by Khloe Wren
He nipped my ear. “Damn straight it ain’t fucking ending the same way. But don’t get fucked up too soon. You’ll regret not hanging with the other old ladies and the kids for a bit. Never know your luck. You might even find yourself a new job if you ask the right questions.”
I downed the shot on that note, then asked the guy behind the bar for a bottle of water. Ryan made a good point, and his mother was here. Last thing I wanted was to get wasted and make a fool out of myself and her return to tell my folks about it.
Once I had my water, I slipped off the stool and out from under Ryan’s arm.
“So, who do you want me to meet?”
Ryan shrugged as he took a swig from a bottle of beer. “Guess Marie, Scout’s old lady, would be a good start.”
I’d pulled my braid out of my hair while I’d been waiting on Ryan to get Ashlynn from his mother’s place and it was now in my face. After tucking my hair behind my ear, I slid my hand into Ryan’s and let him lead me over to a small group of women. Marie now had the small baby Scout had been holding earlier. My attention drew straight to him. I’d avoided babies and children ever since I’d lost my son, figuring avoidance was the easiest way to deal with what I’d lost. But now that I had Ryan, that he knew what had happened and still wanted me, I found myself curious about babies especially. Ashlynn had totally blown me away with her hug earlier, but it had been so nice. She had no ulterior motive other than to make me feel better. It was so sweet and it had floored me.
“Do you want a hold? Just don’t let papa bear see.”
I looked up into Marie’s kind eyes. “Oh, if Scout will get angry about it, I won’t.”
Marie scoffed, and the women with her chuckled. “He’ll just pretend like I’m breaking some law by sharing our son. You see, Joey came a wee bit early and hasn’t been out of the hospital long. Scout’s just over-protective, but he’s just so darn cute, I love sharing him around.”
My cheeks burned with embarrassment when she stepped closer to pass him over to me. “I have no idea how to do this. I’ve, ah, I’ve never held a baby before.”
Ryan pressed up against my back and reached around me. “It’s easy, babe. Especially when they’re so little and they haven’t started wiggling around yet.” He moved my arms where they needed to be and then Marie laid her sweet little boy in my arms. He was as light as a feather. Ryan wrapped his arms under mine and rested his cheek against my head. Stupid tears filled my eyes.
“He’s just so beautiful.”
Marie sighed, a very contented sound. “He sure is. Joey’s my little miracle. I never thought I’d have kids, then here I am. Forty-three and having my first baby.”
“Pfft, you’d have a whole bunch of babies if you’d pushed Scout harder earlier.”
Marie scoffed. “You, just shush, Zara. Don’t think I don’t know Mac calls you bunny because of the way you kept running off on him.”
“Oh, my, would you look at that.”
My eyes widened and I looked up to see Ryan’s mother standing next to Marie, tears in her eyes and her palm over her mouth, watching me and Ryan hold little Joey. My own tears broke free. She’d want more grandkids. I could see it in her eyes. I started to tremble.
“Shh, Bess. She doesn’t know. Like I said, you want kids, we’ll find a way. But not because Ma doesn’t know the truth.”
Marie stepped forward and took her son, worry clear on her face. “Honey? What’s wrong? I know we only just met, but we’re all family here, you can lean on us.”
I hadn’t told anyone at all for nine years, kept all the pain to myself. But Ryan knew and that was okay. He hadn’t freaked out or sent me away. He leaned down to talk near my ear.
“You can trust them, Bess. They won’t judge you for it.”
Before I could over think it, I blurted the truth out. “I can’t have kids.” My palm went to my belly to where the scar was. “Nine years ago I was pregnant, my ex stabbed me. Killed my son, damaged my uterus beyond repair. I can’t have a baby.”
It felt like the room went dead silent and I wondered if in my haste to get it over with I’d yelled out my declaration.
