by Zane Grey
Never having had the fine physical endowment of the others all the fires of his being were dying down to smoldering ashes. His love for Susan faded, if not from his heart, from his eyes and lips. She was as dear to him as ever, but now with a devitalized, undemanding affection in which there was something of a child’s fretful dependence. He rode beside her not looking at her, contented that she should be there, but with the thought of marriage buried out of sight under the weight of his weariness. It did not figure at all in his mind, which, when roused from apathy, reached forward into the future to gloat upon the dream of sleep. She was grateful for his silence, and they rode side by side, detached from one another, moving in separated worlds of sensation.
This evening he came across to where she sat, dragging a blanket in an indolent hand. He dropped it beside her and threw himself upon it with a sigh. He was too empty of thought to speak, and lay outstretched, looking at the plain where dusk gathered in shadowless softness. In contrast with his, her state was one of inner tension, strained to the breaking point. Torturings of conscience, fears of herself, the unaccustomed bitterness of condemnation, melted her, and she was ripe for confession. A few understanding words and she would have poured her trouble out to him, less in hope of sympathy than in a craving for relief. The widening gulf would have been bridged and he would have gained the closest hold upon her he had yet had. But if she were more a woman than ever before, dependent, asking for aid, he was less a man, wanting himself to rest on her and have his discomforts made bearable by her consolations.
She looked at him tentatively. His eyes were closed, the lids curiously dark, and fringed with long lashes like a girl’s.
“Are you asleep?” she asked.
“No,” he answered without raising them. “Only tired.”
She considered for a moment, then said:
“Have you ever told a lie?”
“A lie? I don’t know. I guess so. Everybody tells lies sometime or other.”
“Not little lies. Serious ones, sinful ones, to people you love.”
“No. I never told that kind. That’s a pretty low-down thing to do.”
“Mightn’t a person do it—to—to—escape from something they didn’t want, something they suddenly—at that particular moment—dreaded and shrank from?”
“Why couldn’t they speak out, say they didn’t want to do it? Why did they have to lie?”
“Perhaps they didn’t have time to think, and didn’t want to hurt the person who asked it. And—and—if they were willing to do the thing later, sometime in the future, wouldn’t that make up for it?”
“I can’t tell. I don’t know enough about it. I don’t understand what you mean.” He turned, trying to make himself more comfortable. “Lord, how hard this ground is! I believe it’s solid iron underneath.”
He stretched and curled on the blanket, elongating his body in a mighty yawn which subsided into the solaced note of a groan. “There, that’s better. I ache all over to-night.”
She made no answer, looking at the prospect from morose brows. More at ease he returned to the subject and asked, “Who’s been telling lies?”
“I,” she answered.
He gave a short laugh, that drew from her a look of quick protest. He was lying on his side, one arm crooked under his head, his eyes on her in a languid glance where incredulity shone through amusement.
“Your father told me once you were the most truthful woman he’d ever known, and I agree with him.”
“It was to my father I lied,” she answered.
She began to tremble, for part at least of the story was on her lips. She clasped her shaking hands round her knees, and, not looking at him, said “David,” and then stopped, stifled by the difficulties and the longing to speak.
David answered by laughing outright, a pleasant sound, not guiltless of a suggestion of sleep, a laugh of good nature that refuses to abdicate. It brushed her back into herself as if he had taken her by the shoulders, pushed her into her prison, and slammed the door.
“That’s all imagination,” he said. “When some one we love dies we’re always thinking things like that—that we neglected them, or slighted them, or told them what wasn’t true. They stand out in our memories bigger than all the good things we did. Don’t you worry about any lies you ever told your father. You’ve got nothing to accuse yourself of where he’s concerned—or anybody else, either.”
Her heart, that had throbbed wildly as she thought to begin her confession, sunk back to a forlorn beat. He noticed her dejected air, and said comfortingly:
“Don’t be downhearted, Missy. It’s been terribly hard for you, but you’ll feel better when we get to California, and can live like Christians again.”
“California!” Her intonation told of the changed mind with which she now looked forward to the Promised Land.
His consolatory intentions died before his own sense of grievance at the toil yet before them.
“Good Lord, it does seem far—farther than it did in the beginning. I used to be thinking of it all the time then, and how I’d get to work the first moment we arrived. And now I don’t care what it’s like or think of what I’m going to do. All I want to get there for is to stop this eternal traveling and rest.”
She, too, craved rest, but of the spirit. Her outlook was blacker than his, for it offered none and drew together to a point where her tribulations focused in a final act of self-immolation. There was a pause, and he said, drowsiness now plain in his voice:
“But we’ll be there some day unless we die on the road, and then we can take it easy. The first thing I’m going to do is to get a mattress to sleep on. No more blankets on the ground for me. Do you ever think what it’ll be like to sleep in a room again under a roof, a good, waterproof roof, that the sun and the rain can’t come through? The way I feel now that’s my idea of Paradise.”
She murmured a low response, her thoughts far from the flesh pots of his wearied longing.
