by Jenna Rae
It took her a while to type all the names, and she looked over the list with dismay. It was disheartening to see how many people might want her dead, and she was glad to be done with the task. She itched to ask Dominguez if she could see Lola’s list, but he’d flag any serious candidates.
She could ask Lola, too, follow up on the question of who exactly had been in her life all these years. It was hard to believe that she hadn’t developed any relationships except with that fucker, Beckett.
She had to take her to get the stitches out of her side, anyway, and brought it up afterward.
“No coffee with a neighbor, Lola? No lunch with the ladies? Nothing?”
Lola shook her head, her mouth a tight line. Del knew she should follow up, but she didn’t do it. There was something else to talk about: they would share a room with two beds. It was easier and cheaper that way. Del told Lola about this while parking the car in front of yet another beige building full of strangers. She kept her eyes on the windshield and her voice steady.
“You don’t have to worry. Nothing inappropriate is going to happen again.”
Lola looked at her with dark eyes. Not wanting to rehash what had happened, Del opened the car door, eased it carefully shut, and walked away.
***
Both of them craved some kind of physical activity, and late one restless night Lola started jumping on her bed. Del laughed and watched Lola as she hopped, pink cheeked, on her queen bed in the dingy hotel room of the day.
“You’re nuts, you know that?”
Lola just smiled. “Join me!”
“Doesn’t it hurt?” She pointed at Lola’s side.
But Lola shook her head. “Nope.” She in turn pointed at Del, her finger wavering up and down. “Chicken?”
Del jumped up, startling Lola into a laugh, and the game was on. They jumped, one on each bed, leapt across, trading beds, jumped, and leapt back again. Del was careful not to bump Lola, but she was laughing too hard to do much more than lunge away from her. They grew breathless with laughter, finally falling onto their separate beds.
“That was fun!” Lola smiled, and Del could only grin back at her.
Del didn’t think she’d ever jumped on a bed in her life, and she realized how little she really knew Lola. At first she’d seemed like a compliant little mouse, but underneath it all she was playful and funny and just a little bit wicked. It was a damned sexy combination, as far as Del was concerned.
She couldn’t help but wonder, later, as Lola’s breathing slowed in the late-night darkness, what Lola would be like if she’d had a normal life—no lousy foster parents, no Dr. Orrin Beckett. Then a small murmur escaped Lola. She talked in her sleep sometimes, cried too. Once or twice she’d screamed, startling Del awake, and once she’d sat up in bed and started pleading with an invisible bad guy. Del had felt like an intruder, invading some private nightmare. She turned over, hoping for a peaceful night.
Not only was it heartbreaking, but also it made her want to hold Lola, comfort her. And that was not okay. She shook her head. No touching. No kissing. And definitely no holding Lola in her arms. A good person doesn’t take advantage of someone who’s scared and confused and traumatized. She closed her eyes.
***
It was nearly midnight when Lola sat on the edge of her bed and watched Del sleep. Her hand was outstretched like it had been at Lola’s house that morning, fingers curled slightly over her palm. Lola wanted to hold her and kiss her and protect her. Without thinking about it, Lola rose and stood by Del’s bed. She leaned over and softly kissed the tender palm of Del’s lightly calloused hand.
“Good night,” she whispered and slipped back into bed, her heart pounding.
***
Del felt a strand of Lola’s hair sweep across her arm before she felt her soft, warm mouth. It took every ounce of her control to stay still, pretending to be asleep. She waited until Lola lay back down on her own bed and her even breathing indicated that she was totally out, and then she exhaled loudly. It had been so tempting to grab that silky hair and pull Lola’s mouth to hers! She closed her eyes and groaned in frustration. This was killing her!
All she wanted to do was get it over with. She’d feel better if she slept with Lola. The mystery and the idealizing would be over. Sex with her would be like sex with any other woman, wouldn’t it? Then she’d be able to stop thinking about her. It wouldn’t be any good, she told herself. She’s like a frightened child. She’s afraid of her own body, and she’s definitely afraid of mine. If I could just have her once, I’d be over it, and then I could focus! But as her mind wandered back over the memory of their kiss, she could almost feel Lola’s body pressing against her own, Lola’s hands in her hair, Lola’s warmth and softness. Now, she relived this newest sensation, Lola’s lips on her palm, and knew she was lying to herself.
Lola would be soft and lush and warm. She would be self-conscious and shy when Del explored her body. She would need to be petted and kissed and reassured with loving words and soft hands. But she would respond. She would open up and trust Del. Del could imagine Lola’s skin growing warm from gentle caresses, her breath quickening in response to tender kisses.
She pictured Lola leaping from one bed to another, her hair wild, her skin flushed, her eyes sparkling with pleasure. She was sensual, underneath it all. She would be like a kitten, skittish at first and, once she’d grown more confident, would end up purring under Del’s hand. She would—Del groaned again and buried her hot face under her pillow.
It was maybe an hour later when she was startled awake by a sudden screech. Lola! She rushed over and saw that Lola was actually awake—usually her bad dreams didn’t wake her.
