Actually …
No.
“You’d be crazy not to grab the opportunity.”
He nodded, kicking his toe against the ground.
“So …”
What’s he holding back?
“If you don’t want to wait until I get back, that’s cool. I mean, clearly you have needs and …”
I shrugged. “It’s only a couple of months. And you know I have no social life.”
“Well, if you get a chance and you want to, don’t feel bad about it.”
Did he just tell me not to be wait for him?
There it was, the punch in the gut I had to hide because it hurt so much more than it ever should have.
And then he kissed me so deeply I thought he was about to suck my tonsils out. My heart sang as I relaxed against him.
Looked like he was going to miss me too.
* * *
He was back that night, which was good because I'd been thinking about his words all day. Would he really be okay if I went home with someone else? If I brought another man home to sleep in my bed?
I wasn't okay with that. It would just feel wrong. And at the same time, did that mean he thought I wanted him to be able to do that, too?
It was late when he came in, and I was already in bed, stirring as he came into the bedroom.
"Hey," I murmured.
"Sorry. Did I wake you?"
"What do you think?" I sat up and flicked on the light. His eyes were heavy, as if he was really tired. I wrinkled my nose at the sweaty aroma coming off him.
"You haven't been home to shower?" I asked.
He sighed, twisting his mouth. "I just wanted to be with you after this morning. You giving up your warm bed to stand on the cold deck meant a lot to me."
I grinned. "Go get in the shower and throw your clothes in the washing machine."
Elliot's right eyebrow arched. "You mean walk around naked?"
Laughing, I threw back the covers and crawled across the bed to the other side where he stood.
"You could, or you could use a towel. There are plenty in the bathroom, you know."
He grinned. "You could always join me in the shower."
I rolled over, slipping out of bed. "Now there's a good idea."
Elliot wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me, his lips lingering on mine as he ran his hands up and back down my spine.
"You stink. You know that, don't you?" I chuckled.
"You can wash my back."
"More than your back needs washing." I pulled out of his embrace, took him by the hand and led him to the bathroom, flicking on the shower as he pulled off his shirt.
His hands landed on my waist, pulling at the T-shirt I'd worn to bed, and lifting it over my head. As I fiddled with the water temperature, he had lifted his hands to my breasts, squeezing them gently as he kissed between my shoulder blades.
He let go, hooking his fingers in my panties and pulling them down my legs. I turned around as he ran his hands up my thighs and shook my head as he looked up at me with the expression of a dog begging for a treat.
"Awww." He frowned.
"You're still overdressed." I pointed at his pants, and he grinned as he unbuttoned and unzipped, standing to push them down along with his underpants.
Elliot sprung to attention, in more ways than one, and I grinned as I took him by the hand, taking a step backward into the shower.
The warm water sprayed over my back and I tilted my head to let it hit my neck. Elliot wrapped his arms around me, holding me closer as the drops wet our bodies. He raised his hand to my face, digging his fingers into my hair and bringing my lips to his as I surrendered completely to him.
No one would be taking his place in my bed.
“Do you remember what you said this morning? About me not having to wait for you?” I asked, gazing up into those baby blue eyes of his.
He nodded, frowning.
“I’ll wait.”
A smile spread across his face, and he pressed his nose to mine, planting a gentle kiss on my lips.
“I know you want to keep this casual. I just wanted you to know that if it was something you wanted …”
I raised a hand, running my fingers down the back of his neck. “Keeping it casual doesn’t mean I want to jump into bed with anyone else.” I pressed my nose against his. This felt intimate, normal, better than anything.
And we hadn’t even made it to the sex part yet.
Chapter Ten
I hated Elliot being away. But this time, the loneliness wasn’t the same as it had been before. This time I enjoyed spending time with myself. I had to; it was the only distraction I had.
I danced like no one was looking, until falling into a heap on the floor. I sang along with every song I knew on the radio, loudly and proudly. I thought I sounded good, but I could be tone-deaf for all I know. The temptation to go out for a drink or go partying just wasn’t there.
The house was a mess. I let the dishes drain on the bench, the soapy bubbles dripping everywhere. It was with great reluctance that I changed the sheets on the bed, trying to hang onto the scent of Elliot for as long as possible. Maybe he’d never stayed the entire night, but he’d spent enough time for the pillow to smell of him still. So even though I changed the sheets, I left the pillow alone, just to have something to cuddle.
If I didn’t know better, I’d think I loved him.
The tradition I did keep was lunch with the girls. It had been the one thing that had helped get me through the bad times in my life, because even if they weren’t always supportive of my choices, they could be relied on to be there for me.
I pulled into the restaurant car park, pondering the month before, and how much I’d enjoyed the food. Maybe I’d order the same thing this time; I could do with the satisfaction a big meal could bring. It had been almost as good as sex. But not sex with Elliot.
Stop it. He’ll be back when he’s back.
My phone buzzed as I got to the door. I pulled it from my pocket and smiled at what was on the screen. Great minds and all that.
