by GA Hauser
“I hate to admit it, but I always think men who play gay guys in the movies and television are either queer or bi.”
Carl started laughing.
“I know. Well, I’m older and wiser now.”
“I suppose the label doesn’t bother me.”
“No?” Keith asked in surprise.
“No. It keeps people interested. And I don’t mind being the object of a gay man’s desires. It’s flattering.”
“Really?” Keith wondered if he felt the same.
“How insulting can it be? Come on, Keith. People form attractions. Big deal. And in this career?” Carl made a face as if to say it was widespread.
“Well, most of the assistants are either women or gay men.” Keith took a quick scan around the room as they spoke.
“And they’re out. They don’t hide who they are. You have to give them credit for that.”
“If you were gay, would you come out?”
Carl set his empty paper cup aside. “That’s a hard fucking question.”
“Is it? With me it’s a no brainer.”
“No?” Carl smiled.
“No. I’d never come out in public. I hear after you do that, the straight roles dry up. You can’t play a leading man in a romantic film.”
After Carl checked his watch, he looked back at Keith.
Keith wondered if he was still thinking about a retort, or he had nothing to add to the subject. “I’m not just saying that. I mean, I’ve read it in the tabloids.”
Carl leaned across the table towards him. “It’s just about living a lie and being paranoid about people finding out, and outting you, or living like you would like to and being open.”
“I suppose. But at least we don’t have to worry about it.”
“No.” Carl rose up. “We better head back to the set.”
Kevin picked up their coffee cups to toss out on their way to the exit. Once he opened the door to the bright sunlight, he gazed back at Carl. He appeared very deep inside himself.
Keith wondered if he was beginning to get nervous about the next scene.
When they were walking across the lot to their studio, Keith put his arm around Carl’s waist. “You’ll do fine. Don’t worry.”
Carl wrapped his arm around Keith as well. “Now you’re the expert at being naked?”
“No, not hardly. I just want to give you the confidence and support you’ve given me.”
“Thank you, Keith.” Carl squeezed him tight.
“My pleasure.”
“I will get a woodie.”
“I know.” Keith giggled wickedly.
~
Carl stopped at the restroom before they had the next taping. After he relieved himself he washed his hands and found his reflection in the mirror. Sighing deeply, trying to psych himself up for what was coming, Carl rehashed Keith’s comments over coffee. There was no doubt he was becoming attracted to his handsome co-star. There was also no doubt his adorable co-star was not attracted to him. End of story.
The erection he was dreading was not about nerves. It was about sexual desire. The number of times he and Keith had kissed, touched each other lovingly, hugged, it was as if he was already in a relationship with him.
But he wasn’t. It was an emotional vacuum. All it was was acting. Pretending. It ain’t an act anymore, sweetie.
Carl dried his hands and left the bathroom. Seeing everyone gathering on the set, waiting for him, he hurried his pace, his nerves becoming shot.
Keith watched him as he approached. Carl felt so much heat wash over his body at the sight of him, he was in agony suddenly. Looking away from his stare, Carl tuned into Charlottes instructions.
“Back from the restaurant and hot to trot. You come through the door, shedding your clothes as you go, kissing…”
Carl peeked at Keith. His attention was on their director.
“Any questions?” She paused. “Good. Let’s go.”
Carl’s assistant wet his hair down with a pump bottle, the damp jacket was given back to him to slip on. Carl closed his eyes as his face was sprinkled with water drops.
He walked behind the backdrop set and stood still.
“You okay?” Keith whispered, touching Carl’s hand.
Carl’s heart was going berserk in his chest. “Yes. Shh. Let me focus.”
Keith retracted his hand.
“Bedroom scene, take one! Action!”
Counting to three in his head, Carl pushed through the front door into the living room. He spun around and caught Keith as he jumped on him, kissing his lips. Once they parted mouths, Keith began pushing the jacket off Carl’s shoulders. It dropped by their feet.
“I adore you!” Keith moaned, kissing Carl’s neck, sending chills washing over Carl’s body.
“Oh, Dennis. I had no idea it could be like this.”
“Neither did I. All I want to do is get you naked all the time.”
Carl was hyperventilating, struggling to keep his composure as Keith unraveled his necktie and dropped it on the floor with his jacket.
“Get me naked,” Carl choked out, though he was becoming an emotional wreck. As he paused, holding onto Keith’s upper arms, Keith had his shirt unbuttoned and tugged at it to remove it. Carl released his hold on Keith, the shirt fell soundlessly.
As Carl watched, fighting to stop gasping for air, Keith knelt down and unbuckled his belt.
A moan of agony was threatening to hiss out of Carl’s throat. Keith had his zipper open and was urging Carl’s trousers to fall around his ankles. Stepping out of them, kicking off his shoes and yanking off his socks, Carl was down to just his briefs in seconds.