“You okay?”
Lola’s face was white. She reached over and turned on the light. “I—in the ambulance, I remember!”
Del just looked at her.
“I saw him. In the ambulance. He was there, very close, and he was mad. He was really mad. But I forgot.”
“It was a dream, Lola.”
“No.” Lola shook her head. How could she make her understand? She cleared her throat. “Listen, I forgot, but it wasn’t a dream. It was real. Del, I need you to believe me.”
Del nodded, but it was clear that she didn’t, not really.
“It was The Creep. He wasn’t the nice man, he was the other one, the man in the ambulance. He was there, Del. And he didn’t have glasses, and he didn’t have black hair. His hair was blond, and his eyes were blue, and he smelled the same, and his voice was the same. I swear! It was the same man. The one who killed Buttons and Queenie. And he wanted to talk to me, but I got scared and went away. He put his hand on my mouth, and he was holding me down, and I went away. I mean, I fainted.”
Del pursed her lips. Her eyes measured Lola and told her that she’d failed. Del didn’t believe her. Lola hugged herself. She was too frustrated to think.
Del’s voice was soft. “That sounds pretty scary.” She pursed her lips. “Listen, you’ve been through a lot lately. It’s totally normal to have wild dreams when you’re going through so much. I’m not saying you’re wrong. I just think it’s possible that your dream seemed really, really vivid, that’s all. Does that make sense?”
Lola took a second to answer. “You’re managing me, Del. Handling me. You know? I remembered something in a dream, but that doesn’t make it less true.”
“Tell you what. In the morning, if you’re still sure it wasn’t a dream, then fine. I’ll get you back together with a sketch artist and follow up on this. But right now, it’s the middle of the night, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Okay?”
“But, Del, I’m telling the truth!”
Del looked down at her. Her expression communicated nothing. “I don’t think you’re lying, not at all. I believe that you think you saw him. But he’s not here now, right? And it’s too late at night to do anything about this. So, we’ll get some sleep, and we’ll talk about it in the morning. Does that seem reasonable? Okay. Good night
.” She turned off the light.
Lola watched Del climb back into bed and turn away to go to sleep. She didn’t believe me at all, she thought miserably. She thinks I’m crazy and stupid and not reliable. And maybe she’s right. Maybe it was all a dream. But it didn’t feel like it. Part of her wanted to turn the light on and make Del listen and convince her that The Creep had been in the ambulance. But what if she got mad? What if she told Lola she was crazy? What if she just looked at her that measuring way again? Lola wasn’t sure she could stand that.
Orrin whispered in that new, gentle voice of his. “Maybe she’s right, Lolly. Maybe it was just a dream. Isn’t that at least possible?”
It was. Lola had to admit that she’d had more than one dream that had bled over and seemed like it was real. So, maybe The Creep in the ambulance was just another one of those dreams. She shuddered. She didn’t think that was true, but there was a part of her that really, really hoped it was.
***
Del got up extra early the next morning, punishing her body with a grueling run that left her breathless, dizzy, exhausted. They were in the suburb of Daly City, just south of the city, and the fog was so close to the ground that Del could barely see the parked cars as she headed for the room. It cooled her, though, and a jagged laugh escaped her. A long run, a foggy version of a cold shower, and none of it was helping. She was still burning for Lola. She turned around and did another few laps around the block. She got ready for work as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake Lola and have to pretend not to want her. It was almost a relief to head to work and look for the bad guy.
***
Lola was going crazy. She woke up to find that Del had already left for work. Something was nagging at her, and she couldn’t get a fix on what it was. There was something she wanted to tell Del, wasn’t there? That seemed right. That seemed like the answer. But she couldn’t figure out what it was that she wanted to tell her.
After pacing the room for over an hour, she came to a decision. They had almost run out of clean underwear and Lola had been wearing the same top for two days. It smelled like sweat and pizza and felt like sandpaper. Her hair was a mess after days with no conditioner, and her lips were chapped from her nervous chewing on them.
“I’ve got to get out of here,” she said to no one. “I’m losing my mind.”
Orrin started to make some joke about that but she waved away his voice.
She called Del’s cell phone and got no answer. She tried her precinct number, no answer. She called Tom, no answer. Where were they? Had something happened? What if Del was in danger, what if she needed help? Her eyes darted around the room, which seemed to be shrinking.
She scolded herself, “Keep it together!” She forced herself to breathe slowly, to sit down and stay calm. “The last thing anybody needs,” she reminded herself, “the last thing Del needs, is you freaking out.” She started to giggle. “You’re a lesbian, start acting like it.” She touched her lips with her fingertips, remembering the salty taste of Del’s palm.
She wondered what it would be like to touch and kiss Del’s body. Was she very different from her? What did her skin smell like, feel like, taste like?
Certainly she would be different from Orrin. He used his body as a weapon. He knew that Lola was afraid of being crushed because she’d told him before, when he was her friend, Dr. Beckett. When he became Orrin, he enjoyed pressing his weight down on her, watching her struggle to breathe and panic and try not to cry. Did he watch her go away? Did he try to make her go away? Lola hugged herself tightly, shaking her head.
