At the table, she tried to free him from his self-imposed incarceration.
‘You really ought to go out to the pasture and see what they’ve done.’
‘I know what they did, Jo. Everybody in the country knows what they did.’
‘For what it’s worth,’ Sander interjected, ‘Mr Loren was right. A lot of fuss, but since there was no beef recall, prices have remained fairly stable.’
‘I mean,’ Jo told Dalton, ‘take a walk out there. They put it all back like they said they would, and they seeded it with grass. It doesn’t even smell anymore.’
‘That’s something,’ he said. ‘The land’s worthless to anybody who can read or watch TV, but maybe some new grass will help.’
Jo absorbed his sarcasm. She was dead set on getting him out of the house, convinced it would do him good. ‘Have you been to the hill by the pond since all of this started?’
Allie looked at Sander. He was frozen, his fork buried in a pile of macaroni and his mouth closed so tightly she thought the muscles in his jaw might break the skin.
‘No,’ said Dalton. ‘I wouldn’t know what to say.’
‘Kinda selfish, don’t you think? Maybe Will has something to tell you, honey. At least give him some–’ Jo saw Sander’s face and stopped.
A moment passed. Forks chirped on plates. Ice rattled in glasses.
‘I’ll go,’ said Dalton. ‘Tomorrow.’
There it was, the day Sander knew would come. His mom was right, the exercise on the way out there probably would invigorate dad. Then the awful silence would crush him. Sander relaxed. It was over, or it would be very soon. Dalton would go out there and discover for himself the full extent of their loss in this debacle; which was, present company excluded, total. Surely it would drive his dad to the bottom. In a way, that could be preferable to this. The one good thing about hitting bottom is that you’re not falling anymore.
Another thought occurred to Sander. He knew his dad’s habit of sorting things out, working through his concerns on the walk to the hill. Sander had always just plopped down and started rambling, but Dalton liked to present things in a quasi-formal manner to Will. Possibly it was a son’s respect for his father. Or, as it sometimes seemed to Sander, his dad was still seeking Will’s approval. Hell, maybe they had always talked that way to one another. Regardless, Dalton might hang on to whatever he figured out for himself, after he recovered from the fact that he had nobody to share it with any longer.
Allie helped Jo clear the table then led Sander to bed. In the past weeks, sex had become their escape and their solace. Having both been virgins when they wed, they seemed to concur on the special gravity of intercourse. If they could know one another as nobody else ever had or would, and if they could enjoy so completely the feel and weight and smell of their bodies together, then what subject of conversation could be difficult to broach? So sex was also their icebreaker, even when the ice was thin enough to shatter in a breeze, or there was no ice for miles around.
Afterward, they talked for a long time that night. Sander told her all his worries over what would come tomorrow. It so happened Allie had some insight, recently acquired, into how he might prepare himself to act when his dad got back to the house.
‘Listen,’ she told him. ‘They always say that. “Just listen.” I don’t know how it is with other men, but with yall that’s not enough. You’ll find yourself sitting there like I did, listening to the ceiling fan. You have to sort of gently demand that he talk to you. Does that make sense? Claim your right to hear what’s hurting him, and do it before he decides that he’s better off handling it alone.’
‘We’re not like that, are we?’
‘Babe, you people clam up like a mob boss in a courtroom. It’s hard to tell if you understand English sometimes. I’m saying you have to get him to open up before he’s turned the lock, or he never will. Not about this.’
‘Yeah, I see what you’re saying. I’m not sure how far to go,’ said Sander, ‘when he asks me why it happened.’
‘Why would he ask you that?’ She rose up on one elbow and poked him in the chest. ‘If you say anything to him about that crazy man at the church, I’ll hit you with a piece of furniture. I’m not kidding. Your father won’t blame you for this. Leave it alone.’
‘I wasn’t really talking about blame,’ he said. ‘Kiss me.’
Dalton was gone right after breakfast. Sander and Allie hadn’t closed their eyes until midnight, and Sander guessed his wife was sleeping late. He decided there would be no better time to talk to Jo about Doris and Frank.
