“Zack?” I whispered. Personally, I had come here to cut myself off from everything. But in a relationship?
“Is it?” Of course she wouldn’t be able to answer that for me.
And no, it wasn’t Zack.
It was him – the one I didn’t want to leave and the one who’d sworn he’d never stay.
Next she turned the card on the right.
“Five of Cups.” This one was upright. “Your past. Wallowing in regret and self-pity over what has been lost, viewing the future with a hopelessness instead of with potential.” She didn’t turn to me – she didn’t have to – they were the only two here who knew about Dylan; it didn’t need to be said aloud. She flipped over the card on the right.
“Lovers.” Gulp. “Your future, Ally. A strong, soulmate connection and a deeply intense sexual connection.”
Next was the bottom card. “Knight of Cups.”
I looked to her, waiting for more.
“The Knight of Cups. Someone in your past ruled with his heart over his head. Charming and attractive, he brought a whole different emotional experience into your life.” Her lip quivered as she looked at me. “The veritable knight in shining armor. This card – he – is the reason for your hopelessness.”
Dylan. My knight in shining armor. Gone.
I tipped my wine glass up even though there was nothing left inside of it.
“I’m sorry,” Jess whispered. Her voice was strained for hurting me but unable to stop. She turned over the last card.
“The Sun.”
I coughed even though there was nothing in my mouth. The Sun. Sunshine.
“This represents your potential.” Finally tearing her gaze away from the telling cards, she asked, “Are you ok?”
I nodded and waved her on.
A slight nod, like she was being called to the stand and asked to testify.
“In this moment, you are a hermit, secluding yourself off from the world and those who care about you. Maybe not all of them, but the ones who have the greatest potential to hurt you.” Her fingers trailed over the card. “More than that, you have been put in a position of unwelcome isolation in a relationship, where one person wants to deepen the connection while the other is withdrawing. Perhaps isolation from Zack, isolation from your brother, your sister, or isolation… from someone else.”
True. All of it.
“The past that has influenced where you are now is the Five of Cups. You are alone because you feel regret about the past and hopeless about the future. You are hurting and afraid that moving forward will only bring more of the same. This has caused the hermit to be reflected as upside-down since you have chosen to dig your head into the sand, only allowing yourself to feel what you deem is a safe amount of emotion.” She looked at me again and then over to Tammy. “Is this sounding true?”
It felt like a giant rock in my throat. “Just keep going.” Scratchy and hoarse, I begged.
“Your future is Lovers – a card with more meanings than most. In your case, both an insurmountable attraction to someone as well as a big decision. Perhaps the insurmountable attraction has led to this decision of which way to choose. Do you pursue the one who is withdrawing from you? If he is your soulmate, do you fight for him?”
“Zack?” Tammy asked from the background.
It could never be Zack. There was only one person who it could be.
Sensing my hesitation to correct her, Jessa continued, “the reason for your regret is the Knight of Cups, your Knight in Shining Armor.”
“Dylan.” His name slipped from my lips for the first time in months.
She nodded silently; there was nothing more that needed to be said.
“And last, the potential for your future – the Sun. Strength. Radiance. Happiness. Joy. All possible if you continue pursuing this.“ She slid the Lovers card towards me. “Your heart will be warm once again.”
“Who?” I whispered. I knew the answer, but I wanted to see… I wanted to know. “Who is my soulmate?”
“Ally, it can’t tell you that,” Tammy said, sitting up and leaning towards us, but Jessa already held the deck out to me, silently willing me to pick one.
I didn’t look at them. I looked at her as my hand reached in.
The Emperor.
“He is the provider. He is your protector. Systematic and strategic, he makes a plan and sticks to it.” The words rolled off her tongue in waves, lashing my heart over and over again, scarring one name into my flesh. “He demands authority and dominance. He demands the dominance of his mind over his heart. A stark contrast to your knight. He will not hesitate to use force not only to protect you, but to govern you.”
The room spun.
“He is the King.”
Chapter 11
Ally
I hate the way he left me alone, but never really left me at all.
I snapped out of my trance, both of their eyes on me. They’d known Emmett longer than I had; I didn’t need to clarify that the card had literally meant the ‘King’ of the mountain.
“Emmett slept with me last night.” Well, that didn’t come out right. “I mean, literally slept, not… yeah.”
“What! Why?” they both exclaimed; Tammy moved closer to us as Jess picked up all of her cards.
“After Zack broke up with me, I got drunk and he was there. He took me home and I begged him not to leave me, so he stayed.”
“He is the one distancing from you, not Zack,” Jessa murmured.
I nodded. “Ever since I moved… Well, you saw even that very first night, Tammy; we are like fire and ice, night and day. Opposite but inseparable. Ever since then, he taunts me, but he oversteps into my life for the sake of protecting me. But it’s only because he wants me for himself.”
“How do you know?”
“Because he told me in no uncertain terms.” I blushed. “He also showed me. Months ago.”
“What?!” They both exclaimed in unison. “When?”
“After the Halloween party at Big Louie’s… when he was bringing me home.”
