“Andy.”
“You did? Wow … I never expected that, although he’s really handsome. He just seems like such a kid to me. I guess he isn’t anymore.” Gabby smiled at her. Billy was the only one who had looked like a man for years, and their long-standing affair with each other had matured both of them. In a lot of ways, she seemed older than Izzie, who was still a kid, and a student. Gabby was a woman, and out in the world, particularly since graduating from school. “So are you crazy about him?” Gabby asked with a motherly look.
“No more than I was before,” Izzie said honestly. “It was a stupid thing to do. It’s going to screw everything up with us. And what if I get pregnant?”
“You didn’t use anything? You’re not on the Pill?” Izzie shook her head miserably, and Gabby dove into the toilet bag she had brought with her and came out with a box of pills. “Take this. It’s a morning-after pill. It’ll keep you from getting pregnant. Once in a while I screw up on my Pill, or have stomach flu or something. If you’re on an antibiotic, birth control pills don’t work. This will. It’ll cover you for a slip.” Gabby was an encyclopedia of information, and Izzie took it from her hand and swallowed it instantly with a grateful look. She didn’t want to waste a minute.
“Thank you. I was ready to go jump off a cliff somewhere.”
“No problem. So what are you going to do now? About Andy?”
“I don’t know. I think I have to tell him that it was a mistake, for both of us. I love our friendship the way it was. We all grew up together. You and Billy are different, because you’ve been a couple for years. For the rest of us, it would be a dumb thing to do. And besides, he’s going to be away at school for a million years.” Gabby nodded. She didn’t disagree. They were like brothers and sisters now, except for her and Billy.
“What are you going to say?”
“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out as I go along. I think I’ll stay home today.” She didn’t want to tell her she was hung over too. What she’d admitted to was bad enough, from her point of view. “The whole thing was my idea. I suggested it to him, so we could both get rid of our virginity. But it’s not quite as simple as that. It gets complicated very quickly.” The fear of pregnancy alone had brought her back to earth in an instant. And the fear of ruining their friendship was nearly as bad.
“He probably feels that way too,” Gabby reassured her.
But as it turned out, he didn’t. He was thrilled with what had happened the night before and was already telling himself he was in love with her, and all day while he was skiing, he fantasized about making love to her and nearly hit a tree, he was so distracted. Sean had shouted a warning to him and gave him hell for not paying attention. Andy was on cloud nine, and he looked at Izzie with disappointment in his eyes when she told him that afternoon that she thought what they’d done the night before was a big mistake.
“Was it that bad for you?” He looked crushed and as though he had failed abysmally in his first sexual venture.
“Of course not. It hurt a little, but they say it doesn’t the second time. I just don’t want to screw up what we have. You’re like my brother, and you’re going to be in med school for the next hundred years.” He knew it was more than that. She just wasn’t attracted to him but she wanted to spare his feelings. She continued, “And if we have a romance that doesn’t work out, or we hurt each other’s feelings, we could wind up hating each other, and I don’t want that to happen. You mean too much to me. I don’t ever want to lose you.” What she said was flattering in a way, about how important he was to her, but it hurt his feelings anyway, and he felt it like a reflection on his sexual performance. “You’re beautiful,” she reassured him. “You have a gorgeous body. You’re great in bed, or going to be. I just don’t want to trade our friendship for meaningless sex.” He looked insulted again when she said it.
“Was it meaningless for you? It meant a lot to me.”
“It did to me too. But we were both drunk last night, and I still think we were stupid. I want to protect our friendship. Forever! Not trade it in for sex. That’s a bad deal.” She was being more sensible than he was, and in some ways more mature, given the direction they were headed. And she was right, he was going to be gone for a very long time. A ten-year long-distance relationship wasn’t likely to work. He knew it too. He just didn’t want to let go of what they had just discovered, at least not quite so soon.
“Why can’t we have both?” he asked stubbornly. “Friendship and sex? Isn’t that what love is?”
