Two uninvited reality show contestants from Virginia crash my event and I’m to blame?! Oh, this is rich. The press is calling for my head. Valerie tells me that Two–Ton Gibbs, Rahm, and Busted Axelrod have joined the lynch mob. I’ve got one question for them: without my marketing know–how, without my event engineering, where would the Obama brand be? I’ll tell you where: forty points down in the opinion polls like their man!
It is I alone who have shielded Michelle from the popular free fall. I’ve picked each gown and plotted each star turn. It was the reviled Desiree who staged the harvesting ceremonies in that fake garden! It was Desiree who instigated the bipartisan conga line at the Governors’ Dinner—Desiree who convinced Ted Kennedy to give them that goddamn water dog! Yes, I did all that and so much more. The neighborhood visits to the government offices—me! Michelle’s Photoshopped image on the cover of Vogue—me! The J.Crew coordinates that helped connect Her Royal Thighness with the little people—me! It’s all me! I am the real First Lady! (Only far more alluring and five dress sizes smaller.)
The press and those vultures on Capitol Hill have no conception of just how much I mean to this place. If the Obama family is a brand—honey, I’m the Must–See.E.O.! I’m sure Michelle knows all this, but just in case, I’m taking out an insurance policy tomorrow night. The First Lady, Valerie, and I are going to Acadiana for gumbo and spare ribs (I know the way to the First Lady’s heart). Over dinner I’ll tell them how just this week I convinced Green Giant to be a partner in our garden promotion campaign. Who isn’t gonna love Miss D after I unveil a new line of frozen, prepackaged White House Garden Vegetables? Can you say Barak–O–li? Miche–Celery? And the kids’ favorite: mini–Valerie Carrots . . . (I had to work Jarrett in somehow.) If that doesn’t grab them, I’ve designed a whole line of Michelle Obama Fitness Apparel with Under Armour. It uses an all–new material called Expandex. As Big Mama back in New Orleans used to say: “If the gumbo tastes bitter, throw more sugar in the next roux.”
WHEN RAZZLE DAZZLE GOES WRONG
Though they have expertly played the Razzle Dazzle game, there are times when even the Obamas’ manufactured glitter takes a tragic turn for the worse. And though their friends in the media conveniently cover for them, some of us have long memories.
*Olympic-Size Disaster
The First Lady, Oprah Winfrey, Valerie Jarrett and other White House officials flew to Copenhagen in the fall of 2009 in an effort to persuade the International Olympic Committee to select their hometown of Chicago as the destination for the 2016 Olympics. Madrid, Rio, and Tokyo were all in the running for host city, but Michelle Obama was confident that she alone could win the global popularity contest. Add Oprah and some big media attention to the mix—and it was all but in the bag for Chi-town. Before leaving for Copenhagen, the First Lady promised CNN: “It’s a battle—we’re going to win—take no prisoners.”
To seal the deal, the president decided to suspend his push for nationalized health care and fly to Copenhagen to make a personal plea on behalf of Chicago. What globalist could resist?
“What a dynamic duo they will be. I think it will be high impact,” Valerie Jarrett, the senior presidential advisor, said.
The Obamas pulled out all the stops, weaving their personal narratives into the final Olympic sales pitch. Michelle tugged at foreign heartstrings by invoking her father, who suffered from MS: “Sports were a gift I shared with my dad, especially the Olympic Games,” she told the IOC members. “Some of my best memories are sitting on my dad’s lap, cheering on Olga and Nadia, Carl Lewis, and others for their brilliance and perfection. But I never dreamed that the Olympic flame might one day light up lives in my neighborhood.” (Keep dreaming, sister. If you believe this story, Michelle’s father must have had a very strong lap. As Michelle Malkin pointed out, Mrs. Obama was twenty years old when Carl Lewis won the gold in 1984!)
After a speech by mayor Richard Daley, President Obama rose to secure the Olympic games for Chicago by recalling his election: “Nearly one year ago, on a clear November night, people from every corner of the world gathered in the city of Chicago or in front of their televisions to watch the results of the U.S. presidential election. Their interest wasn’t about me as an individual; rather, it was rooted in the belief that America’s experiment in democracy still speaks to a set of universal aspirations and ideals . . . There is nothing I would like more than to step just a few blocks from my family’s home and, with Michelle and our two girls, welcome the world back to our neighborhood.” Glad it wasn’t about him as an individual.
