‘What?’ Claire shrieked. ‘Since when?’
‘I ran out at Christmas, and didn’t bother to get another prescription.’ Katy shrugged, fiddling with the stem of the untouched glass of wine in front of her. ‘It’s not like I was trying to get pregnant. I’d just read so much stuff in the papers in the run up to Christmas about it taking years to get pregnant after being on the pill long-term, and I realised I’d been on the same pill since I was eighteen.’
‘Oh my God,’ Claire exclaimed. ‘It’s like that TV documentary about the girls who don’t know their pregnant until they go to the toilet one day and a baby pops out.’
‘What? They don’t make TV shows about stuff like that.’
‘They do.’
‘That’s ridiculous. I’m not pregnant. I would know if I was pregnant.’
‘Only one way to find out.’ Claire leapt from her chair and grabbed her wine glass. ‘Come on, upstairs.’
‘Why?’
‘So you can wee on a stick.’
‘You’ve got to be kidding. It’s a stomach bug that’s all.’ Even as Katy said the words she could feel the doubt creep into her head. Could she be pregnant?
‘Upstairs.’ Claire pointed.
‘Fine.’ Nerves exploded like fireworks in her stomach. ‘If it will shut you up.’
Katy followed Claire up the stairs and into the large master bedroom she shared with Nick.
‘Where’s Nick tonight?’ Katy asked, dropping on the bed.
‘Friday night is Dad’s night in the pub,’ Claire said as she scooped an assortment of bottles, chunky bead necklaces, and eye shadow pots out of the bottom draw of her dressing table.
‘I know it’s in here somewhere because Ruby was riffling through here the other day and found it. She thought it was a chocolate bar.’
‘How come you have a pregnancy test anyway? Are you and Nick...’
‘Heck, no. It’s just left over from when we were trying for Ruby. There was some offer going on so I got a few, but I only needed the one. Not that I really needed that one considering how painful my boobs were.’
‘Here it is,’ Claire smiled, sitting up and waving a white wrapper at Katy. ‘Have your boobs been hurting?’
Katy reached to touch her chest. ‘No.’
‘Maybe they would if you had any,’ Claire cackled.
‘Hey,’ Katy said, before laughing along with her friend despite the enormity of the situation.
‘Here you go then. Use our en-suite,’ Claire said handing the test to Katy.
‘Do you have the box? What symbol am I looking for?’
Claire laughed. ‘This is one of those whizzo ones that just says "Not Pregnant" or "Pregnant" and gives you the number of weeks.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes really, now go for it.’
Katy gripped the packet in her hand and closed the door to the bathroom.
‘I’m right outside if you need me,’ Claire called out.
Katy smiled despite the nerves pulling like a tug-of-war inside of her. ‘Care to share in the moment by any chance?’ she asked opening the door.
‘Yes,’ Claire laughed, stepping into the bathroom.
Katy’s hands shook as she pulled out the pregnancy test and removed the blue cap. Her heart pounded like a drum in her chest. Could she really be pregnant?
‘This is exciting,’ Claire grinned at Katy as she sat on the toilet and put the stick between her legs.
‘Exciting for you maybe,’ she replied, and considered how much more difficult taking the test would have been without Claire by her side.
CHAPTER 33
‘Can I look yet? Katy asked as they waited for the three minute alarm to beep on Claire’s phone.
‘Not yet.’
They stood in silence. The giggles and the grinning had stopped with the passing minutes.
Claire’s phone vibrated in her hand. ‘Okay. Now.’
Katy stared at her friend as a wave of uncertainty hit her like a ball to the stomach, knocking the air right out of her.
Claire nodded and put her arm around Katy. ‘The looking is the easy bit.’
Katy closed her eyes and drew in a long breath. Then she turned around and picked up the stick from the window ledge.
She stared down at the result. ‘You were right,’ she mumbled.
‘Nooooo,’ Claire exclaimed with disbelief.
‘Yep,’ Katy replied in a flat tone. ‘See.’
