by Carol Grace
Even if they were going for a week she didn’t think she could be any happier than she was right that moment with Cooper at her side, so warm, so solid, so real.
“Ever been on a cruise before?” Cooper’s voice interrupted her reverie as the harbor receded in the distance.
“No, but I always wanted to go. It was nice of Gretel to plan this. I’m just sorry she can’t be here.” Liar.
She hadn’t given Gretel a thought for hours. And she had a feeling that Gretel, with her romantic matchmaking nature, would want Laurie to take the cruise with Cooper. But not if she knew it might never work out, that there was only a possibility of a happy ending. Gretel wanted Laurie to find the same happiness she had. Was this really the way to do it? Laurie was filled with fears and doubts.
She was afraid Gretel would tell her to cut her losses and move on. She would move on, too, but not just yet. Not until Gretel came home. Not until the cruise was over. A river breeze blew her hair across her cheek and she looked away from the city skyline and into Cooper’s blue eyes.
He gazed at her, his eyes brimming with a longing that matched her own.
She took a deep breath. “What about you?” she asked. “Have you ever been on a cruise?”
He shook his head. “But I like being on the water, away from it all.”
“Away from apples,” she suggested.
“From apples and customers. I don’t take vacations, but if I did...” He looked at the reflections in the dark blue river water. “It might not be a bad idea.” He reached for her hand and held it tightly.
“You might get bored,” she suggested, watching a flock of shorebirds and allowing the warmth of his fingers to spread through her body.
“Not with you along.”
She held her breath. She’d been holding it since the day he told her he would give it—them—a chance. And yet she couldn’t help but hope, couldn’t help the smile that tilted the corners of her mouth. When she finally met his gaze, she couldn’t let go.
Something passed between than at that moment, an exchange, an understanding, almost too fleeting to register. And her hopes soared.
“Well,” he said at last in a voice unusually low, “let’s look around.” Hand in hand they explored the decks of the clipper. From bridge to bow, from port to stern. They tried on their bright orange life jackets as instructed by the captain. Cooper fastened the ties for Laurie, his hands grazing the silk that covered the swell of her breasts. For a long moment they stood facing each other, life jacket to life jacket until the loudspeaker over their heads announced the lifeboat drill was over and brunch was being served.
Cooper helped Laurie out of her jacket, his hands lingering on her shoulders, and they went into the dining room. A white-jacketed waiter poured champagne and placed little dishes of fresh fruit in front of them—last-of-the-season strawberries, blueberries and kiwi fruit.
“It seems strange not to reach over and feed Morgan,” Laurie mused as she sipped her champagne.
“Or to bend over and get her toys from the floor,” he added.
“She’s a lot of trouble,” Laurie said.
“Not always.”
“She’s better lately. Maybe she’s getting used to us or we’re getting used to her.”
“Just before we leave,” Cooper noted. “When Gretel and Steve are almost home.”
“Yes. Only a few more days.” And then a decision—some kind of decision. Would they split up or stay together?
“How long will you be around?” she asked casually.
“I’m not sure. I have a final report to write. And I’m waiting to hear from the agency I work for.”
“Where will they send you?”
He shrugged. “It could be anywhere, the Nile River or the Amazon. Anyplace where they have rivers, water and dams.”
She realized he hadn’t asked her to go with him.
“Do you like traveling?” she asked, watching the bubbles burst in her champagne.
“Of course, or I wouldn’t do it. Don’t you?”
“Of course, or I wouldn’t have joined the airline. I’ll miss my travel benefits.”
It seemed they’d been to many of the same places in the world. And some of them at the same time. It gave Laurie a funny feeling in her stomach to think of passing Cooper on the streets of New Orleans or Timbuktu and never noticing him. But she would have noticed, she thought. She would have noticed that face, those deep-set eyes that changed from sea blue to navy, just as they were doing now.
He told her what his favorite places were and she either agreed or disagreed as they worked their way through a five-course meal, hardly noticing what they ate, they were so engrossed in each other. Over coffee their conversation dwindled. Afterward they walked out on deck, hands lightly twined together, deliberately casual. The music from the orchestra wafted out through the glass doors onto the deck as they stood gazing at the wilderness of Grand Island, a haven for wildlife and native vegetation. Laurie thought that she might never have been so happy in her whole life.
“Except for the bridges, this place hasn’t changed since the French explorers paddled through here in their canoes,” Cooper remarked.
“Imagine seeing the Falls for the first time,” she said dreamily. “What must they have thought?”
“What did you think?” he asked, pulling her tightly against his side, her hip against his, his breath warm against her cheek.
“Me?” She kept her eyes on the park that lined the river on the Canadian side. “I was too worried about my keys at the bottom of the gorge to think of the spectacle in front of my eyes. I guess you saw the whole thing.”
“Yes.” There was a long silence while he breathed in the scent of her hair and tried to remember that day, that first day. What if he’d left the troll on the floor of the hotel lobby instead of picking it up? What if he’d ignored the crying coming from the lobby and continued on with his meeting? Where would he be right now?
