by Nadia Aidan
He rushed into the kitchen, coming to a screeching halt when he saw Richard, Sonya, and Gabe huddling around Lisa. His gaze clashed with Lisa's from across the room and the look on her face made his blood freeze in his veins. What had happened? Why the hell hadn't anyone called him if something bad had happened to Tommy?
He gulped deeply, struggling to find his voice. He'd never been so terrified in his life to ask the one question he now wasn't sure he wanted the answer to. He'd promised her everything would be fine, that Tommy would be okay, but he knew he had no power to keep that promise and he'd never felt more helpless in his entire life.
"Lisa?” He never took his eyes from her.
A tearful smile crossed her face. “We found him. He's fine."
His knees buckled as relief soared through him at the news. “Thank God,” he mumbled in a rush and raced forward to drag her into his arms. He held her tightly, running his hand through her hair. “Where is he? I want to see him."
"He's asleep upstairs with Lacy watching him."
He nodded as he released her. “Alright. I won't wake him then. I just want to be sure he's alright,” he said before he ran out the kitchen to race up the stairs two at a time.
Sure enough when he got to the room Tommy was tucked in, fast asleep. He smiled down at Lacy before he leaned over the little boy to brush a gentle kiss against his forehead. He felt moisture gather in his eyes and he was humbled by the powerful emotions that welled up inside him.
He stared down at Tommy for another heartbeat before he backed out the room and headed back downstairs.
"Where did you find him?” was the first thing he asked when he entered the kitchen again.
Richard grinned. “He was in the golf shed."
"What? That's practically on the other side of the grounds. How did he get all the way over there?” He didn't let anyone see it, but the knowledge that the little boy had walked almost a mile alone in the dark caused him to break out in a cold sweat.
"He said he walked outside and got lost, so he kept walking until he found shelter. When we found him, he was fast asleep. Poor guy, he was probably exhausted."
Adam frowned. “Did he say why he was out there in the first place?"
"He told Richard that he didn't want to leave, so he hid so that he could stay,” Lisa said.
He released a long sigh as he ran his hand down his face. “I understand him not wanting to leave, but that's no excuse for what he did. I'm going to have a long talk with him in the morning as soon as he wakes up."
Lisa smiled weakly. “I think Rich told him the error of his ways, but it couldn't hurt for him to hear it again."
Everyone in the room nodded in agreement as smiles of relief lit up their faces.
Richard covered his mouth as he stifled a yawn and stood to his feet. “Well, we better get going. We didn't want to leave Lisa until you got home, but now that you're here I say we call it a night."
"Thanks, guys.” Adam said as he flashed Sonya, Rich and Gabe warm smiles, grateful that they'd been able to come to their aid.
He and Lisa then said their good-byes and he escorted them outside while she ran upstairs to relieve Lacy of Tommy-watching duty. Adam closed the door as soon as Lacy pulled out of the driveway.
On stiff legs he walked back up the stairs straight to Tommy's room.
Lisa glanced up and smiled at him as soon as he entered. Without saying a word he reached for her hand and tugged her out of the chair by the bed. Still holding her hand, he closed Tommy's door and walked with her to his bedroom.
He didn't release it until he closed the door behind them.
"We need to talk,” he said when she shot him a questioning look.
"Can we talk later? I don't want to leave Tommy tonight. What if he runs away again?"
"Tommy isn't going to run again. He promised Richard he wouldn't and I've never known Tommy to lie."
"I know but—"
"Lisa, we need to discuss some things. Now once we're done you can camp out all night in Tommy's room if you like, but right now we are going to talk."
* * * *
His voice was firm, his tone indicating that he wasn't going to budge on this. She nodded slowly, knowing where this was headed. She'd known the moment she'd broken down on the phone earlier that he would not let this go. Not this time. She'd struggled with what she would say to him, but finally realized it was time. It was time to tell him the truth.
"You said some things earlier that I want to ask you about. You mentioned people hurting Tommy and that you had failed him as you always knew you would. Do you remember saying that?"
She nodded stiffly.
"Do you want to tell me what you were thinking when you said those things?"
She wanted to say ‘no’ she didn't want to tell him, but she knew he deserved an answer to her bizarre behavior. She folded her arms across her chest and brushed past him to stand before the window and stare out into the moon streaked night. She dragged in a steady breath as images from her childhood flashed in her head. She almost clammed up again as she remembered the scared little girl she'd been, but she pushed past her pain and fear and searched deep inside of her for the strength she knew she'd found as an adult.
"My parents were both only children, so after they died in a car accident when I was five, the only people who could take me in were some distant cousins, but they were old and they didn't want to raise some stranger's child, I learned later...” She let her voice trail off as she slipped back into the past. Many nights she'd festered in her anger as she wondered what type of family could just cast a helpless little girl aside.
"So what happened then?” Adam asked, dragging her back to the present.