She waved the stick at Claire.
‘Holy cow,’ Claire squeaked.
Katy stood stoic as if her brain was buffering like a computer attempting to process the new information that had just been entered. She stared at the screen on the test in her hands just in case the word ‘Not’ had appeared in front of ‘Pregnant’. It hadn’t. According to the 10cm stick of plastic she was holding, she was pregnant. Six weeks pregnant to be exact.
This can’t be happening, Katy thought as her brain churned back into gear.
‘This can’t be right,’ Katy said, her eyes looking from the stick to Claire.
‘Katy,’ Claire began in a soft voice. ‘These tests are something like ninety-nine percent accurate.’
‘Then I’m the one percent because this test says that I’m six weeks pregnant, and I know for fact that I wasn’t having sex with anyone six weeks ago, because six weeks ago I hit Adam over the head with the remote, and we definitely did not have sex that weekend, or any time in the month before it, for that matter’
‘It’s not wrong,’ Claire said.
‘But, how can it be right, then?’
‘Because pregnancies are not counted as starting from when you actually conceived. They are counted from the date of your last period. So if it says you’re six weeks pregnant then you probably conceived three or four weeks ago.’
‘Oh. I didn’t know that.’
‘So the question is, were you having sex three or four weeks ago?’
They both knew the answer.
Katy stared at her friend. She could feel the colour drain out of her face as reality sunk in. She was pregnant.
‘Could it be Adam’s?’ Claire asked.
Katy sucked in her lower lip as tears rolled down her face. ‘It’s Tom’s,’ she whispered.
‘Okay then,’ Claire replied as she wrapped her arms around Katy and held her tight.
‘It’s all going to be okay’.
‘Is it?’ Katy sniffed.
‘Yes. Now come on, let’s put the kettle on.’
***
Katy tucked her feet under her and leant her head against the cushions on Claire’s sofa.
She’d been so wrapped up in how insatiable Tom had made her feel that she hadn’t stopped to think about birth control. How could she have been so stupid? It hadn’t even crossed her mind that she could fall pregnant, let alone be pregnant. The tears, the emotions, the sickness, the loss of appetite. It seemed so obvious now.
All of a sudden her life seemed to be resembling a soap opera Christmas special. All she needed now was to discover a long lost twin sister she didn’t know she had.
‘Here you go,’ Claire said, handing a hot mug of tea to Katy.
‘Thank you.’
Claire sat down next to Katy on the sofa and used her mug free hand to touch Katy’s leg. ‘Are you okay?’
Katy nodded. ‘I think so. I think I might be in shock, but I’m okay. I just can’t believe how stupid I’ve been.’
‘You seriously didn’t think about using a condom or getting the morning after pill?’
‘No, honestly. I was just so wrapped up in what was going on.’
‘It must have been some pretty hot sex,’ Claire smirked, blowing on her mug before drawing it to her lips.
Katy rolled her eyes and smiled.
They sat in silence for a minute.
‘What do I do now?’ Katy asked, turning her face to Claire.
Claire squeezed Katy’s leg again. ‘That’s up to you.’
‘I
f you were me, what would you do?’
Claire’s eyes stared into Katy’s. ‘If I was you...I’d probably start by trying to figure out if Adam was someone I really loved and wanted to spend my life with, because if he is then you need to tell him that you’re pregnant. You also need to tell Tom. You then might want to think about booking in with a midwife-’
‘So you think I should keep it?’ Katy cut in.
‘Oh, it hadn’t crossed my mind that you wouldn’t. Right, well yes then, firstly you need to decide if you want to have Tom’s baby.’
Another minute of silence passed between them before Katy spoke. ‘How can I? How can I buy and run Green Tips and look after a new born baby? How can I have a baby with someone I’ve only known for a month? Someone I’m not even dating, let alone in a committed relationship with. ‘But then, how can I not buy Green Tips now, when Mary is relying on me? I have a meeting with a solicitor on Monday morning. I...I can’t do both,’ Katy’s voice cracked as the tears started to fall once more.
