Fearless Fourteen

by Janet Evanovich

  Or you can bounce it off a satellite.“ ”Suppose you want to run it all day, day after day. You'd need a power source, right?“ ”Yes. If it was on a roof, you could tie into the house's electric. It would be easy if the house had a dish.“ I used the phone in Morelli's office to call him. ”What,“ he whispered into his phone. ”I've got it.“ ”I'm in a meeting,“ he said. ”Is this important?“ ”Didn't you hear me? I've got it. I know how the fourth partner saw the scarf and the sign, and I know how he saw us leave the house to take Grandma home.

  There's a camera on the roof of the house across from you.“ ”Are you sure?“ ”I'm looking at it through binoculars. Do you know the people who live across from you? Would they put a camera on their roof?“ ”Mr. and Mrs. Geary live across from me. They're nice, but they're about a hundred and ten. I can't imagine why they'd have a camera on their roof. I'm stuck in this meeting, but I'll send Spanner over with a tech.“ I was cracking my knuckles now because in a couple hours Loretta would lose her hand. I was calling Alma Rizzi's phone every fifteen minutes and no one was answering. The sign was in Morelli's window. Nothing happening with that. The red scarf was on Morelli's desk. I had no reason to hang it in the window. I looked up, and Mooner was in the doorway. ”The door was unlocked, so I figured you were open for business,“ Mooner said. I had my hand over my heart. ”You took me by surprise. Next time, yell when you come into the house.“ ”I was projecting my aura, but you might have been too distracted to catch it.

  Probably you were struggling with the feng shui in this room. Major bummer on that one.“ He looked across the hall. ”Where's Zookamundo?“ ”School.“ ”Again?“ ”Five days a week.“ ”Whoa. He must be serious about it.“ ”Have you had breakfast?“ ”No. We were all out of Cap'n Crunch. I have my standards, you know. I was hoping the dude had some.“ We trekked downstairs, I pawed through Morelli's cupboard, found a half-empty box of Cap'n Crunch, and gave it to Mooner. I brewed a new pot of coffee and turned to see Gary at the back door. I opened the door and Gary came in. ”How long have you been standing there?“ I asked him. ”I just got here. I had a dream you were making coffee.“ ”You dreamed correct,“ I told him. ”Help yourself.“ I went to the living room and looked out the window, and Mooner and Gary followed me. ”What are we looking at?“ Mooner wanted to know. ”I'm waiting for one of Morelli's partners to show up.“ ”Cool,“ Mooner said, sharing the box of Crunch with Gary. Spanner finally arrived in a blue Fairlane. ”Bummer,“ Mooner said. ”No lights.“ ”He's not a uniform,“ I told Mooner. ”I have to talk to him. You stay here.“ ”Homegrown Security on the job,“ Mooner said. ”You can count on Gary and me.“ If you knew where to look, you could see the camera from the street. I positioned Spanner as far back as he could go in Morelli's small yard and handed him my binoculars. ”I see it,“ Spanner said. ”It looks like a camera all right.“ We walked across the street and Spanner knocked on the Gearys' front door. The door was answered by a little old man still in his pajamas. Spanner introduced himself and asked about the camera. ”You have a camera on your roof,“ Spanner said. ”What?“ Mr. Geary asked. ”A camera.“ ”Where?“ ”On your roof.“ Mr. Geary looked confused. ”Where's the camera?“ ”I'd like permission to take a look at it,“ Spanner said. ”What do you want to look at?“ Mr. Geary asked. ”The camera.“ I looked at my watch. This could take a while. Spanner had it figured out, too. He jumped in with the bottom line. ”Okay, thanks,“ Spanner said to Geary. ”Appreciate you letting us take a look at the camera. I'm going to send a tech up there.“ ”Sure,“ Mr. Geary said. ”Always happy to help the police.“ ”I need to run,“ Spanner said to me. ”I'm going to send someone to get the camera. In the meantime, you might want to close your curtains when you get undressed.“ Getting caught undressing was the least of my problems. I was counting down to dismemberment. I watched Spanner drive away, and I spotted the news van parked at the end of the block. Brenda was hovering. I couldn't blame her. I understood her problem, and I might have done the same thing. She was trying to make a job for herself. Still, it was annoying. I paced in the living room, watching for the tech to come get the camera. To pass the time, I called Alma Rizzi's cell phone. And Dom picked up. ”What?“ he said. ”Dom?“ ”Who's this?“ ”It's Stephanie. Don't hang up! I have to talk to you about Loretta.“ ”What about her?“ ”Your partner has amputated two of her toes and sent them here. If I don't give him the garage location by noon, he's going to cut her hand off.“ I could hear Dom suck in some breath. ”Jesus,“ he said. ”Morelli isn't involved in this,“ I told Dom. ”It's just me negotiating with your partner, and he's desperate. He wants the money.“ ”I don't even care about the money anymore,“ Dom said. ”I just want this over.

