by SJ West
Dracen squeezed my hand. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
I smiled wanly at him because I felt guilt over not being able to tell him I loved him. A part of me wanted to say the words, but another part of me urged caution. Once the words were spoken, they could never be taken back. I didn’t want to give Dracen false hope that he finally had his daughter back in his life.
The truth was that I felt more confused about who I was than ever before. I needed time to cope with all of the new memories that were at the forefront of my mind. I just hoped I would be given the chance to sort through them before I saw Gabriel again. Dracen might not believe Gabriel needed to know the truth, but I wasn’t as sure about that.
Nothing good ever came from keeping a secret. Least of all when it concerned a matter of the heart.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
I noticed an immediate change in Dracen. He seemed more relaxed around me now and didn’t try to avert his gaze away from mine while we continued to talk. There was still so much I wanted to know about my life with him, my mother, and my brother Orin.
“So Adam Bellas is Orin?” I asked Dracen as we continued to stand on our isolated island in the lake.
Dracen nodded. “Yes. You’re brother hated me for years because I refused to tell him what really happened to you. After you shifted into Sarah Harker, I finally broke down and told him everything. I didn’t see any reason to keep it from him anymore. There wasn’t any way for him to find the person you shifted into so I knew your new identity was safe.”
“Yet, he found a way to traverse realities and find another April Pew,” I said, amazed at my brother’s ingenuity. “Why would he go through that much trouble?”
“He missed you,” Dracen said frankly with a small shrug. “The two of you were inseparable when you were children. After he left home to make his own way in the world, you cried for days. It was as if his leaving Ledmarrow broke your heart. But he returned for regular visits because I think he missed you just as much as you did him.”
I thought back to the last time I saw Adam Bellas and remembered what he said to Gabriel.
“You don’t deserve the second chance you’ve been given.”
I didn’t understand what his words meant at the time, and I could tell Gabriel didn’t either. Now that I knew who both of them actually were to me, it brought to mind an important point.
“We left Adam and Gabriel together in Vankara,” I said. “Do you think my brother will tell Gabriel the truth while we’re gone?”
“I asked him not to,” Dracen said. “I knew if he did Gabriel would have a hard time not telling you the truth. I just couldn’t risk you finding out like that.”
“Yet, you knew there was a risk I would discover who I was when we came here,” I said. “You had to have known the dragons would sense something was off about me.”
“I held out hope that your old memories were so jumbled they wouldn’t be able to detect them. I knew when you told me about the visions you had when we first set out on this mission that there was a chance your past would have to be revealed. But I also knew we didn’t have much choice. We needed the dragons’ help to defend against the ones under the control of Gregoire’s brother. If I had tried to dissuade you from coming here in any way, you would have demanded to know why. Either way, we faced the same possible outcome.”
Dracen seemed to know me too well.
“The war would have been lost if we hadn’t reached an alliance here today,” I said, knowing just how true my words were. “If Vincent hadn’t vouched for me, I don’t think the others would have helped us.”
Dracen let his gaze drift over to where Vincent still stood.
“Thank you for everything that you did to help my daughter, Vincent,” Dracen said. “I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to show her who she truly is.”
“Sarah is very strong,” Vincent replied. “Very few could have learned what she did today and come out of it with their sanity intact.”
“My daughter was always strong,” Dracen replied. “She simply had to face an unimaginable loss and couldn’t find her way out of her grief.”
“You lost a lot too,” I reminded Dracen, knowing how much he sacrificed to help me. “Yet, despite everything, you found a way to allow me to live an entirely new life. I can’t imagine how tempted you must have been these past few years to seek me out personally.”
“I often imagined myself finding some clever way to be a part of your life, but I knew I couldn’t. I feared just seeing me again would trigger any memories you might have retained from your life as Kira. I simply couldn’t be that selfish. It killed me to see you waste away both mentally and physically after Joselyn’s death. But, I never gave up hope that I could become a part of your life again. I just never imagined we would end up being brought together by a war.”
“Speaking of which, we need to get back to the airship and let the others know what’s going on,” I said.
“How much of what happened here do you plan to tell them?” Dracen asked, sounding as though he wanted me to err on the side of caution.
“I’ll tell Inara and Able as little as possible. All they need to know right now is that we have an alliance with the dragons. Fallon…” I said, trying to come to terms with my emotions for him. “Fallon I will tell everything. He deserves to know the truth. I see no reason to hide it from him. I don’t intend to play games with his heart. He deserves better than that from me.”
“I’m sure he’ll appreciate your honesty,” Dracen agreed. “If there is anything that I can do to help you, all you have to do is ask.”
“Right now, I just need you to help me win this war,” I admitted. “My personal life is secondary to that.”
“Spoken like a true queen,” Dracen said with a proud smile. “I will do whatever I can to help you defeat Nuala. You have my word.”
“Then let’s go to the others and make our way back to Kamora. I have a bet to cash in on.”
Dracen looked confused. “A bet? What kind of bet?”
I smiled and wrapped an arm around one of Dracen’s.