Keith gazed up at him, still kneeling. “Troy, you are so incredible.”
Swallowing for courage, Carl waited, his back to the camera, as Keith pressed his fingers into the top of his briefs and they began moving down his thighs. He was so fricken hard he was going to die. Closing his eyes, praying he’d think of anything but the gorgeous god who was about to pretend to give him a blowjob, Carl was about to pass out.
Holding Keith’s shoulders for balance, since he was about to fall over from the fear, Carl forced himself to continue, stepping out of his briefs as Keith held them to the floor. Biting his tongue to stop the scream welling inside him, Carl glanced down. Keith smoothed his hands over his hips, his ass, while staring at his erect cock.
“You’re magnificent,” Keith crooned.
In between beating himself up, Carl had to remember his lines. “I adore you.” It came out like a sob.
Keith’s gaze darted to his at that moment. Carl had no idea what he was betraying on his expression. Acting! Please! I’m acting!
Keith leaned closer, as if taking him in his mouth.
Finally, Charlotte yelled, “Cut!”
“Oh, God,” Carl cried, covering his erection with both hands.
Keith immediately held Carl’s jacket in front of him. An assistant rushed to hold up a blind. As he was cut off from the rest, Carl shivered in spasms of terror as he stepped back into his clothing. He didn’t even want to look at Keith.
While he was closing his zipper, he heard Charlotte shout, “Perfect!”
“Thank fuck.” Carl didn’t think he could do it again. Once he had a shirt on, he rushed off of the set to compose himself.
~
Keith was stunned. He felt so miserable for Carl, he wanted to cry. Seeing him rush away, Keith made a move to go after him, pausing to think if it was the right decision.
~
Leaning over the sink in the men’s room, splashing his face, Carl’s emotional sob choked out of him before he bit it back. Finally forcing himself to regroup and calm down, he noticed Keith poke his head into the room.
“You okay?”
“That was the hardest fucking thing I have ever had to do in my life.”
Keith approached, reaching out his arms.
Carl embraced him, battling the urge to weep again. Gulping down his feelings like a bitter pil
l, Carl set back from Keith and wiped at his eyes. “I’m such a fucking wimp.”
“Oh, no way. You know how much guts it takes to do that? You are not a wimp, Carl. Not by any standard.”
“I was very close to having a breakdown and not finishing the scene.”
“I could tell.”
“Christ.”
“I think to everyone else it came off as passion. Don’t worry. After all, it met with Charlotte’s approval.”
“Why is she doing this to us?” Carl moaned.
“Ratings?”
“It’s fucking with my head, Keith.”
“How so?”
Another man entered the men’s room. Carl gestured for them to leave. But he didn’t want to answer Keith’s question. How could he tell him the pretend attraction was beginning to feel all too real?
As they returned to the set, Keith rubbed Carl’s back in comfort. It only tormented him more. Carl knew it was a platonic touch. It always would be.
Charlotte noticed Carl’s expression the moment he returned. She held his hand and drew him away from everyone else, including Keith. Once they were standing in a private corner, Charlotte said, “Shit. What’s going on?”
“Nothing. It was just a tough scene.”
“Did you and Keith have a disagreement?”
“No. Nothing like that. Are you kidding me? I couldn’t have done it without his support.”
A knowing smile curled the corners of her lips.
He shook his head in admonishment. “No. We’re not.”
“I’m not saying a word.” She threw up her hands innocently.
“I know you. You’d like nothing better than to see your two main stars in a real romance. It would boost your ratings through the roof.”
“Maybe. But the two of you have the most amazing chemistry, Carl. The heat blows us away when you touch. The camera is lapping it up, believe me.”
Carl rubbed his face in frustration.
“What? Tell me. I can’t have you going cuckoo on me in the first three episodes of the new season.”
A sob cracked his words. “I do like him. Okay?”
“Did he reject you?”
“No. I don’t want him to know. He’s completely straight, Charlotte. Please, don’t tell him.”
“Oh, sweetie.” She hugged him. “It’s endearing. And it’ll make the passion between you sizzle.”
“My God!” Carl pushed back, laughing in amazement. “Ratings! Ratings!”
“Sorry. You know I love you. I love all my characters.” She pecked his cheek. “So? You’ll survive the next episode?”
As she began to make her escape, Carl asked, “What on earth do you have us doing next time?”
A twinkle in her eye as she left, Carl felt his skin cover with chills.
~
Changed back into his casual clothes, the new episode script in his hand, Keith waited for Carl to do the same. Leaning against the wall by the exit door, Keith found him approaching and stood. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
“You…ah, you want to grab dinner somewhere?”
