Drink! I could hardly believe it. I hadn’t got any booze in! With all that grub on display and I’d forgotten the drink.
‘You’re out of luck alcohol wise, I’m afraid. I’ve only been back a day.’ She wrinkled her nose.
‘You should always have drink on the house, Mr Greenwood. It’s the first requirement of a well-managed household. You never know when the unexpected might turn up. And I am very unexpected.’ She held out her hand. ‘You’re buying.’
I took her down to the Spread Eagle. They did a good steak there, a thick lump of sirloin and fresh cut chips, cooked in proper cholesterol. The only thing they did I never understood, was that they’d hide the fried onions under a pile of lettuce leaves. What was the point of that? That they’re pretending they’re not there? That they’re a surprise? It didn’t make any sense. I always used to screw the lettuce up and chuck it at Walter, the pub dog. He wasn’t too hygienic, Walter, with his yellow teeth and the way he slobbered in your lap, but then, neither was the Spread. Besides, a few germs are good for you, everyone knows that.
They hadn’t seen me in the Spread since I was arrested, but it was typical of the place that no one said a word when I walked in, not even with a piece like Mrs Rump in tow, stalking the place in her high heels. No one wore high heels in the Spread Eagle. It scratched the linoleum. Doc Holiday was in the corner, flicking peanuts at the girl behind the bar. I’d never seen her before. She didn’t like it much. She knew what he was aiming for.
I bought myself a Lowenbrau, a large gin and tonic for her and a double whiskey for the representative of the medical profession. Doc raised his glass in thanks. We took the drinks to the dining room to the side. He might look half cut, he might be half cut, but Doc was the sort of heavy drinker who heard and remembered everything. I didn’t want to end up having to chuck him off a cliff as well. There was no one else in the dining room, apart from Walter. The girl came to take our order. Michaela ordered the steak.
‘And how do you like it, madam?’ the girl said. She gave her hair a toss. A couple of peanuts fell to the floor.
‘Warm,’ said Michaela, staring back at her as women do to each other, sizing her up. ‘Warm, so the chips turn red.’ The girl turned to me.
‘And you sir?’
‘He’ll have his warm too,’ Michaela put in, ‘and we’ll have a bottle of house red to go with it. It’s going to be a bloody evening.’ The girl gave us our number and walked away. They had a system there. When they called your number out, you collected your food from the bar. Michaela took a sip of her gin. Time for small talk.
‘I take it you’ve visited the scene of your crime,’ she said
‘I’ve been for a walk up to the Beacon, if that’s what you mean.’
‘It’s not what I meant at all, Mr Greenwood. How was it?’
‘The old gorse bush has gone.’
‘Fancy that. I used to go there a lot myself, you know.’
‘So your husband told me. I’m surprised you never saw Audrey. Any excuse she’d be up there, communicating with her better self.’
‘Perhaps I did, but I wasn’t looking for company. Neither was she most likely. It’s a good place to be on one’s own. Least, when you’re not around.’ She stirred her drink with her finger. ‘It’s revealing, don’t you think, that you mentioned the gorse bush just now, as if it was the first thing you noticed. I suppose I would have noticed it gone too, but not immediately. That’s what you hid behind, I take it.’
Bloody hell. She was quick. I shook my head.
‘You got me all wrong Mrs Rump. It was a well known spot for al fresco leg-over, that gorse bush, despite the thorns. I mean what’s a few scratches in the height of passion.’
‘You’re talking from experience I take it.’
‘I’ve had my moments.’
‘Not with Audrey I take it.’
‘She wouldn’t have fitted.’
‘She would have if you’d wanted her to. Men don’t understand a thing about a woman’s beauty, Mr Greenwood. Not a thing. To men like yourself, Audrey was awkward, uncomfortable, domineering, too much flesh in the wrong places. To a woman, Audrey was fierce and generous, with a body to gorge upon.’
‘And you tucked in.’
‘I was hungry. I often am. That’s one of the things that husband of mine never understood.’
‘So you left him.’