‘Mom,’ he said, ‘could you sit down with me for a minute?’
She did, dishtowel on her shoulder. ‘I hope this is what your father needs,’ she said. ‘If not, I don’t know what else to do.’
‘I’ll talk to him when he gets back, see if I can help him.’ She nodded, grateful. ‘Not that you need any more to think about, but I’ve noticed grandma Doris isn’t getting around any better.’
‘Dad said something to you, didn’t he?’ asked Jo. ‘He’s a sneaky old cuss. I was planning to have a discussion with them about it soon. I’ll do it today or tomorrow. Take them around to some of the assisted living places.’
‘Don’t put them in a nursing home, mamma. I’ve got an idea.’
‘Not nursing homes,’ she scoffed. ‘They aren’t that old. I’m talking about those communities where they’ve got people on staff to check on the residents, help them. Your grandparents would have their own place.’
‘Yeah, I think those staff people are called nurses. Anyway, has Allie told you she’s designing us a house? I’m planning to build it here on the ranch, maybe fence off a little plot in one of the back corners. Allie likes the woods.’
‘And your grandpa Frank likes your bedroom. Yall have this all figured out, don’t you?’
‘He mentioned it.’
‘So you want me to play nurse,’ she said. ‘Now I see why he sent you.’
This wasn’t going at all as Sander anticipated. He suspected there was a little cunning in Frank’s approach.
‘Nobody sent me. We were just talking. He says they have plenty of savings. If they need a nurse, let them hire one. There may come a time ...’ he began. ‘I mean, down the road it might not be practical for them to stay here. But don’t you wanna give it a try?’
‘I’ll think about it.’ They both heard the upstairs toilet flush for the third time in the space of a few minutes. ‘Go check on her,’ said Jo. ‘I think she’s sick.’
‘She’s okay. Had a little stomach bug for the past couple of days. She says it’s getting better.’
Jo smiled. ‘Uh-huh. And when does this bug rear its head most? In the morning, when her blood sugar is low?’
‘I guess. I don’t know. Why?’
They heard Allie coming down the stairs.
‘I’d ask her, if I were you. Could be you’ve got better things to worry about than where your grandpa sleeps.’
Allie was ravenous. Sander took his mother’s meaning, but he didn’t have a game plan for the discussion she had suggested. It hit him out of nowhere and he wasn’t sure what he wanted to hear when he started asking questions. So he cleared his throat with every sip of coffee and watched as Jo cooked more eggs and bacon and his wife kept eating.
When she’d had enough, Jo said, ‘Oh, for Pete’s sake.’ She took the phone book from a kitchen drawer and turned to the page of local physician listings. She put it beside Allie’s plate and said, ‘Marshal Talbot is the best around. He delivered Sander.’ Then she put a pan of sweet rolls on the table and told Allie, ‘I’m going to get dressed. You keep eating, hon. You’re gonna need it.’
Allie decided to skip school. She made the call at nine o’clock.
Sander grew more worried by the minute as he fidgeted on the patio and scanned the pasture for any sign of Dalton, ready to read his gait and judge the level of dismay or confusion. It was still very odd to see all that land with no cattle on it
. Was it possible, he wondered, that his dad was still sitting up there waiting? Sander tried to remember how long he had talked to the tree until he gave it up. He was about to start walking that way himself when he saw his father striding toward the house. His pace was so slow. It seemed to take another hour for him to reach the gate. Sander focused on his face. Could it be, he thought, that his dad actually looked less troubled than when he left?
‘Hey, son,’ he said as he passed Sander.
‘Dad?’
‘Yeah.’
‘How did it go?’
‘Your mom was right. She normally is. That’s just what I needed.’ He opened the door and remembered something else: ‘Your granddad said to come see him. He wants to make sure you’re okay, I think.’
Sander was okay, he felt reasonably sure of that much about himself, but either his dad was losing it, or – what? He shot an involuntary glance toward the window, where Allie had been standing with the telephone.
When he found her upstairs, she was showered and getting dressed.
She asked him the same question he had asked his father. ‘How did it go?’
