know for sure. I need to confront Kaito face to face and hear it from him. Because despite everything that’s happened, I’m
not convinced he’s a bad person. A little bit screwed up maybe, but not evil. I’ve seen his gentle side, felt his passion, seen a smile transform his face like the glorious fucking breaking dawn. And it helps that the sex is amazing, better than anything I’ve ever experienced.
I can’t give up on him just yet.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Adele
When I turn up at Fat Dragon just before the lunch shift, I run into Rei at the back entrance. She greets me with a worried look. “Hey, Adele. Are you all right? I tried to call you.”
“I’m fine.”
“Mama-san was looking for you. What happened? We thought you were in trouble.” She glances pointedly at my face. There’s still a faint shadow of bruising around my eye. I’d almost forgotten about it over the past week, learning to ignore the funny looks.
“I’m not working at Black Rose anymore,” I shake my head. “It was an interesting experience, but the manager was a bit too, um, enthusiastic for my liking. Anyway, the issue’s solved. I don’t need the money anymore.”
“Oh?” Rei’s eyebrows lift in surprise. “He didn’t do anything-”
“Don’t worry. He didn’t get the chance.”
“Adele,” Rei grabs my arm. Her hand is delicate and tiny against my tan skin. “I have a confession to make. That night, when you first started at Black Rose, I might have pointed that guy in your direction.”
“That guy?”
“You know, him. Mr Bookworm.”
“Kaito?” I suppress the sudden urge to laugh, even though I’m annoyed at her admission. I can’t believe I ever thought he was bookish. “Why the hell did you do that?”
“He came around here, asking about you. He’s a bit scary, you know. But I kind of thought, well, he likes you, and if anyone was going to look out for you at Black Rose, it would be him.”
“So you sent me a guard dog?” I roll my eyes. “No, more like a wolf.”
“Did I screw up? I’m sorry, Adele.”
“Don’t apologize, Rei.” I’m not sure if she’s done me a favor or not. Would things have been better if I’d never met Kaito that night in Black Rose? I push the rumination aside and change the topic. “So. Do I still have a job here, or what?”
I follow Rei in through the back door, and we enter the small office where workers store their belongings. She drops her handbag in a corner and starts tying her long, black hair into a ponytail. “I tried to cover for you. I told Eiji you were really sick. That you’d be off for the week. He seemed okay with it.”
“That’s a relief.”
As I search the noticeboard for the roster, the manager, Eiji, appears. He seems surprised to see me. “Uh, Adele,” he stutters. “I wasn’t expecting you back. We need to talk.” He shoots Rei a look, and she bows and disappears, giving us some privacy.
Eiji gestures for me to sit. A frown creases his face, deepening the wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. He’s wearing a cloth headband that covers his close-cropped, salt and pepper hair. A thin sheen of sweat makes his skin glisten. Eiji’s the manager, but he’s also a sushi chef. “How are you feeling, Adele?”
“Much better. Thanks for being so understanding.”
He hesitates, breaking eye contact.
I don’t like that expression.
“Uh, Adele, I’m sorry, but we won’t be needing your help anymore. We have to let you go.”
“You’re firing me?” My face scrunches up in disappointment. “But I’ve only been off less than a week. I’ve been here a long time now. You know I’m a hard worker.”
“I’m sorry. Orders from management. We’re downsizing.”
“Isn’t there some way I can stay? Do fewer shifts?”
“It’s impossible.” Eiji shakes his head, getting up from his chair. “You’re a good worker, Adele, and I’ll give you a good reference, but you can’t work here anymore. That’s it. Finished. I’m sorry.”
Eiji starts to walk out of the room.
“That’s it?” I call after him. “After these last few years, when I haven’t had a single day off sick, ever, you fire me the very first time I take time off?”
“I”m sorry, Adele. I really am. But there’s nothing I can do.” He turns to me, his hands spread wide, taking a deep breath. He looks tired, defeated. “Please, just go.”
“Did he have something to do with this?” Cold suspicion creeps over me. “Your accountant?”
Eiji’s expression turns blank. He becomes evasive. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s as if the shutters have gone up. “Please, Adele, don’t make this more difficult.”
I sigh. “Fine. I get it.”
“I’m sorry.” Eiji escapes the room, refusing to meet my eyes. “Good bye, Adele.”
Just like that, I’m out of a job. A single crazy week has turned my life upside down. I need to go somewhere, to think. I need to have a plan. I need to figure out how I’m going to survive.