‘I’m a survivor. I’m used to jumping ship. I used to work on the cruise liners you know, security, pickpockets, card sharpers, conmen, tracking people down, discovering their real identity. It’s how I met Adam. He was with his mother. I wanted to leave South Africa, set up my business in England, expand. I thought he would be easy to…manage, shall we say. But there was another party in our marriage, always on call, always taking precedence.’
‘You mean the police.’
‘I mean the fish. I should have known something was wrong on our honeymoon, but I put the time he spent in over in the tropical aquarium down to a young man’s nervousness. I am, by all accounts, something of a handful.’
The wine came. I took it from the girl and poured it out myself.
‘So, let me get this straight. You bunked off to South Africa without so much as a goodbye.’
‘He knew where I was going. I left him a letter. And that was that.’
‘No communication.’
‘Would you have done? I was alive and well, living in the Transvaal. Why would I want to get in touch with that…specimen.’
‘And you never came back? To here? To England?’
‘I had no wish to come back. I had found Audrey. We had no reason to come back, or so we thought.’
‘Until you found out the truth about her.’ She sipped her wine carefully, holding me with her eyes.
‘First the truth about her, and then the truth about you. God, you two are quite something aren’t you, two murders in one day. I almost wished you had pushed me off. I’d have probably survived that too. Did I tell you I was in the indoor diving championships of South Africa?’
‘You haven’t told me a lot of things, chief of which is why you’re here, what you want.’
‘You’re getting impatient, Mr Greenwood, I can tell. You should learn not to be. Impetuous actions can get you into an awful lot of trouble, don’t you agree? Will you excuse me? The little girls’ room calls.’
She got up, swivelling her legs that clever way women do. Clack, clack, clack, went the heels. I could see her asking at the bar for the way to the toilets, see the girl point to the back. Clack, clack, clack, off she went, Doc Holiday flicking a peanut at her rear end as she reached the door. The call came, number thirty-three. I walked to the bar. Doc Holiday was looking at his fingernails.
‘How’s the sick business? I said. He held up his right hand.
‘Four prostate examinations in as many days. It’s all they want these days, tests. No one’s prepared to be ill anymore. You’re not suffering from anything terminal are you?’
‘Not that I know of.’
‘You’re probably in what they call denial. Prison does that to you. Medical fact. Come round why don’t you. Who knows, I might find something, write a sick note or two. You still in the taxi business?’ I shook my head.
‘I’m an artist now,’ I told him. ‘Sculptures.’
‘Good for you. Nudes?’
‘In the main.’
‘I thought you might. Clay?’
‘Chalk. Metal. Lumps of wood. You wouldn’t have a chain saw would you? I’m thinking big.’ He shook his head.
‘Mickey does though. Took his wife’s thumb off six months back, cutting logs. If I see him, I’ll let you know you’re in the market.’
I picked up the two plates, carried them through. Now there was a lip on the door to the restaurant and as I crossed it, my toe caught on the worn lino, sending me running into the room, arms straight out like I was a kid in an egg and spoon race. As I skidded to a stop, one of the steaks went flying off into the air
, landing straight in Walter’s water bowl. The onions slid out from under the lettuce and landed on the floor. The lettuce floated down and landed on Walter’s nose. Walter cocked his eye, shook it loose, gave it a lick and spat it out.
I’m quite proud of what I did next. Quick as a flash I bent down, fished the steak out the water bowl, dabbed it dry on the back of Walter and slapped it back on the plate. I scooped up the fried onions, re-arranged them next to the steak and laid the lettuce back on top. I looked back through to make sure she hadn’t come back. Doc Holiday was watching me from his stool. He wiggled his finger and winked. I sat down adjusted the setting opposite. It looked good enough to eat. Michaela returned. Her lips were even redder and I could smell the perfume too. She’d been tarting herself up.
‘You forgot the chips,’ she said, carrying in the basket.
‘Silly me.’
She sat down.
‘That looks passable.’
‘I told you, they do a good steak.’
She picked up her knife, sliced off a piece, popped it into her mouth. I could feel my insides stirring. This was good.
‘Not bad,’ she says, ‘Though look at that?’
