“Did I tell you what Lila did the other day?” Tam asked, changing the subject to something brighter.
Lila was a little girl at the daycare that Tammy would never admit was her favorite, but we could all tell that she was. She’d first stuck out to Tammy because the girl’s parents never brought her. It was always a nanny or maid of some sort, but all of it had been worked out with the owners ahead of time so no one knew whose child that she was. Obviously, we assumed that she must be the child of someone rich and famous who was trying to protect their anonymity.
“No, you didn’t.” I appeased her. There would be no more talk of deadly diseases tonight, including love.
I watched her find her happy place, talking about the kids she took care of. She loved them like they were her own. I knew that finding out she could never have any of her own was the only thing that might break my beautiful friend.
“I’m engaged!” My sister shoved her hand in my face where a giant diamond sat on her finger.
I screamed and threw my arms around her. Good thing she was a snowboarder and had crazy-strong legs, otherwise I might have knocked her to the ground.
Channing and Wyatt had gotten back late last night. I wasn’t even sure I would see them this morning before I had to go into work, but I’d just finished my bowl of cereal when Channing came rushing down the stairs.
“I can’t believe this! I’m so happy for you!” For the first time in… well, let’s not think about that; let’s just say I was glad to be crying happy tears. “When? How?”
The next ten minutes proved that my tomboyish sister could in fact blubber like a teenage girl if the perfect conditions were met; those conditions seemed to occur frequently with Wyatt.
“I-I thought he was acting weird when we were out at Lake Louise, but we spent the whole day on the mountain and nothing happened. I just assumed that it was the school stuff making him nervous and excited. You know how I am,” she groaned, “I hardly know why the man wants me let alone any clue as to why he’d want to marry me.” I gave her my best ‘really?’ stare. “Kidding!”
“C’mon! Finish the story, I gotta get to work.”
“Oh! I’m taking you. Let me grab shoes,” she said. I followed her as she continued to talk while searching for her boots. “Anyway, so we ate dinner and then he’d signed us up for one of the horse-drawn sleigh rides. Still, I thought nothing of it. We’d gone on a Northern Lights hunt a few nights before. He was always planning these things.”
I grabbed my purse and bag of snow clothes as we walked out the door. We moved quickly to my sister’s Jeep because it was freezing outside.
“So we’re in this sleigh and we get half-way through the ride where they stop and give you snacks and hot chocolate. He reached down like he was going to grab the desserts and next thing I know, there’s this giant ring in front of my face.”
I could just imagine what happened next. “What did he say? What did you do? Did you scream? Cry? I’m assuming – hoping – you said yes first.”
“He told me that I had given him a future to look forward to and not because I’d helped him find a passion besides competing; I’d given him a future to look forward to because I was in it. He said that from the first moment that he’d been on a snowboard, he’d known that was his passion and from the first moment he saw me, he’d known I would be his wife.”
Shit. I burst into tears.
“How are you not crying right now?” I yelled at her. “God, I hope you cried like a baby when it came from him at least.”
She laughed, “I did. Oh, I did. It was very, very ugly. I’m just trying to spare you.”
“Yeah, I bet.” I wiped my face. “So what did you say?”
“Once I was coherent again,” she sighed, “well, you know me so, of course, I looked at him and was like ‘what if this doesn’t fit underneath my snowboard gloves?’”
And just like that my tears turned into torrents of laughter.
“I know. I know. To which he quickly clarified that that meant I was saying ‘yes.’”
“Oh… my… God…” I couldn’t breathe I was laughing so hard.
She slapped my arm. “Alright already! I still have the ring so I must be doing something right…”
“Wow…” I gulped in air. “I needed that. Do mom and dad know?”
She nodded. “I have to tell Chance yet and then I think we are going to have a small party here – nothing fancy. Just maybe grabbing drinks at the pub or something next week.”
And there went all my humor.
“Ally?”