“I already love you. I know that. I don’t need to have sex with you to figure it out. And what if you cheat on me while you’re away at school, or I do in L.A.? Then what? We wind up hating each other. I don’t want to do that, Andy. Last night was good, and very special, but it was a mistake, for both of us.” She was adamant about it, and he went to bed early that night, and stayed away from her at dinner, looking hurt. Sean noticed it and asked her about it later on.
“Did you and Andy have a fight?” If so, it was rare for any of them in their group of friends. Even if they disagreed with each other, they never got into arguments, or said hurtful things to each other. It had been a sacred bond between them for thirteen years.
“No, just a policy disagreement about something. It’s no big deal.” But Andy had looked upset that night, and they both knew it.
“You owe my parents a bottle of wine, by the way,” Sean said casually, and Izzie looked instantly mortified. “You know the rules.” He looked stern for a minute. He had seen it in the garbage when he took out the trash.
“I’m really sorry. I was going to replace it. I took it last night.”
“Is that what you and Andy were arguing about?”
“Yeah, he saw me take it and drink it. He gave me a big lecture about it. I told him I wouldn’t do it again.” It was the perfect excuse for the tension between them, and Sean believed her.
“Andy always does the right thing. Anyway, don’t do it again. My parents probably won’t notice, but I’ll have someone buy it for us before we go home.”
“Thank you.” She handed him a twenty-dollar bill a few minutes later.
She and Andy didn’t spend much time together for the rest of the trip, and he finally stopped to talk to her again on the last day.
“I’m sorry, Izzie. I was just disappointed by what you said. I’ve been thinking about it all week, and you’re right.” He threw his arms around her and hugged her then. “I love you. I don’t want to screw that up either.” He whispered in her ear, then, so no one else could hear, “You have one hell of a hot bod, though, if you ever change your mind.”
“I won’t,” she reassured him, and she laughed and then got serious again. “We shouldn’t have done it.” He didn’t entirely disagree, although an affair with her would have been very appealing in a lot of ways. She was smart, beautiful, and he loved her, but their long years of friendship complicated things and made it feel incestuous, to both of them. He knew she was being smarter than he was about calling a halt to it right away. But he had loved the way he felt when he was with her.
“I’m glad we did anyway,” Andy said, looking at ease again. He had gotten over his initial disappointment and brief anger at her. “At least we’re not virgins anymore, and if I was going to lose mine to someone, I’m glad it was you. Better to a friend.” She didn’t entirely disagree with him, although it no longer seemed like such a big deal to her, nor a burden, whether she was a virgin or not. Now that she wasn’t, it didn’t matter anymore. And maybe it was okay that Andy was the first. At least they loved each other, even if only as friends, but it wasn’t a hot romance for her, even if it might have turned into one for him. She just didn’t feel sexual about him. She knew that now. It had been all about the wine.
By that night they were good friends again, and nothing more. Izzie wanted to put it behind her, although Andy was feeling tender toward her, in a way that he hadn’t before, and he knew he would always remember his first ti
me with her. Izzie was just grateful that Gabby had given her a pill that would keep her from getting pregnant, and she had narrowly missed a disaster that could have ruined both their lives.
They were all in good spirits when they drove back to the city again on the day before New Year’s Eve. Sean hadn’t been as successful as he would have liked with the girl he brought, but after several days he found her so irritating he no longer cared. And they were going to L.A. the next day, to see Billy play in the Rose Bowl game on New Year’s Day. Billy’s father had rented a party bus and was taking a group of friends, and the others were flying. Marilyn and Jack were giving a New Year’s Eve party for the parents at their hotel, but they knew Billy couldn’t be there the night before the game. Andy, who was heading back to Boston on New Year’s Day, would miss it.
In some ways Izzie was glad Andy wasn’t coming. She wanted to put a little time and distance between them and the stupid thing they’d done in Tahoe, in case either of them wanted to do it again. She didn’t completely trust herself—Andy was a very handsome boy, and she didn’t want to slip with him again.
