"Biopharm, Jessica."
"Yes. That is the name. He supervises Sara. He says that he sees big potential in Sara one day having his position in the company. He also told me about his love life. He hasn't had good luck with love. He had two serious relationships and one marriage. The three women in his life didn't understand his love for science. I will understand his love for science. With the money he makes, I will tolerate anything he does. I never thought I would become so rich. You know, he loved me. He definitely loved me physically. You know how old guys are. They are always looking at your body. They are obsessed with sex even though they can't physically have sex anymore. You see this sexy black dress I have on today. I decided to "accidentally" drop a pen. When I go to pick it up, I make sure he can see what is underneath my dress. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him look down to see my panty. I think that was the moment he decided to have a serious relationship with me. Men are very predictable. Also, he liked my humble beginnings. I knew he was going to like this about me. He loved me when he learned that I cook. None of his past women liked cooking. I am going to be set financially for life. I will be able to buy myself fancy clothes, the most expensive jewelry, and the most expensive perfume. Oh my goodness, my dreams have come true."
"I am glad your dreams will come true."
"You know, I am not going to let you leave this house just like that."
"What do you mean, Jessica?"
"I have a go away present for you."
"What? With what money are you going to buy me anything?"
Jessica gives me a surprising farewell gift. She passionately kisses me for a very long time. I can't believe that man will have this babe for the rest of his life. The sadness I feel about leaving Sara's house welcomes her advances with reciprocity. I respond in kind. I begin enjoying her tongue in my mouth. It was really weird for me at first. Now, my brain feels numb, and it feels so sweet. This woman is so sexy. She sneaks a small piece of paper in my pocket with her email address on it. We stop kissing and squeeze each other tightly. Our embrace lasts an eternity. Her future husband will have a heart attack loving this woman, that lucky bastard.
Sara walks in on Jessica and I hugging.
"Aw, how sweet. Jessica, you are such a sentimental person. Thanks for trying to cheer up this poor guy. Look Jimmy, if you ever want to talk to me about anything, you are more than welcomed to. We are still friends. We will always be friends. We were friends before we became a couple. I like our friendship to last forever." I can't believe Sara is so naive about Jessica. It worries me a little.
"Okay, Sara." I lie to her.
This is not only the end of my relationship with Sara, but with society. In the past, I thought that I would like to continue a friendship with my ex-girlfriend. Also, I thought my first relationship would encourage me to pursue new ones. After living with Sara, I learned that I never missed out on anything. I didn't grow to like my new way of life. I always missed my old antisocial life. I only liked Sara. Now that Sara rejected me, there is no point in having a social life. I will return back to the past where the only people I see are my parents. It is the way it should have been. I was never meant to be part of this society.
I call for the taxi, and wait patiently for the taxi to come in the living room. In the meantime, I unhook the video game console from the TV. I ask Sara for a plastic bag of any kind. Sara gives me one kindly. As we watch TV, I can see the sad looks on Sara and Jessica's faces. If Sara is so sad, why is she kicking me out?
The taxi I called for arrives outside Sara's house. I have my suitcase with my clothing and a bag that holds my video game console. I stand up from the couch very slowly. I don't want to leave. This has been another home for me for a whole year. Sara speaks to me before I leave.
"Jimmy, I wish you the best. I don't want this to be a last goodbye. I want to see how you doing everyday. I will call you every week to see how is everything. I want to reemphasize that I am not completely kicking you out of my life. I have grown to care about you a lot. You have lived with me for a whole year. I will never forget you. I know that one day, you will meet the woman that is right for you." The taxi honks from outside, but I ignore it.
"Thank you for your wishes, Sara. I also hope Chad is the right man for you. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship with Chad. Not only do I wish you the best of luck in love, but in life. I hope only good things happen to you. I know you will succeed at Biopharm. One day, you will be one of the leaders of Biotechnology. I wish the best for your parents. I hope that your parents love each other forever. As far as your sister, I hope her dream comes true. The dream of becoming a famous singer would be something amazing. Thank you for being my girlfriend. It was a privilege, a gift, and an honor. " Sara bursts into tears and hugs me tightly. Our embrace lasts a very long time. This is going to be our last embrace.
