“Well...yes. I’m pretty sure I can handle the actual care and feeding of a child, but meeting his emotional needs has me worried. Since that seems to be your forte, we might actually make a good team, except for logistics. We live on opposite sides of the country.”
He gave an abrupt snort. “When Kenny asked me to watch Caleb’s back, I figured that meant setting up a trust fund, taking the kid to fun spots, giving him a chance to stretch his wings when his parents became overprotective. Does that sound emotionally supportive?”
“But Caleb likes you better than me,” she argued. “That has to count for something. He’s a very astute little boy.”
“He likes me because I spoil him rotten. You think I’m father material? Ha! Yesterday’s gun fiasco should have told you something.” He shook his head. “At least, you’re reliable and kid savvy.”
“Reliable? Hardly. When I get caught up in a complex installation or repair, I can lose all track of time. What if I forgot to pick up Caleb at preschool or something? Aren’t we trying to avoid abandonment issues?”
Jake heaved a long sigh. “Good Lord, we’re pathetic. I’m not sure that even together we make one parental unit. Maybe we should ask Gayle to take him.”
Allison knew he was joking, but the suggestion made her furious. “If this decision were based on logic, you might be right. But unless you’re blind, Caleb loves you. He needs you—not your money. And whether you intended it to happen or not, the two of you share a bond that I can’t touch.”
He was silent a moment, then asked, “Why is that, Allison? You obviously love the little guy.”
“I...I don’t know,” she said, unwilling to tell him about her shattering experience with motherhood. “But I do know that once the funeral is over, I’m going to need to focus on my business or the six families that depend on me for their livelihood will be at risk of losing their jobs—just in time for the holidays.”
They'd reached the intersection where she and Caleb had met him. Yesterday, she realized. How could that be? Surely they’d been together more than twenty-four hours. She felt she'd known him for months.
She held her tongue, waiting to see if he would miss the turn. He put on the blinker and said, “So, what I’m hearing is that, one, your presence is required at Jeffries Computing on a regular basis, and, two, you don’t think of yourself as a warm, fuzzy type of caregiver, right?”
“Pretty much, yes.”
“But you are honest with Caleb. And direct. I know he trusts you because I’ve seen him turn to you for answers.”
“And to you for comfort.”
He reached overhead for the garage door opener she’d taken from Pam’s car. “Sounds as if you’re the 1950s father—going off to work, remaining slightly less engaged emotionally, while I’m the stay-at-home mom.”
Allison couldn’t help but smile. “I might not have put it that way, but, yeah, I guess so.” His chuckle produced an odd shiver she wished she could put down to chill, but the toasty heater robbed her of the excuse.
“I can live with that, but I do have one question?”
Allison spotted his mischievous grin as the car pulled into the garage. “Who cooks?”
Chapter 6
“Gramma,” Caleb cried, shaking off Jake’s hold on his hand to race across the brightly lit room to the bed where his grandmother was lying.
Allison’s breath caught in her throat. They’d put off this visit another day after Cordelia called and said she was too tired from the move to have visitors. Now, it was Monday, and Caleb was impatient to see his grandmother.
Allison hurried after him, fearful that in his exuberance, he might inflict more pain on his grandmother who looked wan, but better than when Allison had last seen her.
Cordelia managed to move over on the mattress to give the child room to climb up beside her. “Oh, honey boy, I missed you so much. Are you okay? Give Gramma a big hug.”
The little boy flung himself against her chest, and Allison saw Cordelia flinch before she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him, too.
Allison looked at Jake, who was watching the scene intently. He glanced sideways. Go or stay, he seemed to ask with his eyes.
She made an “I don’t know” gesture.
“Sit down, you two,” Cordelia said, motioning toward the lone chair by the window.
Jake gestured for Allison to take it. “I’ll borrow another from the nurses’ station. And get a vase for these,” he said, indicating the bouquet he carried.
