by Kat Baxter
“We’ve already crossed the line by getting married and having to pretend we’re a real couple. We’re going to be living intimately for a while, chances are we’ll accidentally see each other naked at some point.” That probably wasn’t true, but damn I could hope. “We’ve slept in the same bed together. You said yourself you’re ovulating. This is a means to an end. And we could try it for this cycle, then let it go if it gets weird.”
She was quiet and shifted in her seat so she looked out the window to her right. I wished I knew what she was thinking. But this was Ally. If she thought I was nuts—which she probably did—we’d just laugh about this later.
“I’m not gonna lie and say my proposal isn’t part self-serving. Damn, Allycat, when you told me I was making you horny.” I scraped my fingers through my hair. “That’s why we couldn’t leave right away. I was so fucking hard, anyone would’ve been able to see the entirety of my dick pressed against my shorts if I’d stood up.” I took a few breaths, but still, she said nothing. “It’s a means to an end for you. And we’d get to blow off some steam.” I chuckled at my own joke.
Still nothing. I couldn’t even hear her breathing.
“Okay, I know I said I didn’t want you to say anything, but your silence is making me nuts. We don’t have to talk about this, but say something.”
“That bitch, Becca, has fake boobs and obviously wants you to motorboat them,” she said.
We both burst out into laughter. “Are they fake?”
“Totally. Normal boobs don’t stand up on their own like that. Unless she has some aerodynamic bra, then they’re fake.”
“Interesting.” Which wasn’t even the truth. I didn’t give a shit if Becca’s boobs were fake. I didn’t care if Becca was a robot. She’d never interested me. I blew out a breath. “I have one more thing to say.”
“Okay,” Ally said, her tone totally normal which went a long way in making me feel okay with my next admission.
“We made out.”
“You and Becca?” she asked, glancing over at me.
“No. Me and you.”
Her mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. She frowned, the little crinkle between her eyes was adorable. “I’m pretty sure I’d remember such a thing.”
“It was that night you went out with the girls and got drunk. I brought you home with me because I was worried about you. Getting sick or whatever. You crawled into my lap wearing only your bra and panties and you kissed me and I know that I should have stopped you. But I didn’t. So I guess I should say two things about all of that: first, I’m sorry I wasn’t more of a gentleman and second we’re fucking hot together.”
Her fingers brushed across her lips. “I thought it was a dream,” she whispered.
“Nope.”
“I came so hard.”
“Me too.”
“You did?” she asked, her eyes wide.
“Yeah. You made me jizz in my sweatpants.”
“Do people still say jizz?”
I chuckled. “I don’t know. And I know that’s not sexy at all, but fuck you were rubbing all over me and your hot little tongue was in my mouth.” I drummed my fingers on my steering wheel.
“That’s actually very sexy,” she said.
“Yeah?”
“That you got so turned on by me?” She swallowed visibly. “Very sexy.”
I exhaled slowly as I turned into my driveway and pulled under the carport. “Well, like I said, I should’ve stopped you and I’m sorry I didn’t. That’s a fucking lie. I’m not sorry, but I know I should be.”
She laughed and the honesty in it relaxed all my tension. We would be okay. We’d always be okay, me and Ally.
“I thought I’d had one of those intense sex dreams where you orgasm in the middle of it,” she said.
I nodded. What else was I supposed to say? “Well, just think about my proposal or tell me no now and I’ll never mention it again.”
“I’m not saying no right now. But I do need to think about it.”
I rolled over for the eight-hundredth time that night. Sleep evaded me.
No significant reason except my best friend suggesting we have sex. Friends with benefits. Baby benefits. Orgasmic benefits.
It wasn’t Cooper’s proposition that stunned me, though, it was more my reaction. The fact that as he’d talked and explained his thinking, my body had continued to react. By the time we’d gotten home, I had to go take a shower to change out of my soaked panties.
That dream I thought I’d had where we’d made out and I’d grinded all over him until I’d come so hard I’d basically passed out afterwards…yep, not a dream. Holy shit.
If I let myself, I could paint the picture from that night, let my mind recreate the sensations. But if I did that, then I’d have to ask myself why—even when drunk—had I climbed on top of my best friend and made out with him.
We’d never had that relationship. We’d never even played truth or dare or spin the bottle with each other as teenagers. Our relationship had always been strictly platonic. I could blame it on the alcohol from that night and disappointed hormones from finding out I couldn’t continue fertility treatments. But was that the full truth? I didn’t even want to answer that.
Had I been lusting after him for years and not even recognized it on a conscious level? Why did my best friend have to be so damn hot? Couldn’t he have just been a guy I’d met in a bar one night? Someone who had swept in and wooed me?
No. That wouldn’t work either.
If he’d just been a one night stand, then I wouldn’t have him. I wouldn’t have the history of us together. I wouldn’t have our past and friendship. He was my lifeline most days, the constant steady in my life. There was no Ally without Cooper. He was beautiful inside and out and I adored him.
I finally had to go to bed because the air between us was too thick to ignore. He hadn’t joined me so either he was still watching tv in the living room or he’d gone to the guest room.
Could we introduce sex into our relationship?
