by Rosa Swann
The rest of the day is spent with Maddy, playing, having fun and sometimes even working in the garden. I’m not ready to go back into Logan’s office just yet. But I know I’ve got a couple more days. At the end of the day, after I’ve brought Maddy to bed, I walk back into the living room, and Wilder is sitting on the couch, reading a book.
I slide next to him on the couch. “Wild...”
“Yeah?” He looks up, his eyes intense.
“Can I... Can I sleep with you again tonight?” Look away, not able to face him right now.
“In the literal or the figurative sense?” There is a teasing to his tone and when I look back up at him, his eyes sparkle.
“Both, maybe?” My heat is a lot less than it has been for the last couple of days, and I know that he’d probably be able to resist it, even if we slept in the same bed. But at the same time... I like feeling close to him like that, makes me feel safe.
Wilder reaches out, pulling me closer, then he kisses me softly. “Sure. Just tell me when. I’m here.”
I nod, swallowing hard, then I slide in close next to him. “Can you read that to me?” He’s got a really good voice to listen to, probably even makes boring books sound interesting.
He slides one arm around my shoulder, pulling me a little closer and relaxes before he starts reading.
* * *
The final days are over before I even realise it, until, one morning, Wilder says the dreaded words over breakfast.
“I’m going home today.” He slides a piece of paper over the table. “These are where you can contact me. Phone numbers from my mobile and my work phone, email address, home address, all of it.”
Next to me, Maddy is quiet, and I don’t dare to look at her because right now, I feel like the ground is falling out from under me. Wilder leaving has mostly been a thing for the ‘future’ until now. I stand up, needing to move, needing to get a little air. “Okay.” I try to stop my voice from shaking. “I’m going to... do something.” And, like Wilder did when he came here on that first day, I flee from the kitchen.
I knew this would be happening, from that first day, this was all there was ever going to be. One week. He’d be with us for one single week. I blindly cross the garden until I’m at the gate into the sheep’s field. They look at me for a moment, but since I just fed them, they’re pretty content just staying where they are.
I know I can live on my own, I’ve done it before. And with Maddy... that shouldn’t be much of an issue, she’s old enough that she doesn’t need constant supervision.
My chest hurts, it hurts so much. I don’t want this. I don’t want to be alone. But I know that that’s the only way forward... There is just Maddy and me. I’m a widower, Logan’s widower, and who would... Who’d even look at an Omega like me?
Wilder. Wilder would. But he’s got his own life, and even though he mated me, there is no way we could even do anything about it right now. He’s got to go back to work, and I need to learn to be without Logan. Maybe in another time, maybe in another life, but as we are now, this can’t happen. There is too much going on, if anything, I need to learn to care for Maddy and myself first.
“Star.” Wilder’s footsteps stop right behind me. “I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “You can’t help it, this was always the plan.”
Wilder’s fingers slide up the side of my head, and his touch breaks something inside me. I twist around, burying my face in his shoulder. His arms tighten around me, and I can’t help the sobs.
“Shhh, shhh.” His voice is unsteady too. “I know this was the plan. Doesn’t mean that we have to like it. I’m still sorry for having to leave, especially since you’re so upset.”
I nod against his shoulder.
“Sarah will pick me up at the end of the day. I’m not leaving just yet.” He slowly sways side to side, holding me closely. “But this is something we’ll have to do.”
“Yeah. And I’ll have to calm down, Sarah can’t see me like this. Fuck. No one can.” I turn my head so I can look at him. “What have we done?”
He looks at me for a moment, his eyes sad, before he looks out over the fields, his jaw setting for a moment, squashing a thought or a feeling inside him. “I don’t know. When I came here, I thought I knew what I’d be doing. Helping you out. Helping you get your feet back under you. Making sure that you were safe. But now...”
“You marked me.”
“Yeah. And at some point in the future, we’ll have to talk about that. But, right now, when you’re still grieving, when everything is still so uncertain. Now is not that time. You need to be Logan’s widower before you can become anything else again.” He looks down at me, giving me a soft kiss, and even though it’s chaste, it takes my breath away.
Because, there, in that kiss, are words we can not speak, are things that are still unsaid and promises we can not make.
We stand there for a while longer, enjoying the weather, enjoying our time together. Then, Maddy disturbs us and pulls us back into the real world.
The rest of the day goes much faster than expected. I can’t help but dread the end of it. And when I hear tires of a car come up the driveway, I look at Wilder one last time. Reaching out for him, entwining my fingers with his until the doorbell rings. From now on, I’m Logan’s mate, Logan’s widower, and Wilder is just Logan’s friend. We’re two people who’ve only sideways got connections to each other.
I make my way to open the front door as Wilder says goodbye to Maddy.
When I open the door, Sarah looks nervous and exhausted. “Hey. I’m here to pick up Wilder.”
“He’ll be right out.” I step to the side. “Do you want to come inside?”
She shakes her head. “I’m only here to pick him up. How are you doing? You look better.”
“Thanks. Life’s been going on, I... I don’t know. Having Wilder around was a big help.”