“I picked them out for you, Gramma,” Caleb said. “This morning. When Jake and I went to the flower place. I picked out all Mommy’s favorite flowers, too.”
Cordelia looked up sharply. Allison nodded at the question she read in the woman’s eyes. The funeral director had encouraged Jake and Allison to include Caleb in the process of arranging the funeral, although whether he’d understood the purpose of the shopping expedition was another matter.
“That was so smart of you,” Cordelia said, kissing his forehead. “I'm sure she would have been very proud of you.”
“She went away,” Caleb said, seriously. “Daddy, too.”
Cordelia’s lips quivered. “I know, dear. Not because she wanted to, though. You understand that, don’t you? Some times things happen that we can’t control. Your mother and father never would have left us if they could have helped it.”
Allison wiped the tears from her eyes and dug in her bag for the card Caleb had made for his grandmother that morning. “Here, Caleb. Don’t forget this.”
His face lit up. “I drew this just for you, Gramma. Ally helped. Jake would have, but he was on the phone talking to his office. Back in Flor... Flor...”
“Florida,” Jake supplied, rejoining them. He carried a large vase filled with Bird of Paradise in one hand and a straight-back chair in the other. “Where should I put these?”
Allison stood and cleared a spot for them amongst the numerous baskets of plants and cut flowers that occupied the window ledge. “These are beautiful,” Allison said, glancing at the cards attached to them. The largest arrangements were from Cordelia’s bridge club and bunco group. “You’re obviously missed.”
Allison knew Pam had been extremely proud of how well her mother had blended into the community.
“So, what are you doing today?” Cordelia asked her grandson.
He shrugged. “We hafta go to the car lot. Not Daddy’s. Some other one. Jake is taking back his car. He doesn’t like it.”
Cordelia looked at Jake who said, “Rental. Allison suggested I use Pam’s while I’m here.”
A look of despair crossed the woman’s face but she rallied after a few seconds. “Of course. Too bad mine isn’t available. It needed a major overhaul so Kenny sold it to some dealer. He was going to order me a new car—one of those hybrids. I’m on a waiting list, I think.”
Allison tuned out the car talk that followed. She was just happy to see Caleb looking engaged and spunky. The past two days had been difficult. He’d slept fitfully the night before and hadn’t eaten more than a few bites at a time. Plus, he seemed whiny and far more demanding than usual. When she expressed her concerns to Gayle, the more experienced mother had downplayed Allison’s concerns. “He’s adjusting. Give him time.”
That was probably true, but the more she read about childhood grief, the more Allison wondered if some kind of professional therapy might be in order. She hadn’t broached the topic with Jake—certain he’d think she was overreacting. But, she’d hoped they might bump into the pastor she’d met at the hospital that first day. According to his card, he was a counselor as well.
“Did they fix your heart, Gramma?” Caleb sat cross-legged, his stubby athletic shoes leaving bits of leaves on the pristine cotton blanket.
“Yes, love, the doctor put in some new parts. He says I’ll be good as new in a few months. Then I can come back home.”
Caleb nodded. “We got two cats, now.” He held up his fingers in a peace sign. “Cleo and Rom.
”
“Really?” Cordelia exclaimed. Something in her tone said she didn’t approve. Allison started to defend her decision, but Jake cut her off.
“I’m not a cat lover, but I have to say, these guys are pretty amazing. Rom has decided Caleb is the coolest person on the planet. He even slept on Caleb’s bed last night. Right, buddy?”
Caleb nodded with more enthusiasm than Allison had seen all day. “His whiskers tickled my face this morning and his breath smells like fish, but he’s nice. Cleo hides most of the time. Ally says she’s not ac..acl...”
“Acclimated,” Allison supplied. She didn’t think Caleb had been listening when she explained why the white cat was so shy.
“Well, it’s good that you can help Allison take care of them since she couldn’t leave them alone until I—” her voice dropped “—get home."