Sex between us could complicate the fuck out of our relationship. Then again, we were already married and had plans to become parents together. We’d shared a bed several nights and woken up tangled up in each other. We’d already made out once, shared a hell of a wedding kiss, and we had to pretend to be in love.
Crossing that last intimacy threshold wouldn’t be much different than where we already were.
And it wasn’t so much that sex ruined relationships as much as romantic relationships were doomed to fail...at least for me. People grew tired of me. I was tedious to be around after a while.
I had a whole lifetime of evidence to back me up. My ADHD irritated so many people. My parents, my teachers, my girl scout troop. Even the people who started out loving my impulsive, balls-to-the-walls energy, eventually tired of it. Ted went from loving everything about me to why-can’t-you-just-chill-out within a year. My life had been a litany of I-love-you-but’s.
Except for Cooper. I hadn’t managed to scare off Cooper yet.
We’d just need to remember that this part of our relationship had an expiration date. We wouldn’t be married forever. As long as we kept our emotions where they were—firmly in the friends only camp—then when this was done our friendship would remain intact.
Chapter 14
Ally’d been gone to work by the time I’d gotten back from my run that morning. Then when I’d gone into the bakery she’d been having an issue with her industrial mixer in the back and she’d sent Jilly out with my coffee and cookies.
It was official—she was avoiding me.
I’d fucked everything up between us and my stomach was in knots. I should never have suggested the sex. I’d been thinking with my dick and that was always a bad idea. She was probably pissed I’d made the proposition and even angrier about me taking advantage the night I’d brought her home.
I was about to call her and apologize for all of it when my phone buzzed.
Allyc
at: Let’s do it
Me: What?
Allycat: IT!
My heart stopped and my dick got hard all with that one word. Fuck.
Me: Seriously?
Allycat: As long as you can promise me it won’t change how you feel about me.
Me: Impossible. You will always be my best friend. Nothing can change that.
Sex wouldn’t make me love her any more than I already did.
Allycat: Then yeah, let’s give it a try. Like you said, we can see how this cycle goes. Or maybe after the first time, it’ll be so awful and awkward we’ll change our minds.
Me: Tonight?
Allycat: Yeah. I’ll see you when you get home. And it’ll probably be weird. Is it weird?
It wasn’t weird how turned on I was. And I knew I wouldn’t change my mind. Damn, I’d been fantasizing about her for half my life. I just needed to make sure I made it as good for her.
Me: It’s not weird. Do you remember that night when you kissed me?
Allycat: I think so. It’s fuzzy, but I think I remember the highlights.
Me: SO. FUCKING. HOT. It won’t be weird.
Me: I’m so hard right now just thinking about it.
Allycat: Okay, no sexting. I can’t do that at work while I’m decorating sugar cookies shaped like tiaras. That would be all kinds of wrong for the four-year old little girl’s birthday party. See you tonight.
I set the phone down and stared at the wall. Everything about this moment felt huge, like the night I lost my virginity. My stomach tensed and my hands were sweating. I hadn’t been nervous about sleeping with someone since high school. I just knew that I had to make it amazing for her.
It was a good thing there wasn’t anything major going on at the office that day because my brain was officially working on other projects. Thinking about other things. Important things, like whether or not Ally was bare down below or just trimmed, what she’d taste like and if I could make her come more than once.
Yep. As far as work went today, I was well and truly fucked.
I’d nearly told Jillian about my plan to have sex with Cooper so many times today, but that was a bad idea. If things went sideways, I’d talk to her. Right now, though, this seemed like something too personal to share with anyone else. Plus, I knew discussing it would make me think about it and then I’d overthink and probably talk myself out of it.
I’d already taken the easy route and texted Coop to tell him we were a go for old-fashioned baby making. I should’ve been more mature about it and waited until we were home, but I’d been a chicken shit. Instead, I’d texted, then left the bakery an hour early with Jillian assuring me she had things under control. Then I came home and exfoliated and shaved and lotioned nearly every inch of my body. To say my nerves were on ends was a colossal understatement.
My body had been humming all day as if I lit with a live wire and all it would take was the right plug for me to blow. God, that was a terrible analogy. Thankfully, I baked for a living instead of trying to write.
When I’d gotten out of the shower and finished dressing, I braided my hair in one long plait down my back. I threw on a T-shirt and some jean shorts fully acknowledging that I was trying to look casual and like I wasn’t trying too hard.
I was going to have sex with Cooper.
What if it was terrible? Would we be able to laugh that off? I couldn’t deny I had qualms about it. But there were too many pros that made the cons not so scary. Like the fact that he was so fucking hot. I mean, my college boyfriend had been super cute, if not a total dick, but he had been thin, yet soft, if that made any sense. There was no soft on Cooper. He was one perfectly carved muscle after another.
And his soulful brown eyes and those perfect lips. Evidently, I’d been attracted to him for years, but just hadn’t let myself entertain those thoughts.
I was just walking out of the bathroom where I’d hung up my towel when Cooper walked into the room.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” I dumbly repeated. “Did you want pizza or something? I can order while you get out of your work clothes.” Though honestly he looked so damn hot wearing those slacks that cupped his ass like a second skin. And his button-up shirt rolled to his elbows…forearm porn for days. I swallowed. So. Fucking. Hot.