“Yeah?” I gave her my best blank face.
“Ok, I spilled the beans. Now, it’s your turn. Why do you have a duffel bag of snow gear with you? Last I checked, Cup of Joe didn’t serve coffee actually out on the slopes.”
“I’ve… uhh… actually been learning to snowboard,” I admitted cheekily.
“What!” Her excitement rivaled mine on hearing the engagement news. “How? Who?”
“I started taking classes – your class actually – so that I could surprise you.”
“Wait… you took my class… with Emmett?” I stayed silent. “Ally… what’s going on? What happened while I was gone?” She pulled to a stop in one of the parking spots where she usually dropped me off and locked the doors before I tried to escape. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Haven’t you talked to Chance?” I almost wished our brother would have ratted me out. At least then I could just respond without having to relive.
“No. His phone has been off. I was going to go over Nick’s after I dropped you,” she said, looking completely confused.
I flung my head against the headrest, staring up at the roof of the car.
“Just remember… you asked for it,” I warned her, my eyes drifting to the ceiling as I confessed, “Emmett and I had a thing. He taught me to snowboard. He made me my own snowboard. I went with him to Denver for a day and Chance found out that we were… that we had... Anyway, now, Chance isn’t talking to me. He also beat the crap out of Emmett and I’m sure he’s not talking to him either. Oh, and Emmett’s not talking to me either. So yeah, I think that covers the basics.”
Silence.
I hazarded a glance at my older sister, her eyes wide with shock. “Is that all?”
“Well, the important parts.”
I could practically hear the wheels spinning in her head.
“So, you and Emmett…”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you hated him.” Her hand covered her mouth. “God, I am so bad at these relationship things. Sorry. Ok. So, you and Emmett… Why were you in Denver?”
“Because of his mom.” I didn’t know how much she knew; it wasn’t my sadness to share.
“And then you came back…”
“Chance stopped in at work to see me, I’m assuming to apologize for stealing Tyler the night of my party—“
“I wondered why he was so insistent on getting Tyler out here… how he even knew about him in the first place…”
“Emmett flew him out for my birthday, but he ended up leaving with Chance and Nick for the night, which was fine because I ended up at Emmett’s anyway.”
“Wow. Ok, continue.”
Yep, Chan was shell-shocked.
I quickly explained the situation that occurred when I got home and Chance saw Emmett and me together. Punching. Broken nose. Jessa kicking him out.
Yeah – I think that hit about all of the high points.
“Son of a biscuit… I go away for a few weeks and this is what happens…”
“It’s nothing for you to worry about, Chan.” Because one more person getting involved in the situation was exactly what it didn’t need. “Chance will get over it at some point – at least with me. I-I don’t know about with Emmett. But that will be that and it will be fine.” Wow that was so not convincing.
“Why isn’t Emmett talking to you? I don’t understand that.”
“Because Chance flip
ped out. He… we… already struggled because of their friendship. Well, mostly Emmett did. Which, I understand brotherly love and all, but I’m a grown woman. I can date and kiss and sleep with whomever I want. So, we finally just got past that and then his mom… Well, let’s just say that he just got back from feeling like he failed one person to being accused of failing another; he didn’t even fight back, Channing. He just let Chance hit him.”
“Well, that’s because he’s a moron. They both are. I swear to God.” She huffed. “How serious—“
“I told him I loved him. I still love him. I’m trying not to, but I think it would be easier to just stop my heart from beating.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Oh, Al…”
I wiped away a tear that managed to get by. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’m used to being left by now. It’s kind of my thing.” I tried to laugh it off before prying the door unlocked. “Seriously, Chan, don’t say anything. Don’t chase down Emmett and scold him into coming back to me. I… I don’t want that. If I’m not enough, then I’m not enough.”
“I understand,” she said softly.
I opened the door, hopped down, and grabbed my bag from the back. “Alright. Tammy can bring me home, so I’ll see you later.”
