I ran downstairs to the apple orchard. There were a millionteen people sitting in chairs on two sides. Everyone was dressed up very beautiful and fancy.
Elliott came racing down the aisle toward me. He looked very nice, too.
“Did you put the envelope in George’s blazer pocket?” I asked.
“Yes, and I have the rings, but I need your help putting them on Winston Churchill’s collar,” he said.
We ran inside and found Winston Churchill. Elliott held him, while I unbuckled his collar, slipped the two rings onto it, and buckled it back up.
“That was easy,” I said.
Elliott thanked me and ran back down the aisle and took his place.
My dad was calling for me from inside the barn. I rushed over to him, and he told me it was time to get into position. But first, he pulled out his handkerchief and wiped my face.
“Much better,” he said when he was done napkining my face off. “Now get in line!”
My stomach filled up with moths and butterflies. I was so nervousified, I almost felt like I was the one getting married. When I turned around, I saw my mom. She came and stood in front of me in line. She had a huge smile on her face. Susan came up and handed me my basket of petals. They were like potato chips. That’s how hard they were. My mom looked down at them and then up at Susan.
“They froze!” Susan told her.
“How?” my mom wanted to know.
“Someone put them in the freezer!” she said. “We’re trying to defrost the others in time for dinner!”
Susan handed her the frozen bouquet. My mom had to keep switching hands because the flowers were freezing her hands off. Soon my dad came and stood next to my mom. Everyone was in place!
The people who were going to violin us down the aisle stood and started to ice-skate their bows across the strings. That was our cue to walk. Jessica and Brian walked first, followed by my mom and dad, and then Sarah and Paul. Then it was MY turn! I started my very slow walk and dipped my hand into the freezing petals. I sprinkled them onto the grass and they all landed with little pfftt sounds. I felt very important, indeed. Even though they were frozen, I thought I was making a very beautiful path for Julie. When I got to the front, I stood next to my mom. Winston Churchill was lying on the grass in the front row at someone’s feet—in the exact right position for us to get the rings.
Then everyone in the audience stood up and turned to look at Elliott’s mother and her father. She was the most beautiful bride in the worldwide of America. She wasn’t wearing any shoes, which made me think she forgot. I almost jumped up to say something when I remembered that she wasn’t planning on wearing shoes because of the grass! I always know when to keep my mouth shut.
Julie took a few steps and then sort of jumped. She looked down at the petals. I guess they were pretty cold. Julie and her father kept walking, but she made sure to step around the petals. It was funny.
When they reached us, George lifted the veil off Julie’s face and whispered to her, “You look so beautiful.”
“And you look very handsome,” she whispered back.
Then they turned their backs to the audience, and we all sat down. The marrying man opened a book and started boring everyone’s faces off. Soon I noticed Julie was getting fidgety in her legs. She kept lifting one foot to brush it against the other. That’s when I remembered about our apples. I looked to see if I could spot them, and when I found them, I got a very bad day feeling on my skin. They were all brown and had holes in them. I sent a brain note to Elliott, but he was paying too close attention to the wedding and didn’t receive it.
The marrying man asked them to bow their heads, so he could touch their head tops. This was a very weird wedding.
When they looked down, Julie jumped. And screamed, “Worms! Worms! There are worms everywhere!” She skittered away, while people stood up to see what was going on.
George and the marrying man looked down, and Elliott and I looked down, and sure enough, there were worms slithering all over the grass and into the apples. The bad day feeling on my skin got even worse.
“Worms are a very good omen,” George yelled out to the audience. They laughed, and then George had a geniusal idea to move over a few feet, which is a for instance of what we did.
Once we were all settled in our new spot a few feet away, Elliott and I sent a fast bunch of brain notes back and forth about how we felt bad about the worms.
The marrying man said, “Your vows, please.”
George reached into his pants pocket and pulled out the vows. He handed a piece of paper to Julie and kept one for himself. George had told us his vows would be in his blazer pocket. That’s why Elliott put the plan B vows in his pants pocket. His pants pocket was the place for the plan B vows, and now George was going straight for the plan B vows, not plan A!
Elliott and I looked at each other with “Why did he pull out the plan B vows instead of the plan A vows?” looks. Had George switched pockets and we didn’t know?
Julie went first.
“I, Julie Stephenson, take you, George Johnson, to be my awful wedding husband,” she began. “Wait, what is this? These aren’t my vows!”
George looked down at his, read them to himself, and burst out laughing. “These aren’t my vows, either, but they’re pretty funny.”
“Where are the vows, George?” Julie asked, very worrified.
“Do you have them memorized?” the marrying man asked.
“I do,” Julie said.
“I do,” George said.
“Not yet!” someone yelled from the audience, and everyone laughed. They were joking about saying “I do” when it wasn’t even time!
“They’re in your blazer pocket,” Elliott told George, who looked very confusified. He reached his hand into his blazer pocket and sure enough, he pulled out the plan A vows.
