by Ava Miles
Her mama put her arms around her and started to sob. Fear lanced through Shelby’s heart. She’d never seen her mama like this. She was crying so hard, mascara was streaking down her face.
“Mama! What is it? What’s wrong?”
Mama pushed her back, hard enough to make her gasp. “He had no right to tell you. No right!”
She was hysterical. Shelby’s stomach gripped. “Mama! What are you talking about?”
“Your daddy called and told me that his awful mama forced him to tell her and Vander why he left.”
Pain slammed through Shelby, and she almost doubled over. Everything was falling into place now. Lenore must have called him, and he’d taken off to meet them. It made sense, but her heart couldn’t take it. Vander kept that from me? How could he?
Mama pulled at her hair, scaring Shelby. “Have you told the other kids? Please, Shelby, please. Tell me you and Vander haven’t told the rest of my babies. I can’t bear it!”
Shelby was shaking all over, and she caught a worried look from one of Vander’s neighbors as he walked quickly past the open door. She couldn’t bring herself to care. Vander knew the truth about why her daddy had left, and so did her mama. Shelby wanted to know. She deserved to know.
“Tell them what, Mama?” she asked in a hard tone. If Vander didn’t plan on revealing what he’d discovered, she was going to hear it from the horse’s mouth.
“You know what I’m talking about!” Her mama’s voice was high-pitched and pleading. “Oh, the hurt. The shame. I’ve tried to protect y’all from it. Please, Shelby. Promise me that you won’t tell the others.”
Her mama gripped her arms hard enough to leave a mark, and Shelby fought the urge to fling them off her. Rage as hot and scalding as boiling water was coursing through her system.
“I want to hear your side of it!” she said, nearly shouting. “I want to hear why you’ve kept this from us for most of our lives.”
“You know why!” Mama shouted back. “Your daddy did the most unspeakable, horrible thing ever—and then he wanted me to leave town with him and pretend it had never happened. He wasn’t the man I thought I’d married. I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t do that! I deserved a better husband, and y’all certainly deserved a better daddy. Even if that meant you never had a daddy growing up, and we were as poor as church mice.”
Lead settled into Shelby’s bones, and a feeling of strong foreboding prickled her skin. “You tell me what he did, Mama. You say it to my face! I’m old enough to hear it.”
Her mama’s green eyes locked on hers, and her lip started to tremble. “Your daddy had sex with a fifteen-year-old girl at church and got her pregnant. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you think you’re old enough to hear?”
Shelby fell back a few steps and hit the edge of a side table. Pain flashed through her ankle, and she cried out. “No! He wouldn’t do that. Not that.”
She realized she was crying, and Mama was crying too. She fell to the floor, every naïve dream she’d had of her daddy exploding like glass shards around her, slicing open her skin and cutting down to her soul.
“Oh, Shelby,” her mama said, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m so sorry, baby. I never wanted you to know. Never!”
They both cried and cried and cried until Shelby couldn’t breathe and had to blow her nose. Seeing no tissues close by, she went into the hall bathroom and yanked off some toilet paper. She blew her nose loudly and washed her shaking hands.
Mama was standing in the hallway, her whole face a mix of mascara streaks and splotches. “Can I have some too?”
Shelby felt tears burn her eyes again as she looked at her, this woman she’d loved and idolized all her life. Oh, how their mother had suffered for them. Turning sideways, she grabbed a handful of toilet paper and handed it to her.
“Mama,” she said as the woman blew her nose. “I never imagined this.”
“This is why I’ve never told you,” Mama said in an anguished voice. “I never wanted any of you kids to feel the hurt of it. How was I supposed to tell you that your daddy did something like that? We were lucky her family didn’t press charges, or he would have gone to jail for sure.”
Shelby jolted at the thought. Jail. Yes, he could have been sent there. My God.
“I used to lay in bed at night, sick at the thought of you kids having a daddy who was in prison for statutory rape. You’ll never know how relieved I was when that family left town for good a few years later. Seeing them every Sunday at church was pure torture, Shelby, let me tell you. Thank God they sent their girl away.”