After all the artful lies, the star power, and the emotional speeches, the Obama gang left Copenhagen empty-handed on October 2, 2009. The Obamas were upstaged and beaten by Lula da Silva, the president of Brazil. And the U.S. came in dead last in the ballotting.
*The Toxic Garden
For all the ink spilled over Michelle’s vegetable garden, there is one story that barely got any coverage. In July 2009, the National Park Service discovered that the soil of the White House garden had been fertilized, years ago, using sewage sludge. When they tested the ground it yielded elevated lead levels of 93 parts per million. The EPA recommends not planting crops in any soil that reaches 300 ppm or higher. No wonder those dignitaries were glowing when they left the White House dinner parties. And we all thought it was reflected glory from the Obamas . . .
The Guardian newspaper in Great Britain was one of a handful of news organizations that even carried the story, which is surprising given the media obsession with this garden from the start. “It is advised for young children to be tested for exposure to lead if they play in areas where lead concentrations exceed 100 parts per million,” the Guardian reported on July 2, 2009. “Children are especially vulnerable to exposure to lead, which can cause neurological and kidney damage and stunt their growth.”
The White House refused to comment on whether the Obama girls or all those public school children romping in Michelle’s garden were ever tested for lead exposure. They did assure the Guardian that they were committed to serving fresh and healthy food. Given their track record, this is less than assuring.
*Veggiegate
The Razzle Dazzle was on full display when the East Wing used the garden to score Michelle Obama an appearance on one of Food Network’s most popular shows: Iron Chef America. The First Lady emerged from the White House to lecture the country (again) about eating healthy food, then revealed the “secret ingredient” for the cooking competition: “anything from the White House Garden . . . take as much as you need,” she said. For several minutes, viewers watched super chefs Emeril Lagasse, Bobby Flay, Mario Batali, and White House Executive Chef Cristeta Comerford flounce through the garden filling their baskets with produce. The more than seven million viewers who tuned in to the January 3, 2010, broadcast were led to believe that the cooks were using the White House garden goodies in their cooking. Wrong. Assume nothing in Obamaland.
Turns out, the Iron Chef competition was shot a week after the White House harvest party—and not in Washington, but in New York. The “stunt vegetables” used in the broadcast were purchased at a New York supermarket. The problem is not that the producers of the show purchased greens for the recording, but that Michelle Obama misled the viewers in her big reveal. She should have said, “The secret ingredients tonight are vegetables like those found in the White House garden—or whatever is available at D’Agostinos.” But since when is honesty a requirement for the Obama Razzle Dazzle?
*The Fall of the Queen of the Razzle Dazzle
It was actually during a bit of staged Razzle Dazzle that Desiree Rogers may have signed her White House death warrant. The Wall Street Journal Magazine recounts an event that took place in the White House kitchen back in February 2009. Desiree and Michelle Obama appeared before the media to preview the desserts to be served at the Governors’ Dinner that evening. The delectable treats were placed on the Truman china. After the First Lady introduced the china and began speaking about
the food, Desiree Rogers casually cut in:
“One correction. It’s Wilson. This plate is Wilson.”
“Oh, no, it’s not Truman,” Mrs. Obama said.
This may have well been the beginning of the end for Desiree. Razzle Dazzle is all about featuring personalities. For Michelle Obama, having the brand manager correct or outshine the brand in any way may have been more than she could accept. The New York Times reported on March 12, 2010, that David Axelrod had a “long conversation” with Rogers about her “interviews and photo shoots.” Her apparent honesty about “the Obama brand” was more than the West Wing could swallow. Robert Gibbs shut down a photo shoot with Rogers wearing an Oscar de la Renta gown in the First Lady’s garden. Susan Sher, Michelle’s new chief of staff, began to question and scrutinize Rogers’s events. And then the Salahis showed up.