Jake got up and walked to the bed. “The nurse said we should only stay a few minutes. She doesn’t want you to get tired, but we'll try to come back tomorrow.”
“When is the—”
“Thursday,” Allison said, jumping to her feet. “And there’s a visitation the night before.”
Jake held out his arms to Caleb who clambered to his feet and leapt. Allison hurried closer and brushed the little bits of debris off the blanket. “Do you have a list for me?” she asked, noticing that Cordelia’s color had faded.
“List?”
“You said on the phone there were some things you needed from home. Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer I just bought them instead of poking around in your stuff?”
Cordelia let out a harsh laugh. “If you knew how much poking they do around here, you wouldn’t ask that question. I...I think the list is on that tablet.”
Allison found it. Denture cleaner, tweezers, a hand mirror, a hairbrush. “No problem. I’ll get this stuff together and bring it down tomorrow.”
“Whenever,” Cordelia said her tone flat.
Allison looked at Jake and saw the same concern she felt. The last thing they needed was for Cordelia to give up. She moved to the bed and gave Pam’s mother a hug. “Be strong, Cordelia,” she whispered. “Caleb needs you. This is the perkiest I’ve seen him since we told him the news. You have to get better—for his sake.”
Cordelia dozed fitfully after her grandson left. She felt so useless—a burden, instead of the vital, active woman she’d always prided herself on being.
“Mom never slows down,” she’d once heard Pam tell a friend. “She’s afraid old age will catch up with her.”
Pam had been proud of her, but she wouldn’t be proud now. Lying here too weak to get out of bed, let alone play with Caleb. Even making conversation with him for a short time had left her winded. A part of her wanted to give up, but she couldn’t do that.
If she did, Caleb would wind up with Allison and Jake. Both were good people, but they weren’t family. Ally was too wrapped up in her business to be a good mother. Shaking her head, Cordelia corrected herself, to be as good a mother as Pam was. Pam could have worked outside the home. She was a dynamo—intelligent and friendly. Her charity drive at the car lot got a good write-up in the paper every year. But she chose to stay home with Caleb.
“He’ll only be this age once, and I need to be a part of that,” she’d told Cordelia more than once.
Allison didn’t understand that. Her business was her baby, Pam often said. And Jake? Who knew about him? He seemed to have turned into a truly compassionate man but eventually he’d have to go back to his life in Miami. If Cordelia gave up, what would happen to Caleb? Would they put him up for adoption or try to share custody on opposite sides of the country? What kind of life would that be?
No, she thought, I have to get well. That’s all there is to it.
“That was simply amazing,” Jake said as he helped Allison clean up after dinner. They’d considered getting takeout while they were in town visiting Cordelia, but Gayle had called to tell them the neighbors were bringing in a four-course meal. A pot roast the likes of which Jake had never tasted. He’d eaten far more than he should have. Allison and Caleb on the other hand, had barely picked at the food on their plates.
“A farm meal,” Ally said. “Made me quite homesick.”
“Is that why you didn’t eat more?”
She shook her head and scraped the remains of the meal into the sink. “No. Just not hungry, I guess. Lack of sleep is catching up to me. But I’m glad to see one of us had an appetite.”
“One is right. I don’t think Caleb took more than ten bites. Should we be worried?”
Allison stopped what she was doing and looked across the room where Caleb was sitting in a beanbag chair in front of the TV. Rom was on his lap, curled up as if he’d been born there. “I called my mother this afternoon after we got back from the hospital. She said one of my nieces went through a real rough time last summer after Grandpa died. They’d been close. She wouldn’t eat, had bad dreams and even stopped talking for a while.”
Jake had been reading online about children’s reaction to great loss and knew things could be a lot worse than what they were experiencing with Caleb. “What did your family do?”
“Took her to see a therapist.”
“Really? How old is she?”
“Ten.”