She fixed her gaze on the full moon as she let her mind go numb so that she could finish her story. “I stayed with my first family until I was eight. That was actually the best one I had. My foster mother neglected us and treated us like servants, but at least she didn't abuse us. The social workers took us from her though when they found out what was going on after many of the kids ended up missing a lot of school. Once I left that foster home, I ended up in a group home for a year where I got into fights with the girls almost every day because I thought I was ‘pretty.’ I was labeled a troublemaker so the director wanted me gone. So I wound up in another foster home when I was ten. At first everything was fine. It was me and two other girls. My foster mother was great. She showered us with love and attention and I thought I could be happy there, but I quickly realized that she turned a blind eye to her husband's actions. He touched us inappropriately and she knew it, but she did nothing to stop it. We told her what he did, but she refused to listen. She called us lying whores and told us never to say such filthy things again. We stayed there until one of the girls ended up pregnant by her husband. I was only thirteen."
She hung her head as the bitter memories washed over her. She probably wouldn't have cried if Adam hadn't walked up behind her to wrap her in his arms. She didn't deserve him. She carried so much baggage with her that had crippled their marriage. It wasn't fair that he should have to deal with a woman who needed so much work.
She closed her eyes when he placed a gentle kiss against her forehead.
"What did you do once you left that place?"
She'd hoped he would let it go, but he knew there was more to her story. The problem was that this last part was the hardest, the most tragic and the one that had left her feeling so ashamed, until she later found a therapist who helped her realize that she had no reason to feel the humiliation that she felt.
"I bounced around between group homes, more foster homes and detention centers but never staying in one place longer than a few months. By that time the trauma of being abused for three years had made me an angry girl. I got into fights, flunked out of school and experimented with drugs. I was out of control and nobody wanted me. Still, I caused too many problems to remain in a group home so I went back to another family when I was almost fifteen. This one was
the worst. Both of my foster parents were alcoholics who were physically abusive to each other and to me. The saddest thing was that I could have handled the fights, but right before I turned sixteen their twenty-one year old son came back to live with them after he was released from prison. He'd only been back a week when he wandered into my bed in the middle of the night and raped me."
Her heart squeezed in her chest and more tears poured from her eyes as she remembered every vivid detail like it was yesterday, but mostly she remembered the feeling of being lonely and scared, knowing that she had nobody to turn to.
Adam squeezed his arms tighter around her and she relaxed a little knowing that she was safe. That she wasn't that vulnerable girl anymore.
"You don't have to say anymore. I know this is hard."
"No, Adam. It's time that you finally heard the truth. All of it. I've carried this inside of me for so long that I've allowed it to affect our relationship. I won't allow my past to have any more power over me.” She blew out a deep breath again, feeling as if a burden was finally being lifted. She knew then that telling Adam had been the right thing, that he wouldn't judge me or walk away from her because she wasn't as perfect as he'd once thought.
"Their son raped me repeatedly, but the awful thing was that I was so fucked up, so needy for love and attention that after awhile I actually convinced myself that he was my boyfriend and that we were in love. So when I ended up pregnant I just thought we would get married and start a family, but I was a fool. He beat me so badly when I told him I was convinced he would do as he promised and kill me if I didn't get an abortion, so I did. I stole some money from my foster parents, went to the nearest clinic and ran away as soon as they discharged me. I don't know what would have happened to me if one of the nurses from the clinic hadn't taken pity on me. That woman happened to be Lacy's mother and I owe her my life. She is the one who got me to take my GED, helped me apply to college, forced me to into therapy and eventually supported my decision to start modeling. When I tell people that Lacy is like a sister to me, I think she is the only person who realizes that I mean it."
She closed her eyes then and forced herself to calm her racing heart as she drew in deep even breaths. Neither of them spoke for several long moments, as the weight of her revelation hung heavy between them.
But eventually Adam gently unwrapped his arms from around her to spin her around and face him.
"Thank you,” he finally said.
"For what?"
"For having the courage to tell me. For trusting me enough. Loving me enough. You were not to blame for any of the things that happened to you and you should be proud of yourself for becoming the woman that you are today. I know I'm proud of you."
She smiled up at him. He didn't know how much his words meant to her. “Thank you,” she said quietly. She stared up at him, knowing that the love she felt for him was as evident on her face as it was on his. A tiny spark of hope flared inside her. Maybe, just maybe, they could make this work now that she was willing to be honest with him. Then you are going to have to be completely honest. She wanted to ignore the voice in her head, but she couldn't, because it was right. Adam would never forgive her, if he found out later from someone else. If she continued to keep secrets, he would once again see her actions as a violation of his trust and question the strength of their relationship.
She let out a sharp breath, her eyes never leaving his.
"Adam, there's one last thing I must share with you."
He furrowed his brow as he stared down at her with questioning eyes. “I'm listening."
She gulped deeply and held his searching gazing.
"It's about the baby. Our baby. It's time that I tell you the truth."
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Chapter Thirteen
Richard flashed Sonya a quick grin before returning his attention to the highway as he drove away from Adam's home.
"How long are you going to give me the silent treatment, Judge Michaels?"