“Oh honey. I’m so sorry.” Suddenly Scout was there taking Joey and Marie pulled me from Ryan, in against her. “The reason Joey came so early was because a man held a gun on my belly. Just the thought of what you went through was enough to bring on labor. I can only imagine what your grief, sugar. And you were so young, too. You ever want to have some baby time, you just let one of us know. Lord knows, we have enough kids around for you to borrow one any time you get the urge.”
“Bess?”
Ashlynn’s little voice cut through Marie’s and I sucked back a deep breath as I pulled back from the lovely woman to face Ryan’s daughter.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“Is that true? That you can’t have a baby?”
I knew she didn’t mean any harm with her words. I tried to let them slide by so she’d ask what she really wanted to
“Yeah, Ash. It’s true.”
“You know, I’ve never had a mom. I’m not a baby anymore but if you want, I can be your daughter. But you’ll need to share me with Daddy.”
What’s the saying? Out of the mouths of babes.
I couldn’t speak. First the hug outside earlier, now this. Wiping more tears away, I reached a hand out for her, and she took it and came in close to me. “Sweet girl, that is the most precious thing anyone has ever offered me. It would be an honor to be your mom, Ash.”
I knew it was too soon. Ryan and I still weren’t a long-term, sure thing, but I couldn’t resist this girl, especially when I, myself, was having such a weak moment.
Needles
Lots of throats were being cleared in the room, mine included. My eyes stung and I had to do a quick wipe with my thumbs to clear my vision.
“That’s some kid you got there, mate.” I nodded to Taz’s comment. “And one helluva an old lady.”
I turned to face him and took in the redness in his eyes. Something about this was personal for him. “Yeah, she’s something special, for sure. I’m lucky she survived the attack herself.”
His gaze went from the girls to mine. “You are. Very lucky. My stepdad murdered my mum and my kid sister, his own daughter. Tried to save them but I was too late. You’re real damn lucky, mate, don’t ever forget it.”
He slapped my shoulder before turning away, leaving me stunned. I watched him leave the room, his little girl still cradled against that big body.
“You never can tell what a person is hiding in their past, can you?”
Keys had appeared next to me and I turned away from Taz’s back to face the girls and him. “Sure can’t. I had no fucking idea until earlier today. Grew up next door to that girl. To know she was in trouble and I wasn’t there because I was busy being a dumb fuck, riding all over the country as a nomad, guts me.”
Keys nodded. “I came home from the Marines with plans to finally claim my woman, only to arrive and discover she was pregnant. But that’s a story for another day. You know what happened to the ex that attacked her?”
“I was planning on asking you to look into it. She doesn’t want me to go after him. He’s a big shot down in Miami. Still can’t fucking wrap my head around it. A man stabs his woman, kills his own fucking son, then when she survives, he turns around and uses his family’s power to get her fired and evicted from her home. Motherfucker deserves to end up in a shallow grave someplace.”
“Nah, we don’t do the shallow grave thing. You gotta bury ‘em under a big pile of manure. Takes about three weeks for the body to vanish completely. They just dissolve into the shit that surrounds them. Seems appropriate, really. She give you a name?”
“James Brenner. Heard of the family?”
He nodded. “Not much, but yeah, heard the name before. I’ll look into it and let you know what I find, then we’ll work out how to handle the fucker. He doesn’t get to get away with this. I don’t care if it was yesterday or nine
years ago.”
“I feel the same way, trust me. If you’ll excuse me.”
Keys gave me a nod and let me move over to my girls. I scooped Ashlynn up with one arm and wrapped the other around Bess’ shoulders.
“So, girls, now that you’ve made everyone in the place, cry, whatcha gonna do for your next trick?”
Bess gave me a watery laugh as her cheeks pinkened, and conversation around the room started to pick up again. Shifting my hand to Bess’ lower back, I guided her over to a couch and sat next to her, keeping Ashlynn with me.
“You two are just too much. Only my girls can manage to bring a room full of bikers to their knees with a few words.”