“How’d they get there?” George asked Elliott, who opened his mouth, but got cut off before he could answer. “You know what? Let’s discuss this later. I’m getting married now.”
Their vows were very beautiful, indeed. They had words like respect and admire and love and nurture. Very adultish words that I had to remember for my next wedding. But I felt a little disappointment puddle at my feet that they didn’t read mine.
Then the moment we were waiting for arrived.
“May I have the rings, please?”
Everyone turned to Elliott, and at the same time, he and I both darted at Winston Churchill. I guess he got alarmified because he jumped up and barked. This was not something he normally did. As Elliott and I went toward him, Winston Churchill took off running.
“The rings!” Elliott shouted. “The rings are on Winston Churchill’s collar!”
My dad and George followed after us.
Inside the barn, a tuxedoed man was rolling out a table. On top of it sat the most beautiful and biggest wedding cake I had ever seen in my life. He was pushing it to the middle of the room. Winston Churchill was running right toward it.
“Watch out! Watch out!” someone yelled. “The cake!”
The tuxedoed man saw Winston Churchill coming and froze.
“Move the cake, move the cake!” George was yelling, but the tuxedoed man did not move, and Winston Churchill was going right for it. George was the fastest runner in the worldwide of America because one second before Winston Churchill reached the table, George scooped him up. That’s when everyone clapped. George put Winston Churchill down, and Elliott helped hold the dog while George took the rings off his collar. He looked very out of breath.
When George held the two rings up in the air, everyone hooted and hollered and applausified for George. I was very happy that he had saved the cake and the day, but I wished that it had been me. I like to save the day as oftenly as possible.
We went back to our p
laces and the wedding continued. The marrying man said a lot of words that sounded a lot like my vows. George and Julie repeated the vows while putting the rings on each other’s fingers.
Then the most excitifying part came.
“I now pronounce you man and wife,” the marrying man said.
And then the worst part.
“You may now kiss the bride.”
Everyone stood up and cheered and clapped. The violin players stood and played a lively and fun walking-back-down-the-aisle song. Elliott’s mom was married!
Then it was time for the dance and dinner! People who weren’t at the rehearsal dinner were going to make some speeches, too. Even though I was at the rehearsal dinner, I did not make a speech. That is why I decided that flower girls make speeches at wedding dinners. A wedding dinner speech is a for instance of something I planned on making.
We went inside the barn where the tables were all set up very beautifully with candles and hanging paper lanterns. The flowers were all in their vases. They were frozen and standing up extra tall, but they still looked very nice. Everyone thought so, not just me. Fancy tuxedo people came out with trays of champagne that they gave everyone. Elliott and I drank sparkling apple juice.
There was a clink-clink-clink sound. A woman started to talk about Julie and George. It was a very boring speech. There were other people who clinked and spoke. I really wanted to make that clinking sound again. As soon as the last boring speech was over, I tapped the side of my glass with a spoon, and the most beautiful clinky chimes came out of it. Everyone turned to look at me. I flushed right up with hotness, but then I started to make my speech.
“Hello, everyone. Thank you for coming to this wedding. It is not my wedding”—that’s when everyone laughed, even though it was a scientific fact and not a joke—“but I am very happy that Julie and George got married. They met at my very own house, which means that if our house had never been built, they never would have met.” This was another scientific fact that they laughed at. “I would also like to say that if anyone else is going to get married soon, I am a professional wedding planner and”—everyone laughed so hard again, at another scientific fact—“I have a résumé and business cards . . .” I tried interrupting the laughter, but it was useless. Finally, I just said good-bye and slunked back toward Elliott.
The speeches were over and music started to play. My parents came over to me and Elliott. They congratulated Elliott because that’s what you are supposed to do at a wedding. Then they asked to speak with me alone. This is not a good sentence.
“Whose idea was it to put the rings on Winston Churchill?” my dad asked in a strictish sort of voice.
“Mine?” I asked.
“And who wrote those vows and put them in George’s pockets?” my mom asked me.
“Well, I wrote the vows, but Elliott put them in the pockets!”
“Did you tell him to do that?” my dad asked.
“Yes, but I’m the plan B wedding planner! I’m in charge of all the backup plans.”
My parents looked at each other with smile faces in their eyeballs. Then they turned back to me.
“Where did you get that idea?” my mom asked.
“From Susan’s office. I heard one of the assistants saying that every wedding has a plan B. Just in case the rings or the vows go missing or it rains . . . ,” I explained.
“Were you also the one who put the flowers in the freezer?” my mom asked.
“I didn’t know they were going to freeze! I thought I put them in the refrigerator, like at the flower shop.”
“We know that you like to be involved in things, Frannie, but this was not your wedding. You were too involved,” my dad said.
“People should be involved only when they are asked—”
I opened my mouth to say something.
“—and not when you THINK someone MIGHT ask you,” my mom said, reading my brain exactly.
“You need to apologize to Julie and George for all the trouble you caused,” my dad told me. Then, “Speak of the devil!”