“Some of the Kamoran’s had very little faith that I could secure an alliance with the dragons. I placed money on myself that I could. I plan to go back and reap my earnings.”
Dracen chuckled. “And what will a queen do with such wealth?”
“I really haven’t thought about it,” I said, considering the matter. “But any Kamoran foolish enough to bet against me deserves to have their money taken away from them.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Dracen said, showing me a true smile for the very first time.
Vincent flew us back to our airship. Thankfully, it was a more comfortable and level flight than the first one.
“I’m simply out of practice,” Vincent told me as Dracen and I disembarked from his back and walked down his outstretched wing. “By the time we reach Kamora, I should be back to my old self.”
“I have complete faith that you will be,” I told him. “I look forward to seeing you again, Vincent.”
“And I you, Sarah,” Vincent said, bowing his head to me slightly before taking flight.
“Of all the dragons I knew you would meet today,” Dracen said, watching Vincent’s somewhat precarious flying maneuvers, “I never thought Vincent would be the one you made friends with.”
“I’m sure it was a surprise to him as well,” I noted, turning my gaze from Vincent back to the airship.
I saw our three compatriots standing around the foot of the staircase waiting for us.
“Let’s go tell the others the good news,” I said to Dracen. “We still have a lot of work to do.”
I kept a smile on my face as Dracen and I made our way to the others.
“I take it from the smile you’re wearing that you were successful?” Fallon asked with a grin of his own.
“Very successful,” I announced. “The dragons will help us.”
“I knew you could
do it,” Inara told me, giving me a hug. “No one can resist you, Em.”
When I looked at Able, I still saw an expression of worry on his face in spite of my good news.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him, knowing his power to see into the future could be the cause of his disquiet.
“I’ve had visions about the dragons that disturbed me,” he admitted.
“Can we not trust them?” I asked.
“It’s not that,” Able was quick to say. “I’ve just seen the way they’ll fight each other and some of the things I’ve seen…” Able’s voice trailed off as if he didn’t want to describe what his visions revealed to him.
“I don’t think war is meant to be pleasant to watch,” I told him. “You don’t have to describe what your visions have shown you. We’ll all have to witness it soon enough.”
Able nodded and looked grateful that I didn’t push him to tell me about the mayhem he witnessed in his prophecy.
“So what’s next?” Inara asked. “Should we head straight back to Kamora and tell Sora about the alliance?”
I nodded. “Yes. The dragons will meet us there and then travel to Vankara with us.”
Inara wrapped one of her arms around the back of Able’s waist.
“Come on, Able,” she said to him, giving him an encouraging smile. “I bet I can find a way to make you forget all about those visions of yours. I’ll even show you how to fly my airship.”
This promise brought a shy smile to Able’s face as Inara lead him back to the navigational control compartment.
I heard the rustle of wings just before I saw Seneca fly overhead from the other side of the airship and land not far from where we stood. I walked over just as Aurora flew off her father’s back and onto my shoulder once more. I could sense her feelings of exhilaration from her small adventure.
“Oh Sarah!” Aurora said excitedly. “It was so much more than I thought it would be. They were all so nice to me. I wish you could have met the other blue dragons.”
“I’m sure I’ll have a chance to meet some of them later,” I assured her.
“My daughter thinks very highly of you,” Seneca told me. “You were all she wanted to talk about.”
“I hope, in time, you and I can be friends, Seneca,” I said.
“Perhaps after we get to know one another better, that will happen,” Seneca replied. “I appreciate you giving me the time to show Aurora her home before you needed to leave. Hopefully, it won’t be the last time either of you come here.”
“I hope not.”
“Aurora,” Seneca said, addressing his daughter kindly, “I will see you in Kamora. Please take care of yourself, little one.”
“I will father. And thank you for telling the others how important it was to help us. I could tell how much they respected your opinion on the matter.”
Seneca tilted his head slightly, acknowledging Aurora’s thanks.
“I will see you both again soon,” he said before taking off, presumably back to the island the blue dragons inhabited.
After Dracen, Fallon, Aurora, and I were back on the airship, Inara set us on our way back to Kamora.
I stood by the bank of windows and watched as we took our leave of the floating dragon isles. I wasn’t sure if I would ever see such beauty again, but hoped I would be able to return to the home of the dragons one day under better circumstances.
“Me too,” Aurora said with a wistful sigh.
Fallon came to stand beside me and discreetly took one of my hands with his, twining our fingers together. I felt my heart sink into my chest at the gentle act. If I hadn’t learned so much about my past that day, his action would have made my heart sing instead of filling it with dread. I had to tell him the truth about me, about Dracen, and especially, about Gabriel. I wasn’t sure what his reaction would be. I was already making him deal with the fact that I carried a child who wasn’t his. How was he going to react to the reality of my first life as Dracen’s daughter? I was still trying to come to terms with it myself, but I needed to tell him everything without delay.
I tightened my hold on Fallon’s hand and looked up at him. He looked over at me with a smile on his face, obviously taking my small action as something positive.