“Sure. Pizza’s fine or whatever.” He started to unbutton his shirt and I skirted past him.
“Okay, well, I’ll just go take care of that.” Damn, I was jumpy. I should open wine or have a beer. Maybe I needed a shot of tequila. Something to relax me ever so slightly. I didn’t want to be drunk. I wanted to be alert this time when he kissed me and made me come. I opened a bottle of wine and had just poured me a glass when he stepped into the room, sweatpants slung low on his hips, his faded old University of Texas T-shirt clinging to his broad chest. I held up a glass. “Want some?”
“Sure.”
I took a hearty sip of mine, then went about pouring one for him. “So, how was your day?”
“It was shit,” he said. “I got absolutely nothing done.”
I gave him the wine. “Did something happen?”
He closed the distance between us, effectively pinning me against the cabinet. “Yeah something happened.” He leaned down and rubbed his nose up the column of my neck to my ear. “I got these text messages that made me so fucking hard I couldn’t concentrate on anything else.”
“Oh boy,” I squeaked.
He chuckled and stepped away from me. “You’re nervous. There’s no reason to be. It’s just me.” He reached out a hand. “Come to the living room with me. Let’s hang on the couch like we always do.”
I let him drag me to the couch and he plopped down after grabbing the remote.
“Where’s Inara?” he asked.
“In the closet sleeping on my shoes.”
“Her new favorite place.”
I nodded. This was weird.
He looked over at me, let his gaze wander slowly down my body. My nipples tightened. “Do you wanna watch something?” he asked.
“Whatever is fine with me.”
The pizza man chose that moment to arrive. I grabbed plates and napkins while Coop paid. Through one re-run of Buffy, I managed to choke down a slice. It hadn’t tasted like anything but my own damn nerves.
Coop set his plate down on the coffee table.
“Come here.” He patted his lap.
“You want me to sit on your lap?”
“I want you to crawl all over me like you did that night.” His already dark brown eyes had turned nearly black. “It’d be great if you did that while naked.”
A laugh bubbled up out of me.
“See, still me. Still us. Now come here.”
I crawled over so I straddled his legs and sat on his lap. I didn’t bother looking down to see if this position was unflattering, or if any of my cellulite was showing. I couldn’t take my eyes off Cooper’s face.
“You’re so attractive,” I told him.
“You think I’m attractive?”
I rolled my eyes. “Don’t be dumb. You know you’re hot.”
His hands settled on my thighs, then slid up to grip my hips. “I know some women find me attractive, but I want to know what you think.”
I tilted my head and gave him a cheeky grin. “Are you fishing for compliments, Coop?”
“Damn straight, I am.”
I reached up and cupped his face, stared into his so beautiful eyes. “I find you so attractive, so handsome. Even your eyebrows are hot.”
“My eyebrows.” He cocked one. “Do you have a weird eyebrow fetish I need to know about?” His fingers dug into my hips, not in a painful way, but there was some definite possessiveness in his hold.
I was pretty sure in that moment my panties dissolved. Just straight up disappeared.
“Kiss me, Allycat.”
I swallowed, dropped my gaze to his full lips. Lips that were—more often than not—curved in a cocky grin. I licked my lips then leaned
forward and pressed my mouth to his. His hands flexed, moving to cover part of my ass and he pulled me closer to him, pressing my core to his hardness. I moaned in response and then our kiss deepened.
He slanted his mouth across mine and his tongue swept into my mouth sliding seductively across mine. And then we were full on making out. Lips, teeth, tongues and it was so damn good.
Holy shit!
I’d never been kissed like this. I was in so much trouble.
Cooper’s mouth had a main line directly to my pussy. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d been so turned on, so wet. Every part of my body was on high alert. My nipples were painfully hard. And my panties were so soaked and only getting wetter with every expert stroke and curl of his tongue.
I ran my hands down his impossibly broad shoulders to the front of his chest. He was so hard, everywhere. His fingers squeezed my ass, then one hand slid up the front of my shirt, just enough so that his large palm rested just below my breast.
Oh my God, I was turned on. I shifted my hips and rubbed myself against him and we both groaned at the sensation.
I toyed with the hem of his T-shirt before pulling it up. We briefly broke our kiss to pull it all the way off of him. He leaned forward, then pushed me backwards until I was half laying on the couch. My palms pressed to his abs, my fingers outlining each sculpted muscle. I ended the kiss.
“Wait a minute.” I leaned up on an elbow. “I’m going to need you to stand up.”
He frowned. “What’s the matter?” he asked, but did as I said.
My mouth went dry and my vocabulary reduced to single syllable sounds.
“What’s happening right now?”
I blatantly stared at him. “I wanted to check you out.”
He grinned. “Ally, you’ve seen me without a shirt hundreds of times, this,” he motioned to his torso, “is not new.”
“Seen, yes. But I’ve never really touched it or looked at it like this. Not like a lover.” I raised my eyes to his and his gaze heated. “I obviously know what you look like. But you’re so fucking hot, it’s ridiculous.”