The whole crew from San Francisco arrived in time to celebrate New Year’s Eve together. Some of them had taken rooms in hotels in Pasadena, and Sean and his parents were staying at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Gabby and Izzie met Sean for dinner at the Polo Lounge. Billy was with the team that night. He said he had a million plays to learn for the game, and Gabby knew how stressed he was. He had to be in bed by ten o’clock that night, back in his dorm. And after dinner at the Polo Lounge, Izzie, Gabby, and Sean went to the hotel where Marilyn and Jack were staying. And their small, festive party was well under way. The anticipation of seeing Billy play in such an important game was incredible. Everyone was talking about it and hoping Billy would do well. This was a moment he had waited all his life for, and everyone was proud of him. The next morning the O’Haras rented a van and picked up the others to see the Rose Parade in Pasadena. Brian couldn’t sit still and Gabby was nervous for Billy. At least the parade was a good distraction for everyone and afterward they went to see the intricate floats along Sierra Madre and Washington Boulevard.
They were all in their seats well before the game. Izzie knew from Marilyn that Larry would be there, probably with several friends and a flock of young girls. Marilyn had whispered to Jack that she hoped Larry wasn’t blind drunk and wouldn’t do something to embarrass her boys. It was a beautiful sunny day and the weather had been warm. Izzie and Gabby were chatting with Michelle, and Brian kept jumping up to buy souvenirs, while Mike bought drinks and food for everyone. The wait seemed interminable until the familiar scarlet and gold uniforms of the Trojans appeared on the field, and the crowd went wild. Cheerleaders were dancing, music was playing, people in the stands were blowing horns. The fabulous Rose Bowl floats from the parade that morning were parked off to the side. The team from Alabama looked impressive as they came on the field too. Both teams were a gorgeous sight as the game began. USC took the lead quickly, and then Alabama scored twice in the second quarter. By the fourth quarter, they were tied.
They had spotted Larry by then several rows below them, and he was going nuts cheering for his son. There were young girls on either side of him in short white skirts and halter tops who looked like cheerleaders, and he was talking to a whole row of the men friends he had brought with him. They were all screaming encouragement at the players. Larry had lived for this moment, and Billy was making all his dreams come true.
There was a blimp hanging over the stadium, filming the action on the field, and in the final quarter, with a brilliant play the coach had designed, Billy scored the winning touchdown. He won the game for USC, and the Rose Bowl Player of the Game Award for himself, which was an enormous honor. It was truly a moment none of them would ever forget as they handed him the trophy. Marilyn was crying as she watched him, and Jack was hugging her. Sean and the girls were jumping up and down and yelling, and Brian had run into the aisle and was screaming his brother’s name. It was pure joy for all of them who had watched him grow up. It was a day of glory for Billy, those who loved him, and the team. Larry even turned back toward where Marilyn was sitting and waved at her. It was one of those perfect moments that happen only a few times in a lifetime, if that.
Billy’s family and supporters filed out of their seats with almost ninety thousand fans, and they went to wait for him outside the locker room. They wanted to congratulate him for playing an incredible game. There were victory celebrations scheduled for that night that he had invited Sean, Izzie, and Gabby to. The rest of the group was going to have dinner together in L.A. They were ecstatic over what they’d seen. And when he finally came out to them nearly an hour later, Billy was beaming. His mother hugged him first, and then everyone else hugged and kissed him, and he kissed Gabby hard on the mouth and told her he loved her. He swept her into his arms right off her feet. It was the happiest day of his life, and theirs. Everyone was proud of him and thrilled to know him. Larry had tried to force his way into the locker room, and had then left early on his party bus. But he had shouted his congratulations to his son.
The team had been drug-tested before they left the locker room, as was standard procedure for the championship game, and they were all smart enough to stay clean before it.
Billy had to go back to school with the team. They had them on big luxury buses, and there was an atmosphere of wild celebration as they drove back to L.A. It had been Billy’s first championship game, hopefully the first of many more to come.