She rolled her eyes at him, but didn't make any effort to speak as she turned her face toward the window.
He chuckled as he watched her sulk against his car door. She was mad because he refused to back down on this and let her get her way. She was accustomed to people doing what she told them to do when she told them to do it, so it must be difficult to hear someone tell her ‘no'.
"Don't you think you're being just a little childish?"
He didn't take his eyes from the road but he knew she was glaring at him in the dark space of the car.
"You're a tease, Richard, and you like to play games. In my mind, you're the childish one, not me."
"You know neither one of those observations is correct. You want an affair and I want something more."
"So you hope to get what you want by what? Withholding sex? How is that not a game?"
He shot her an exasperated look. She was twisting this around and she knew it.
"You know that's not what I'm doing at all. I just want us to get to know each other better before we get physical."
"And I told you that I'm too old to be in a relationship with you, so physical is all you're going to get."
Richard twisted his features into a hard frown as he stared at the road, struggling to hold on to his temper. What she wanted was a boy toy. She'd made that clear. But he wasn't settling for that and now she was pissed.
"You know what I think this is about?"
"No, and I really don't care."
He scowled at her, but ignored her sharp words to continue. “I think you're afraid to get into a relationship and fall in love again. Your ex-husband's infidelity hurt you more than you want to let others believe and now you're having a hard time moving on."
There was a pregnant pause and he knew she was considering his words before she finally spoke. “A divorce is painful, Richard. I don't deny that, but just because I don't want to be in a relationship with you, doesn't mean I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone else. I don't know why it's so hard for you to accept this, but I have no interest in being in a relationship with someone your age."
He rolled his eyes as he blew out a long breath. ‘Here we go again,’ is what he wanted to say. Their conversations were like endless circles, they always came back to this one point. But he wasn't fooled by her words. He knew what held her back from taking him seriously and he wanted her to know that she couldn't hide behind the stupid wall she'd put up. It was time for her to stop running and face that he was a good man who deserved a chance with her.
"How long are you going to let your ex-husband's actions keep you from finding happiness?"
"I just told you Richard that a divorce is difficult, but I haven't let Scott keep me from finding happiness."
"You're lying and you know it.” He glanced at her, and despite the darkness inside the car, he could easily see the anger in her eyes. He knew she wanted him to drop the subject but he wasn't about to do that. “You think if your ex-husband, who is ten years older than you, could leave you for a younger woman then what would stop me from doing the same thing?” At the sound of her shocked gasp, he knew he was right. But then he'd known he was right all along, even if she refused to admit it. “I'm sure you think eventually I'll grow tired of the novelty of our age difference and leave you for a girl my own age.” He chanced a quick look at her, but her expression was unreadable. She'd donned the impassive mask she showed to the world as Judge Sonya Michaels, because it was easier to hide behind the impersonal facade then show him that he'd struck a nerve.
For once he just wished she would let her guard down with him. Why couldn't she see that she could trust him with her heart?
"Sonya, I know your ex-husband hurt you, but every man's not like him. I'm not like him."
"That's what they all say, Richard, until something better comes along. You're right. You're not my ex-husband, but that doesn't mean you aren't capable of making the same mistakes he did."
Richard's jaw tightened as he gritt
ed his teeth together. “So we're back at square one. It's either a cheap affair or nothing with you."
"It doesn't have to be cheap, but you're too immature to realize that."
He lifted a single brow at the insult she'd just delivered him. So now I'm immature?
He thought it was laughable that they'd resorted to taking pot shots, but he refused to continue this conversation with her. Their tempers were too high to finish this discussion and not have it erupt into an all out argument. Besides, he didn't need to debate with her on this matter any longer because he'd finally made his decision. She wanted a boy toy and that's exactly what he would give her.
But she would quickly come to realize that people don't always know what's best for them.
* * * *
Adam stood rooted to his spot as he watched a myriad of emotions cross Lisa's face. He was sure those same emotions were mirrored on his own face.
"What are you talking about?” he asked slowly, his mouth suddenly dry as he forced the words past his lips. What was there to tell? He'd seen her. He already knew the truth.
"I won't lie to you and say that I was thrilled when I found out I was pregnant, because I wasn't. I promised myself that I would never have children because I was always afraid that I just couldn't be a good mother.” Adam reached out for her, but she shook her head. From the unwavering look on her face, he could tell that she was determined to get this part out without his sympathy or pity. He let his hand fall back to his side and waited for her to continue, letting her do this on her own. “I'd seen such horrible examples of mothers growing up, that I just didn't want to face the responsibility of bringing a child into this world only to fail them. And then I ended up pregnant and all that changed."
She stepped closer to him and reached for his hand to hold it clasped between hers. He struggled against the onslaught of emotions that coursed through him. He'd told her he could forgive her for what she'd done and that was the truth. It would be hard, but he was determined to put this behind them. He'd convinced himself that he could do it, worked up the nerve to get to that point so he was speechless when she said the last words he ever expected to hear.