  And I want to be the one to talk to him. I want to hear his voice. I want to make sure he isn't going to hurt Loretta anymore.“ I didn't trust Dom to keep it together. He wasn't exactly smart, and he wasn't emotionally stable. ”We can call him together,“ I said. ”I can put him on speakerphone, so you can listen, but please let me do the talking. I don't want this screwed up.“ ”Yeah. You're right. I'd probably screw it up. I want to kill the bastard. I want to rip his eyes out. I want to cut his balls off and shove them down his throat.“ ”Probably you should do the anger management course that was offered to you,“ I said to Dom. ”Fuck that. That shit is for pussies. Give me ten minutes. I gotta get a car.“ I disconnected Dom, and saw a crime scene van park in front of the Gearys' house. The tech off-loaded a folding ladder, set it against the house, and climbed to the roof. ”You guys stay here,“ I told Mooner and Gary. ”I want to talk to the tech.“ I waited on the sidewalk while the tech unbolted the camera and put it in a large evidence bag. He climbed down and walked the camera to the van. I had his age at late thirties to early forties. He was average height and build. He had brown hair cut short, ears that would lift him off the ground if they caught enough wind, and his eyes were hidden behind Oakleys. He was wearing a wrinkled short-sleeved, collared knit shirt and khakis that were bagged out and creased at the crotch. I was guessing he had no wife, and his mother was either dead or lived out of state. ”What happens to the camera now?“ I asked him. ”We'll take it to the shop and have a look at it.“ I felt a flash of heat pass through my entire body and my heart jumped in my chest. Major adrenaline rush. It was the voice. I looked down at his shoes. Jackpot. I was afraid to talk. I didn't trust my voice. I smiled and nodded. ”Okay, then,“ I managed to say. I backed away and walked stiff-legged across the street. I slipped into Morelli's house and closed and locked the door. I tried to call Morelli on my cell, but my hand was shaking so bad I couldn't get the numbers right. I held my breath and tried again. ”Morelli here,“ he said. ”It's the crime lab tech,“ I told him. ”He's across the street. He just took the camera down, and I recognized his voice and the shoes. He's the fourth partner.“ ”Are you sure?“ ”Absolutely.“ Mostly. ”I'm on my way. Where are you?“ ”In your house.“ ”Stay there. Lock the doors. You know where I keep my extra gun?“ ”Yes.“ ”Get it.“ ”What's going on?“ Mooner wanted to know. ”I think the crime lab tech might be Dom's fourth partner. Stay in the house.