“Did you…”
“No!” I quickly assured them.I knew Tammy was concerned that I’d slept with him or that maybe he’d taken advantage of me. He hadn’t – not for my lack of trying though. “He… uhh…”
“Went down on you?”
“Thanks, Jess,” I retorted, secretly serious.
“Welcome.” She smirked. “Alright now, spill. You have to tell us how he was. And judging from your donut look, I would say pretty typical for a SnowmassHole.”
“Such a silly name…” Tammy grumbled with an eye roll.
“What the heck is the donut look?”
Yes, I was avoiding her question for as long as possible.
Jess rolled her eyes and laughed. “You know… the look that says you are filled with endorphins and regret.” But then why… “Just like when you eat a donut.”
We all burst out laughing. Maybe it was the actual joke. Maybe it was the way she shrugged nonchalantly like it was a common, medical diagnosis; maybe it was the combination. But tears streamed down my face and my stomach cramped from laughing so hard. Perhaps an excessive reaction but my emotions were currently on free reign.
“Only you, Jessa…” Even Tammy wiped her eyes, handing me the tissue box to do the same.
“What!” She grabbed our glasses again and made her way to the refilling station – aka the fridge for the next bottle of wine. “Tammy I’m pouring you a glass, too. No buts. Anyway, I’ve always wondered since Emmett was the mouthiest out of all of them. I would have bet he was the best at that, not that I would have told Chance that at the time—“
“Oh God. Stop!” I yelled.
“What?”
“I don’t want to think about my brother… and you…” I tossed a pillow at her and Tammy looked like she was about to have a heart attack watching her throw pillow being used as a weapon.
“Ancient history. Right, Tam?”
“Yeah,” she grumbled,
picking up the pillow I’d tossed and righting it behind me.
“So then what do your cards say?” I raised an eyebrow at Jess.
“They don’t.” Her smile fell. “I don’t read my own. Too conflicting. Too emotional. Too hard to remain objective.”
“What about Tammy?”
“She—“ Jessa began to answer me, but Tam cut her off.
“I think, someone is trying to deflect the conversation. What are you going to do about Emmett?”
“What should I do?” I looked back and forth between the two of them.
“I’ve told you all I can to help you,” Jessa said. “This is your decision.” Translation, the cards were clear what I should do.
“I think you should go after what you want, but carefully,” Tammy advised cautiously. (Of course.) “I know… I know he cares about you. I’ve seen it for myself the way that he asks me to check on you or stops by to make sure I’m giving you a ride home. He has a good heart, Al, but Emmett is hurting.” She set her mug down. “And when people are hurting, they don’t typically think straight.”
“I want him. Even though most times I can’t stand him.” I groaned and laughed at the same time. “Even though he has tormented me to the brink of sanity. Even though he has made me so jealous I thought my hair might turn green. And even though I have done the same to him.”
“Well, we are here for you, you know that.”
“Thanks, guys.”
“I just wouldn’t mention this to your brother if I were you,” Jess added. I wanted so badly to ask her more about what happened between the two of them in high school, but now wasn’t the time. “He’ll kill him.”
Probably. “He’s been different since he’s been back,” I said sadly.
“I… haven’t seen him. But, Ally, some things don’t change.”
I nodded, continuing, “I just don’t know how I can even pursue something with him. Besides stalking him at bars when he’s already with other women. I… I don’t know where else to find him or how to spend time with him.”
“I do.” Tammy looked at me, surprised that she had a solution.
“How?”
“He’s teaching. For the next three weeks. Channing asked him to take over her lessons, so I gave him all the beginner ones in the afternoon. If you can alter your schedule just right, I can sign you up for a snowboarding lesson each day.”
“Oh my God. What I wouldn’t give to see this,” Jess cackled.
“Oh, shut up, Jessa.” I stuck my tongue out at her. “I’ll do it. Sign me up.”
“You got it. Alright, now before Jess convinces us to do a séance, we should probably order some food.”
“What’s wrong with doing a séance? Except that it’s not a good night for that,” she jokingly responded.
“No?” And then under her breath, Tammy mumbled, “how about for an exorcism?”
Usually calm, collected, and mature. Every so often, Tammy let out something that just killed me. This was one of those times. I lost it to laughter, but I guess if I was going to lose anything else, it might as well be for a smile.
“Hey! How was your night?” Channing rushed down the staircase and into the kitchen where I was searching for some water and maybe a bowl of cereal.
“Good.” Too good. I was paying for it now with a headache that only a strong espresso could cure.
“Yeah? I talked to Tammy after my lessons yesterday and she said that you were coming over. I may have told her about your birthday coming up…”
Confession was a little late. “Yeah, I already heard…”
“I’m sorry, Al,” she grimaced and plopped down on one of the counter stools while I dumped Frosted Flakes into a bowl. “I just feel terrible that I won’t be here for it and I had a feeling that you weren’t going to say anything after…” She flushed.
“After Zack?” I finished for her. That’s why we were talking right now.