Shelby felt cold all over as she realized that girl had had a baby—a baby who was their kin.
“I don’t think I could have stood the sight of her,” Mama continued in a harsh tone, tears streaking down her face. “It makes me feel so much shame to say that. I try and be a good Christian woman, but even after all these years, I haven’t completely forgiven him or made peace with what he did.”
Shelby understood. She hated him with all her might. “Mama! What about the baby?”
She shook her head, biting her lip. “I never wanted to know, Shelby. I’m…sorry.”
Her head was hurting from all the stress and the crying. “Mama, we need to tell the others,” she finally said.
“No! Your daddy was wrong to give in to Lenore. He was sure as hell wrong to tell Vander. Dammit, Shelby, you told me he wasn’t looking into this.”
She felt another slice of pain. Vander had come back from Me-Mother’s and slipped into bed with her without saying a word about it. “I…I lied to put you at ease. We all agreed not to tell you we’d tried to find Daddy. Mama, that’s how I met Vander.”
Her mama put her hand to her mouth. “You lied about all of that to me? Oh, Shelby.”
“You wouldn’t tell us anything about Daddy, Mama!” She realized she was raising her voice again and went over to shut the front door finally. “We wanted to know. We needed to know.”
“All of you? Even John Parker?”
“All of us went to meet Me-Mother, Mama,” she said. Then added, “Lenore.”
Her mama’s eyes fired. “You met that awful woman? Shelby, she’s one of the meanest women I’ve ever known. If you could have heard what she said to me at our wedding or when your daddy left…”
“Maybe she’s changed, Mama. At first she seemed cold, but she was kind to us later on. We…liked her. We’ve talked about helping her out.”
Her mama hung her head. “I’ve prayed and prayed to ask God to protect you, but hearing what you did… I’m afraid I’ve already lost you.”
Shelby wrapped her arms around her. “No, Mama. You haven’t, and you won’t. But we…we just wanted to know what happened, and you would never talk about Daddy.”
“I hope now you realize why,” she whispered. “Oh, Shelby, please forgive me. I love you so much. All of you kids.”
Tears poured down her face as she stroked her mama’s hair. “Mama, there’s nothing to forgive. We love you. It’s going to be all right.”
She sniffed. “When I think about what your daddy did, part of me can’t help but wonder what my part in it was. I thought he was such a good man, but what man with an ounce of decency would get intimate with a child? That’s something I could never, ever understand!”
Shelby couldn’t either, and the mere thought of it made her ill. “I don’t understand it either, and it certainly doesn’t make me feel good knowing it. But Mama, I’m glad I finally know why Daddy left us. It means I can let go of all the stories I made up about it.” And she could curse her father’s soul and feel grateful he hadn’t been in their lives, even though she knew it was awful of her. But he’d done something unforgiveable, and she just couldn’t be a good Christian right now. Maybe not ever.
Her mama wiped her running nose. “Then I guess there’s a blessing in all this. I feared there wouldn’t be.”
“Mama, we need to tell the others,” she said. “You can’t keep carrying this
secret, trying to protect us all. We’re old enough to know the truth, and you need to let us carry the weight with you. Maybe if we carry it together, it won’t feel so heavy.”
Her mama cradled her face. “God blessed me so much when he gave me you. How wise you are.”
Shelby felt tears streak down her face anew. “You taught me, Mama.”
Mama wiped her tears away, something she hadn’t done since Shelby was a child. When they embraced again, they were both calmer. Shelby didn’t know about Mama, but her heart wasn’t hurting as much.
An alarm pierced the silence, and they both jumped a foot. Fire. Please proceed to the exits. The automated voice had Shelby running to the kitchen. Black smoke was pouring out of the oven.
“Oh, dammit, I forgot to set the timer,” she said, shoving potholders onto her hands and opening the oven door.
A phone immediately started ringing, but Shelby focused on taking the cake out as she coughed and blinked back tears. The cake was charred and black and smoking up a storm.