“I think just at this moment,” he went on dreamily, “I’d rather have a good sleep and a good meal than anything else in the world. I often dream of ’em, and then Daddy John’s kicking me and it’s morning and I got to crawl out of the blanket and light the fire. I don’t know whether I feel worse at that time or in the evening when we’re making the last lap for the camping ground.” His voice dropped as if exhausted before the memory of these unendurable moments, then came again with a note of cheer: “Thank God, Courant’s with us or I don’t believe we’d ever get there.”
She had no reply to make to this. Neither spoke for a space, and then she cautiously stole a glance at him and was relieved to see that he was asleep. Careful to be noiseless she rose, took up a tin water pail and walked to the river.
The Humboldt rushed through a deep-cut bed, nosing its way between strewings of rock. Up the banks alders and willows grew thick, thrusting roots, hungry for the lean deposits of soil, into cracks and over stony ledges. By the edge the current crisped about a flat rock, and Susan, kneeling on this, dipped in her pail. The water slipped in in a silvery gush which, suddenly seething and bubbling, churned in the hollowed tin, nearly wrenching it from her. She leaned forward, dragging it awkwardly toward her, clutching at an alder stem with her free hand. Her head was bent, but she raised it with a jerk when she heard Courant’s voice call, “Wait, I’ll do it for you.”
He was on the opposite bank, the trees he had broken through swishing together behind him. She lowered her head without answering, her face suddenly charged with color. Seized by an overmastering desire to escape him, she dragged at the pail, which, caught in the force of the current, leaped and swayed in her hand. She took a hurried upward glimpse, hopeful of his delayed progress, and saw him jump from the bank to a stone in mid-stream. His moccasined feet clung to its slippery surface, and for a moment he oscillated unsteadi
ly, then gained his balance and, laughing, looked at her. For a breathing space each rested motionless, she with strained, outstretched arm, he on the rock, a film of water covering his feet. It was a moment of physical mastery without conscious thought. To each the personality of the other was so perturbing, that without words or touch, the heart beats of both grew harder, and their glances held in a gaze fixed and gleaming. The woman gained her self-possession first, and with it an animal instinct to fly from him, swiftly through the bushes.
But her flight was delayed. A stick, whirling in the current, caught between the pail’s rim and handle and ground against her fingers. With an angry cry she loosed her hold, and the bucket went careening into midstream. That she had come back to harmony with her surroundings was attested by the wail of chagrin with which she greeted the accident. It was the last pail she had left. She watched Courant wade into the water after it, and forgot to run in her anxiety to see if he would get it. “Oh, good!” came from her in a gasp as he caught the handle. But when he came splashing back and set it on the rock beside her, it suddenly lost its importance, and as suddenly she became a prey to low-voiced, down-looking discomfort. A muttered “thank you,” was all the words she had for him, and she got to her feet with looks directed to the arrangement of her skirt.
He stood knee-high in the water watching her, glad of her down-drooped lids, for he could dwell on the bloom that deepened under his eye.
“You haven’t learned the force of running water yet,” he said. “It can be very strong sometimes, so strong that a little woman’s hand like yours has no power against it.”
“It was because the stick caught in the handle,” she muttered, bending for the pail. “It hurt my fingers.”
“You’ve never guessed that I was called ‘Running Water,’ have you?”
“You?” she paused with look arrested in sudden interest. “Who calls you that?”
“Everybody—you. L’eau courante means running water, doesn’t it? That’s what you call me.”
In the surprise of the revelation she forgot her unease and looked at him, repeating slowly, “L’eau courante, running water. Why, of course. But it’s like an Indian’s name.”
“It is an Indian’s name. The Blackfeet gave it to me because they said I could run so fast. They were after me once and a man makes the best time he can then. It was a fine race and I won it, and after that they called me, ‘The man that goes like Running Water.’ The voyageurs and coureurs des bois put it into their lingo and it stuck.”
“But your real name?” she asked, the pail forgotten.
“Just a common French one, Duchesney, Napoleon Duchesney, if you want to know both ends of it. It was my father’s. He was called after the emperor whom my grandfather knew years ago in France. He and Napoleon were students together in the military school at Brienne. In the Revolution they confiscated his lands, and he came out to Louisiana and never wanted to go back.” He splashed to the stone and took up the bucket.
She stood absorbed in the discovery, her child’s mind busy over this new conception of him as a man whose birth and station had evidently been so different to the present conditions of his life. When she spoke her mental attitude was naïvely displayed.
“Why didn’t you tell before?”
He shrugged.
“What was there to tell? The mountain men don’t always use their own names.”
The bucket, swayed by the movement, threw a jet of water on her foot. He moved back from her and said, “I like the Indian name best.”
“It is pretty,” and in a lower key, as though trying its sound, she repeated softly, “L’eau Courante, Running Water.”
“It’s something clear and strong, sometimes shallow and then again deeper than you can guess. And when there’s anything in the way, it gathers all its strength and sweeps over it. It’s a mighty force. You have to be stronger than it is—and more cunning too—to stop it in the way it wants to go.”
