by Lexi Blake
Deena, if some boy is opening doors for you and carrying your books to class, it’s because he’s trying to get into your pants. Once you give it up, you’ll see the real man and trust me, honey, it won’t be pretty.
Of course she’d already given it up for Eric and he still insisted on this ritual every night. The door closed on his side and she waited.
Had she picked Eddie because he hadn’t done any of those things for her? Because he’d claimed she was an equal and wouldn’t insult her by opening a door she could open herself? Had she trusted that more than she did a man who treated her well?
“Deena?”
She hadn’t even noticed when he’d opened the door. Her gut was knotted because of what was happening next week. Her final. She had to work the four nights before her final in statistics, and naturally that wasn’t the only final she had to worry about. How was she going to feel if she failed? She could try again next semester. Calling the company she was supposed to start working for would be the worst part. Having to explain that she’d failed…
“I wish you would tell me what’s wrong,” he said quietly. “I know you don’t believe it, but I want to help.”
That was the problem. She was starting to believe he did. She was beginning to depend on him, and everything she’d been taught led her to believe that was wrong. It wasn’t a good idea to depend on anyone but herself. It was fine to have friends, fine to help them, but she was different. She was independent.
“It’s nothing. I’m tired. I should get some sleep.” Turning to get out of the truck, she found herself blocked by his big body.
His hands went to her waist, his face close to hers. “Tell me and let me help. Was it the puppy play? Did it make you feel small? Feeling small doesn’t have to mean something bad. You can be small in my arms and still be taken care of.”
This was the last thing she wanted. She leaned back and put her hands on either side of his face, looking into his eyes so he would understand. “I liked it. It was fun, Eric. I liked being stroked and pampered. That’s not what’s bothering me.”
“Then tell me what is.”
She’d been a puppy but now he was a dog with a bone. “I have a final next week and I’m worried about it and I have to work all week long because no one can swap shifts with me.”
He sighed and stepped back, holding out a hand. “Is that all? I thought it was serious. Come on. Let’s get you upstairs. I have to do the farmer’s market run in the morning because Sean is taking Carys for a checkup.”
She took his hand, oddly disappointed that he wasn’t making a bigger deal out of this. She’d kind of expected him to offer to fix the problem, but he seemed more concerned with getting home to bed. That was good. Wasn’t it? He recognized that she could handle herself. It was good.
It wasn’t Eric. It was kind of shitty.
She followed him upstairs, her key in hand. She would start studying now. She would do it on breaks and during her very nonexistent off time, and she would maybe skip a training class next week. Surely Master Ian would understand. It would all work out if she tried hard enough.
Eric watched her walk inside. “How many days do you need?”
She could start studying tonight. Who needed sleep? “For what?”
He chuckled. “For studying, silly girl. How quickly your brain moves on to other things. How many nights do you need off so you can feel ready for your test?”
“Oh, I was only looking for one. I was trying to take next Thursday off since I take the test on Friday.”
He nodded and leaned over, brushing a kiss across her lips. “You’re off Wednesday and Thursday. Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll handle it. You study and pass because I kind of need a smart girl to help me out. One of us needs to finish college. Lock the door, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Eric, I…”
“Goodnight.” He pulled the door closed. “Lock it.”
She twisted the deadbolt and put her hand against the door, standing there until she heard his truck take off.
What the hell was she going to do with that man?
CHAPTER EIGHT
Eric forced his legs to work. Two straight days of being on his feet for twelve hours a day had damn near ruined him, but he wanted to check in with Deena. The last week had been rough. She’d been studying like crazy and getting ready for the end of the term. He’d backed off after offering to help and being gently rebuffed. She claimed she wasn’t able to concentrate while he was around. He wasn’t sure if that was a point in his favor or one more obstacle between them.
There seemed to be so damn many of those.
She’d accepted his help but then he’d felt the distance between them again. Deena hadn’t turned cold exactly. She was still accepting his rides to and from work, still sitting in his lap, and still getting hot for him when he turned on the D/s sex. Unfortunately, she managed to turn all sex into D/s sex. If he tried to kiss her, she pushed him until he dominated her.
He had to face facts. A D/s relationship might be all she wanted from him. Was he willing to accept that? Was he willing to sign another contract with her?
He stopped on the landing and sighed. Yeah, he probably was. He was willing to do almost anything to stay with her. What did that make him? He wasn’t sure it was making him happy.
He glanced down at his watch. It was past midnight. He should be back at Top eating with the crew, having a glass of whatever Sebastian had paired with the duck they’d served tonight, but no, he was here stalking a woman who didn’t truly want him.
He was about to turn and walk back to the parking lot when her door flew open.
“Eric?”
He put on his best face. Caught red-handed. That was him. “Hey, I was coming to make sure you had everything you needed.”
She put a hand over her chest and took a long breath. “I heard your truck, but then you didn’t knock. I was worried something had happened. Come in. It’s not the best neighborhood.”
