Jon raises an eyebrow, and I’m not totally convinced he’s buying any of this. And why should he? ‘Come with me now, kid. Let’s get out of here.’ His mouth touches mine again, and it’s getting harder to ignore those unwelcome feelings that have invaded my world. ‘Come with me now.’
I shake my head and step back from him, because I’m scared. More scared than I was before, because I want to go with him. I want to close a door behind us and know that no one’s watching us. But I’m not going to do that. There’s only one way this is going to happen. Or it doesn’t happen at all.
‘No, Jon… Look. Forget lunch, OK? Just…’ I look back up into his dark eyes – eyes so different to Neal’s. ‘Come to the club. Tonight. Please.’
He tilts his head slightly as he stares at me. ‘Is everything alright?’
‘I don’t think that’s a question I can give you an answer to right now.’
‘You seem on edge; distracted, even.’
‘I thought I’d found a new life here, in New York. I thought I was in love – really in love…’
He gently grabs my wrist, and his eyes are harder now; he’s angry, at what I’ve just said. ‘You were in love with me, Kira.’
‘I know.’ I hold his gaze, match his stare. I’m getting stronger, I can feel it. But am I strong enough to call this warped experiment off? ‘I know. But we can’t… Being able to love someone else, Jon, that was massive, for me. To know that you, and Simon; to know you both hadn’t robbed me of every feeling…’
‘Hey. Don’t ever put me in the same breath as that bastard again, you hear me, darlin’? Our situations, they were very different, I didn’t fucking rape you…’
‘I know… Baby, I know.’
I touch his face, and his skin is rough, a stark contrast to the smoothness of Neal’s.
‘I know that. The circumstances were very, very different, Jon, I get that. But their impact had much the same effect. It left me scared to let anyone get close to me again, and it was only when I met Neal…’
‘I don’t want to hear about him, Kira. I don’t want to know a fucking thing because he doesn’t matter. He doesn’t.’
But he does. To me. And I’m halfway to calling this crap off now. I don’t need to fight what I still feel for Jon, because I’ll get over it. In time. All I need is for him to leave me alone. All I need is to love Neal. To let Neal love me. That’s all we need. None of this matters. But then he takes me by surprise, because I’m so deep in my own thoughts that I don’t register his hand on my hip, I don’t feel him pulling me closer until it’s too late. I don’t feel his mouth on mine until it’s happened.
And that’s when I know.
All of this does matter.
Too fucking much…
Twenty-Seven
Neal
I’ve set up more hidden cameras here in the private room I want Kira to take him into. Which is why this room is now off-limits to anyone but me or her. And no one’s going to ask any questions because they know better than to do that.
I stand back and look around, making sure none of the cameras can be seen. I just needed more angles, more guarantees that I’m gonna be able to read her as well as I can. I need to see her face, when he touches her. I need to see her reaction, when he pushes inside her. I need to see what happens when he makes her come.
I bow my head and take a long, deep breath. I know that she may try to mask what she’s really feeling, when he’s fucking her. I’m not naïve enough to think she won’t try and put on some kind of act, I know her. I know how she works. She’s gonna pull out Kira Blu to good effect, of course she is. But I can see beneath the surface now. And she’s the naïve one if she doesn’t realise that.
Nausea rises as images of him touching her flood my brain, because every fibre of my being is telling me this is so fucked-up, but I already know that. Everything about my life is fucked-up now, but I liked it that way. I liked how all of that was making me feel, until this. Until him. Until the lies and the secrets started to emerge; until everything I was beginning to love was put at risk of being ripped away from me. And this is the only way I can think of to deal with it. The only messed-up, sordid, sick way.
I swing around as I hear the door open and she walks in, all ready to go on stage in an ass-skimming leather skirt and white shirt, her beautiful legs encased in thigh-high stripper boots. She looks hot and dirty and I want her, right now. I fucking want her, before he takes her. I want her, in case I never get to have her again.
‘Everything OK?’
She kicks the door shut behind her and I nod. ‘Everything’s fine.’
Really? Everything’s fine?
‘This all feels so… mechanical.’ She walks up behind me and slides an arm around my waist, resting her chin on my shoulder. ‘It’s like I’m luring him in here to take part in some seedy sex game.’
I’m right. She’s trying to detach herself from what’s about to happen in the hope that she’ll feel nothing. And that’s OK, that’s fine, I need her to handle this any way she wants to. But that doesn’t stop my stomach from lurching so violently it’s all I can do to stop the nausea from spilling out of me. I’m sick to my stomach; terrified of what this night could turn into.
‘We don’t have to do this,’ she whispers, her mouth so close to my ear, her warm breath against my neck an almost comforting sensation. ‘We really, really don’t.’