Something changes in her eyes and I’m not sure how to read it. “I can imagine. He’s... been through a lot, but he still cares for people. That’s his strength.” That’s a curious thing to say, but before I can say anything else, Wilder comes walking into the hallway, a bag over his shoulder.
When he sees Sarah, he nods. “Hey.”
“Hey, you ready to go?”
“Yeah. Just need a moment, okay?” His stance is stiff, and I squeeze my hands to not reach out to him.
“Sure. I’ll put your bag in the car.” She reaches out, and he hands her his bag. Then she leaves us alone.
He takes my hands, making me unfurl them. “Listen to me closely. As soon as I step into the car, you close the door. Do you hear me? From that moment on, you’re Logan’s widower. Forget what happened between us this week. If I’d met you at any other time, maybe something could have happened, but not now. This is not our time. Contact me if something really bad happens, if you really need me. But for now, you need to focus on you and Maddy. Be Logan’s widower, Maddy’s Daddy. That’s you. Forget about me and what happened. Promise me.”
“Wild...” I can’t. I can’t promise that.
“Promise me. Promise me that you’ll forget about me.” There is an urgency to his voice that I haven’t heard before, and when I meet his eyes, there is a pain there that I can’t explain, but it resonates inside me.
“I... I promise.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, Wilder wraps his arms around me and pulls me close.
“Thank you. Goodbye.” He lets go of me, stepping outside and quickly walking to the car. He looks back at me one last time, and I need to fight everything inside me to not run after him. Then he turns, steps in, and closes the car door behind him.
It takes me a moment to get back to myself enough to close the door. As soon as the door closes behind me, I slide down it and sit on the floor, wrapping my arms around myself. When the car starts again and drives off, a sound I don’t recognise is pulled from me.
This hurts. This hurts so bad. How can I deal with this on top of losing Logan?
Maddy comes from the living room, her feet soft on the floor, when I look up, I see the tears on her face too.
I reach out to her. “Come here.”
She rushes over and pushes up close, hiccoughing as she cries.
Fuck. I know that I selfishly want to keep Wilder close, let him take care of me, but he’s right. I just lost Logan, and I need to learn to be a single parent for Maddy before I do anything else.
I can learn to be a single parent. Maddy is already seven years old, at least we’re out of the nappies and waking up in the middle of the night phases, she’s too old for that now.
I can stay away from Wilder until we’re all in a better place and have learnt to take care of ourselves. It’s not like we’ve got anything to do with each other even though he mated me. Right?
Right.
To Be Continued
My Lover’s Will
Second Chance Mates 3
1. Wilder
Going back to my own life after leaving Sterling and Maddy at the cottage wasn’t easy, I never expected it to be, but after a month, I’ve finally found a rhythm. I still have trouble sleeping at night. My life is just too messed up, even though I lost Logan over a decade ago, losing him for good this time has done weird things to my mind. But there is finally some resemblance of normalcy these days. I’ve been working from home more, not really feeling like leaving the house most days. But with my work, website design and maintenance, I only need to talk to people when I run into issues or during our weekly updates. Luckily most of the work can be done on my own. There’s just something about working from home that makes it all a little more bearable.
I move the stack of boxes from the table to the floor to make space for my lunch. I’ve been ordering a lot of things in lately, not really feeling like going out and be surrounded by people. Though, some of the things I’ve ordered... I open a box and take out a book about homesteading. Yeah, they may be more than lightly inspired by a certain man I’ve met a few weeks back...
I haven’t talked to Sterling since Sarah picked me up. Nothing. Radio silence. Even trying to find an employee for him I’ve done through Sarah, she was the one who talked to Sterling and potential employees.
Although it’s not like I’ve got his number anyway, I gave him mine, but I never got his. So, the ball’s in his court. Not that I wouldn’t be able to find him on social media, but I don’t feel like that’s my right, not now. Not after I made him promise me to move on with his life and not come see me. What happens next is up to him.
The stack of boxes on the table almost looms over me, and I consider, not for the first time, that retail therapy may not be the healthiest fix for me, especially not in the long run. But for the first time in years I’m lonely, I’ve been alone for so long and was able to deal with that for all this time, but living with Sterling for a week… I can’t seem to get used to being alone all the time again. I get restless.
Sighing, I get up, putting away my plate, and make my way back to my office. There isn’t much else to do anyway. It’s back to work and little else. As I enter my office, the bell rings, a loud and obnoxious sound that always sets me on edge. I grumble as I walk over to the front door. I thought I already got all my deliveries in for today, but maybe I forgot about something, wouldn’t be the first time.
I open the door and stumble back as I’m faced with Sterling. A very angry and glaring Sterling, even. Before I can say anything, he’s already speaking. “Who are you?” His voice is rough.
Eh? “You know who I am. I’m Wilder.” Did he hit his head and lose his memory or something?
“No! Who are you?” His breath hitches. “Why are you in Logan’s will?”
“What?” That came out of nowhere. I’m in Logan’s will? Why would that happen? Why would Logan do that?
“You’re in it. He leaves half of everything to you.” Sterling barges into the house, pushing a stack of paper into my hands.