In what should have been the highlight of Desiree Rogers’s White House career, her first state dinner was marred by a pair of Virginia socialites, Michaele and Tareq Salahi, who crashed the party. Rogers was blamed for seating herself during the dinner rather than paying attention to who was entering the White House gates or properly manning the checkpoints. Desiree defended her decision to seat herself at the gathering, explaining to the Wall Street Journal: “What better way to see the flow of the evening?”
The gate-crasher controversy provided the Obamas with a good excuse to show their stylish friend the door.
In their official farewell statement on the Desiree Rogers departure, the Obamas wrote: “When she took this position, we asked Desiree to help make sure that the White House truly is the People’s House, and she did that by welcoming scores of everyday Americans through its doors—from wounded warriors to local schoolchildren to NASCAR drivers.” Reading between the lines, we envision the statement that Michelle wished she could have released: “Good riddance to a woman who approached official White House social events like a heat-seeking missile, aimed at whatever two-bit celebrity crossed the threshold. She was content to leave our White House doors unmanned so that gaudily dressed fame-seekers and self-important entrepreneurs like herself could waltz through. In the end, Desiree could never get past the fact that she is not, and never will be, as glamorous and as revered as First Lady Michelle Obama!”
THE DIARY OF FORMER WHITE HOUSE SOCIAL SECRETARY
DESIREE GLAPION ROGERS
EAST WING
February 27, 2010
A gray cloud hangs over the republic. The color and life that once reigned at the People’s House have faded. Desiree retreats and her magic goes with her. I “resigned” my post yesterday. Tubby Gibbs went out and told the press that I “personally informed” the Obamas of my decision in January. Honey, it was the other way around. Michelle Obama personally informed me that Smokey thought I should depart and that ever since the Indian state dinner, her mother didn’t “feel safe in the White House.” With Desiree gone, I can assure you they’ll be safe from one thing—popularity! I haven’t picked an outfit for Michelle since late January and the effects are apparent. I flipped past Fox last week and there she was on that Huckabee show looking like a chimney sweep on food stamps. Nothing matched. It was a shame. Without me doing the clothes shopping, that poor woman’s closet will look like Candy Crowley’s before long.
I met my successor today. People have been asking what I think of her. Two words: Frumpy Disaster. They may as well bring Bush’s social staff back. What kind of name is Julianna Smoot for a White House social secretary? She’s supposedly some sort of fund–raiser. Give me a break. That dame couldn’t raise twenty dollars in Warren Buffett’s bedroom! But I can’t say anything now. I’ll save it for when I’m sitting across from Barbara Walters—she owes me for letting her shoot that Most Fascinating Person thing in the Green Room anyway . . .
I bumped into Rahm yesterday. He comes skipping down the hall and had the gall to say, “Well, I hear the voodoo queen is leaving us.” I smiled and said, “You better keep an eye on your tutu, Rahm. I have a little doll on my nightstand with your name on it.” I laughed and played it off as a joke. What he doesn’t know is, I was serious. I’ve got a voodoo doll for everyone in this building. Child, I’m breaking out my long pins! This is going to be a rough year for these people. They may have driven Desiree away, but once I finish my book, launch my lifestyle and couture show on cable, and start writing my Vogue column, I’ll make ’em all pay. As Big Mama used to say during Mardi Gras, “Enjoy the parade while it’s rolling, ’cause you’ll be shoveling horse shit when it’s over.” For the Obamas, the parade is coming to an end. And Desiree will give them a shovel–ready project they’ll never forget!
The Razzle Dazzle is really one huge shell game. It is mostly made up of glittery distractions meant to divert your attention from the destructive policies and warped intentions of Obama and his crew. It has also helped the administration get its message onto nontraditional, even offbeat media platforms that otherwise would give the president no coverage at all. Nothing is accidental. All of it is ruthlessly planned and orchestrated by the political operation in the West Wing. Anita Dunn, who for a time served as Obama’s communications director, offered up the secret of the Razzle Dazzle at a forum in the Dominican Republic in January 2010: “Very rarely did we communicate through the press anything that we didn’t absolutely control.” You can say that again.