“Go answer the phone,” Mama said. “It’s the alarm company. I’ll deal with this.”
She raced in the direction of the ringing, wanting to put her hands over her ears as the smoke alarm continued to peal. “We’re okay,” she answered. “Sorry! I burned a cake.”
“Are you sure you don’t want us to send a fire truck?” the alarm company representative asked.
“No,” Shelby immediately responded. “There’s no fire. Just a burnt cake.”
“All right. We’ll just need your password.”
She blanked for a moment and then said, “Justice,” which Vander had told her after he’d given her his key.
“Thank you,” the man on the line said. “I’m turning it off now. Please call back if you need anything else, Mrs. Montgomery.”
Shelby started at that, and pure elation shot through her—quick and brilliant as a shooting star—as she hung up the phone. Mrs. Montgomery. Then she fell back to earth. Not in a million years. How was she supposed to trust Vander after he kept something this important from her?
Her mama came out of the kitchen. “I put the cake in the sink and turned the faucet on. It stopped the smoking.”
“Good.” She supposed that was good. But as she walked back into the kitchen and eyed the groceries she’d set on the counter, she thought about all the worry Vander had put her through—how she’d taken the evening off work to make him a meal—and a hot rage blossomed inside her.
Her cell phone started to ring, and she knew who it was. If Vander’s alarm company was anything like hers, they’d contacted him both at home and on his cell. Well, there was no way she was talking to him right now.
“Mama, let’s go,” she said, walking over and grabbing her purse.
“But Shelby, we need to clean up this mess,” her mama said.
“Mama, I don’t think either one of us wants to talk to Vander just now.”
Shelby wasn’t sure she ever wanted to talk to him again. How dare he lie to her like that! How dare he let himself into her apartment and then her bed without giving her the information he knew she’d waited years to learn? He was always talking about honesty and his integrity. He was a hypocrite.
Her mama nodded. “I see your point.”
They walked out together.
Chapter 36
Vander arrived home to the smell of charred cake in the air and an unholy mess in the kitchen. The alarm company had notified him of the fire alarm going off, but they’d also said the person who’d answered his phone had known the password. Shelby, it seemed, had indeed gone over to his house to cook them dinner.
The burnt cake wasn’t the only mess. Vander had been on his way home from a meeting with a long-time client in Dare River when Charlie had called to say Louisa McGuiness urgently wanted to meet with him. According to her, the woman had sounded frantic on the phone. After texting J.P. to make sure the man hadn’t spoken with his mama—he hadn’t—he’d told Charlie to give the woman his home address so they could speak in private. Of course, he’d gotten delayed in rush hour traffic—and then come home to this.
Vander wondered what in the hell had happened. Shelby must have been here when her mama arrived, and the burnt cake wasn’t a good sign. Neither was the fact that Shelby wasn’t picking up her phone.
Conjecture wasn’t going to get him anywhere, so he detoured to Shelby’s house.
She wasn’t home.
He dialed J.P. again. “Hey,” he said when the man picked up. “Sorry to bother you, but have you heard from your mother or Shelby?”
“Yes,” J.P. said, his voice tired. “Mama asked all of us kids to come over tonight. She said it was important, but didn’t give specifics. Did you speak to her yet?”
“No, we missed each other,” Vander said. “Whatever your mother wanted to speak with me about, it can’t be good.”
“I guess I’ll find out at eight,” J.P. said. “Mama asked spouses not to attend.”
That was interesting. “No word from Shelby? She’s not answering my calls.” He quickly told J.P. about the burnt cake and dinner fixings on the kitchen counter.
“That doesn’t sound like Shelby,” J.P. said. “I’ll tell her you were looking for her when I see her tonight.”
Vander feared the worst. If Louisa had been frantic, surely she knew some, or all, of what her children had been looking into behind her back. If she’d somehow found out about his talk with Lenore and Preston…
“It’s not like her to ignore my calls.”
“I’ll talk to her, Vander,” J.P. said. “I need to go. Tammy thought we should have a special meal as a family after I told her what you told me today.”