After Sara's hug, I talk to Jessica. "Jessica, I hope things go well for you. I know your biggest dream was to come to America. I am glad that your life long dream has come true. Remember to always be grateful of any opportunity that opens up. Opportunities only come once in a lifetime. I wish you the best of luck with your new relationship with Richard."
"Thank you, Jimmy. I also wish you many blessings for your future. I know that many women will want to be with you."
I bid Sara and Jessica farewell. I can't believe this is the last time I will see them again. As I walk outside, I look back at her house. This is the last time I will see this house. My view is fixed on her house as the taxi drives away.
On the taxi, I shed tears for my life with women. Sara didn't even dump me for being unfaithful. Sara rejected me on a personal level. She didn't like me as a person. When it came to Jessica, she only wanted me physically. She didn't care about me as a person. She only desired my body. Relationships with women are too difficult for me. Life was better when the only things I thought about were video games and TV shows. This is the life I am most comfortable with.
Arriving at home, I find my house empty. I leave my suitcase in my bedroom. I hook up the video game console back to my TV. My parents love going out to the mall. They love to get out of the house. They are very different from me. They itch to go outside. If they go two days without going outside, they feel uncomfortable. I am glad to finally be home. This is the only place where I feel peace. I watch TV and play video games as I wait for my parents to come home. I don't call them yet. I want to surprise them.
At 9:00 p. m., my parents still haven't arrived, and it is becoming a stormy night. They are probably on their way home from the mall. I look out the window to see pouring rain outside. Suddenly, a big thunderstorm arrives. It gets very windy outside. The wind blows leaves on the trees against their will. The electricity cables hanging from utility poles in front of my house sway from side to side. I see the flash of lightning in the air. Two seconds later, I hear thunder sounding loudly. It looks dangerous to be driving outside. There are puddles forming everywhere. The family living next to my house arrives in a blue minivan. They rush from the blue minivan into their house. Also, I see two people running across the street. People are so careless; they never watch the news to see how the weather conditions will be. I call my father's cell phone. He doesn't answer. When I call my mother's cell phone, it is off. Good thing they are on their way home.
I hear the phone ringing. It is usually marketing and propaganda. I always hate to pick up the phone for those kinds of calls. The Caller ID on the phone shows no information. My parents are still outside. Maybe, they had a car accident. In a rare move, I get out of my bedroom and go to the living room. I pick up the phone from there.
"Good evening. Is this the residence of Beatriz Gutierrez and Julian Gutierrez?"
"Yes. I am their son."
"Okay. I am calling from Amadeus Hospital. You may want to sit down for this."
"Yes." I lie. I stay standing.
"I regret to inform you that your parents, Beatriz and Julian Gutierrez, have passed away."
"Excuse me, can you repeat that?" I walk out of the living room and stay in the dining room.
"Yes. I know this is very hard. They were in a tragic car accident. I am sorry for your loss. I will give you our address."
"Are my parents on life support or in a coma?"
"No, sir. Listen, I understand this is very difficult to accept, but your parents are in a better place right now."
"Wait a minute. Hold on a second. They are not breathing. Have you tried giving them shock treatment? I know people can be revived after an hour of being declared clinically dead. For how long have they been declared dead?"
"Sir. Please, listen to me. The doctors did everything they could to keep your parents alive. The car accident they were in was very intense. The internal injuries were too big to control. The doctors did everything they could to keep them alive. I am sorry. They passed away."
"How long has it been since they were declared dead?"