He realized with a jolt how lonely he’d been, how flat his life was until she came into his hotel room, and into his life with her warmth, her energy, her love and her loyalty. She’d make somebody a great wife. And a great mother. He only had to see her with Morgan to know that. The old familiar pain twisted his heart as he thought about the past. But he kept Laurie pinned close to him because he couldn’t let her go. Not now.
Not ever. She could be his wife, the mother of his children. All he had to do was say the magic words.
He lifted her hair from the back of her neck and kissed the sensitive skin behind her ear, intoxicated by the touch and the scent of her. She turned to face him, her mouth inches from his, her lips parted, her eyes glazed with desire. He looked around the empty deck then back at her. His heart rocketed against his chest. He’d have to be blind to miss the invitation there in her eyes. Slowly, deliberately, he lowered his head and captured her lips with his.
She slipped her hands around his neck and answered his kiss with one of her own. One that left no doubt about how she felt. One that said she knew what she wanted and she wanted him. Beneath that cool, calm exterior was a warm, passionate woman. He knew that; he’d known it since the first night in the nursery of the stone house. Since their first kiss. But that was child’s play compared to this one. This one sizzled, singed him to the core. Burned its way into his subconscious. And made him want more. She gave him more; her mouth molded to his.
His back was wedged against the railing, his hands braced against the wide polished wood. The sound of the waves slapping against the side of the boat kept time with his heart and with hers. A corner of his mind wondered if anyone else was on deck. He didn’t care.
A deep ache started deep down in his gut and now consumed him. Laurie’s lips parted and his tongue met here in an eager and passionate dance. And he wanted more. He wanted everything. He desired her, needed her, but did he deserve her? He’d had one chance for happiness in this life and he’d blown it. Chances like that didn’t come around twice. An
d yet... She was giving him a second chance. His mind was in turmoil. He broke the kiss and turned away from her.
Laurie bit her tongue to keep from crying out. From asking what was wrong. She knew what was wrong. She wrapped her arms around her waist as if to protect herself from the cold, but it was the truth she didn’t want to face. The truth was he didn’t want to get over the past. He wanted to live and relive it.
Cooper thought it was wrong to move on. Maybe it was. How did she, Laurie Clayton, presume to know what was best for him? Maybe all he needed was the right woman to help him start over. Maybe she wasn’t that woman. Obviously not or he wouldn’t refuse to even talk about it with her. She shivered in the cool afternoon breeze and with her head held high she walked away from him without a backward glance and went in to the enclosed deck. Only a fool would let her heart be broken twice by men who didn’t want her. And Laurie was no fool. Or was she?
They spoke only a few more words during the rest of the cruise. Knowing he was still thinking things over, Laurie tried to avoid Cooper, by making polite conversation with a couple celebrating their fiftieth anniversary, then chatted with another couple who’d just gotten engaged. Nothing like a cruise for romance, she thought ironically. For everyone but her. She gazed out at the scenery and counted the minutes until their return at the dock back in Buffalo.
They walked in strained silence to the parking lot, Laurie’s legs wobbling as if she’d been at sea for a week instead of a few hours. Then they got into Cooper’s car and began the drive home. Laurie felt more like she’d been shipwrecked than on a luxury cruise. She was a big girl, she told herself, capable of serving drinks and dinners to 250 passengers without missing a beat and capable of caring for an eight- month-old baby and running an apple orchard on the side. Of course, having Cooper’s help made it easier, but she could have managed by herself.
And she’d gotten over one disastrous love affair and if need be she could get over another. As soon as she knew where she stood. She stole a look at Cooper’s profile as he drove. His expression was grim, his mouth clamped shut. It could be because of her, or it could have had more to do with the car in front of him who was alternately slowing down and speeding up.
In any case his mouth was clamped shut. The warm, sensuous lips that had kissed her breathless only a few hours ago were only a memory. He didn’t look at her. His eyes were glued to the traffic jam ahead of them. Suddenly he jammed his foot on the brake, the car behind them slammed into Cooper’s rear bumper. Laurie threw her arms forward to brace herself but her head hit the dashboard with a thump. Pain shot through her head and everything went black.
Cooper swore violently. “Laurie, my God, Laurie.” He pulled her back from the dashboard, his heart pounding like a jackhammer. What had he done? He should have seen she wasn’t wearing her seat belt. Why hadn’t he insisted she put it on before they took off? He should have pulled off to the shoulder and waited for the traffic to clear. He should have taken another route... should have, would have, could have all danced around in his brain while he begged and pleaded with Laurie to speak to him, to give him a sign she was all right. He knew she was alive, but she was limp in his arms, a huge welt forming on her forehead.
In the background coming closer there were sirens, patrol cars, an ambulance. He gave his name a dozen times, as well as her name, and they finally lifted her out of the car, onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. She looked so pale and shaken he was jerked back to that other time, the other tragedy and as he made his way in his dented car through the city streets to the hospital he knew. He knew with bone-crushing certainty he couldn’t live through another death of somebody he loved. Not ever again.