Sean, Gabby, and Izzie didn’t see him again till they met up at a victory party at the Empire in Hollywood at eleven o’clock that night. It had been held there once before, and they were as excited as he was. Billy kept Gabby tucked under his arm all night, and it was two in the morning when he stopped in the bathroom with Sean before they left the last party. They stood at the urinals side by side as they had a thousand times in school, and Billy slipped a small vial of white pills out of his pocket and held it out discreetly to Sean. There was no one else in the bathroom with them, and at first Sean didn’t know what it was. Billy didn’t say anything, he just looked at him inquiringly and offered it to his friend. From the clandestine way he offered it, Sean understood instantly that it was an illegal substance of some kind.
“What is that?” Sean asked him with a shocked expression. Billy zipped up his pants and laughed at him. Sean zipped his up too and turned to face Billy. “What is it?”
“It’s Ecstasy, man. Don’t get excited. They tested us after the game. I’m cool.”
“No, you’re not,” Sean said, grabbing his friend by the lapels and slamming him into the nearest wall. Billy had nearly a hundred pounds on him, but Sean got him there with no trouble, and held him pinned. Billy was shocked. “You’re not cool at all,” said Sean. “Don’t you get it? My brother died from shit like that. He got shot buying drugs to sell them. Every time you buy something like that, you’re supporting a whole industry of bastards who kill people, and it’ll kill you too. Did you like what happened out there today?” They both knew he did, he had spent his whole life training for it and living for that moment, and he was going to go a lot further. He had the talent to do it. “If you did like it, don’t fuck it up, for you and everyone else. I love you, man. Now throw that shit away.” He grabbed it out of Billy’s hand and threw it in the garbage. “Don’t fuck your life up like my brother. If I ever see you do something like that again, I’ll kill you!” Sean was shaking with rage.
Billy stood there calmly, watching him, and realizing what had happened.
“Everybody does it,” he said quietly. “You just have to know when, after they test you.”
“You’re going to blow it,” Sean said with an agonized expression. “Please, please, please don’t.” He was begging him. Billy put an arm around his shoulders and led him out of the bathroom, still shaking. The girls were waiting for them, and Izzie could see that something had happened, but Gabby didn’t seem to notice. She on
ly had eyes for Billy, and they were going back to her apartment before he went back to the dorm.
They dropped Izzie at her dorm first and then Sean at his hotel, and the two boys who had grown up together hugged each other hard. All the love Sean felt for him, and the fear he had for him, was in their embrace, and then Sean got out of the car. He had said everything he had to say to him in the men’s room when he threw the Ecstasy away. Billy knew how much he cared about him, and he loved Sean too, but he lived in another world now, a world of fast lanes, fast people, and big money that was going to come his way. He could hardly wait to get out of school and play for the NFL. The championship game had only whetted his appetite for more.
The sports pages were full of Billy the next day. There were some fabulous photographs of him scoring the winning touchdown, and the L.A. Times named him the hottest rookie on the planet. Marilyn was making a scrapbook of all the press on him.
Sean called Izzie that morning before he left. He was flying back to Washington, D.C., from L.A. He had a paper to write before classes started again, and he needed time to do the research.
Izzie had an odd sense that some kind of tension had occurred between Sean and Billy the night before, and she was curious about it. She had seen that Sean was upset.
“What happened with you and Billy last night?” Izzie asked.
“Nothing,” he said offhandedly. “Just guy talk.” He didn’t want to tell her that he had delivered a message from his dead brother, but he hoped he had. Kevin had been gone for seven months, and it had changed his life forever. There was no room for leeway now, for halfway measures, or compromises or exceptions. What Billy had wanted to do the night before in the men’s room killed people. People died for it, and because of it and from it. And as far as Sean was concerned, the people who sold it were killers and had to be stopped. He was worried about Billy. There were so many temptations in his world now, of all kinds. But he didn’t say that to Izzie. He just told her again to take care of herself. She was a sensible girl with her feet on the ground, and he knew she would. Billy lived on the edge. Ever since the flask had appeared when his parents separated, Sean knew he was at risk, just as he had known it about Kevin.
Friends Forever Page 15