I’m stunned for a moment, still trying to wrap my head around the idea of Logan leaving anything to me, let alone half of everything he owns.
“Have you read it?”
I blink, finally closing the door and walking after Sterling into the living room. “N—No. You just gave it to me.”
“You should have your own copy.” That seems to slow Sterling down. “You should have had your own copy delivered this morning.”
“I had... ehh... a lot of deliveries this morning.” Ten, to be precise.
“You had to sign for it.”
“That too. I sign for a lot.” I try to rack my brain, trying to come up with what part of this morning’s stack of deliveries could have been Logan’s will. Logan’s will... I never even considered I could be in it.
Sterling gapes at me, which finally seems to get me back to action. I hand him his stack of papers back and walk into the kitchen, looking at the piles of unopened boxes on and around the table. Yeah... This isn’t going to be the easiest task.
“Oh.” Sterling has apparently followed me, now obviously seeing the same thing. “I see what you mean. A small, flat, white and rectangle box probably wouldn’t tell you anything.”
“No.” I sigh. “A name?”
“I... I don’t recall.” He seems to have finally calmed down some, which I guess is a good thing, I don’t like seeing him upset.
“Okay.” I open the top box. A cookbook on how to use seasonal fruits and vegetables. I eye Sterling, who just looks puzzled. The next box I open has a gardening book, and the next one another cookbook. I stack them next to the pile of boxes, one stack shrinking and the other one growing.
I open a few more boxes before Sterling speaks up. “Wilder?” His voice is uncertain. “What is all...”
“Reading material?” I can’t face him because I’m sure it’s pretty obvious what I’ve been doing. I open one box, and quickly close it again, putting it aside. Porn, a lovely extra gift after subscribing to an online service... I hesitate as I open the next box, looking up at Sterling.
His eyes on me are heavy, a combination of confusion and sadness. I know that I told him to forget about me, but I may not have kept to the same rules... I may not have been able to just forget about him.
“Sorry.” I finally open the box fully and inside is an envelope.
“That’s it.” Sterling’s voice is soft.
I nod, pulling the envelope out and opening it. Inside is indeed a stack of paper, and a heavy feeling settles in my stomach. In some corner of my mind, I hoped Sterling was wrong, but the fact that I’ve received Logan’s will makes this all the more a reality by the moment. “What— What does it say?” I don’t want to read it, I don’t want to face this.
“He leaves half of the company to you and part of the house, also some money.” His voice is flat, and even though I asked, I don’t really want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about what Logan left me, because, if he did, that means that he still thought of me. That means that he didn’t fully cut ties with me either…
“This has to be a mistake. When was this updated?” It can’t be true, it cannot be true.
“Two years ago. The date is on the front.”
“Right.” Two years. That means that it’s recent. At least recent enough. “Fuck.” I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to keep the gasp inside, trying to keep the sadness inside. Two years. I slide to the floor, my legs giving out under me, my brain running in circles. Logan wrote me into his will, even after all these years… I’ve been alone for ten years, and he… he did this. He did still think of me, even though I was alone. He had his whole new family and I… I had nothing.
“Who are you to Logan?” Sterling also sits down, far enough that I can’t touch him, but close enough that he is near.
I can’t answer that, not after having hidden our past from Sterling for so long. I don’t even know where to begin, don’t even know how to say any of this. I squeeze my hands, I don’t want to answer.
“Answer me.” Sterling reaches out, gripping my ar
m, his fingers strong.
“I can’t.” I shake my head, my voice breaking. This isn’t just about me, telling Sterling will change everything he knew about Logan, about Logan’s past. Can I risk that?
“Why not? What happened between you two that he will leave half of everything he owns to you? You’re not just an old friend, you don’t do that for just anyone.” Sterling pulls on my arm, trying to get me to face him. “Wild?”
I flinch. Hearing him say that name, now. A slow whine starts in my chest, so painful. This is all too painful. I thought I’d lost him forever, but maybe I never had. It’s confusing. Like everything that happened that first day I walked into the cottage. So many things were exactly as they were at home, so many other things were exactly as we had dreamed them to be in the future. It was like he’d never moved on, it was like he just moved someone else in my place. Like Sterling was my replacement, or worse, that I was just a stand-in for when he found his real mate.
And now, is this his final “fuck you” to me? To leave me part of a house that we dreamed about together? To leave me a company he knew I’d be able to run, a company not in his area of expertise, but mine? To leave... I look up at Sterling, realisation setting in, to leave things to me that he knew would lead me to his Omega, to his little family? Fuck.
I stand up as I see a smaller envelope slide from between the pages of the will. A small envelope with my name on it in Logan’s awful scrawl. I take it, looking at Sterling, who shakes his head, so no help there.
With shaking fingers, I open the envelope, inside there is a note, undated.
My sweet Wild,
I know I left you, and by the time you read this, you’ll probably have at least heard about my death.
I’d like to think that when this happens, you’ll grant me my wish and take care of Sterling and Maddy (and maybe other children by then).
I know I hurt you and that was wrong. I’ve been egoistic by hiding from you for so long.