I pressed a kiss to Ashlynn’s temple before turning to take Bess’ mouth. When I lifted my head, I still didn’t have the words to tell them what I wanted to. Instead, I looked out over the room, at all the couples and families doing normal shit. There were prospects out front on guard duty, but no one was expecting an attack. Fuck, if the Knights did this, have this many of the club and their families in the one place, you could put money on the cartel taking a shot at it. But here it was peaceful. No one was stressed over what was coming our way, they were just enjoying life. This, right here, was why I first joined an MC. To have a family I knew had my back no matter what.
“Ashlynn! C’mon, we’re going out to help stack wood for a fire later.”
And just that fast, my daughter was gone, chasing after Ariel and the other kids toward the back of the clubhouse. It was good to see her so comfortable here already. Like she knew she was safe to just be herself and have fun. My gaze caught on Ma as she nervously made her way over to us.
“Hey, Ma. So, whatcha think of the club so far?”
“I think your father and I have made a lot of mistakes, judged a lot of things incorrectly. I can see why you would want to be here, why you’re comfortable having Ashlynn here, and now Bess.” She paused and pulled a chair up to sit in front of Bess, taking one of her hands between her palms.
“Honey, I’m sorry for triggering all that for you.”
Bess shook her head. “It was fine, Barbara. You didn’t know, and I’m sure we made a sight, Ryan showing me how to hold a baby.”
“You haven’t told your parents about what happened, have you? I mean, Sheila and I have talked about you often. We’ve both been so worried at how you hide yourself away, doing basically nothing outside of work. If she’d known, she would have told me, or at the very least mentioned that she knew why you hid away.”
Broke my fucking heart that not only had she been viciously attacked, but that she’d felt the need to keep it to herself. She hadn’t shared that burden with anyone. Not only that, she’d taken it as a sign she was destined to spend her life alone. I pulled her in tighter against me and buried my face in her hair. At some point, she’d taken out her braid and the long curls hung down her back and over her shoulders. It was so fucking soft and smelled like Bess.
Smooth as whiskey.
Sweet as honey.
All fucking Bess
Her scent filled my senses, soothing and arousing me all at once.
“Ah, I briefly mentioned it to them earlier today, but that was the first time I’d said anything to them about it. Well, they knew I’d lost the baby, just not how. I didn’t move home until I was mostly healed up. Thankfully the eviction notice gave me sixty days, and that had been long enough for most of the bruises and things to heal.”
Ma looked confused. “Eviction notice?”
Bess chewed her lip. Obviously she hadn’t meant to give that bit away. “My ex was from a powerful family. He got me fired from my job and when I was released from hospital, I discovered an eviction notice on my door. But even he couldn’t get around the regulations that stated I had to be given sixty days’ notice.”
“Oh, darling girl. That bastard really did a number on you. Do you know why he did such horrible things?”
She nodded and blew out a breath. “I found something at work, on a legal document. I followed the rules and sent it up the chain of command. Turned out it was my ex who was behind what I found, and he got in trouble because of me finding it and following the rules. He was really mad at me and told me I wasn’t worthy to be with him, or to carry his child.”
She shrugged and burrowed herself into my embrace deeper.
“That’s enough, Ma. She’s had a hard enough day.”
Ma patted Bess’ thigh. “Yes, of course. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make it worse.”
I watched as she moved away, over to where Bulldog and his old lady were chatting with Marie and a few others.
“Never thought I’d see my mother hanging out with a bunch of bikers and looking so happy about it.
“She misjudged you, Ryan, and them. Now she’s trying to fix it. I think it’s sweet she’s come to meet everyone.”
I nodded and ran my fingers through her hair. “So, you agreed to be my daughter’s mom...” She went still against me. I was fairly certain she was even holding her breath. “That mean you’re gonna agree to be my old lady?”
It was insane to ask her so soon. We’d only just started to sort our shit out, but this was right. She was it for me.
“Flick explained what that means. Are you sure? I mean, this thing between us is so new.”
Yet she’d barely hesitated at all to accept Ashlynn’s offer. I grabbed her and hauled her over so she was sitting across my lap and I could look into her eyes.