THE WINNING WAY
We can make light of the Razzle Dazzle (God knows I have). But if there is one thing that conservatism could use right now, it’s a little Razzle Dazzle. We may never have Hollywood set dressers or fashion mavens running about, but we should spend a bit more time thinking about things like presentation, setting, tone, visual reinforcement, and beauty. These concepts are never far from the Obamas’ thoughts and shouldn’t be far from ours. The way we present our ideas to the public, the form and fashion will expand or limit the reach of those ideas. And most of the time style does matter.
In May 2009, Jeb Bush, Mitt Romney, and House Minority Whip Eric Cantor convened a “solutions summit” meant to resurrect interest in the Republican Party. They held the kickoff event at a pizza parlor in Arlington, Virginia—a pizza parlor literally inside the Beltway! Three politicians sitting on bar stools in a pizza joint is not the sort of Razzle Dazzle that the party needs. A year later, the GOP launched its America Speaking Out Web initiative, billed as “your opportunity to change the way Congress works by proposing ideas for a new policy agenda.” Members who participate can “earn badges.” It quickly became a laughingstock on the right and left. Bravo! Suddenly, the pizza parlor conclave sounds inspired.
Because of his acting background and ease before an audience, Ronald Reagan innately understood Razzle Dazzle in its best sense. He married style and substance effortlessly without resorting to cheap theatrical distractions. Reagan also surrounded himself with smart advisors like Michael Deaver and Roger Ailes, both visionaries who understood the power of broadcast media and how to use it.
Today a new breed of media innovators is making a major impact. Following the path forged by the original new media powerhouse Matt Drudge, folks such as Andrew Breitbart (breitbart.com), Michelle Malkin (hotair .com), Erick Erickson (redstate.com), and Lila Rose (liveaction.org) are all using new media in fascinating ways—taking the conservative message to whole new sectors of the population. Florida’s Republican upstart Marco Rubio built his entire senatorial campaign by using nontraditional media— starting on my radio show!—and created national name recognition for himself.
Technology offers conservatives remarkable opportunities. But to seize them we must be bold, daring, and sensitive to the way in which we shape the message in this shifting culture. Now is the time to marshal our creative resources and partner with others to advance conservative principles in the media and throughout the culture at large.
WON BY ONE
Conservatives, demoralized after the 2008 elections, needed a little of their own Razzle Dazzle to jump-start their movement and inspire the resi
stance to what would be Obama’s sweeping agenda of “change.” The Tea Party organizers took a page of the Obama playbook and used social networking and the conservative media to help them organize rallies and publicize their views. There are thousands of people responsible for the Tea Party movement that has swept the United States and transformed American politics. But most people forget that it was a blogger in Seattle and the lone voice of a television business commentator who helped spark the revolution.
When Obama and his democratic cronies were shoving his stimulus bill down the throats of Americans, a blogger named Liberty Belle (Keli Carender) cried foul. In desperation she organized a protest, quickly dubbed a “tea party,” in Seattle. On the day of the party, she wrote on her blog: “Make no mistake, the president will be signing that bill tomorrow; I have no illusions that he will actually listen to us. But, maybe, just maybe we can start a movement that will snowball across the nation and get people out of their homes, meeting each other and working together to redirect this country towards its truly radical founding principles of individual liberty and freedom. Maybe people will wake up slowly at first, and then quickly when they realize the urgency needed.” And wake up they did.
Two days later, on February 19, 2009, CNBC cut to analyst Rick Santelli on the floor of the Chicago Mercantile Exchange. He was critiquing Obama’s mortgage bailout and the stimulus package. Suddenly in the middle of his analysis, on live television, he turned to the traders on the floor all around him: “This is America. How many of you people want to pay for your neighbor’s mortgage, that has an extra bathroom and can’t pay their bills? Raise their hand.” “Booo, ” the traders responded. “President Obama, are you listening?” Santelli yelled into the camera lens. Like Braveheart, he ended his segment with a rallying cry: “We’re thinking of having a Chicago tea party in July. All you capitalists that want to show up at Lake Michigan, I’m going to start organizing!” There were cheers on all sides.
The Obama Diaries Page 11