‘They apparently had a good long chat.’
‘Oh no, babe. Do you think he sat up there all that time talking to himself?’
‘I don’t know.’
She looked at her watch. ‘We’ll figure something out on the way. The lady at the doctor’s office says he’ll make an opening around noon.’
‘Today?’
‘Yes, today. Get ready and I’ll meet you downstairs.’
‘I’m ready.’
‘You’re not going like that, are you?’
‘I’m going exactly like this. I don’t know of any other way to go.’ Sander’s head was a whorl of confusing thoughts. When he tried to concentrate on a single one, they moved faster.
‘At least put on a good shirt,’ said Allie.
Dr Talbot didn’t get to them before lunch. Their fingerprints were on every page of every magazine in the building. It was going on two o’clock when the nurse called Allie’s name. Sander wondered whether he was supposed to go back there, but Allie took his hand and pulled him along as she went.
‘How exciting,’ Dr Talbot said, when he came into the exam room. ‘Another Grant baby. Allie, I’m Marshal.’ He shook her hand, then turned to Sander, ‘And I know you.’ He pointed to his face, ‘This ugly mug is the first thing you ever saw.’
‘I remember,’ Sander told him, hunched over beneath the fluorescent light. ‘Ceilings seemed higher back then.’
‘Right. Well, I’m as experienced in this as anybody alive. But you have to know, Allie, there’s no book to study on the Grants. We learn as we go, to some extent. I suppose you’ve been told as much.’
‘Yes.’
‘Okay. Just so you know. I can give you some idea what to expect, based on Jo’s medical history. When were you two planning the pregnancy?’
Allie looked at Sander, then back to the doctor.
‘I think I’m pregnant now,’ she said. ‘Maybe a few weeks?’
‘Well, then.’ The doctor put his folio on the counter and washed his hands. ‘I see. Guess I didn’t understand the message.’ He motioned for Allie to lie back on the table and he smoothed the blouse over her flat belly. ‘Hmmm.’
‘What?’
‘Have you had a test, or did you just miss your period?’
‘Morning sickness.’
Dr Talbot said, ‘Allie, we don’t normally use sonography in the first two months of pregnancy unless there’s a problem. Bleeding, that kind of thing. This is only because, in average cases, it doesn’t tell us much of anything at this stage. It can give us an age of the pregnancy, though. There’s no harm to the fetus, or embryo, whichever the case may be.’
‘What does that mean?’ Sander wondered.
‘If you’re agreeable, I’d like to get an ultrasound picture and see exactly how far along we are.’
The doctor waited while they exchanged glances, shrugged, and Allie nodded.
‘It’ll take ten minutes,’ he said. ‘Let me get you a gown.’
Dr Talbot left while she changed. Sander asked Allie why he excused himself.
‘He’s gonna see everything you’ve got down there pretty soon anyway.’ Then, ‘Maybe it’s because I’m in here.’
Allie, in turn, asked him why he thought the doctor was doing an ultrasound. It seemed to her that he might be thinking there was some problem.
‘I know you’re not honestly expecting me to have an opinion,’ said Sander.
‘I’m worried, babe.’
Sander was thinking of what he could give her besides his token warranty that everything was alright. He was sorry for being sarcastic. He had decided to say nothing and soothe her with a kiss, but the doctor knocked and opened the door before he got the chance.
‘Okay,’ said Talbot. ‘Lie back for me.’
He rolled a cart to the side of the examination table and raised Allie’s gown to a pleated scrunch beneath her breasts. Sander saw her pink lace panties against her dark skin and thought how beautiful his wife was, and how lucky a man was he.
Dr Talbot said, ‘This might be cold,’ as he squirted yellowish-clear jelly on her abdomen. Sander thought that was rather disgusting. The doctor turned on the little computer screen and said, ‘Let’s see who’s in there, shall we?’
The screen on the cart flashed gray, then displayed an undulating triangular image of who knew what. Sander thought he might be looking at a slice of the pizza he’d brought home the other night, whole and moving around in Allie’s stomach.