“I’d believed for the longest time that I had no heart.” I rapped my fist against my chest. “Was sure there was nothing but fucking ice in here. Told Tori straight I couldn’t love her because I wasn’t fucking capable of the emotion. Then I held Ashlynn. Turns out I wasn’t completely heartless after all, because from the moment I had that girl in my hands, I loved her.”
Bess reached up and cupped my cheek, stroking my beard before giving it a gentle tug. “You were never heartless, Ryan. You never would have done all the things you did for me growing up if you were. It wouldn’t have hurt so badly when your dad did what he did if you had no heart.”
I leaned in and gave her a fast, hard kiss. “See? That’s the thing. I’d thought I had no heart, but it turns out I’d just already given it to you without realizing it. I know we were nothing more than friends growing up. Even when you asked me to teach you how to kiss, it didn’t change that bond we had. After I defied Dad about getting the job with Rusty and dropping out of school, he lost his shit. Kicked me out. I spiraled from there. Knew I was bad for you, that I’d ruin all your goodness if we kept going where we were heading. So I pushed you away, I pushed everything away. After I wrecked my bike, I got hooked on the fucking pain meds. Shit just got darker and darker.”
“You shouldn’t have pushed me away, Ryan. I would have been there for you. I have no idea if we would have become more, but I would have always been there for you as your friend, at the very least.”
I took her face between my palms and drank her in. “So fucking perfect. I still don’t think I deserve you, but I don’t fucking care anymore. I want you, so I’m gonna take you. You’re fucking mine, Bess. You understand that? From the moment you were born, you were meant for me. Only me. I’m just sorry it took me so fucking long to figure that out. Maybe if I’d—”
She pressed a finger over my lips. “Don’t. All the what ifs and if onlys in the world aren’t going to change the past. Life has tested us both over the years but we both survived, we’re both here. Now we need to look forward, not back.” I kept my palms on her face as she leaned in, and removing her finger, pressed a light kiss to the corner of my mouth. “I’d be honored to be your old lady, Ryan ‘Needles’ Perry. Just like I’m honored that your daughter asked me to be her mom earlier.”
Elation ripped through me and with a growl I took her mouth in a hard kiss.
“Get a room!”
I had no idea who’d called out at us, but with a grin and chuckle, I pulled back from kissing my woman.
My fucking old lady. I looked around the room until I saw Scout.
“Hey, Scout? Need you to order my woman her property patch.”
He smirked back. “Already done, my man. Should be here in a few days, along with your new name patch. Even though you shouldn’t be claiming an old lady until you’re fully patched in, we’ll let you get away with it under the circumstances.”
“You’re the best, prez.”
“Remember that.”
He held his beer up to me before taking a drink and I turned to my woman, leaning her back so I could kiss her deeply again. And ignored the catcalls that rose up around us. They could all go to hell. I was claiming my fucking woman.
“Ryan Nicholas Perry, you did not just ask her what I think you did with no ring, did you? Raised you better than that, boy.”
Smirking at the laughter that now surrounded us, I lifted up from Bess, and looking down into her flushed face, I spoke low.
“What do you say, babe? Wanna ring? Keep our folks happy and marry my ass. Not sure what Flick told you, but agreeing to be my old lady basically made you my wife in the eyes of the club. But if you need a ring and a white dress, it’s all fucking yours, Bess.”
Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them away. I hoped like hell they weren’t sad tears.
“Such a romantic. Yes, I want a ring and a white dress.”
Tucking Bess in against my chest I looked up at Ma with a wide grin. “There, you happy? She said yes to a ring. I’ll take her shoppin’ tomorrow for it. It’s the new age, Ma. Women like to pick out their own ring.”
I could feel Bess laughing against me, which I much preferred to her tears.
Ma made a big show of sighing and shaking her head, but she was smiling. After all, it was her and Sheila who’d sent me after Bess that night last month in the hopes we’d hook up. The pair of matchmakers should be fucking ecstatic their little scheme worked.
I know I was.
Chapter 12