‘What’s the matter? A dog hair?’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. I wouldn’t be eating it if there was a dog hair in it. No under the lettuce leaf. Fried onions!’
I lifted my own. ‘Well I never. So there are.’ I re-filled her glass. ‘So, where were we? Oh yes. You were going to tell me what you wanted.’
She unclipped her handbag and pulled out a sheet of newspaper, unfolded it, spread it out between us. The local rag from Dorchester. There was a picture of Adam Rump holding this gorgeous looking koi carp. Underneath it said ‘Top Policeman Wins Tropical Fish Trophy.’
‘Quite a specimen,’ I said. ‘A Kohaku by the looks of it.’
‘Her name’s Mini Ha Ha,’ she said. ‘It won him a gold medal. If you read the article he’s going to put her out for breeding. It was that fish that finally drove me out. I found him reciting that poem to her one evening, the one by Longfellow. Can you believe it, throwing bits of fish pellet to her and reading her poetry. She’d catch it in her mouth like she was a dog. It was disgusting.’
‘Yes well, each to their own. If he wants to recite poetry to his fish, I mean it’s hardly a crime. What’s all this got to do with me?’
‘You’re going to steal her for me, Mr Greenwood. Break into his back garden, jump into the pond with a big net or something and spirit her away.’ I nearly choked on a chip.
‘Why should you want to steal his fish. You hate the bloody things.’
‘I’m going to ransom it. Threaten to fry it on YouTube.’
‘That’s not very sporting of you.’
‘It isn’t is it? But then, as far as men are concerned, I’m not the sporting type. They haven’t been very sporting to me. He has money now you know. His uncle left him quite a sum last year.’ This was getting interesting.
‘How much?’
‘I’m not sure exactly. Two hundred thousand pounds, maybe more. Guess what he’s going to do with it.’ She stabbed at the article. ‘A tropical fish pond, that’s what it says, the size of an Olympic swimming pool, with a mosaic of his mother at the bottom.’
‘Well it’s his money.’
‘Not if you steal that fish it isn’t. He’s besotted with it.’
‘This doesn’t sound very good to me Mrs Rump. He’s a policeman. He’s got the whole of the Dorset shire constabulary behind him. I’m just out of jail. This would not be a sensible move on my part.’
‘You’re forgetting the thing that brought us together Mr Greenwood.’
‘Audrey?’
‘Our moment on the cliff.’
She pushed her plate aside. There was a little bit of steak caught in the front of her teeth. Couldn’t take my eyes of it. I wanted to lean over, prise it off.
‘I saw her, Mr Greenwood, the woman you pushed off. I spoke to her. You see, as I was walking down, she was walking up.’
I took another drink, careful, tried not to show anything. She’d been there, just minutes before. God, that made sense.
‘I’d driven over there that Sunday afternoon. Adam and I used to walk there, when our marriage was in its infancy, before the fish took over. I wanted to see it one more time before I left, have it fresh on my face when I boarded that plane. Warmer climes in South Africa I know, but there’s something about this bit of coast, the chalk and the hills, its defiance. It’s very special. I stayed there for about half an hour. And then I walked back down.’ She leant forward. ‘And as I was going down, someone else was coming up. Yellow oilskins, a pair of Wellington boots, hood up.’
‘So?’
‘Well as she passed, I slipped, falling against the bank. She put a hand out to steady me, hauled me back on my feet. She was quite strong. We spoke, stopped on the path, three or four sentences each. I can remember them as if they were yesterday.’ She paused. ‘Would you like to know what they were?’
I took another drink. My hand was shaking. I couldn’t help it.
‘It might pass the time.’
‘You steal Mini Ha Ha and I might tell you. I might help you in other ways. I was in security after all. I know how to access records, get information. My husband is a policeman, remember? I made many friends in the force. Good friends. Friends who owe me a favour or two.’
‘What time was this, you on the Beacon?’
‘What time he asks! I don’t know. Four, four thirty? A little later? I had to be back in Dorchester by six to catch the train up to London.’
‘You never said all this before.’
‘Why should I? I was out of the country by the time the news of Miranda’s murder and your ridiculous confession broke. And only you and I knew about the cliff, Mr Greenwood.’