And I have unfinished business with Kaito. He thinks he can end things between us, just like that. He’s going to learn that I can be one persistent bitch. He’s not getting rid of me so easily, because he owes me answers, at the very least.
Adele
Having nothing to do is a weird feeling. The day after being fired, I’m eating cereal, sitting on the couch, watching midday TV. Dio emerges from his room, stretching and scratching his belly. I frown. “Late night?”
“I was up until three.” He rubs bleary eyes. “Deadline I had to meet.”
“Oh.” I shovel cornflakes into my mouth.
Dio eyes me suspiciously. “Aren’t you usually getting ready for work by now?”
“I got laid off,” I mumble, between mouthfuls. “I’m officially unemployed.”
“You serious?” Dio reaches the kitchen and puts the kettle on. “But you liked that job. I never saw you take a day off. Not until last week, when you started dating Mr Gangster.”
“We’re not dating,” I retort. “Far from it.” I don’t bother to deny the part about Kaito’s possible criminal associations. I’ve no illusions as to what Kaito is. I’ve seen too much.
“What was that then, Adele? You were just flirting with danger?”
I shrug, unable to answer him. I don’t really know what it was. But the attraction was undeniable. I’m still thinking about him, wondering where he is, what he’s doing, what’s going on in his head. Damn the man. “Doesn’t matter.” I uncross my legs and walk lazily into the kitchen, dumping my bowl in the sink. “But maybe losing my job is a sign. I’m like you now, Dio. A freelancer.”
“You going to start painting again?”
“I’ve finally got an idea.”
“Do it, girl.” Dio pours himself coffee. “You’re crazy talented. I just can’t believe you’ve been hiding it these last few years. What happened after art school?”
“Long story.” I accept a cup of instant coffee with grateful hands, inhaling the strong, bitter aroma. That’s fuel for creativity right there. “Don’t worry about it. I’m warning you though, I’m going to be a shut-in for the next few weeks. And this place is going to get messy.”
“I don’t care about that.” Dio grins. “If you’re going to finally start putting your talent to good use, then I don’t give a shit if you get paint on the walls. Whatever you come up with, I’ll support you, Adi. You know that. I can do you a website, promote your exhibition on social media, if you want.”
“Let’s not talk about exhibitions just yet.” I take a sip of my coffee. Dio’s addicted to instant coffee. It’s crazy strong. I make a face. “I’m just going to see where this goes. Talk to me in a week.”
“Can’t wait, girl. I know this is going to be good.”
“Let’s wait and see.” I take a deep breath. “Either way, it’s make or break time.”
Adele
Over the next week, I become a shut-in. I retrieve my old art materials from a plastic box stuffed in the back of my wardrobe. I cut and stretch my own canvases. I find books
of thick, textured art paper and half-used charcoals. I mix palettes of oil paints, trays of watercolors and smooth, vibrant acrylics. I draw with fine ink pens. I use every technique and material I know. My style doesn’t follow any rules. I mix media and techniques, placing abstract amongst hyper-real, throwing textured gouache on top of pencil outlines.
I think about Kaito and try not to think about him at the same time.
I channel my frustration, confusion, passion and desire. All this creative energy has hit me like a sudden storm. This is the inspiration I’ve been waiting for, that I’ve been missing these past few years.
Dio keeps to his room, staying out of my space, doing his computer stuff. For that I’m silently grateful.
I live in my pajamas, and we make a good effort at emptying Dio’s tin of instant coffee. Even when I go to sleep at night, my head is filled with imaginary violence and beauty, of blood spilt amongst the sakura petals. I dream of vibrant koi coming to life on smooth, muscled flesh. I wonder at the meaning behind an eerily ugly, but beautifully drawn demon’s mask.
I’ve done my research. It’s called a hannya mask.
The meaning behind it is complex and contradictory, just like the man.
Dio waives my rent, and buys us both groceries. He even offers to pay my phone bill. I refuse, not caring if I go offline. Sometimes, it’s good to drop off the face of the planet.
The only time I leave the house is to go and visit my family. Dad’s gone into rehab, much to my surprise. Mom’s quietly optimistic about it all. Mina is back at school. She seems to have put the traumatic events of the past week behind her, but on occasion I still catch her staring off into the distance, a blank look on her face.
She’s much better, though. There haven’t been any more tears.
I don’t hear from Kaito. Not that I’m expecting to. It’s as if he’s disappeared off the face of the Earth and become a distant memory.
