by Paige North
This is Jack’s strange way of saying he’s sorry for getting on my case about Colt.
I stay silent, and Jack slides his laptop onto the table. I’m sure he can read everything on my face.
“Goddammit, Serena. He’s still around, isn’t he?”
No more big lies. I nod.
He wipes his hands over his face, but it doesn’t erase the concern that’s etched all over it.
I sigh. “Jack, do you really think I have any right to tell Colt he can’t have anything to do with his son?”
“Let him take you to court. I wonder if there’s a judge out there who’d look at Colt’s history and think that he’s a suitable father.”
“He will be. He only needs a chance.” I lean forward. “There was a time when you saw everything good in Colt. You two were inseparable.”
“Then his true colors came out.” He leans forward too. “What’s it going to take to convince you that he’s never going to change?”
I stiffly sit back in my seat. The wind rustles through the oak leaves as Jack sits back too.
“Serena, you’re going to break Mom and Dad’s heart,” he finally says. “I’m not going to tell them anything yet, but shit—think about what you’re doing. I know you’ll come around to making the right choice after Colt does something new and inventive to screw up this time. It’s inevitable. I just wish you wouldn’t have to do this the hard way.”
As he stands and leaves me alone with the rustling trees, I know with every beat of my heart that Jack is wrong. Colt is going to turn over a new leaf.
And there’s nothing that will ever change my mind about that.
Chapter 4
I promised myself that there would be no more big lies. But, dammit, how else can I spend the weekend with Sebastian and Colt without deceiving my parents?
I convince myself that this is just one more little lie: the end justifies the means. I have to do this if I want everything with Colt and my son to work out in the end, so I end up telling Mom and Dad that I’m taking off with some new teaching friends and their families to a modest resort in Portland that’s having a Teacher Appreciation Weekend. My parents believe me and tell me to have a great time and call if I need anything. My mom even slips me a paper with a list of doctors’ names and numbers for the area just in case something happens with Sebastian, and her trust in me hurts. Jack isn’t around to judge me about my falsehood, and I can only hope he doesn’t choose this weekend to reveal to Mom and Dad what I’m really doing.
Sneaking around with Colt.
I dress Sebastian and myself in warmer clothes, just as Colt has suggested, then meet him at his hotel with all our packed bags. After I strap the baby seat into the back of a badass SUV he’s rented along with the Porsche, I secure Sebastian, and off we go. Colt won’t tell me where he’s taking us—it’s a surprise—but I told Margot that, as soon as we get there, I’ll text her the details, just in case of emergencies.
I don’t know what to expect from Colt—an expensive spa? A luxurious hotel in Seattle? But when he drives us into the middle of Mount Hood National Forest and pulls in front of a rustic, red-planked cabin with a porch, I’m happier with this than any of those other options.
It’s a place my Colt would love. He’s not a movie star here. He’s just ours.
“The cabin is fully stocked,” he says as we look at it from behind the windshield. “It has a hot tub, outside grill, two bedrooms, WiFi in case you need to do work for your class, and, most importantly, privacy.”
Trees shade us, and I get out of the car to smell the summer leaves and hear the sound of the Salmon River nearby. I smile, feeling light and free. “It’s almost like our spot at the lake, except with upgrades.”
“That was kind of the idea.” He’s out of the car now too, carefully easing Sebastian out of his seat then holding him. Our son points to the cabin, at the trees, and then he babbles as if trying to tell Colt something.
“This is a new and exciting place, huh?” Colt says to him. “Stick with me, little man, I’ll show you a lot of those.”
As we unpack the SUV, I can’t help feeling as if we’re a real family. How many times have I dreamed of that? How often did I tell myself it wasn’t going to happen, only to have my fantasy come true now? I know Colt and I still have a lot to overcome, but I’ll take what I’ve got with him right this minute, hoping we’ll have forever ahead of us…
The inside of the cabin is clean and neat, with quilts strewn over the pine furniture, charming hardwood floors, a big stone fireplace, and more groceries than I know what to do with in the pantry and fridge. One of the bedrooms is even set up for a baby with a crib and a changing table, which I use immediately to deal with Sebastian’s damp diaper. It looks like Colt has seen to all our comforts, and after I give Sebastian back to him so he can take our son on the grand tour, I catch a peek of the other bedroom with its huge bed dominating the space.
Our bed.
Colt catches my gaze, and I rub my arms, feeling goose bumps all over.
After the short tour, some of the excitement has obviously worn off for Sebastian, and he cries softly, then rests his cheek against Colt’s chest, staring at me with watery eyes. It’s the zoned out look that he always gets when he’s extra tired and trying not to go to sleep. He lifts his hand and points at me.
“Mamamama…” he whispers.
I wave to him.
Colt grins at me as I walk over and wrap my hand around Sebastian’s finger.
“You’re getting so good at talking, Bash.” I point to myself. “Mama.” Then I swallow heavily, and point to Colt. “Daddy.”
Colt watches me with stormy emotion as he cups the back of Sebastian’s head with his hand. He slightly rocks our son, and Sebastian’s eyelids flutter.
“Dadadadada…” he whispers even more softly. Then he closes his eyes.