“Sure.”
“We could read the new script together.” Keith opened the door to the bright outdoor light.
“That’s fine, Keith.”
“You look really beat. You want to take a rain check?”
“No. I’m fine. How do you want to work this? You want me to drive?”
“I can follow you. Where do you want to eat?”
“I don’t care. You decide.”
Seeing Carl fingering his keys and looking anywhere but directly at him, Keith felt uncomfortable. “You want to just call for a pizza and eat it at my place?”
Instantly Carl met his eyes.
The power of his stare made Keith’s breath catch in his throat. Carl had the most intense green eyes he’d ever seen on a man.
“Yes. All right.” Carl pointed to his car. “I’m parked over there.”
“Okay. I’ll meet you.” Keith waved as he walked to his car. The look on Carl’s face puzzled him. The poor guy was probably still trying to get over the shock of the nude scene. He could relate.
Pulling in front of that sleek black Corvette, Keith imagined earning enough money to trade in his five-year-old Subaru. Wouldn’t that be nice?
Checking his rear view mirror as he drove, Keith kept getting distracted by his thoughts. Kneeling in front of Carl while he was naked, and the size of his damn erection. The guy was so hard during the scene, Keith felt embarrassed for him. Though Carl’s back was to the camera and crew, Keith knew someone else must have seen it. It was so fricken big.
Stopping at a traffic light, Keith felt his body respond ever so slightly to the memory of the scent of cologne or spicy men’s soap that had drifted towards him from Carl’s nude body. Inhaling deeply, combing his fingers through his hair, Keith had to admit to himself he thought Carl was attractive. Well, the guy was amazing. And seeing him vulnerable like that, knowing he was dying inside, it turned Keith on to the point of embarrassment.
That was a harsh reality Keith was not prepared to accept. This was just the result of not having any sex. He was convinced if he and Patty were going at like bunnies every night, he’d have no interest whatsoever in anyone else.
But he wasn’t. So, seeing Carl’s flawless physique naked and excited was making him horny.
“You’re not queer,” he told himself, wondering why he had to. “You are acting. That’s all.”
His eyes darting to the rear view mirror, Keith’s cock tingled.
Carl was a good friend. Nothing more.
~
Carl parked in a guest space at Keith’s apartment complex. He could tell by the look of the place it was for those with a modest income. He’d lived in his share of low income flats and was hoping those days were gone forever.
Meeting Keith in the lobby, both with the script in their hands, he waited as Keith opened the door, climbing the stairs behind him, gazing at Keith’s ass as he went.
Once they were inside the apartment, Keith set his keys and the paperwork on the kitchen table. “What do you like on your pizza?”
Placing his copy of the script down as well, Carl leaned on the counter as Keith thumbed through the yellow pages.
“I don’t know. Anything.”
Keith met his eye. “Are you okay?”
“Drained.”
“I hear ya.” Keith picked up the phone. “Hello? Yes, I’d like to order a pizza for delivery.”
Carl left him alone and walked to the living room inspecting the worn furniture and below average details. Sitting down, he kicked off his shoes and relaxed on the sofa, staring at Keith while he finished the call.
“Right. Thirty minutes,” Keith advised when he hung up.
“Okay.”
Keith brought both copies of the script with him, sitting next to Carl. “Here.”
“Thanks. Are you going to call your folks?”
Keith cringed. “I should. I just can’t get up the nerve.”
Carl smiled sadly. “Welcome to my world.”
“At least they already know you’re working on a cable TV drama.”
“Why do you think your parents would be so upset?”
“I’m probably overreacting.”
“I’m sure you are.” Carl wanted to touch him, but didn’t.
“Okay, what on earth does Charlotte have us doing next episode?” Keith opened the first page of the manuscript.
Carl lost himself on Keith’s profile, admiring him silently.
“She’s got us kissing again.”
“Damn her.” Carl laughed.
“Hey…this is new.”
“What?” Carl leaned on his shoulder, wanting to connect to him.
“We have a spat. Look. It says you slap me.”
“Do I? And? Next page make-up sex?”
“She didn’t wait ‘til the next page.”
“Oh?” Carl snuggled against Keith so he could read
it with him.
“Look. It says I say something that pisses you off, you slap me, and when I go to nail you, we end up sucking face on the floor.”
“Nice.”
Keith met his eye. “Funny.”
“Sounds hot.”
“I suppose it is. You think people really get off on watching us kiss?”
“I do.” Carl sat back as Keith turned to face him.
“Gay guys?”
“Possibly. And women.”
“Women?”
“Yes. You don’t think two men touching gets some women off?”
“Really? Women?”
“I’m not joking.” Carl opened his script to read the details.