"Sir. I don't know how else to say this. If it hasn't been an hour, it is close to it. I am the nurse that was there. The car is in pieces. They lost too much blood. Their vital organs were compromised. Trust me, the doctors did everything they could. The address to Amadeus Hospital is 619 Secaucus Road in Union. Hello?"
Another loud thunderbolt strikes nearby, and the electricity go out in my entire house. Every part of my house loses electricity: the TV, the air conditioner, and the lights. The sound the refrigerator makes is gone. My house is in complete silence. Rain continues to pour strongly outside. The nurse keeps talking to me on the telephone. I ignore her. I don't want to keep hearing her voice. I turn it off the phone. I am surrounded in complete darkness.
This call changes my life dramatically. A nurse informs me that my parents died in a car accident. I can't believe this. My father has never been in a car accident his entire life. How can this be? Why? Today of all days, I thought I was going to come to peace when I arrived at this house. After being dumped by Sara, I was looking forward to having them with me again. Now, I receive this terrible call. Why couldn't have this happened another day?
I drop to the floor on my knees in a state of shock. I leave the phone nearby on the floor. I don't know what to think. I sit on the floor. No thoughts come to my head. The darkness surrounds me. Waiting to adjust to the darkness, I continue sitting on the floor. Right next to me is the table of the dining room. I bite my own lips. I don't know what else to do? Is this really the end of my life? I punch the floor. The pain stings up my forearm.
I don't want to get up from the floor or do anything. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to see anyone. I don't want to see my parents dead on two beds. I don't want to see their dead faces. I don't want to sit near their beds touching their cold and stiff hands. I want to be alone in my darkest hour. I don't want anyone near me. I don't want to see anyone else for the rest of my life. I don't want to have a funeral for them. I don't want anyone to know what is happening to me.
I am not calling anyone to inform him or her about my parents' death. That includes my family. No one is coming here to tell me that I have to prepare a funeral. There isn't going to be any funeral. I don't want to hear the church music. I don't want anyone mourning my parents' deaths with me. I want to see a priest joining everyone in prayer. Nobody is going to tell me what to do or not to do. I don't want to sit through a ceremony to watch other people share their experiences with my parents. Neither do I want to share my thoughts about my parents. My thoughts are private in front of the crowd. I don't want to be consoled by anyone. I don't want anyone giving me a pep talk on how life goes on and how I have to be strong. I don't want to be strong. I don't want to do things the way society dictates. I want to be alone.
Recollections of my past as a baby flash in the darkness. I see my life flash before me. I see myself as a baby, always smiling. Every image I see of myself as a baby, I am smiling and happy. I am always in my mother's arms. As a baby, I drool over my father when he carries me lying down on the couch. I am happy with my parents at the beach. There is an image of a baby girl kissing my chubby cheek, and I have a smile. I am on my feet. For the first time as a baby, I walk with my hands in the air. It is like I am holding on to a nonexistent object to keep me standing. I am playing with a small twig in the park. I imitate a dance routine that I am seeing on TV. I am so small; the TV is bigger than me.
I remember stories that my parents used to tell me of how I behaved as a baby. They said I liked to sing songs that I heard on the TV. They said I was a great singer and that I imitated the mannerisms of the singer on cue. They thought I was going to be a star when I grew up. Although I didn't speak full conversation, I read words I saw in my own language. It amazed my parents to see me read words, in my own way; not the way they are supposed to be pronounced.
My parents always loved to tell me the story of how they tried to avoid a fast food restaurant so I, a three-year-old baby, wouldn't make them stop there for food and promotional toys. One block before they reached the restaurant, they made a turn so I would not see the restaurant. If I didn't see it, they figured that they wouldn't have to make the stop. The moment they made the turn, I started screaming and kicking in the backseat. I was upset that I was not going to see the restaurant. They had to go back and end up stopping at the restaurant to calm me down. What a spoiled brat I was? I don't even remember doing this, but it happened.