The lining of my throat cracks as I take in the beautiful sight of them. Then Colt moves quietly to the second bedroom. I follow him as he sits in a rocking car, holding Sebastian against his wide chest. His tanned hand seems so big against Sebastian’s little back, and something primal clutches in me.
“I’ve got this,” he says with another smile as he rocks in that chair.
Colt Brooks has been tamed, just as I told my brother he could be, and I believe in him now more than ever.
I blow him a kiss, then close the door.
It isn’t until later, after I’ve texted Margot then fixed a salad and put some foil-wrapped potatoes in the oven, that Colt comes out of the room with Sebastian.
“You slept as long as he did,” I say.
“Honestly, I didn’t get a whole lot of shut eye. I just enjoyed sitting there with this guy keeping me company.” Colt suddenly swings Sebastian in the air and holds him up. “Isn’t that right, little man? We had quality time, even though you were out of it.”
Sebastian is delighted, waving his arms and legs until Colt brings him back in. My heart turns to goo at the two of them bonding even more. I can understand the baby addiction that Colt has already developed, but wait until he gets a dose of reality when I teach him how to change diapers.
I open the fridge and gesture to the shelf where I’ve stored a wrapped plate of steaks that I’ve prepared with olive oil, melted butter, and garlic salt. “How are you at grilling, Daddy?”
Colt smiles at being called that. “I’m a pro.”
“Wanna prove it?”
“Let me light up that grill and then I’ll impress the both of you with my mad skills.”
I’m still holding open the fridge as Colt hands Sebastian off to me. With a kiss to my cheek, he goes outside. Sebastian perches on my hip and watches him leave then looks up at me.
“Don’t worry. He’ll be back.” I laugh, so happy that Colt truly isn’t going anywhere. He’s here with us, and life is perfect.
With my free hand, I put the salad into the fridge, then shuffle around some of the food on the shelves. The screen door opens
behind us as Colt comes back in.
“That was fast,” I say.
“All I had to do was start a grill. The true test of my abilities is to come.”
I smile at him, then focus on Sebastian. I make a sign as if I’m milking a cow.
He responds by nodding once. As I get out a container of milk that I’ve already pumped—I’m slowly weaning Sebastian off breastfeeding—he puts a hand to his mouth then moves his fingers and thumb together in a fast, awkward eat sign. I point at the bananas in the fridge, and he nods again.
“What just happened?” Colt asks.
“I’ve been teaching Bash simple sign language for a couple of months now. It makes communicating much easier.”
“What did the two of you just say?”
“I asked him if he wanted milk, and he answered yes. He signed that he’s also ready for food. He’s crazy about mashed bananas, so he pointed to them.”
When I said milk, Colt’s gaze went a little hazy. I’m sure he’s thinking of my breastfeeding Sebastian.
Men.
I toss a banana to Colt. “Think fast!”
He snatches it out of the air in one hot, sexy move. “I’m guessing that I’ve just been elected as the banana masher.”
“I’m sure you’ll have mad skills there too. Just get a plastic bowl and a masher out of the drawer.” I get busy pouring some of the breast milk into a sippy cup, then hand the bigger container to Colt. “Here’s some milk. He likes it when it’s smooshed with the banana.”
“Complicated stuff.”
“Don’t get cocky. You have a world of baby learning ahead of you.” Including those diapers. Hah!
Colt gives me one of his panty-dropping side smiles, and my knees wobble as I go to the table and sit Sebastian in his high chair. I tie a bib around his neck then hand the sippy cup to him.
When Colt comes to us with the food, I give him a thumbs up. “Perfecto.”
“If things don’t work out with Hollywood, I guess I have a job as a banana masher lined up as a career fallback.”
Our conversation from the other day about how stressful LA is comes back to haunt me, but from the way Colt has casually taken a seat and is starting to feed Sebastian with a plastic spoon, he seems pretty relaxed. I think he was just kidding about failing in Hollywood.
I think.
After Sebastian eats, Colt goes out to put the steaks on the grill. The potatoes are ready shortly thereafter, and we all sit at the table together as Colt and I eat, talk more about his upcoming projects in Hollywood, and discuss what my first-grade classroom is going to look like. Sebastian seems to listen attentively to it all, and when darkness falls outside and we go out to the porch to sit on the swing and listen to the night creatures around us, he’s beat.
Colt has already dressed our son in his pajamas and prepared him for bed before bringing him out here wrapped in a blanket, and when Sebastian falls asleep on Daddy again, Colt takes him back to the second bedroom. I hold onto the portable baby monitor, listening to Colt speak softly to Sebastian, then kiss him goodnight.
I wish this was really our life, out here alone without judgment from anyone else. I love my family, but it’s nice to have this break.
It’s getting colder out, and instead of stoking a fire in the concrete ring on the ground, I go inside to sit on the overstuffed couch, still wrapped in the quilt I’d pulled around my shoulders. I kick off my UGG boots and socks, then put on the TV. Colt is just coming out of the second bedroom, and he softly closes the door behind him.
I shrug out of the quilt and lean my arm on the back of the couch, resting my head in my hand. A quiet, earth-shattering look passes between us, and he runs his fingers through his loose hair.
“What now?” I ask.
“Now,” he says grittily, “it’s time for us.”
As he saunters toward me, I’m already falling apart pulse by wet pulse, knowing that no one but Colt knows how to put me back together again.
END OF BOOK THREE
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