Eric found himself being led into her tiny apartment. He’d had some fairly dirty sex in that apartment, but he hadn’t slept over and she’d found a reason to refuse overnight invites to his place. He stepped inside as she closed and locked the door behind them. To his left was her small dining room table. It was covered with books and papers. It looked like Deena was burning the midnight oil. “Which is why you should think about moving.”
It was a sketchy part of town, but it was likely all she could afford, and he doubted offering to let her move in with him would work at this point.
She walked into the kitchen. “I’m going to do that once I graduate. How about you? Are you going to make the commute into Fort Worth or are you moving?”
It was the most interest she’d shown in him in days. “I’m looking for a place close to the restaurant, but we’ve got a couple of months before we’re ready to open. The lawyers are coming in next week to finalize the deal.”
Her eyes had flared and for a moment he’d thought she was going to ask him questions about the restaurant, but she turned her attention to the teakettle on the stove instead. “I would have thought you would be eating at Top right now. Did we close early?”
He hadn’t wanted to chance missing her. He’d figured she would still be awake at this point, but she did have a test in the morning. “Everything ran all right, but I’d been there all day and I wanted to head home. I thought I’d check on you. I can see everything is going okay so I’ll get out of your hair.”
She stepped out of the kitchen. “You worked my shifts, didn’t you?”
He’d hoped she wouldn’t figure that out. “I can take an order and handle front of house.”
“After you prepped the full menu and in between checking up on everyone,” she surmised.
He shrugged. It was what needed to be done. “It’s fine. You’ll be back Saturday night and everything will continue on. Well, until you turn in your notice.”
“Sit down, please, Sir. Let me get you a beer.”
How nice would that be? Unfortunately, he had to drive and as tired as he was, he didn’t want to chance falling asleep at the wheel. “I should go.”
A single brow rose above one blue eye. “Or you could stay here and let me take care of you for once.”
“Deena, I’ll fall asleep on your couch.”
She moved in, stepping close to him and smoothing down his shirt with the palms of her hands. “Then go lay down in the bed.”
Was she serious? “I’ll fall asleep. I’ve been up and on my feet for hours.”
“Because you were doing your job and mine.” Her arms wrapped around him, her head finding his chest. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Because I care about you.”
Her arms squeezed him. “That scares me, but I care about you, too. I missed seeing you the past two days. I missed you more than I thought I would. I’ve gotten used to being around you.”
He let himself relax a fraction, sliding his arms around her body. Damn, but that felt good. “I missed you, too.”
It had been a ridiculously long week. He’d backed off and given her space. He didn’t want to make her choose between him and her schoolwork. He would lose that battle and he should. He simply couldn’t find a way to make her understand that he didn’t want her to choose. He wanted to help her attain her goals. So he’d tried to show her instead.
“I’m going to be so glad to kiss this professor good-bye,” she said with one last squeeze. “Can I make you a sandwich?”
He was staying. It was weird. He found himself watching her, trying to figure out what had happened. “Do you have anything to make a sandwich with?”
She was wearing a pair of pajama bottoms and a tank top that didn’t hide the fact that her nipples were hard as little jewels. “Of course. I have some cheap ham. At least the package says it’s ham.”
“How about I take us out for breakfast in the morning instead. I’m beat. I don’t want to disrupt your studying.” He couldn’t help his yawn. It had been a long day. “You sure you don’t want me to go home?”
She stared at him for a moment, her mind obviously spinning. “I think you going home would be easy for me, but it’s not what I want. I’ve thought a lot the last couple of days. Really ever since the puppy play night. I’ve thought about what’s going to happen when we graduate from the training program.”
They were going to do this here and now? He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. “What do you think is going to happen?”
“I’ve gone through two scenarios,” she said thoughtfully. “One is that you shake my hand and wish me well and we see each other and play from time to time. We’re kind of friends. Maybe even good friends, but we have our own lives and only see each other at the club.”
Was she high? “I don’t know that’s the most likely scenario. I think the more likely scenario is you walk away and we don’t really talk and we’re not truly friends.”
“And then I would have to watch you with other subs and that would bug me, Eric.” She bit her bottom lip and her eyes slid away. “So I have to move on to scenario number two.”
He was still, like “don’t try to scare the deer who might finally try to eat out of his hand” still. “What’s that, baby?”
“You offer me a collar.”
“I already bought one,” he said quietly. If she was going to be honest with him, he wasn’t going to hide the truth. He’d bought it days ago. “Though it’s not actually a collar. It’s more like a necklace. Like what Sean gave Grace.”
Her face had flushed and she nodded. “Yes, I probably wouldn’t like a real collar for the daytime.” Her eyes closed and then opened again. “I don’t know what to say. I hadn’t thought that far yet. I only know that I reject scenario number one. Can I have some time to think about the collar?”
She was bending. It was all he could ask. Relief flooded through him. They still had so much to work out, but he had hope. “Of course. How about you promise me this—when we graduate we’ll continue playing together like we have. I won’t play with anyone except you. We’ll find a couple of apartments in Fort Worth and we’ll see where this goes.”