  Morelli is on his way home.“ I ran upstairs, got Morelli's gun, and returned to the living room. Mooner was standing guard at a window with his potato bazooka. Gary was behind him with a basket of potatoes. ”We're ready to defend the house,“ Mooner said. ”Okay,“ I said, ”but don't fire anything off unless I tell you to.“ Mooner and Gary saluted. I shoved Morelli's gun into the waistband of my jeans at the small of my back, and I stood beside Mooner and looked out the window. The gun was cold and hard and uncomfortable. I popped the snap on my jeans, but it didn't help a lot. I removed the gun and shoved it under a couch cushion for safekeeping. It was a semiautomatic Glock, and I didn't actually know how to use it, anyway. The crime lab tech stowed the ladder and was about to drive off when Dom rolled to a stop in front of Morelli's house. Dom got out and nodded at the tech. The tech got out of his van and crossed
to Dom. Crap! I didn't know what to do. I had no idea what was being said. I didn't want to rush out and blunder into a perfectly benign conversation, but I also didn't want Dom to disappear, forever. ”Should we shoot them?“ Mooner asked. ”No!“ The tech was talking, and Dom was nodding in agreement. Dom gave a quick glance to Morelli's house, took his phone out of his pocket, and punched a number in. Seconds later, my phone rang. ”I need the keys,“ Dom said. ”That's not a good idea.“ ”It is a good idea.“ ”At least try to stall him so I can set something up.“ ”For crissake,“ Dom said. ”Just bring me the keys. He gets the van with the money and I get Loretta.“ ”Okay, I'll send the keys out, but I'm staying here.“ ”Whatever,“ Dom said. If I was the partner, I'd want a hostage to ensure my escape. And I'd make a better hostage than Loretta, since the lack of toes had to slow her down. I supposed he could take Dom, but I wasn't sure anyone would care. I retrieved the keys from my purse, opened the front door, and pitched the keys into the street. Dom scuttled over and scooped them up, and both men got into the tech's van and drove off. I saw the van turn right at the corner, and I sprinted to my car. Mooner and Gary ran with me and jumped into the backseat. Mooner still had his bazooka and Gary had his basket of potatoes. I got to the corner and looked right. They were two blocks in front of me. ”Keep your eyes on the van,“ I told Mooner and Gary. ”I don't want to lose them, but I can't get too close.“ The van turned left, into the Burg. This was the logical place for Dom to hide the money. Dom had friends there, and there were lots of unused garages. I looked in my rearview mirror. Brenda's film crew was a car length away. Could it get any worse? I followed the tech van as it wove through the Burg. It turned into an alley, and I hesitated. I would be clearly visible if I followed. I took a chance and drove down a street running parallel. I waited at the cross street, but the van didn't emerge. Five minutes passed, and still no van. I parked in front of a small corner deli, and we all got out. Brenda and the film crew did the same. Mooner had his potato gun and Gary had his basket of potatoes, and Stephanie had nothing, since the Glock was still under the couch cushion. I told everyone to stay where they were, out of sight, and not to go into the alley. There were garages on both sides. Hard to tell from where I stood, but I was guessing twelve to sixteen garages in all. The older garages, originally built with the row houses, were singles. The newer garages were two-car. I walked the alley, looking for open garage doors, listening at closed doors. Halfway down the alley, I heard an engine catch. A door to a two-car garage rolled up and a maroon Econoline with Pennsylvania plates jumped out of the garage and turned in my direction. The tech was driving. No sign of Dom. The Econoline roared at me, and I dove between garages to avoid getting hit. He missed me by inches and continued to race down the alley. ”It's him!“ I yelled. ”It's the fourth partner!“ ”No problemo,“ Mooner said. ”Raw russet,“ he told Gary. And phoonf! Direct hit to the windshield. The van swerved, took out a parked car, ran into the back of the deli, and exploded. Nine million dollars in hundreds shot into the air and floated down, plus the contents of the deli's frozen-food locker. ”Sweet,“ Mooner said. ”Are you filming?“ Brenda yelled to her cameraman. ”Its raining money and popsicles!“ And in that instant, Brenda got hit with a family-size frozen pizza. Pepperoni, black olives. It whacked her in the face and knocked her to her knees. ”Ulk,“ she said. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she went facedown. The cameraman grabbed her feet, and the soundman grabbed her under the armpits, and they carried her back to the news truck. The maroon Econoline was a fireball. Sirens were screaming in the distance. People were running from neighboring houses, scarfing up the money and frozen fish sticks and disappearing back into their homes. Mooner was running everywhere, stuffing hundred-dollar bills into his pants and his shirt. I looked down the alley, and saw Dom jogging my way. ”Are you okay?“ I asked him. ”I'm better than okay. I'm fucking fabulous. The sonov-abitch blew himself up.“ ”You were in the garage a long time.“ ”The battery was dead,“ Dom said. ”We had to give it a jump start.“ ”I thought the key disabled the bomb. Why did it explode?“ Dom was grinning. ”I don't know. I'm guessing it just went off when the van rammed into the deli. The asshole should have moved the boxes of money to a different car before he took off, but he was in a rush to get away Tell you the truth, I was practically crapping in my pants, giving the van a jump. Allen was the one who rigged the bomb, and between you and me, Allen wasn't the sharpest tack on the board.“ ”Did you find out about Loretta?“ ”She's in the basement of the lab guy's house. He lives two blocks from Morelli. He said she's okay.“ I jogged back to the deli with Dom and stuffed him into my car. Brenda was on her feet, with a big Band-Aid across her nose and tissues stuffed up her nostrils, and she was interviewing Mooner. Gary was rocked back on his heels, smiling. His prophecy had come true. The only thing left was the business about Brenda sitting on a toilet on Route 1, and I was hoping I wouldn't be around for that one. I was moving the car so the fire trucks could get better access and saw Morelli fly in with his roof light flashing. I pulled alongside him. ”We're all okay,“ I said. ”The fourth partner was in the van with the money.