‘He isn’t gonna go away, Kira…’
‘But I can learn to ignore him. And one day he’ll get the message. One day he’ll realise he’s wasting his time, that I’m not going back… one day he’ll realise that. And he’ll go. He can’t stay here forever.’
I reach back and pull her around to face me, pushing her back against the wall, our fingers threading together up by her head. ‘I can’t live with his shadow hanging over us, Kira. I can’t do that, baby.’
Her fingers tighten around mine, and I can feel her heart beating like a jackhammer inside of her; I can feel it thumping against my chest as she pushes her tits into me, her nipples hard, and I ache to take one in my mouth and suck on it.
‘I don’t want him to ruin what we have, Neal,’ she breathes as I slide a hand inside her shirt, my fingers grazing her nipples, and she gasps quietly, arching her back, which only serves to push those glorious tits harder against my palm. ‘I don’t want him to do that.’
‘Then fuck him, get him out of your system and let’s move on with our lives, Kira. OK? Let’s put this shit to bed and move on.’
I suddenly feel a surge of something so strong take over that it almost knocks me sideways. I think we can actually do this. Maybe I’ve been worrying over nothing because she’s standing here, telling me things I truly believe and maybe she’s fucking right. Maybe she’s telling me the truth. Or maybe I’m just being swept up in the moment because she’s got her tits pushed against my hand and she’s wet between the legs, aching for the kind of release I’m quite willing to give her.
‘Do this, then tell him to go.’
She smiles and hitches up her skirt, and my eyes drop to her newly-shaved pussy, her slit already glistening, it’s so freaking wet! But is that because she wants to fuck me, or because she’s thinking about him?
‘And you’re still going to watch?’ she murmurs, reaching down to unzip me and I laugh quietly as she takes my throbbing cock in her hand, squeezing it gently.
‘I’m still gonna watch.’
She suddenly lets go of me and drops to her haunches, taking me back in her hand as she lightly runs her tongue over the tip of my cock, licking the pre-cum away and I moan quietly, desperate for her now. I don’t even care what shit’s going down anymore, I just need to fuck her.
And then she stands back up and turns around so she’s facing the wall, spreading her legs and pushing her beautiful ass right out and I’m back in that hot-as-hell heaven she can take me to without even trying. Man, this is so fucking wrong, and yet, I freaking love the way it’s making me feel.
/>
I take her hips and pull her back towards me, sliding a hand between her legs, and it just sinks into her, my fingers sliding inside her with too much ease. I just need to touch her, inside and out, before I give her to him. Temporarily. One final time. And then I really am done sharing.
Pulling my fingers out of her, I keep her open and replace them with my cock, those crazy muscles of hers instantly gripping me so tight it’s making me breathless, every thrust a painful action, but a beautiful one. And as I pull her upright, slamming her up against the wall, I’m so deep inside her it’s freaking crazy! Every inch of my body is touching hers, my hands palm-up on the wall beside her, keeping me steady, cocooning her, surrounding her as I push harder and harder into her. And when I come it’s painful and perfect, and with that release the brutal reality of where we really are rushes towards me at a speed so fast it hits me head on, and I can’t stop the loud, almost tortured cry from spilling out of me.
But she isn’t going anywhere yet. I’m not done with her. She isn’t finished, and she knows that. She stays exactly where she is, pushing her ass back just a touch as I slide my hand back between her legs. And she flinches slightly, but then she moans quietly as I find her clit and start rubbing it in a slow, circular motion, lightly at first before I apply a little more pressure, letting her moans and sighs guide me.
I rest my forehead against the back of her head as I continue to play with her, our fingers threading together and she squeezes hard, which tells me she’s close, she’s almost there.
She’s so wet I’m having trouble keeping my fingers where they need to be but all it takes is a tiny bit more pressure and she collapses in my arms, crying out as the climax hits, her body convulsing in waves and I hold her tight as she comes. I hold her, and I kiss her neck and whisper things in her ear that make her moan even louder and come even harder, and I was so wrong, when I said I didn’t have her. I’ve fucking got her.
I’m not ready to give up my obsession.
He might not be ready to give up his.
So I guess it’s gonna come down to how far we’re prepared to go to get what we want.
But there’s only gonna be one winner…
Kira
‘You gonna tell me what’s going on with you?’
I look over at Kandi-Ann as we head towards the dressing-room. We’ve just spent half an hour out there, playing with each other, licking each other dry and sucking on tits until we both came in a barrage of girl-on-girl groans and mind-blowing orgasms. I still love playing with Kandi-Ann. She takes my mind off all the crap and transports me to a place where none of it matters. But that’s over now. And suddenly everything matters.
‘There’s nothing going on.’
‘Seriously?’
I stop and look at her again. ‘Yeah. Seriously. Nothing for you to be concerned about, anyway.’
‘Oh, and you think that’s gonna shut me up?’