Above their heads the sky glowed in red bars, but down in the stream’s hollow the dusk had come, cool and gray. She was suddenly aware of it, noticed the diminished light, and the thickening purplish tones that had robbed the trees and rocks of color. Her warm vitality was invaded by chill that crept inward and touched her spirit with an eerie dread. She turned quickly and ran through the bushes calling back to him, “I must hurry and get supper. They’ll be waiting. Bring the pail.”
Courant followed slowly, watching her as she climbed the bank.
CHAPTER II
For some days their route followed the river, then they would leave it and strike due west, making marches from spring to spring. The country was as arid as the face of a dead planet, save where the water’s course was marked by a line of green. Here and there the sage was broken by bare spaces where the alkali cropped out in a white encrusting. Low mountains edged up about the horizon, thrusting out pointed scarps like capes protruding into slumbrous, gray-green seas. These capes were objects upon which they could fix their eyes, goals to reach and pass. In the blank monotony they offered an interest, something to strive for, something that marked an advance. The mountains never seemed to retreat or come nearer. They encircled the plain in a crumpled wall, the same day after day, a low girdle of volcanic shapes, cleft with moving shadows.
The sun was the sun of August. It reeled across a sky paled by its ardor, at midday seeming to pause and hang vindictive over the little caravan. Under its fury all color left the blanched earth, all shadows shrunk away to nothing. The train alone, as if in desperate defiance, showed a black blot beneath the wagon, an inky snake sliding over the ground under each horse’s sweating belly. The air was like a stretched tissue, strained to the limit of its elasticity, in places parting in delicate, glassy tremblings. Sometimes in the distance the mirage hung brilliant, a blue lake with waves crisping on a yellow shore. They watched it with hungry eyes, a piece of illusion framed by the bleached and bitter reality.
When evening came the great transformation began. With the first deepening of color the desert’s silent heart began to beat in expectation of its hour of beauty. Its bleak detail was lost in shrouding veils and fiery reflection. The earth floor became a golden sea from which the capes reared themselves in shapes of bronze and copper. The ring of mountains in the east flushed to the pink of the topaz, then bending westward shaded from rosy lilac to mauve, and where the sunset backed them, darkened to black. As the hour progressed the stillness grew more profound, the naked levels swept out in wilder glory, inundated by pools of light, lines of fire eating a glowing way through sinks where twilight gathered. With each moment it became a more tremendous spectacle. The solemnity attendant on the passage of a miracle held it. From the sun’s mouth the voice of God seemed calling the dead land to life.
Each night the travelers gazed upon it, ragged forms gilded by its radiance, awed and dumb. Its splendors crushed them, filling them with nostalgic longings. They bore on with eyes that were sick for a sight of some homely, familiar thing that would tell them they were still human, still denizens of a world they knew. The life into which they fitted and had uses was as though perished from the face of the earth. The weak man sunk beneath the burden of its strangeness. Its beauty made no appeal to him. He felt lost and dazed in its iron-ringed ruthlessness, dry as a skeleton by daylight, at night transformed by witchfires of enchantment. The man and woman, in whom vitality was strong, combatted its blighting force, refused to be broken by its power. They desired with vehemence to assert themselves, to rebel, not to submit to the sense of their nothingness. They turned to one another hungry for the life that now was only within themselves. They had passed beyond the limits of the accustomed, were like detached particles gone outside the law of gravity, floating undirected through spaces where they were nothing and had nothing but their bodies, their passions, themselves.
To a surface observation they woul
d have appeared as stolid as savages, but their nerves were taut as drawn violin strings. Strange self-assertions, violences of temper, were under the skin ready to break out at a jar in the methodical routine. Had the train been larger, its solidarity less complete, furious quarrels would have taken place. With an acknowledged leader whom they believed in and obeyed, the chances of friction were lessened. Three of them could meet the physical demands of the struggle. It was David’s fate that, unable to do this, he should fall to a position of feeble uselessness, endurable in a woman, but difficult to put up with in a man.
One morning Susan was waked by angry voices. An oath shook sleep from her, and thrusting her head out of the wagon where she now slept, she saw the three men standing in a group, rage on Courant’s face, disgust on Daddy John’s, and on David’s an abstraction of aghast dismay that was not unlike despair. To her question Daddy John gave a short answer. David’s horses, insecurely picketed, had pulled up their stakes in the night and gone. A memory of the young man’s exhaustion the evening before, told the girl the story; David had forgotten to picket them and immediately after supper had fallen asleep. He had evidently been afraid to tell and invented the explanation of dragged picket pins. She did not know whether the men believed it, but she saw by their faces they were in no mood to admit extenuating circumstances. The oath had been Courant’s. When he heard her voice he shut his lips on others, but they welled up in his eyes, glowering furiously on the culprit from the jut of drawn brows.
“What am I to do?” said the unfortunate young man, sending a despairing glance over the prospect. Under his weak misery, rebellious ill humor was visible.