“Well… maybe,” she said hesitantly. I chewed on my cereal, savoring its sweetness, while I waited for her to continue. “Alright, yes. Are you ok? I didn’t know… And neither did Wyatt!” She was quick to defend her boyfriend. “He told us yesterday. I guess he didn’t want to put us in that position because, trust me, I would have come to you first thing had I known he was planning on leaving.”
“Chan, it’s fine.” I held up a hand. “I’m fine. Really.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.” I rinsed out my bowl and put it in the dishwasher. “I was upset. I mean, I still kind of am, but what Zack and I had… it wasn’t like you and Wyatt. It was nice and fun and I liked him, but I wasn’t in love with him.”
“I just worry about you, Al.”
“Why?” I let go of a forced laugh, hoping my calm was believable. I was far from fine, but I was working my way there.
“Look, I know I’m not like one of the girls and I’m ok with that because that’s never been me. And I know that you are closer to them than you are to me and I’m ok with that, too. Of course, I’d like for us to be closer, but I can’t force that. I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk.” She didn’t have to do this. I loved and admired her more than I could ever say. “I may not squeal about things like I should and I may respond with a few more expletives and a few less helpful tips when it comes to boys – at least when it comes to dating them – but I’m here for you.”
“Thanks, Chan. I know all of that and you know I love you for who you are. But you have your own life, your own passions, and I love seeing you pursue them even if it means we aren’t the very best of friends.” I grabbed her hands that were fidgeting on the counter. “But, my boyfriend and I breaking up shouldn’t be this big a deal. What’s going on?”
Her head dropped. And that could only mean one thing.
“Ty called yesterday and asked how you were doing,” she confessed.
“And…” My pulse was like firecrackers erupting in my chest.
“He asked about you and Zack and I told him what happened.” Her fingers tightened on mine as I tried to pull away when she said, “And then he told me about Dylan.”
The silence was so loud my ears pounded with the beat of my heart. I could feel the blood pumping through my head and the ground shifting underneath me.
Just like the day Ty had knocked on my door, pulled me into his arms, and told me that there’d been an accident at the beach and that Dylan hadn’t made it.
“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I love you.” Her arms came around my frozen form, squeezing me tightly. “I just wanted you to know that I’m so sorry.”
I was, too.
Isn’t everyone when a life is lost before its time? When the hero of the story is gone before the first chapter begins?
Dyl flashed in my mind – his smile, his laugh, his kiss. It was all still right there.
But Emmett was there, too. Obnoxiously and unrelentingly there, demanding my attention. And as much as a part of me clung to my knight in shining armor, the rest pulled me towards the King and his darkness that promised me the sun and salvation.
Emmett
I was surprised I heard the knock with the bandsaw and the lathe going. I’d fucked up one of the boards I needed to deliver in two weeks – well, I didn’t fuck it up, it was still better than whatever shit the kid was riding on now, but it wasn’t up to my standards – so, I was remaking it. Which coincided perfectly with the timeframe that Lil asked me to cover her lessons.
Sleep was going to be optional over the next few weeks. Which was probably a good thing, because as of late, sleep only left me waking up to the sun – but not my sunshine - painfully aroused and annoyingly agitated.
I shouldn’t have gone back. Fuck. Why was I so weak when it came to her?
“Come in!” I shouldn’t have wasted my breath, whoever was here was already halfway down the steps into my workroom.
It was the one person who I’d been avoiding. I hadn’t even touched her
– well, not counting Halloween – but I felt the guilt just as surely as if I had.
“Hey,” Chance rasped.
“What’s up, Pride?” I watched his jaw tighten at the nickname – a double-edged sword, especially now.
Chance was – had been – the best out of all of us; there was no doubt. And for fucking sure, he’d been proud of it and he could confidently be an asshole about it; we were the fucking SnowmassHoles after all. And he deserved to be. We all ruled this mountain, but just because I was the King, didn’t mean I was the best. Chance was – and he could have that fucking title. I had other shit going on in my life.
He was ‘Pride’ because he deserved to be – in all of the good ways and the bad.
If he had been riding in the X games a few weeks ago against Olsen, that would have been a whole different fucking story, but I guess we’ll never know who was really the best out of the two of them. Now, I could see the name cut him.
Pride goes before the fall.
Chance – cocky, confident, and now crippled after his fall a few months ago. I didn’t know the details and I didn’t really care. If he wanted to talk, he – clearly – knew where to find me. Instead he left. And he left me to take care of his sisters. Not explicitly, but Frost certainly wasn’t going to step up and make sure they were ok; he already had a small human counting on him. It was only a few months, but both female Ryders seemed to have gone off the fucking deep end under my watch. Channing with her fucking hair-brained plan to compete as Chance and Ally with the fucking skier. Alright, he had nothing to do with it. Ally had gone off the deep end because of me.
I couldn’t control either of them and it made me livid. Livid at them, at myself, and at the fucker who was standing in my workshop like he didn’t fucking owe me. Just like everyone else, I was pissed that he’d up and left, but I hadn’t said anything and maybe I should have. Because if he ever found out how I’d touched his baby sister, he’d think I’d been using her as revenge.
On the Edge (Winter Games Book 2) Page 14