We head into the dressing-room and I close the door behind us, grateful that it’s empty. All the other girls are either helping out waiting tables, or they’re performing.
‘Nothing’s going on, Kandi, alright?’
‘It’s just, I haven’t seen much of your beautiful boyfriend tonight. He wasn’t watching us out there, that’s for sure.’
‘He doesn’t need to, does he?’ I start to re-do the make-up that didn’t survive our act. ‘He can get it any time he likes. He only has to ask.’
She leans back against the wall and examines her perfectly manicured nails. ‘S’pose. Things just seem a little weird around here since you got back from Vegas, that’s all. You sure nothing’s going on?’
I turn around and lean back against the counter, gripping the edges tight. ‘I’m sure. Things are just getting – I dunno…’ I shrug, hoping she’s going to leave this alone because I really don’t want anyone else involved in this game I’m about to play. ‘Things are getting a bit serious, that’s all. And that scares me, you know? It just scares me. A little bit.’
She smiles and comes over to me, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. ‘Yeah. I get that, kiddo. But you always got me, remember? If things get a little heavy, and you need some light relief, you always got me.’
I return her smile and pull her in for a long, slow kiss that calms me instantly. She really is my necessary distraction and I’m not ever going to give her up. No matter what. ‘Yeah. I know. I’ve always got you.’
She steps back and starts to undress and I watch as she becomes naked. I adore every inch of her beautiful body. It’s my safe haven, and I need her, I really do. For so many reasons. So many messed-up reasons.
‘You not getting changed?’ she asks.
Her voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I turn to look in the mirror; at my outfit – the short leather skirt and the tight white shirt; the boots I know are going to make his cock hard before he’s even touched me.
I pull my hair back and tie it up in a high ponytail before I turn back around to face Kandi-Ann. ‘No. Not yet.’ I walk over to her, flicking my thumb over her nipple as I lean in to kiss her gently. It’s turning me on, and I need that – to be turned on, before I see him. I want to be ready and able to give him the show I need to give him before I walk away from him for good this time. This is the end. For me and him. I’m fucking him then I’m walking away. Finally. I want – need – him out of my system before I can really move on. I just don’t want to believe that this is the wrong way to go about that, even if I know, deep down inside, that it is. It’s dangerous and wrong but it’s necessary. ‘I’ve got something I need to do first.’ I smile and let my hand linger on her breast for a few more seconds before I pull away and walk out of the room, down the corridor and back into the club.
The music’s pounding, loud and heavy and dark, the atmosphere heady with the scent of sex and incense. Around me people are drinking and dancing and fucking and I feel comfortable here, I really do. This is where I want to be; where I need to be. So Jon, he needs to go. He needs to take what I’m about to give him then leave me to live the only life I want now. He can’t be in it. He’s part of a past I can’t ever go back to, regardless of anything I may still feel for him.
‘Do you have any idea how hot you look fucking another woman?’
I feel him move up behind me, feel his hand on my hip and his breath on my neck, his mouth brushing my ear as he speaks. And I smile as I take his hand and lead him down the corridor towards the private room where I’m going to fuck him while my boyfriend watches. And that sends a ripple of excitement flooding through me now where once it scared me. I actually get off on the idea of us not being entirely alone. Would he? If he knew what was really going on? Would he get off on it, too?
Once we’re inside the dimly-lit corridor he grips my hand a little tighter and pushes me back against the wall, his mouth on mine before I can stop him. But once the kiss starts I know I don’t want to – I don’t want him to stop, but that realisation also brings back an element of fear. Out here, I’m not in control of the situation. Inside that private room I’m totally in control. Because I know he’s watching.
‘Where is he, Kira?’
I run my fingertips over his mouth, watching as they touch his lips, and he takes hold of my hand to stop me from doing that.
‘Where is he?’
‘Do you care?’
He laughs quietly and lets go of my hand. ‘No. I don’t. But I think you do.’
I rest my hand against his cheek, cocking my head as I look into his eyes. ‘I need to know, Jon. If there’s anything still there.’
‘It’s still there, Kira.’
‘You already know that. I don’t. And I need to know. Because I can’t move anywhere until I do.’
‘And you think sex is gonna sort all that out, huh?’
‘You don’t want to fuck me?’
He takes hold of my hand again, his face hard as he stares at me. ‘This isn’t you, Kate…’
‘Don’t call me that…’
‘Then you’re going to be disappointed.’
I start to move away but he grips my hand tighter and pulls me back, and his eyes are still hard, but the determination behind them is almost terrifying.
‘Just let the fucking guard down, princess. Let us back in.’
I shake my head, and I hate that he’s doing this, that he’s wearing me down, and I know I need to get inside that room now. I need to claw back the control I’m rapidly losing here.
Obsession (Forbidden #2) Page 27