“I need to speak with you,” I said, unable to hide the worry from my voice.
Fallon’s smile slowly slipped away and he nodded his head.
Still holding his hand, I tugged on his arm, silently urging him to follow me. After we walked into the bedroom, I let go of Fallon’s hand and shut the door behind us.
“I suggest you sit down before I tell you what happened with the dragons,” I said.
“Why do I get the feeling something besides striking a deal with them occurred while you were there? Did something bad happen, Sarah?”
“Please, sit down on the bed, and I’ll tell you everything.”
Fallon didn’t have to be asked twice.
Aurora flew off my shoulder and went to sit beside him on the bed. I paced in front of them both as I told Fallon all that I knew. I didn’t attempt to hide a single detail. If I did, I knew there could be no chance at a future between us. And the fact of the matter was, I didn’t want to hide anything about myself from him. I wanted him to know all there was to know. After I was through, I stopped pacing and stood in front of him to wait for his reaction. Fallon continued to look at me thoughtfully for a moment before he stood, walked over to me and took me in his arms. I let myself relax against him and found strength in his acceptance and warmth.
“I wish I knew what to say,” Fallon told me, slightly tightening his embrace. “I’m so sorry you went through what you did as Kira. I can’t imagine the heartache of losing a child. And learning your connection to Dracen, Gabriel, and Adam Bellas…” Fallon pulled away from me just enough to look at my face. “Are you all right with all of it? Are you having any trouble coping with learning so much about yourself at one time?”
As I stood there and thought about Fallon’s question, I realized that I wasn’t all right. The emotions I had been keeping at bay about it all suddenly burst wide open, and I began to cry. Fallon took me back into his arms and simply held me as I experienced a myriad of emotions almost simultaneously. He remained silent as I wept, and I was thankful for it. I didn’t need him to tell me everything was going to be all right. I didn’t need him to lie to me like that. My world had been turned upside down in an instant, and it wasn’t going to be made right again with a few simple words.
After allowing myself time to feel the emotions I inherited from Kira, my heart felt lighter. I remained in Fallon’s embrace because, quite simply, I felt safe there.
Fallon broke his silence with one simple question. One I knew he would have to ask.
“What does all of this mean for us, Sarah?” he asked softly. His question didn’t demand an answer. He simply wanted to know where he fit into my life now.
I lifted my head from his chest looked into his beseeching eyes.
“I wish I had an answer for you,” I told him. “I wish I could tell you that it doesn’t change anything between us, but I think you would know that would be a lie. I need some time to think about things.”
“And Gabriel? Do you plan to tell him everything too?”
I shook my head slowly. “I’m not sure yet. Dracen seems to think it might do more harm than good.”
“I can understand his concern, but if I were Gabriel, I would want to know the truth. I wouldn’t want you to hide it from me. He was your husband, the father of your child. I think he deserves to know who you really are.”
“In my mind, I’m Sarah Harker. I always will be.”
“But you can’t hide from the fact that you were once someone else. A person who was…is…very important to both Dracen and Gabriel. I think you need to tell him, Sarah. Otherwise, I’m not sure you’ll ever be able to live the life you want, or even figure out what it is you want…who you want…”
“And are you patient enough to wait for me
to decide that?” I asked, finding myself holding my breath to hear his answer.
“I’m an extremely patient man with the people I care about,” Fallon told me. “Take all the time you need. I’m not going anywhere.”
I smiled because Fallon just said the same exact words that Dracen did when I asked for time to sort through my feelings.
I rested my head on Fallon’s chest again and felt lucky to have two men who cared about me enough to give me the gift of time.
The journey back to Kamora was an odd one for me. I had a hard time concentrating on anything except the memories from my once unknown past. Neither Fallon nor Dracen pushed me to join in on their conversation. It was only when they began discussing the war, which still had to be fought, that my mind was able to center on one thing.
“We should allow the dragons to speak with their brethren before launching a full scale attack against Nuala’s forces,” Dracen told Fallon.
“Agreed. If this Gregoire can convince some of them to return to their home, then maybe he should travel directly to Iron City after meeting us in Kamora. Perhaps by the time we get there, he will have convinced most of them to leave Vankara.”
“I wouldn’t count on that,” I warned. “Able’s vision of the dragons fighting one another seemed to affect him greatly. I pray Gregoire is able to convince the vast majority of them to go back to the dragon isles, but we shouldn’t expect it. When we see Gregoire in Kamora, we should ask him how he wants to handle the exiled dragons. He’ll know the best way to approach them. We should probably concentrate on the ground assault. How do you plan to use the Kamoran troops?”
“We’ll transport Sora’s men on Edeson’s ships and dock them near where the remainder of the Vankaran forces is located. The generals of your army will have most likely devised a plan of attack by now. I suggest we go back to the Royal Academy first and make it appear that you’ve stationing yourself there. Then, we can use the underground tunnels to get you and Dena out of Iron City before the fighting begins.”
“Shouldn’t I stay in Iron City?” I asked, not liking the idea of running from the war when the people of my city had nowhere to hide.