At the hospital he waited outside the emergency room, pacing back and forth, pausing only to telephone the baby-sitter and tell her they’d be late. Finally the doctor came out and took him aside. Cooper waited, holding his breath.
“Mrs. Clayton is going to be fine. In fact she’s chomping at the bit to get out of here. Asking for you, if you’re Cooper, talking non-stop to the nurses about getting back to Morgan.”
“She’s okay, really okay?” he demanded.
“She suffered a minor concussion. But aside from a nasty bump on the head, she’s all right. She should rest, of course, no strenuous activity for twenty-four hours. Is that understood?”
Cooper nodded, unable to speak, unable to believe Laurie was really all right until he saw for himself. And in a few minutes he did. They wheeled her out in a wheelchair, but she insisted on getting up out of it when she saw him. The white bandage accentuated the pallor of her skin, but her eyes looked bright and alert. Cooper was shaking, but Laurie seemed calm. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked anxiously into her eyes.
“Cooper, I feel so stupid. I deserved a bump on my head. No seatbelt. I’m lucky I didn’t go through the windshield. But I’m fine. I mean I’ve blacked out before and no one called an ambulance. Let’s go home. I bet poor Lucy is worried sick by now.”
“No, I called her,” he said, taking her arm and walking out the emergency door. He still couldn’t believe she was alive, not only alive but walking and talking and acting as if nothing had happened.
But it had. He’d almost lost her. If he’d been going any faster, if his car had been any smaller or lighter. He tried to act calm for Laurie’s sake, but inside he felt like he was coming apart, that it was only his jacket and pants and shirt that were holding him together.
“You know, 1 always wear my seat belt,” she said fastening it tightly across her chest. “But for some reason I’d unbuckled it.” She rubbed her forehead. “I know, to fix my shoe. The heel felt loose.”
She was chattering. It was nerves. She wasn’t as calm as she would like him to believe. He wasn’t either. But it affected him in the opposite way. He couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think of anything to say. She was having a delayed reaction and so was he. The more she talked, the quieter he became.
When he pulled up in front of the stone farmhouse, Laurie scarcely waited for the car to stop before she jumped out. He wanted to help her, but he knew it was important for her to prove she could do it herself. That she wasn’t hurt. But he knew better. Though it was only a bump on the head, she’d been shaken, frightened, and needed some TLC.
Instead of Lucy at the door it was Gretel. Cooper watched them shriek and embrace from the driveway, feeling like an outsider. He heard Gretel exclaim over Laurie’s head, saw her take her by the hand into the house and he knew she’d be taken care of. She didn’t need him any more. And he knew he’d come that close to losing her. It didn’t matter what the doctor said, he’d heard the squeal of the brakes, the sickening thud of her head against the windshield, the sound of the sirens.
And he knew, this time he knew it was his fault. He also knew he was wrong. He’d never completely recovered from his wife’s death and he never would. This accident today brought it all back with devastating clarity. And showed him what he risked if he dared love again. He stood frozen at the front door and watched Gretel hover over Laurie like a mother hen.
Gretel had Laurie lying flat on the couch with a cold compress on her head and a blanket wrapped around her while she sat next to Laurie watching her with a worried look on her face.
But Laurie played down the seriousness of the crash. He heard her say she’d been careless and deserved a bump on the head. Then Laurie asked Gretel why she’d come back early.
“We got homesick. I mean Steve got homesick,” Gretel explained. “Couldn’t stand it another day without seeing Morgan.”
“Morgan!” Laurie leaned forward on one elbow but Gretel eased her back down onto the cushions.
“Sleeping,” Gretel explained. “What a job you’ve done for us here! Morgan looks great. Anyway we’re home and it’s so good to be back.” She looked around the room, her eyes lingering on the ashes in the fireplace and the wall hangings.
“Where’s Steve?” Laurie asked, closing her eyes as the room spun around her.<
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“In the orchard. After he saw Morgan, he had to check on the apples.” She looked up. “Oh, my gosh, it’s Cooper, the hermit, the recluse. I can’t believe my eyes. Do we owe you or what? Wait till Steve sees you’re really here.” She stood and hugged him.
Laurie’s eyes were only tiny slits by then and everything was blurry, but she thought Cooper was standing over her looking down at her. But she closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them, he was gone.
She didn’t protest when Gretel put her to bed in the guest room after dispensing two of the pills the doctor had given her. She fell asleep with the scent of Cooper all around her. The sheets, the blanket surrounded her with a mixture of leather and soap and all outdoors. She snuggled deep into the bed he’d been sleeping in and fell into a dreamless sleep.
In the morning her head hurt like crazy but she felt wide awake and alert. She stood and stretched, realizing she was in a pair of Gretel’s flannel pajamas. Then she tiptoed down the hall and into the living room. There was a pile of blankets on the couch and a pillow. And Cooper was standing on the front porch.
From the back she could see he’d slept in his clothes. She opened the front door and stepped outside in the cool fresh air. He turned and looked at her.