‘Okay. Alright,’ Talbot said, as he slid the thing around on Allie.
‘Can you tell us what we’re seeing?’ Sander asked.
‘I can’t see the screen,’ said Allie.
Dr Talbot said, ‘Sure. Sorry,’ and he rotated the monitor where Allie could have a look. ‘Okay, what we have here,’ he made a circle on the screen with two fingers on his free hand, ‘is a normal, healthy gestational sac. We can’t tell much more than that at this point.’
‘Oh,’ Allie sighed. ‘You had me scared. Seemed like you thought something was wrong.’ She squeezed Sander’s hand and smiled up at him.
‘I might not have made myself clear,’ Talbot said. ‘Have you seen another obstetrician already?’
‘No. Why?’
‘This,’ he pointed again, ‘is the classic picture of a healthy three-to-five-week pregnancy. A normal pregnancy. Normal in every aspect.’ Dr Talbot shut off the machine and looked from one to the other of them until he saw the news register in their faces. ‘Not what you were expecting, I take it. I thought that might be the case.’
On the drive home, Allie’s first three questions were: Has this ever happened before? Does this mean I might have a girl? And are you disappointed? At least, Sander thought that was the order they came out. The only definitive answer he could provide without hesitation was the last. No. Bald shock was not the same as disappointment.
As for the rest, well, it hadn’t happened in a thousand years. Sander knew that from talking to Will. He seriously doubted it had happened before, but he couldn’t be sure. And, yes, a daughter might be in the cards for them. Several, if logic held. He wasn’t sure how much of that he verbalized, as he was waiting for a specific question – another for which he had a ready and true answer. It didn’t come.
Sander couldn’t help but recall Allie’s words from last night, when they were talking about Dalton’s trip to the hill. Over and over he heard her saying, ‘Your father won’t blame you for this.’ He had little doubt that his wife was correct in that regard. Though he may have stirred it up, he didn’t feel anyone could rightfully lay at his doorstep any part of an argument that predated the Lord’s covenant with Abraham. However, the deal he made only days ago, when he was dubious that anyone besides Roger was listening, that was wholly on him. What he gained aside, and however others might judge the bargain, what was taken in exchange had been
proffered by Sander Grant.
Allie’s rush of excitement led to a bit more honesty than she would otherwise have volunteered. No matter. She could live with admitting to a shade of disappointment. After all, she had spent so many hours and more than a few whole nights dreaming what it would be like to have such a big boy. What she hadn’t especially been looking forward to was the discomfort involved. So she admitted she wouldn’t be missing that, or the speed at which Grant babies were known to develop. She was looking forward to her eight more months to get ready and, hopefully, finish her junior year of high school.
They agreed on one thing before they reached the house. Sander had to break the news to his folks. Not the pregnancy – they figured Jo already told Dalton that – but the real news. Sander said he had a couple of weeks to tell them before they would be expecting Allie to show. He figured the more time he gave his dad, the better. Allie could share the joy with her parents however and whenever she wanted. The two families hardly ever talked anymore and nobody in the Sandoval house had any idea how big Allie should be at a certain date.
15
Dalton’s spirits were greatly buoyed. He didn’t know of a time when there had been three generations of them alive at once. He could hardly wait to ask Will if it had ever happened before.
‘Don’t worry,’ he said to Sander. ‘I’ll let you tell him first.’
That wasn’t something Sander was all too anxious to do. He didn’t know whether Will and the rest of them felt anything amiss during those days when they were cut off from one another. If they had, there would be questions. Sander no longer doubted Will was talking again, and he would have to make his way to the hill soon. He would not lie to his granddad, though, and he wasn’t prepared to come out with the whole truth.
Meanwhile, the pregnancy made it much easier for Jo to have her overdue chat with Frank and Doris. Obviously Sander and Allie would be building their own place now, and they needed to get moving as time had become an issue. When the dark clouds over Dalton had parted, Jo first mentioned to him the idea of moving her parents to the ranch. It so happened that he had long taken their role in that capacity as a given, and did not resent it.
The Legend of Sander Grant Page 20