The thought of remembering how my parents hugged and kissed me as a baby bring me to tears. I take off my glasses and leave them on the floor. Those were the most beautiful moments anyone can ever experience. Too bad, I don't remember my baby years. Good thing the photos exist to tell the story of how much I was loved. My parents always loved me.
Memories of my early childhood pop in my mind. I was opening a Christmas present. It was my first video game console. I felt so happy and excited. My parents were so happy to see my joy. I enjoyed playing video games for hours and hours. Also, I played with toys, many toys. I reenacted scenes with my toys from the TV shows I watched. I felt like a hero who conquered evil. I was the one who had the coolest toys and video games. Juan, Luis, and Justin came by my house for this reason. It used to be so much fun. We played racing games together. It was loads of fun beating them many times. I had the benefit of owning the games.
Elementary school was fun. It was there that I had my first crush. The Honduran girl inspired me to go to school. Seeing her everyday was a gift to me. I loved her long, black hair. One day, I won a Spelling Bee in my class. I felt so proud that I won one. I was a great speller. Spelling was my favorite subject. It was the subject I got the highest grades in. I was good at Math except for word problems. My mother helped me a lot with word problems.
The most fun I had was during gym in elementary school. I used to be a jock when I was young before I became a geek in high school. I loved playing volleyball. I loved diving onto the floor to keep the ball from falling on the ground. Also, I enjoyed playing soccer. Unlike soccer practice where I was always placed as a defender, I was placed on offense in school. I scored many goals. I felt so happy. It sure helps that the gym is much smaller than a real soccer field. Indoor hockey was fun, too. If it were real hockey, I would have not been able to play because I would not be able to maintain balance on roller blades or skates.
The sport I was least good at was basketball. I enjoyed it in school as well as at Juan's backyard. I have a really hard time running and dribbling the ball at the same time. When I played at Juan's house, he had much more energy than I did. For the first 20 minutes of playing basketball, I had enough energy to keep up with him on defense. After 20 minutes passed, I only walked around to watch Juan blow pass by me with lay-ups. It was fun though. Sometimes, he had more friends over. It was fun playing a 3-on-3-basketball.
In high school, I had fun too in my own way. Since I first started to suffer from anxiety during high school, I was not as energetic as I used to be in sports. With athletics out of my reach, I tried to be Valedictorian. The
reason I became inspired to become Valedictorian was when I discovered that many guys who looked more like jocks than nerds were ranking high in GPA (Grade Point Average) among my high school class. I was not successful at becoming Valedictorian, but I was very happy when I ranked #2 in GPA from my entire class for two straight years. It was my crowning achievement. My parents were very proud of me.
Despite not having close friendships, I felt a strong connection to the people in my classes. My anxiety caused me to feel very sick. I had panic attacks less severe than the ones I felt in college, but what I did experience more was constant fatigue. I got tired very quickly. What I enjoyed most about being in school was a surge of energy that I felt from the people around me. I felt like I had the strength to go through the entire school day. I knew that the energy came from my classmates because when I came home from school; I felt the energy gone from me. I needed to take two-hour naps to recover from the school day.
I was fortunate to be invited to two Sweet 16 birthday parties. They came from girls who I had classes with in elementary school. I think my mother's friendship with their mothers helped me to get into those parties. I had fun watching my Sweet 16 birthday friends looking more beautiful than always in those parties. I also enjoyed watching the other people I knew from school dance. It was fun to see them in a different light. The Sweet 16 parties were held in beautiful places. The decorations were nice, and the dance floor was huge. I joined the simple dances when the DJ directed a simple dancing routine for everyone in the party to repeat.
In college, I had my first desires to become social. I made many new friends at college. Every semester was a new set of friends. I enjoyed having them around. I felt a bond with them as we shared the same experiences of being college students. Some of them were very funny. Many of them asked me for help with homework assignments or with studying for laboratory exams. I enjoyed their company. Seeing how people came to me with questions made me feel more secure and important.
Life Ain't A Fairy Tale Page 15