That was true. Things were looking up. I thought for a moment.
‘This Mini Ha Ha. Where would we keep her?’
‘In a bath?’
‘You can’t keep a fish like that in a bath. She’ll need proper feeding, proper temperature control.’
‘There’s always the hot water tap.’
‘The water needs to be aerated, filtered,’ I explained. ‘They’re very nervous creatures, koi. They don’t like being moved.’ I pointed to the photograph. ‘You see him holding her here. Look at her eyes. She doesn’t like it, you can tell. He’ll have only done it for a second, for the picture. You chuck a fish like her in a warm bath and all she’ll be good for is Walter’s next dinner.’
‘You’ve got a pond here haven’t you?’
‘I did have. Audrey filled it in.’
‘Well unfill it. We can hide her there. It’ll be perfect.’
She popped the last bit of meat in her mouth. I’d hardly touched mine. God those teeth. I’d be wary of putting anything of mine in that mouth. Not without some sort of guarantee.
‘This arrangement,’ I said. ‘How would it work? If I…’ I lowered my voice ‘…borrowed his fish, how would I know that you’d live up to your side of the bargain?’
‘You wouldn’t. But I know what you’re like. Besides, I might enjoy it. Since Audrey came back here, life has been all one way. I need a bit of spice to liven things up. So, do we have a deal?’
Did we have a deal? It was crazy but it made a mad of sense. If she could help me find out who the woman was. And Rump. He deserved it, really. I hadn’t seen a live carp for years.
‘Remember,’ she said, taking my silence for hesitation, ‘I can always go to the police myself, tell them I was up there that afternoon as you claimed, that I saw another woman coming up. They might be interested in a story like that, given your earlier statements, don’t you think?’
‘Threats won’t get me there, Mrs Rump. We have to trust each other on this.’ She laughed.
‘Oh Mr Greenwood. I never trust a man until I’ve fucked him a few times.’ She stared at my mouth hard.
‘Really? And then?’
‘Let’s have another bottle,’ I said, ‘back at the bungalow. Christen the partnership.’ I pointed to the newspaper cutting. ‘May I keep this?’
‘Frame it if you want. As long as I don’t have to look at it again.’
I folded it up, put in my pocket. I bought a bottle of whiskey over the counter and drove back. Alice was standing in her doorway with my envelope in her hand. I rolled down the window.
‘You didn’t have to,’ she called out
‘I know I didn’t. But neither did you, so we’re quits.’ She looked across to Michaela, who was fixing her face in the mirror.
‘She’s to your liking then?’ she said.
‘Brilliant, though I haven’t really put her through her paces yet. She’ll need tuning up a bit. But just to be sitting here, it’s like I never really appreciated how much I’ve missed it.’ She nodded. ‘You up for a game later on Mrs B?’
‘Tonight?’ She looked amused.
‘Maybe not tonight. Tomorrow? I bet you know some humdinger words Mrs B.’
‘I’ll tan your convict hide, you see if I don’t.’
Back in the living room Michaela took her jacket off, sat on the sofabed, her arms running along the back. I poured her a slug of whiskey, handed it down to her.
‘That old crone seems very solicitous of your wellbeing. She fancy you or something?’ she said looking up.
‘We go back long way, me and old Poke Nose. I like her spirit. She was quite a girl in her time.’
‘That’s what gets you going is it? A bit of spirit. Someone who was quite a girl in her time?’
She lifted her leg, prodded me with her foot. I leant down, grabbed her hair. She reached up, grabbed mine. We moved about a bit. You know how it is.
‘I suppose you haven’t had a woman for a good many years,’ she said
‘Four. Seven if you don’t count Audrey.’ She ran a leg up my thigh.
‘That’s a very unkind thing to say.’
‘Yes, I can see it really upset you.’
‘I’m a pragmatist Mr Greenwood. Audrey’s not here. You are. Besides I didn’t mind her listing your deficiencies while in the throes of sexual ecstasy with her, so a certain amount of reciprocal behaviour when with you is par for the course.’
Fish Tale (Cliffhanger Book 2) Page 8