Casual, I know. But I miss you.
He scratched an itch like no one else had, so enthusiastic to please us both. He was never selfish—always kind. Seeing his message brought tears to my eyes, melting me in a way I hadn’t been in so very long.
I wiped my eyes before opening the door, smiling enthusiastically at my friends sitting at that familiar table.
“Rebecca,” Gemma said warmly.
“Hi, you lot. It’s good to see you.” I sat, throwing my phone in my bag and placing it on the floor beside me, still warm from the simple text message.
“How are you?” she said.
“I’m doing well. How about you?”
She blushed. “Well, I met a guy.”
I grinned. “Good for you.”
“It’s so good to see you,” Katya said, placing her hand on mine, that engagement ring sparkling in the bright light. Nicola nodded assent, smiling at me.
I looked around the table, studying the faces looking back at me. Not that these guys weren’t always friendly, but something was just a bit off.
“What’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” asked Nicola.
“I can’t put my finger on it,” I said, studying their faces. I understood Gemma’s new-man glow, but the other two were looking at me with what? Sympathy?
“Do you remember that woman we saw Alexander here with a while ago? The one he brought here for lunch?" Katya asked.
I nodded, curious where this was going.
“They just got engaged.”
My lips curled into a smile. “Good for him. Hope he can keep it in his pants this time.”
Nicola cocked a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “Really? We thought you might be upset.”
“He’s ancient history. I have bigger fish to fry.” I sighed contentedly. “Much bigger fish.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” asked Katya.
Raising
my hand to wave down the waiter, I grinned. “Actually, I’m enjoying some time by myself at the moment. You should all come around one night. We’ll drink wine and watch bad television.”
Gemma clapped, excitedly. “That sounds like fun.”
Even Katya smiled. “Like a pyjama party? We haven’t done that since school.”
“That would be cool. Just us girls. No boys.” I laughed.
The waiter appeared beside me. “May I please have that delicious fatty steak dish?” Puzzlement crossed his face for a moment before he clicked as to which meal I was talking about.
“Can you make that four?” Katya asked.
“Oh, I couldn’t,” Gemma said.
“Of course you can. Live a little.” I winked at her, and she lit up. It was as if she’d been given permission to indulge.
“Well, okay.”
“Sounds good to me,” said Nicola.
For once, the Lonely and Shallow Club didn’t quite seem to match its name.
It was funny how that one little act of rebellion changed things. Now I watched as my friends moaned through their lunch, the taste of the steak and sauce being better than probably anything they’d eaten in a very long time.
And what I really loved? For once, none of them paid any attention to their surroundings, enjoying the food and not caring about what anyone else thought. At least that’s what it looked like.
This was unlike any other lunch we’d enjoyed together, and even though we’d been close and knew most of one another’s secrets, somehow this bonded us closer than we’d ever been. I hadn’t had so much fun at one of these lunches, ever.
We ordered a gateau with four spoons, spending the next hour giggling and gossiping, but not the way we usually did. Instead it was gossip from our school days—every story about me getting into trouble, every memory of how my friends had been there to support me and bail me out.
There was one thing I kept secret. Elliot. I didn’t want word to somehow get back to Dad. Not that there was anything to tell.
We were casual. Right?
* * *
We had our sleepover the following weekend.
I spent a big part of Saturday afternoon at the supermarket buying junk food, popcorn, wine—all kinds of things ranging from slightly naughty to eat to things that might just make us explode.
Despite my independence, I’d never been this free before. I’d still tried to live within the constraints I’d put on myself, trying to live up to my father’s expectations. Trying to be the professional that I wasn’t.
There was one more person I needed to have with me—that was if her guard dog would give her leave.
I pulled into the car park of Olivia’s building and made my way up the stairs. Mama Bear didn’t get a lot of time to herself; I hoped Papa Bear appreciated that.
Jack flung the door open when I got there. “Muuuuum, it’s Rebecca,” he yelled.
“Thanks, buddy,” I said with a smile.
“Come in,” Olivia called from somewhere inside that crazy, busy flat.
I stepped in the door. Logan sat on the floor with Jack scampering back to sit on one side of him, Thomas on the other. They all had controllers in their hands and were playing some game, whooping and screaming as they went.
“Welcome to the madhouse,” Logan said.
Olivia sat at the table with her laptop in front of her, no doubt working on her next book. She looked up at me with that warm smile of hers. “Come and sit down.”
I sat opposite her. “What are you up to?”
“Just got some ideas for a story and making some notes. What are you up to?”
I grinned. “I thought I might take you away from all of this for the night.”
Even without eyes in the back of my head, I could tell Logan had turned his head to look at me. Might have been that prickly heat at the back of my neck.
“What do you have planned?”
“I’m having a few friends over. We decided to turn it into a sleepover and I thought you might like something different to do. We’re going to eat crap, watch television, do girly stuff and drink wine. But of course I have plenty of juice and soft drink as well.”