Del wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t want to hurt her. She would be strong and soft, all at once. Lola thought about the day they’d kissed. Had Del really been attracted to her, or would she have enjoyed making out with any available woman? It was hard to tell. Lola rolled her eyes. Okay, enough! She sat at the table again, with the laptop in front of her. But her mind kept wandering back to thoughts of Del’s mouth, Del’s hands, Del’s skin.
***
Del had been stuck in meetings for what seemed like years, with everyone checking in to report a collective lack of progress, and Lola’s messages alarmed her at first. She sounded fine, but she’d never called before. Del held her breath, waiting for Lola to pick up her cell, and exhaled loudly in her ear at the sound of her voice.
“Sorry,” she said, “you okay?”
Lola was fine. Cabin fever, she said, and Del’s heart resumed its regular rhythm.
“I know,” she said, “I’m sorry. We should have caught this guy by now.”
They chatted for a few minutes. Lola was, understandably, cracking under the pressure. Thank God she’d dropped the whole business about the dream. Del had seen the hurt in her eyes and felt guilty for it, but Lola was obviously susceptible to whims and would have just worked herself into a state over nothing.
Hanging up, Del turned to Phan. “Hey,” she said. “I’ve been thinking about what Lola said the other day.”
He looked at her, nonplussed.
“You know, the bait thing?”
His eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“No. I mean, not her. Me.”
“Explain.”
“Let’s assume for a minute that he doesn’t know we found the cameras. Okay? Obviously, he’s seen me. He knows we’re friends. Maybe he figures we’re more than that. It’s been well over a week. Maybe he’s desperate enough to come after me.”
Phan considered. “Maybe, maybe not. If he knows you’re a cop, and he must, he might figure it’s too high a risk.”
“Maybe. But I was thinking. I don’t know.” Del waggled her head.
“What’d you have in mind?”
“I go to her house, like I’m checking on things. Clean out her fridge, get her mail. Water her plants. I go tonight. Go back every other night at the same time. Like I’m stopping by after work, on my way to go to her. He’s bound to go for it, sooner or later, see if he can follow me to her. We could route him to a location we choose ahead of time.”
Phan asked some questions and offered some suggestions for how she could do it, and she began to feel a little bit hopeful. She was surprised to hear excitement in Phan’s voice and laughed. This might actually work! Or, she reminded herself, it could be a total bust, and they’d be stuck right back at nothing.
They spent the next couple of hours working out the details, getting approval from their captain to test it out on a trial basis. They spent a long time figuring out how to minimize the risks so that he would approve it without half the department having to be on scene.
Del called Lola. “I’ve got a hot lead,” she said, “I can’t leave until I run it down.” She hated the disappointment in Lola’s voice as she said that of course she understood, don’t worry about her, she was fine. She could hear Lola’s absolute trust. It would never occur to her that Del might be lying, would it? She rolled her eyes as she disconnected from the call.
“Shut up, Phan,” she spat at him as he t’sked her with his finger. “I’m only lying to protect her.”
“I know,” he replied, “I’d do the same thing. But, Mason,” he made a rueful face, “doesn’t it ever bother you, how the job has made you such a good liar?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
As the afternoon turned to evening and Del didn’t call or come back, Lola’s nerves continued to fray. She felt sure that something was happening. Is she facing The Creep right now? Is she in danger? What is she keeping from me? Suddenly, a thought occurred to her. Closing the curtains as the sky darkened, she grabbed her cell phone and called her own house.
***
Del was just opening the front door when she heard the phone ringing and raced in to see the number. It took her a moment to realize that the alarm wasn’t on. And the house was a mess—it had been tossed.
She wanted to ask Phan who was on the other end of the phone, but she was mindful of the cameras and pressed her lips together. The button in her ear was tickling her, and she sup
pressed the urge to scratch.
“I’ll try to get it, but I don’t know. Play to the cameras.” Phan’s low voice was calm, reassuring. She pulled on gloves and booties and looked around the room warily. Her hand wandered near her weapon and then away.
She pulled out her cell phone and called her own house to feign leaving a message. “Hey, Phan, listen, I stopped by Lola Bannon’s place—you remember, my neighbor with the pipe bomb? She asked me to get her mail and stuff, and it looks like somebody broke in and tossed it. Uh, I’m gonna just water the plants and get the food and garbage outta here, okay? I’m gloved and bootied. I doubt there’s anything here, but maybe you could send a forensic team in the morning? Thanks. Bye.”
Phan’s voice crackled in her ear. “What was he looking for?”
She let her silence speak to her ignorance and turned her attention back to the mess before her. Okay. He had broken in. He’d turned the alarm off. He had taken his time, hours from the looks of it, tearing the house apart. Del was upset for Lola’s sake, not only because she would be devastated by the destruction in her home, but also because it was such a violation. It angered and scared Del and started a whole new line of speculation in her head. She took dozens of still pictures of every room, and with every press of the button, she felt herself stepping closer and closer to the conclusion that she was missing something important.