“You’re lucky to have her support,” Vander said, wondering how she’d taken the news.
“Indeed I am,” he said. “I’ll talk to you later once I know something. Hold tight. This is tough on everyone.”
“I’ll be thinking about you and your family tonight,” Vander said. In fact, he wouldn’t be able to think about anything else.
“Thanks.”
After the man hung up, Vander took out his key and let himself inside Shelby’s house. She might be ignoring him, but she hadn’t asked for her key back yet.
Two could play this game.
Chapter 37
When Mama texted Sadie to report there was a family meeting tonight, she was working on Shelby’s abacus quilt. Surprise and foreboding made her prick her finger. She immediately called Shelby, but her middle sister didn’t answer. Susannah didn’t know what it was about, and J.P. only said it was best not to speculate when she hounded him, so Sadie pretty much rocked herself and paced until the agreed-upon hour arrived.
Mama looked about as worn out as Sadie had ever seen her when she opened the door. Her heart started to pound in her ears when she saw the fatigue in Mama’s bloodshot, puffy green eyes.
“What happened?” she asked, clutching her arms. “Is it Dale?”
Mama shook her head. “No, honey. Come inside. I only have the strength to tell y’all once.”
Shelby emerged quietly from behind Mama, and Sadie locked gazes with her. This has to be about Daddy. Shelby’s face held the same pallid color and strain as Mama’s. So, her sister already knew.
Mama hugged her tightly and then Sadie walked over to Shelby and embraced her with all her might. “It’s about Daddy, isn’t it?” she whispered.
Shelby nodded and burrowed her head in Sadie’s neck.
Her sister was hurting, and so was Mama. God give me the strength to comfort them, and please comfort me for what’s ahead.
J.P. was already seated on the couch, holding Susannah’s hand. Her sister was biting her lip, her strain evident. Sadie grabbed her brother’s hand when he held it out to her, and she and Shelby squeezed in on the end of the couch, staying close to each other.
“Thank you for coming,” Mama said, clenching her hands together in front of her, standing before them. “What I’m about to tell y’a
ll is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to say.”
Sadie held her breath, her chest tightening so much it hurt.
“I know y’all have wanted to know about why your daddy left us for a long time.” Mama sucked in some air and put her hand over her mouth for a moment before rubbing her neck. “I had my reasons for not sharing the details. I hope once y’all hear the truth, you’ll understand I was only trying to protect you. I also pray to God y’all can forgive me for any pain my silence caused.”
Oh, Mama. Sadie wanted to jump off the couch and wrap her arms around this wonderful woman she loved so much.
“It seems God had a plan for the truth to come to light, and I’ve been an impediment to that.” She looked down and paused for a moment. “But that ends now. I learned today your daddy told his mama, Lenore, and Vander the truth on Saturday.”
Sadie gasped and turned to Shelby. “Vander told you, and you didn’t—”
“Vander didn’t tell Shelby,” Mama interrupted. “Your daddy called to tell me he’d broken his word to me and to say he was sorry. Hearing his voice after all these years…and learning he’d gone and told something we’d agreed long ago to take to our graves… Well, it was another betrayal in a long line of them. I didn’t want you to know the kind of man he was, but it seems as though the time has come for me to share the truth. As Shelby told me earlier, y’all are adults now. Plus, you had hired Vander to find out what happened to your daddy.”
“You told her?” Sadie asked Shelby, who nodded quietly. It was as if her boisterous sister had gone mute.
“Mama, I’m sorry!” Susannah said, her voice breaking. “I didn’t go along with it at first, and in the end, I knew it was wrong of us to look.”
Sadie gave her eldest sister a sharp look, hot rage pouring through her again, a kind she’d never experienced before. Susannah would try and soften her involvement so Mama wouldn’t be upset at her. “We did what we thought was best at the time, Susannah. You went to Me-Mother’s too!”
“Please don’t argue,” Mama said, holding out her hands. “This is hard enough. We all have strong feelings, and they’re only going to get stronger once you hear what I have to say.”