She looked over at Logan. I didn’t want to turn around and meet his no doubt angry glare.
“You should go, babe. I’ll be fine with the kids. We’ll just order a pizza or something.”
“Are you sure?” She chewed on her bottom lip, switching her gaze between us.
“Go for it. It’ll be so much harder when the baby arrives. Make the most of it.” He moved toward her, leaning over and kissing her softly.
She lit up. “Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Liv. That’s what I’m here for.” He kissed her again, this time lingering on her lips.
With Elliot on my mind, and seeing the way Logan was encouraging her to have some time for herself, the emotion began to build. If I hadn’t been in someone else’s house, surrounded by people, I might have cried. Maybe in bed by myself, later.
“You’re so good to me.” She snuggled against him.
“That’s the easy bit,” he said.
I sighed loudly. “Can we get the lovey-dovey stuff out of the way so we can get on the road?” I curled my lip to give off that sarcastic look.
“I’ll go and pack a few things.” Olivia sounded excited. At least I wasn’t pushing her into something she really didn’t want to do.
She stood, giving Logan one last little snuggle before disappearing off to the bedroom. He leaned on the chair she’d been sitting in and gazed down at me.
“Thanks for doing this. I’ve been trying to convince her she needs me to take over more of the load. Especially now.”
I nodded. “It’s my pleasure. I did think you might be a bit more protective of her, considering the baby.”
He let out a loud breath. “I’d wrap her up in cotton wool if it helped, but that’s almost as bad as neglecting her. She needs time with her friends.”
Olivia came back out with a small pack. “I just threw a nightgown and toothbrush in. I’m ready.”
“Cool,” I said. “We’ll just take my car and I’ll bring you back in the morning.”
Logan moved toward her, lifting her chin with his finger so she could look into his eyes. It was sweet and a bit sexy all at once. “You need anything, and you call me. We can be in the car and over at Rebecca’s in fifteen minutes.”
She nodded. “I’ll be fine. Bit weird being away for a night, but I think I’ll cope.”
“Tell me about it.” He bent his head to kiss her, and I looked away this time. This was bound to be a little more intimate. It would have to be their first night spent apart since getting together.
“Hey boys. Want to camp out in the living room tonight? We’ll order pizza and play games.”
There. That was his coping mechanism for an empty bed.
Olivia hugged him. “Have fun.”
“We will.” He let her go to say goodbye to the boys, and finally I had her all to myself.
We climbed into the car, and I backed out of the car park, turning and pulling onto the road.
“So, what’s this in aid of?” Olivia asked.
“Just celebrating some me time. I wanted you to meet my other friends, too. It’ll be a nice fun evening, I think.”
“What are they like?”
I laughed. “Very different from me, but I don’t know if you’ll see that tonight.”
“Huh?”
I glanced at her. She had confusion written all over her face from her raised brow to her open mouth.
“I have had a recent breakthrough in discovering what makes me happy. And I’m kind of hoping it’s rubbing off. I’m just glad you’re along for the ride.”
Olivia leaned back in her seat, relaxed and happy. I didn’t know if I’d provided her with any answers.
Tonight would be fun.
Chapter Eleven
Olivia helped carry the grocery bags inside, despite
my protests. The last thing I wanted was for my pregnant friend to be running around after me. This was supposed to be a break for her.
“Sit down on the couch and put your feet up, young lady.” I wagged my finger at her.
“Make me.” She poked her tongue at me and I laughed.
This took me back to the earlier days of our friendship, the evenings we’d spent together between the two men in her life. I’d been with her through her worst times and watched her find what she had now. I loved this lady so much it was crazy.
We tipped bags of chips into bowls, covering the table in food, and I hauled in a big plastic bucket, filling it with ice for drinks.
Finally we sat on the couch, each with a drink in our hand, and we toasted one another for our efforts.
“It’s a damn shame you can’t drink with me on your night off,” I said.
Olivia patted her stomach. “I know. Maybe once this one is a little older.”
“I’m so happy for you, you know that? I was sure Logan was going to be all ‘Stay away from my pregnant wench’, but he was really very good.”
She sighed contentedly. “He is good. I don’t know what I did to deserve him.”
“You’re you. That’s what you did.”
Olivia rolled her eyes.
“I mean it. Sometimes we go through these really shitty times in our lives, but they’re worth it for the amazing times on the other side. Good things come from bad.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “You weren’t drinking before you picked me up? We've had this conversation before.”
She smiled, and I moved a bit closer on the couch, reaching out to hug her. “Having you in my life has been a big part of that. Seeing you get your happy ending … I mean, I’m not ready to have a full-on new relationship with anyone, but I’m feeling better than I have in forever,” I said.
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
Could I tell her about my conflicted feelings regarding Elliot? That he meant more to me than just sharing my bed sometimes.
I bit down on my bottom lip. “Actually, there’s something …”
The Right One Page 6