  It looks like a lot of the money survived. I don't think the lab tech made it.“ ”What about Loretta?“ ”The lab tech told Dom she's locked away in his basement.“ ”I've got his address,“ Morelli said. ”Spanner fed me the information on my way over. The tech's name is Steve Fowler, and besides being a crime scene tech, he also did some moonlighting as security at the bank ten years ago.“ I followed Morelli and we wound through the Burg and took a left into Morelli's neighborhood. He parked in front of a row house that looked like all the other row houses on the street. Two stories. Small front yard. Neat but unexceptional. No indication that a killer lived inside. We all piled out of our cars and went to the door. We all looked a little grim. We weren't sure what we'd find. Amputation isn't pretty. And for that matter, we weren't convinced Loretta was still alive. Morelli tried the door. Locked, of course. He moved to a window. Also locked. He put his elbow to it, and it shattered. He cleared some glass away, opened the window, and went in. He opened the door for us and told everyone to stay in the foyer. He drew his gun and moved to the cellar door. Dom and I were silent, gnawing on our lower lips, barely breathing. A couple minutes passed, and there were footsteps on the cellar stairs, and next thing, Loretta was standing there in front of us. She was pale and shaking and her hair was snarled. She was crying and laughing. Borderline hysteria. We all stared at her feet and hands. No big bandages. No sign of amputation. ”You have all your toes,“ I said to her. She looked down at herself. ”Yeah,“ she said. ”What do you mean?“ ”He said he chopped off two toes. I saw them.“ ”Not mine,“ Loretta said. I looked at Morelli, and Morelli shrugged. He hadn't a clue who belonged to the toes. It was Six o'clock, and we were all in front of the television eating meatball subs, tuned in to the news. Mooner, Gary, Zook, Loretta, Dom, Morelli, Bob, and me. Lula had declined in favor of a night with her big Honey Pot. The party was thrown by Mooner with money he'd collected when the Econoline exploded. Mooner'd given twenty thousand to Loretta and Zook, ten thousand to the animal shelter so they could offer free cat-spaying, and he'd bought a very used mellow yellow Corvette with the remaining money. True, the money was slightly illegal, but hell, this was Mooner we were talking about. Almost everything he did was slightly illegal. Brenda's theme song came up, and we all sat forward. Brenda popped onto the screen wearing a low scoop-neck sweater and a tiny skirt. She had two black eyes and a Band-Aid on her nose. ”Here I am with an exclusive on the nine-million-dollar-mystery conclusion,“ Brenda said. ”You'll have to excuse my appearance, as I was in a freak pizza accident.“ There was film of the maroon Econoline going out of control, crashing into the deli, and exploding. And then Brenda was on film with the tissues up her nose. ”And here we have an interview with the man who took down the vicious criminal responsible for murder, mayhem, and kidnapping.“ The camera panned to Mooner, and everyone in Morelli
's living room yelled and whistled. ”Tell us exactly how you did it,“ Brenda said, pointing the mic at Mooner. ”It was with my potato rocket,“ Mooner said, looking into the camera. ”And my munitions man, Gary, deserves some credit for giving me exactly the right potato.“ The camera returned to Brenda. ”There you have it,“ she said. ”Another exclusive from Brenda. And, sadly for you, but happily for me, this is my last piece of news on this station. I'm going national with my own reality show.