Jake studied his godson from a distance. He was pale and wan but he deserved to be, didn’t he? “Well, I think he’s doing pretty well considering.”
Allison’s bottom lip disappeared. “Maybe.”
“You disagree?”
“I don’t know, but I am worried. He’s so little. And he’s never been a picky eater.”
Jake frowned. That was true. “How about we give him until after the funeral? If nothing changes, then we try to find someone who specializes in helping young children.”
Allison looked as though she wanted to say something but instead she shrugged and finished putting the dishes in the dishwasher. After she pushed the button to start the wash cycle, she straightened and let out a sigh. “I suppose there’s no more putting it off.”
He didn’t know what she meant.
“Picking out clothes.”
Jake still missed the meaning for a couple of heartbeats. Then it hit him. She’d asked him earlier in the day to go through Kenny’s closet and select something for him to wear. In the casket. Something that would molder and rot in the ground for all of eternity.
She must have seen him shudder because she drew back defensively. “It was on our checklist from the mortuary.”
“The caskets will be closed,” he said. “What does it matter what they’re wearing?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t apply to us. I...” She spun on one heel and left the room.
Jake drove his right fist into the palm of his left hand. He felt like a jerk. He hadn’t meant to upset Allison. But the underlying truth was Kenny’s and Pam’s deaths brought back memories he’d worked twenty years to keep out of his mind.
The phone rang. Jake looked at his godson expecting to hear him cry, “I’ll get it.”
The little boy’s head never moved. His attention remained glued to the screen and the Muppet show Allison had let him watch after dinner.
Jake finished wiping down the counter then poured himself a second glass of wine. Allison walked into the room, carrying the cordless phone. “It’s Gayle,” she said, holding the phone to her chest. She still wore jeans and a sweater, but this sweater was a velvety shade of sage. “She’s offered to let Caleb stay with Bradley during the funeral. Apparently her mother will be babysitting, and Caleb knows her.”
Jake took a large swallow of burgundy liquid but it lodged sideways in his throat and nearly strangled him. He’d known this issue was coming. He’d fully expected someone to suggest that Caleb was too young to attend the service, but he was determined to argue the opposite. He knew from experience that being excluded from something as important as this could produce a very unwelcome backlash. Twenty-odd years ago his brother died and their father decide
d that Jake was “too young” to participate in Phillip’s burial.
“Funerals aren’t for children,” Rod Westin had decreed.
Jake, who had been living in a group home for boys at the time, had been furious. In retaliation, he’d set fire to some papers and if it hadn’t been for a compassionate juvenile court judge, he might have been locked up for years. Instead, he’d managed to earn his high school equivalency certificate and enroll in community college.
But Jake had been fourteen when Phillip died, not four. What would Caleb remember of this time? What impact would this decision have on the little boy in later life? Questions without answers, but he did have an opinion.
“I think he should go to the funeral,” Jake stated, bracing for her argument.
Allison flashed a quick smile and mouthed the words, me, too.
Into the receiver, she said, “Thank your mother for offering, Gayle, but Jake and I both think Caleb would benefit from the kind of closure that comes from participating in the whole grieving process. We’re going to take him with us.”
Jake tried to hide his shock by taking another sip of wine. As he watched, she said goodbye, set the phone on the counter and then turned to face him. “Why do you really think he should go with us?”
It wasn’t the question he was expecting. Jake closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I was excluded from my brother’s funeral because my father thought I was too young. I’m still ticked off about it.”
“I’m sorry. That must have been rough. How old were you?”
“Fourteen. Phillip was ten.”
Her expressive face crumpled. Jake didn’t want to cause her any more pain, so he quickly added, “It was a long time ago. My point is that what we decide could impact Caleb for years to come. He’s a smart kid. Maybe we should let him decide. If he doesn’t want to go, I’ll stay home with him.”
She smiled suddenly, and Jake’s bluster left him. There were times when she glowed, and he had no business in the world noticing such things.
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