‘Oh honey. It will be alright. You are an amazing person and you can do anything you set your mind to. Don’t make any decisions tonight. Spend some time over the weekend thinking about it, but whatever you decide, I’ll be here for you.’
Katy nodded. ‘Thanks,’ she whispered. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’
‘Do you want to stay over?’
‘Thanks, but I’d better go home. I need to stop by the police station tomorrow morning before work to give an official witness statement.’
CHAPTER 34
Sunday
Katy’s fingers fiddled with the gold band of the engagement ring and waited. She’d found the ring on Saturday morning exactly where she’d left it in the pocket of her apron, but she hadn’t put it back on her finger.
She looked at the clock on the screen of her mobile. Five minutes past two. She imagined Adam stepping off of the train at Henley station and beginning the walk up the hill to Henley.
Should she have met him at the station? Was it cruel to make him walk all the way here just to break up with him? Too late now, she thought.
She pictured Adam striding across the high street and cutting through the park.
She was pregnant. The thought hit her, just like it did anytime her mind strayed to a different topic for a few minutes. Then with a bang the realisation hit her again bringing with it a dozen new questions, popping up like she was opening a can of worms over and over again.
What would her parents say? Would they help her? Yes, Katy decided. Whatever they might say or think, she knew they would support her.
Did she want a baby? She’d always thought about having family with Adam, but as a single parent? A single parent embarking on a new business with no money to spare, let alone time?
Would she get fat? Did she care? Would she get big boobs at last? Would Tom support the baby? financially? emotionally? Did she want him in her life too?
In all of the scenarios, through all of the questions, not once in the past three days had Adam been a feature. Even before she’d peed on a stick and realised her life had been permanently altered, she’d known her engagement to Adam was wrong.
Too much had happened. Whatever it was that she’d felt for Adam, and seen in him, it just wasn’t there anymore.
She’d tried to tell him on the phone on Saturday, but he’d refused to listen.
‘Just wait until tomorrow and see what I have to show you,’ he’d said before saying a quick goodbye and hanging up.
She looked at the clock on her phone and imagined Adam turning into the road. Any second now he would knock on the door.
He didn’t knock. Instead she heard the sound of a key turning and the door opening.
She sat up just as Adam’s grinning face appeared in the living room doorway.
‘Hey babe,’ he said, making the sofa in two strides and bending down to kiss Katy.
Without thinking she jerked her head three inches to one side just as Adam’s lips reached her head. The movement caught him off balance, causing him to fall head first onto the sofa, knocking them both to the floor with a loud thud.
‘Ouch,’ Katy mumbled as Adam landed on top of her.
‘Hey, you moved,’ Adam laughed, planting an unexpected kiss on her lips.
He moved back onto the sofa and allowed her to shuffle herself back up next to him.
‘I can’t believe I haven’t seen my new fiancée for a whole week,’ he said with a wide smile.
‘Adam, about that-’
‘So guess what?’ he cut in.
‘What?’ Katy sighed. It seemed that there would be no getting through to Adam until he’d told her his news.
‘I got the job in Richmond.’
‘That’s great. I’m really pleased for you.’
‘It gets better,’ he grinned, pulling a folded piece of paper out of the back pocket of his jeans.
‘Take a look at this.’ He opened up the paper and held it up in front of Katy’s face.
Katy read the words across the top of the page. ‘Senior Account Manager Position. Adam what is this?’
‘It’s a job. For you. In the same company. It’s a great position and we’d be working together. It’s perfect. We can still sell this place and move to a little flat in Richmond, or somewhere close by. It’s so up and coming you’ll love it.’
Up and coming didn’t sound like something Katy would love.
‘But I have a job.’
‘Come on, Katy.’ Adam grabbed her hand. ‘You can’t seriously want to buy Green Fingers? We’ll never see each other.’
‘It’s Green Tips,’ she said, clenching her teeth together and pulling her hand out from his clammy touch. ‘And yes, in fact, I do.’