“Love you, Al.”
“Love you too, sis.” I tried for a smile - tried and failed.
Pain and apprehension grew around me like vines as I stepped out of Tammy’s car when she brought me home that night, squeezing tighter when I saw not only my sister’s Jeep, but my brother’s in the garage.
At some point, I was going to have to forgive somebody. I might as well start with the family that I was stuck with.
For some reason, I expected to hear yelling when I opened the door, but instead I walked into a mass of silence. I set my bag down and wandered into the kitchen.
Familiar blue eyes on eerily almost-identical faces turned on me. It still struck me when I saw them like this how similar, yet different they were. At least Chance had decided to grow some sort of scruff on his face; it diminished the likeness.
“I have some stuffed meatballs in the oven and a pasta bake. I hope you’re hungry.” Channing spoke first and with a small smile.
“Who made them?” I knew better than to agree if it was either one of them. She may have given me crap for my chicken noodle soup – which was not made from a box – but both of them were pretty horrible when it came to anything in the kitchen.
“Harsh,” she sighed, “but Wyatt made them, don’t worry. I’m not trying to poison either of you. Not yet, at least.”
Chance sat in a brooding silence, his stool pushed back so he could rest back on the freezer door while sipping a glass of whiskey – if I had to guess.
I moved to the other side of the counter as Channing pushed a drink towards me. I didn’t care what it was. I drank it.
“Alright, so who wants to go first?” Hands planted on the counter, she looked between the two of us. “No takers?”
“Why?” My brother’s cold voice swept through the kitchen as his icy stare met mine. “Why Emmett?”
I looked down at my glass. Maybe I wasn’t ready to do this.
“Seriously, Chance? That’s like asking why does the sun rise? Or why does the snow fall?” My sister interjected. “Why Wyatt, then? Huh?” She huffed. “Don’t be a moron.”
And there was that SnowmassHole smirk that they all seemed to possess – the one that suggested what was to follow would be casually cruel for the sake of being honest.
“No, Lil. It’s not fucking like that. It’s our baby sister and King. You know, the same guy that I’ve seen fuck three dif—“
“Chance!” Out of all of us, Channing’s eyes could cut through you the quickest and that’s exactly what she did to him. Too bad I already got the gist of what he was implying.
“Both of you!” I pushed the glass of liquor away; that was the last thing I needed right now. Then, turning to my brother, I said, “Chance. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that it was Emmett. I’m not sorry for you that it was Emmett, I’m sorry for me. You think – without really knowing him – I would have picked him from the start? Do you think Channing picked Wyatt when she found out he was your biggest competition? No. You don’t get to choose love; it chooses you.”
His lip twitched; he knew exactly what I was talking about. But this conversation wasn’t about Jessa.
“You’re my sister, Ally. I can’t pretend that it’s ok that asshole fucking touched…” He broke off and shook his head.
“And what were you going to do about it?” I retorted. “Because when it started, Chance, You. Weren’t. Even. Here.” That got his attention. “That’s right. Look, you are my brother and I love you, but I didn’t move here for you to protect me. Just like you didn’t leave to hurt us. I love Emmett – in all of his fucked-up glory. And I’ll tell you what I told his mom – that it was surprisingly easy to love him in spite of how hard he tried to push me in the opposite direction – because of you, I might add.”
“He told you about Miriam? You met Miriam?” He sounded like I’d met the Queen or something.
“Yes… That’s why we went to Denver.” My gaze fell. “She passed away.”
“Fuck.” I watched him pour himself another drink. Channing and I both waited for more. Glass half-empty, his calmly cool voice slipped through the silence. “None of us have ever met her. None of us even know what the fuck happened between them. Not really.” Was he talking to himself or to us?
My brother’s demeanor completely changed. He sat back down and put his hands over his mouth in disbelief. “Is he ok?”