Her smile made his heart pound. “Yes. That would be great.”
He took two steps and was in front of her, leaning over and brushing a kiss on her lips. “For now, don’t worry about anything other than tomorrow’s test. I’ll take care of the rest. As for the future, we’ll take it one day at a time.”
She went up on her toes and kissed him again. “Thank you, Eric.”
“But I would appreciate it if you would look at my business plan once you’re done with school,” he insisted. He wanted her feedback. He didn’t want to screw this thing up. “And I would love it if you would come with me when I sign the paperwork. Lawyers give me the hives and I haven’t even met this one. Mitchell Bradford won’t work both sides. Apparently he developed morals or something. It’s all agreed on, but I’m still nervous. At the end of the day, I’m just an old SEAL who learned how to cook. I don’t understand the rest of it.”
She pulled away. “Eric, I don’t know about that. I think it might be best if we kept that part of our lives separate.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean the work part. When I said we could see each other, I was talking about in the club. You can pick me up and we can have dinner or something, but I don’t know that I want to be involved in your business.”
That was about as plainly as she could put it. He knew why she was saying it, but it still felt like a kick in the nuts. “We’re going to be living in a new city and working demanding jobs. You don’t want to even talk about our work? I’m going to be starting up a business, Deena. It’s going to take most of my time. I suppose when I said we would see each other, I kind of saw you coming in and having dinner and hanging out.”
“Hanging out? Or doing your books and making sure you get free business advice?”
He put a hand up. “I wasn’t thinking of it that way. I don’t know, maybe I was. Not the free part. Of course, I can pay you for the initial consult. I guess when I really think about starting up, I saw you with me. When I think of building this restaurant, I see us working together.”
“That’s not going to happen. I have a job, Eric. It’s a good job.”
He knew that. He knew it was a long shot. “Like I said, if you’ll take a look at the plan, I’ll pay you. I won’t ask you to do anything beyond that. If you only want to see me at the club, then that’s how it will be. I think I am going to head home.”
She caught him before he reached the door. “Please stay. I’m sorry. I was harsh and we’re both tired. Can we talk about this in the morning?”
Would anything change? Did any of it matter if this kept coming between them? “I’m trying not to push you, Deena, but knowing that you think I would use you that way doesn’t bode well for the two of us. Maybe you’re right and we should keep everything separate.”
“Or we can sleep on it and talk about it again tomorrow,” she said quietly. “When you’re supposed to take me to breakfast so I don’t have to eat stale cereal again. Please, Eric. I’m sorry. I meant what I said the first time. I need a little time, but I know now that I don’t need to spend that time away from you.”
“Even the time you spend with me…is all you want D/s?” He knew he was pushing her and he’d said he wouldn’t, but he needed to know the answer to that particular question. He could be patient, but if all she ever wanted was a relationship that occurred in a club and with quick couplings, he would have to rethink. The idea that she didn’t really want him shook him to his core.
“I don’t know.” There were tears in her eyes and that was what forced his hand.
He leaned over with a long sigh and kissed her forehead. “All right. We’ll talk more in the morning. What side of the bed do you want?”
He couldn’t leave her crying. Not even to save his
own pride. And who knew? Maybe things would look better in the morning. Or maybe they would be very clear and it would be easier to have a frank discussion about breaking it all off. The one thing he knew? They weren’t fixing shit tonight.
“I tend to sleep on the right. I think I might snore.”
He chuckled because she made it sound like the worst thing a person could do. “I can handle it.”
“Actually, I’ve been told I sound like a dying water buffalo.”
Was that why she wouldn’t sleep with him? God, if he ever met her ex-husband he would pound the man into the ground. All of their problems seemed to stem from that asswipe. “Somehow, I’ll make it through. Good night.”
He turned and walked down the short hall that led to the only bedroom. Deena’s bedroom was oddly utilitarian, as though she’d gone through a discount housewares store and bought whatever was on sale and not a bit more than was required. There was a dresser and a double bed that his legs would likely hang off. Her bedspread was a plain dark blue matching the pillows. Those pillows weren’t decorative though. He’d had a girlfriend whose whole bed was covered in pretty pillows that she had to move every time she got into bed. She’d claimed they made her happy.
There was nothing in Deena’s bedroom that looked like it made her happy. He was beginning to wonder if he could make her happy.
What was he doing? He knew when to walk away. He’d done it before when it was obvious a relationship simply wasn’t going to work. Why couldn’t he do it now?
Because he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted another woman. Because he knew deep down if he could get past those walls she’d built around herself that she was the one. She was the one for him. He was the one for her. They could make a life together if only she wanted to.
He kicked off his boots and tried to let it go. He shrugged out of his shirt and got down to his boxers. Every muscle in his body ached and earlier he’d been cool with that. Earlier it had been proof that he was helping out the woman he was crazy about. Now it was just pain.
He turned off the light and pulled down the bedspread. He lay down, but didn’t cover up because it was hot in her bedroom. He would cool off in a few minutes. His eyes drifted closed, but he couldn’t shut his brain down.