She looked into the green of his eyes. ‘Look Adam I’ve been giving it a lot of thought and I just don’t think this is going to work out. I’m sorry.’ Her heart pounded in her chest. She hated hurting Adam, but she couldn’t deny the relief the truth had unleashed inside her.
The smile dropped from Adam’s face.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said again.
‘Fine, then. I’ll get something closer to here. Maybe I could come and work for you?’ Adam replied with some of the previous bounce back in his voice.
‘It’s not where we live or where you work, it’s us.’
‘But this is what you wanted, isn’t it? This is what you’ve always wanted.’
‘Not anymore. I’m sorry. There is nothing you can say or do that will change my mind. It’s over.’
She hated hearing the harshness in her own words, but she had to do it. She had to make him understand.
‘You...you can’t.’
He stared into her eyes for a moment as if searching for a hint of uncertainty.
‘You can’t,’ he repeated as fear crossed his face.
‘I’m sorry.’ Katy was running out of other things to say.
Adam lurched forward, covering his face with his hands. ‘Don’t do this to me, Katy,’ he said in a muffled voice.
Katy had no idea what to say. Could she really say sorry for the fifth time?
Only when Adam gave a loud sniff did Katy realise he was crying. Not a bit of manly mistiness, but proper crying. Now what did she do? Katy wondered.
‘I’m broke,’ he sobbed.
CHAPTER 35
‘You’re what?’ she exclaimed.
‘Broke,’ he sniffed, sitting up and wiping the tears away from his face. ‘I...I...got myself into some trouble with online betting.’
‘What?’ Katy said again as her voice rose an octave.
‘It started innocently enough,’ Adam sniffed. ‘You have to give credit card details to sign up for the betting websites, so I got a credit card. I never planned to go over the free twenty quid bet they give you when you sign up, but then it just got a bit out of hand.’
‘Adam,’ Katy said, unsure whether to scream at him or comfort him.
‘It never felt real. By the ti
me the first bill came I’d spent my limit. So the credit card people increased it. Then I spent that, trying to win back the money I’d lost.’
‘Okay, so you have a credit card debt. It can’t be that bad. How much do you owe?’
‘Fifty grand,’ Adam mumbled, wiping a hand across his nose.
‘What?’ Katy screeched. ‘Fifty thousand pounds on one credit card. How can you owe that much money?’
‘I got another credit card, and then another. They were giving them away. It’s like I said, it never felt real. When it finally twigged that I was in that much debt, I tried to gamble my way out of it and things got worse.’
‘What about your new client? The one who text you that night we had dinner?’
‘I lied.’ Adam dropped his eyes to the floor. ‘It wasn’t a new client. It was an update about a Spanish league match I’d bet big on. I was so sure I was going to win, and then the results came in and it went the other way. Dodgy decision from the ref. I sold the television, then my computer and finally my phone, but it wasn’t nearly enough.’
‘I knew you didn’t sell the television for me,’ Katy said. ‘That was my television by the way.’ She sighed. The television was nothing compared to Adam’s confession.
A sheepish look crossed Adam's face.
Then another thought struck her, sending a burst of nerves cascading down her body. The bank were running a credit check. They were looking at her finances, and anyone else who lived in the house, which meant Adam. If her credit rating failed, it could ruin everything.
‘You said you have credit cards, but I’ve never seen any bills come through the letter box.
‘Electronic billing,’ he said. ‘I used my mum’s address just in case.’
Katy drew in a deep breath. ‘So where did you go the other week when you weren’t here?’
‘I was in an all night casino in the West End.’
‘Bloody hell, Adam. You need to get help. See a therapist. File for bankruptcy. Get a break from the credit card payments, get a job and for God’s sake stop gambling.’
‘I know,’ he nodded. ‘Except...’
‘Except what?’
‘I had to borrow some money from a guy I met. To cover me at the casino.’
How To Throw Your Life Away Page 18