My mom and I looked up to see Julie, George, and Elliott coming over to us.
My dad nudged me.
I looked up at Julie and George. “I’m very sorry that I ruined your lives,” I told them.
They laughed and George said, “You did no such thing.”
“There were a lot of bumps and mishaps, that’s for sure,” Julie said. “But every wedding has its crazy moments, and these are ones we will remember and laugh about for years to come.”
“Well, I’m sorry, anyway,” I told them. “I just wanted everything to be the best because Elliott was very worried about being the best man. I just wanted to help him!”
“You’re a good friend, Frannie,” George said. “Now let’s go eat dinner. I’m starving!”
I turned to Elliott. “What happened with the vows?”
“George changed his mind about which pocket he was going to keep them in and didn’t tell me! So when I found his vows in his pants pocket, I moved them to the top pocket of his blazer because that’s where he said they’d be!” Elliott cried, still upset apparently and nevertheless that George had not told him about the change in pockets.
“Everything turned out okay, Elliott. Don’t be upset about it,” I told him.
“I’ll try,” he promised. Elliott ran to the table, and while I was on my way, my parents stopped me.
“We have a lot more to discuss, you know,” my mom told me.
This is a for instance of something I was afraid she’d say.
“I know,” I told her.
“But now is not the time,” my dad said. “When we get home. Now go find your seat, and let’s eat some dinner.”
I found my seat next to Elliott, and instead of hamburgers we had steak! Dinner was very loud and very fun. The band started to play and people were dancing. Elliott danced with his mom and I danced with my dad. I put my feet on my dad’s feet and he lifted them, which made me dance. Then Elliott danced with my mom and I danced with George. It was the most fun of ever.
Then, the band did a big drumroll, and the cake was wheeled over to George and Julie. They cut the cake together and fed each other a bite, which people say is romantic, but I think is disgustifying. My mom told me that some couples push the cake into each other’s faces, which is a for instance of something I would not like to have done to me. The cake was wheeled away. My dad explained that there were professional cake cutters in the kitchen who were going to cut it so everyone got a slice when it was time for dessert.
Julie stood on the dance floor and yelled about catching the bouquet. I didn’t know what that meant, but all the women jumped up and rushed over to the stairs. A lady I did not know grabbed my hand and raced me over there. Elliott wasn’t allowed because he is a boy. As Julie climbed the stairs, I asked the lady next to me, “What is this even all about?”
“If you catch it, it means you will get married next. None of the girls right here are married yet, so we all want to catch it,” she explained.
“Oh,” I said. “I don’t want to get married yet. I’m too young.”
“Well, then back up so I can catch it,” she said. I walked away as I heard Julie yelling, “One . . . two . . .”
I was out of the circle when she said three. I turned around because I wanted to see who caught it. She had thrown it really far because when I looked up, it was coming right at me. I didn’t know what to do except reach my arms up, and when they were up, I felt the soft cooosh of the bouquet.
I stared at it while everyone around me laughed and clapped. Except for the huddle of women who did not look too pleased. I will tell you for a scientific fact that I do not want to get married anytime soon. That is why I turned around and threw it back up into the air toward the women.
They
all screamed and yelled, and the woman who wanted it the most caught it. That was who I was aiming for. She was so happy. She was jumping up and down holding the flowers and her eyes had tears in them. I knew when she looked at me with “thank you” eyes that I would probably be her wedding planner. Her plan A wedding planner.
When the cake was served, Julie and George came over to sit with Elliott and my parents and me.
“We couldn’t have done this without your help,” Julie said to us.
“Thank you all so much,” George said. “For everything. Especially for inviting us both to the same party so that we could meet each other!”
“You are very welcome,” I said. “Even though I am in a worldwide of trouble, this was the most funnest wedding of the entire world,” I told them.
“It really was,” Elliott agreed.
“We think so, too,” Julie told us. Then she looked right at me. “Do you want to read the vows you wrote out loud to your parents?” she asked.
I looked at everyone, smiled, and said, “I do.”
THE END.
Radio Show Host?
Frannie’s class is visiting the local radio station and the host is nowhere to be found. Frannie decides she should cover for him. But what happens when listeners call in with questions and Frannie doesn’t know the answers?
Veterinarian?
While visiting her aunt, Frannie decides to take her aunt’s limping dog to the vet, who will be so impressed, he’ll have to hire her. Will Frannie’s doggy day care scheme succeed, or will it end in doggy disaster?
Food Critic?
When Frannie’s parents take her to a new French restaurant, she discovers a new job: food critic! But if the restaurant is as fancy as it’s supposed to be, why in the wide world of America are they serving SNAILS?
Keynote Speaker?
Frannie and her family are on vacation! But Frannie is more interested in what is going on in the hotel—a business conference—than theme parks! What happens when Frannie thinks she knows best for the keynote speaker?
Here Comes the Trouble! (9781101620861) Page 4