My mouth dropped. My eyes said ‘you talkin’ to me?’ before I stuttered, “N-no. I haven’t seen or talked to him since…”
“I didn’t know…”
“Would it have made a difference?”
He paused. “Well, I might not have punched him so fucking hard,” he scoffed.
“I’m sorry, Chance. I can’t help how I feel and I don’t expect you to understand, but I do expect you to respect it. Not that you’ll have to anymore but…”
He at least had the decency to look guilty, albeit very faintly – a rare occurrence for ‘Pride.’ The nickname fit him like a well-tailored suit – velvet vanity, wrapped in a coat of captivating conceit and tied off with a dash of silken – and to some, sexy – smugness; that was Chance Liam Ryder. Few saw the insecurities that lay beneath – even fewer since his accident.
“Shit, Al. I do. I do respect it. I’m just… dealing with a lot of shit right now. And then to have to find out that you… and King… I lost it.”
“I know,” I said sadly, because I did.
“I’m still not fucking happy about it.” He pointed a finger at me. “But I wasn’t happy about the shithead skier either, so I guess I’m pretty much screwed no matter who you are with. I just… fucking King…”
“Do you really think he’s that bad? He’s your best friend.” I would never act like he did if it were Jessa or Tammy, but then again, these were guys…
“Which means I know he’s that bad,” he retorted and I rolled my eyes. “What? Too soon?” The rest of his drink disappeared. “Ahh… fuck. Well, at least it wasn’t fucking Frost.”
I nodded. Not that I knew much about their third counterpart, but I knew he was bad news covered in sinfully-sweet frosting. “You really love him?”
I nodded. “And he loves you?” His hand came up, “Wait, did you say King hasn’t talked to you since the last time we were in this house?”
“Correct…”
“After everything I said, he just fucking left you?” And it looked like my dear brother had jumped to the complete other end of the spectrum. “I’ll kill him,” he swore.
“Chance!” For a few minutes I forgot my sister was even there, patiently and silently moderating our dispute. “That’s it. You are here to fix this with her, not find more reasons to pummel Emmett’s face.”
Our brother didn’t
acknowledge her. He watched and waited for my response.
“I love him, Chance. And he’s hurting. I don’t know if he loves me, but I certainly don’t want you to beat him into doing so.”
No, if Emmett wanted me… needed me… he would have to find his own way back. On his knees. Preferably naked.
His lip twitched. “I’ll think about it.”
“It is safe to bring out the food?” Channing held up both her hands covered in oven mitts.
“You know how to work those things, Lil?” he teased.
“Shut up, Chance.” The smell of tomatoes and basil burst freshly into the air as she opened the oven.
At least one relationship had been salvaged. I had a feeling that Emmett’s and mine wasn’t going to be so easy.
Chapter 26
Emmett
I was a fucking idiot. Ok, that was already universally acknowledged. And still, I found myself on the bottom of the mountain, suited up, high as a kite and about two-thirds of the way towards a blackout courtesy of my good friend, Jack.
Seems like a pretty good time to go snowboarding, right?
Right.
I needed to be on the mountain. And not alone. In my house. In the dark. Haunted by my thoughts of her. I’d resorted to turning my phone off and leaving it – or throwing it - places so that I wouldn’t call her or text her. I’d resorted to drinking and smoking so that I was too intoxicated to get into my shit truck and drive to her and grovel.
I was the King. I didn’t fucking grovel.
Bullshit.
I would have washed her feet with my fucking tears if that would bring her back to me.
Under most peoples’ standards, I should have been suffocating in a pile of my own vomit by now. But, years of practice of both imbibing and riding made my marginally coherent state possible. I wasn’t wasted enough to not be able to board; I was never wasted enough for that.
Worst case scenario, this would pass the time. Best case scenario, I would fall off the fucking mountain and not have to try to figure out how to fall out of love with someone. Or how to say goodbye to Miriam.
On the Edge (Winter Games Book 2) Page 30
